Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
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FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Well, am just popping on as at work and trying to get head into the accounts - blagh!
Car is absolutely loaded to the gunnels! (whatever they are) and, thankfully, I couldn't smell the cakes etc as I drove in to work.. so they're safe! lol Hope - if you want to commission some baking just let me know - lol - be happy to send some! (But only if someone else will be eating them - I'm taking NO responsibility for my fellow minimin-ers adding lbs!)
Don't think I've ever been so focussed packing clothes as I was this morning - up very early and got stuck straight in - list ticked off (am lost without lists!) and everything in car and chocmint muffin consumed... and then it was merely a case of working out how to get it all into the car (I am sure when I went to bed last night there was more space than when I woke this morning!)
HWSNBN was a bit quiet... I wonder what's going on in his head sometimes, and then I stop wondering... it's probably nothing I want to know... I do feel bad though, really wish it was different... and wish I felt different... wish I wanted him to come with me rather than being so happy that he isn't.... am umming-and ahhhing with the idea of starting the "move" from my room to spare room upon my return on Sat/Sun.
Just honestly don't know how to broach the subject.. he's not stupid, he's just an ostrich... easy to do when you want to avoid something painful... *sigh
MUST NOT NIBBLE this weekend at all!!
Determined that the nibbling is over and am going to focus, focus, focus !!!
Staying with mum in a fortnight so will have to admit to her about the diet then... really hope she will not be negative ....
My head is in an odd place right now - still physically sat on me neck, but, thoughts are all over the place - mad dreams last night about buying a wreck of a house with a bizarre section of a railway in it, and a locker and the biggest loo but so weird - think I will try and sketch it... no idea what it all means... lol (probably best that way, eh?)
Right - have to crack on! Hope all have lovely weekend - much love xx
Car is absolutely loaded to the gunnels! (whatever they are) and, thankfully, I couldn't smell the cakes etc as I drove in to work.. so they're safe! lol Hope - if you want to commission some baking just let me know - lol - be happy to send some! (But only if someone else will be eating them - I'm taking NO responsibility for my fellow minimin-ers adding lbs!)
Don't think I've ever been so focussed packing clothes as I was this morning - up very early and got stuck straight in - list ticked off (am lost without lists!) and everything in car and chocmint muffin consumed... and then it was merely a case of working out how to get it all into the car (I am sure when I went to bed last night there was more space than when I woke this morning!)
HWSNBN was a bit quiet... I wonder what's going on in his head sometimes, and then I stop wondering... it's probably nothing I want to know... I do feel bad though, really wish it was different... and wish I felt different... wish I wanted him to come with me rather than being so happy that he isn't.... am umming-and ahhhing with the idea of starting the "move" from my room to spare room upon my return on Sat/Sun.
Just honestly don't know how to broach the subject.. he's not stupid, he's just an ostrich... easy to do when you want to avoid something painful... *sigh
MUST NOT NIBBLE this weekend at all!!
Determined that the nibbling is over and am going to focus, focus, focus !!!
Staying with mum in a fortnight so will have to admit to her about the diet then... really hope she will not be negative ....
My head is in an odd place right now - still physically sat on me neck, but, thoughts are all over the place - mad dreams last night about buying a wreck of a house with a bizarre section of a railway in it, and a locker and the biggest loo but so weird - think I will try and sketch it... no idea what it all means... lol (probably best that way, eh?)
Right - have to crack on! Hope all have lovely weekend - much love xx
Karen1972
Gold Member
Hey hey
Awesome result again hun well done.
Now then, you ARE without a doubt on that slippery slope. You have lost your footing from the top of the slide and you are merely balancing with your arms and feet held/stuck out to stop yourself from falling down the rest of the slide. It is nigh on impossible. You cannot keep holding on from where you are now (mentally).
You need to scramble back up to the top of the slide where there is a nice solid platform to live, the question is HOW are you going to get there.
If something drastic doesn't change you WILL be back here confessing to your nibbles after the weekend.!!!
Prove me wrong lovely girl xxxxxx
Awesome result again hun well done.
Now then, you ARE without a doubt on that slippery slope. You have lost your footing from the top of the slide and you are merely balancing with your arms and feet held/stuck out to stop yourself from falling down the rest of the slide. It is nigh on impossible. You cannot keep holding on from where you are now (mentally).
You need to scramble back up to the top of the slide where there is a nice solid platform to live, the question is HOW are you going to get there.
If something drastic doesn't change you WILL be back here confessing to your nibbles after the weekend.!!!
Prove me wrong lovely girl xxxxxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I know, you're right - funny, but I thought of you as I nibbled then spat out a mouthful of muffin edge.. lol lol
Don't worry - my resolve was only temporarily challenged - you know me... I HAVE to keep going to the bitter end! lol
I'm back coming down the ladder at the back of the slide... no worries!
IF I find it all a struggle I will take myself off somewhere and read my book! lol
I think I will be too busy erecting tents and catching up with my mates to even consider nibbling!
Roll on 11.30am when my weekend begins proper! lol
Don't worry - my resolve was only temporarily challenged - you know me... I HAVE to keep going to the bitter end! lol
I'm back coming down the ladder at the back of the slide... no worries!
IF I find it all a struggle I will take myself off somewhere and read my book! lol
I think I will be too busy erecting tents and catching up with my mates to even consider nibbling!
Roll on 11.30am when my weekend begins proper! lol
Karen1972
Gold Member
LOL - i wish i could still spit stuff out!!!
You are so strong but the fact you've nibbled on a few occasions is worrying me because that's how it starts! I think if you can get through this weekend nibble free then it'll stand you in good stead for finishing it!! Come on, girl, you can do it!!!!
Have fun x
You are so strong but the fact you've nibbled on a few occasions is worrying me because that's how it starts! I think if you can get through this weekend nibble free then it'll stand you in good stead for finishing it!! Come on, girl, you can do it!!!!
Have fun x
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Well, I did it! NIBBLE-FREE!!! lol
Had an absolute cracker of a weekend - loads of laughter and sunshine and stuck to my diet 100% Yippeeee!! Roll on Thursday weigh-in!!
I did it when I got home too - I sat down and told HWSNBN that it was obviously not working out as a relationship and he had 2 choices, he could either move into the spare room and continue living here or he could move out. I told him that it can't have come as a shock to him as I'd said as much months ago and had been trying to find the right time to say it properly. I told him I had no problems with him living here but not in a relationship as we clearly don't have one and haven't for a long time. I told him it was entirely his choice and his decision and would accept and respect whichever one he reached...
No reaction initially except "what do you expect me to say?" ... and then back to watching the telly in silence...
I then saw he was crying so I went out into the garden... I feel rotten but at the same time as if an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders...
It's been a long time coming and I am glad it's been said out loud now, and it really is over to him... part of me hopes he will leave and part of me hopes he won't (I really need the money)...but whatever else, at least now he cannot be under any illusions about where we stand.
I am so tired after all the sunshine and fresh air of the rally - it was brilliant - will wax lyrical about it tomorrow... and.. I met up for lunch with The Ferryman - remember him?? Well... he lives up in that neck of the woods and we had lunch - well, I had a pint of water and he had a pint of shandy - and we caught up on all each others' news... he's had cancer! I was so stunned! Long story but - he has had surgery and chemo and not told anyone except his best mate and me... he's going to tell his daughter at the end of the school term so as not to upset her at school... he adores her ... its going to be tough - but - it looks like they got it all and he should be fine... still, I filled up and he told me not to or he would too, so we went for a walk and fed the ducks... it was lovely... he asked me why I was unhappy! I didn't say I was! As I haven't seen him in the best part of 2 years he said I wasn't the happy person he knew... so we talked some more.. and I told him about HWSNBN.... and he said the same as everyone else... "get it sorted"... I invited him and his daughter to come to the rally in the evening as he's a biker too... but they didn't show... it was really nice to see him again and catch up... and realise that we will always be mates no matter how much time elapses between meetings... a good feeling that... one I know with so many of my fabulous friends... oh... remind me tomorrow to tell you about my sister!!! Grrrrrrr.....
Right - time for me to go to bed now I reckon - all showered, car unloaded, washing done and out on the line and stuff ready for work in the morning... can't wait for the next rally!!
Hope everyone else's weekend has been as packed with sunshine for the soul as much as mine (even if it is a bit cloudy now I'm home again - but I can see the sun streaking through some gaps... if you know what I mean...) Night night xxxx
Had an absolute cracker of a weekend - loads of laughter and sunshine and stuck to my diet 100% Yippeeee!! Roll on Thursday weigh-in!!
I did it when I got home too - I sat down and told HWSNBN that it was obviously not working out as a relationship and he had 2 choices, he could either move into the spare room and continue living here or he could move out. I told him that it can't have come as a shock to him as I'd said as much months ago and had been trying to find the right time to say it properly. I told him I had no problems with him living here but not in a relationship as we clearly don't have one and haven't for a long time. I told him it was entirely his choice and his decision and would accept and respect whichever one he reached...
No reaction initially except "what do you expect me to say?" ... and then back to watching the telly in silence...
I then saw he was crying so I went out into the garden... I feel rotten but at the same time as if an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders...
It's been a long time coming and I am glad it's been said out loud now, and it really is over to him... part of me hopes he will leave and part of me hopes he won't (I really need the money)...but whatever else, at least now he cannot be under any illusions about where we stand.
I am so tired after all the sunshine and fresh air of the rally - it was brilliant - will wax lyrical about it tomorrow... and.. I met up for lunch with The Ferryman - remember him?? Well... he lives up in that neck of the woods and we had lunch - well, I had a pint of water and he had a pint of shandy - and we caught up on all each others' news... he's had cancer! I was so stunned! Long story but - he has had surgery and chemo and not told anyone except his best mate and me... he's going to tell his daughter at the end of the school term so as not to upset her at school... he adores her ... its going to be tough - but - it looks like they got it all and he should be fine... still, I filled up and he told me not to or he would too, so we went for a walk and fed the ducks... it was lovely... he asked me why I was unhappy! I didn't say I was! As I haven't seen him in the best part of 2 years he said I wasn't the happy person he knew... so we talked some more.. and I told him about HWSNBN.... and he said the same as everyone else... "get it sorted"... I invited him and his daughter to come to the rally in the evening as he's a biker too... but they didn't show... it was really nice to see him again and catch up... and realise that we will always be mates no matter how much time elapses between meetings... a good feeling that... one I know with so many of my fabulous friends... oh... remind me tomorrow to tell you about my sister!!! Grrrrrrr.....
Right - time for me to go to bed now I reckon - all showered, car unloaded, washing done and out on the line and stuff ready for work in the morning... can't wait for the next rally!!
Hope everyone else's weekend has been as packed with sunshine for the soul as much as mine (even if it is a bit cloudy now I'm home again - but I can see the sun streaking through some gaps... if you know what I mean...) Night night xxxx
HopeSprings
Gold Member
I'm sooooooooooooooo pleased you tackled the elephant in the room..... I'm not surprised you feel like a weight's lifted off your shoulders.... I reckon he'll go for the spare room option.... intially anyhow.... so at least you won't need to worry about the bills.
Well done on a 100% week-end too.... could you send some of your mojo my way please?
Well done on a 100% week-end too.... could you send some of your mojo my way please?
tech1960ps
Full Member
Hi Jennie,
I am glad that you have got your problems sorted out with shrek, it must have been hard for you to do but worth it in the end.
Your cooking sounds so yummy, i'm drooling as I write this.Would love to taste it.
Rally's, can't wait to attend one, maybe I will get a chance in 18 months when I go home for my parents golden wedding.
I am glad that you have got your problems sorted out with shrek, it must have been hard for you to do but worth it in the end.
Your cooking sounds so yummy, i'm drooling as I write this.Would love to taste it.
Rally's, can't wait to attend one, maybe I will get a chance in 18 months when I go home for my parents golden wedding.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Rough night last night - still feeling relieved but so sorry for HWSNBN... he slept on the sofa last night. His choice. I heard him snoring so I know he got sleep... lol When I got up this morning he had taken himself out to the garden for a fag... I left for work.
I have no idea what he will decide to do, but he can't keep sleeping on the sofa... ideally he will opt for the spare room and start clearing it.. however, I have a feeling he might pack a bag and sod off to his mothers... in which case I shall sort out the rooms and move all his stuff over so - either way, job done, and that way, if he opts to move out at least it won't mean coming into my room to do any of the packing etc...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless, I am upset at having to take this step too, but, I KNOW it is the best thing for BOTH of us. He wasn't happy either, but he hasn't the balls to actually make a tough decision... I know that he will play the victim to the hilt and I am trying to harden my heart to that - I think I might just keep out of his way over the next few days so he can have thinking space (not difficult as he has the freedom to just up and offski if he wants)..
I was glad to hear he had been out on his bike a good deal whilst I was at the rally... someone even asked me if he was seeing someone else as they had seen him with a woman at a recent event... lol
I just shrugged my shoulders and said I didn't know, and in many ways, I hoped so! That is SO unlike me you have NO idea!! (Well, some of you will..)
Anyway - I had a restless night but that's ok - when you hurt someone there is always a price to be paid... and I understand that...
'nuff of that now...
More biking buddies called in for tea & cake yesterday late afternoon which was wonderful and as a result I (well, we, I guess) was invited to a BBQ next weekend, which I am going to go to! I am taking the dog so no time limit upon return!
Have dog, will socialise... lol
I'm going to continue to do all the things I have in my diary just as I would if things were any different. That's the weird thing - it won't really change things other than psychologically (emotionally) for me - and, I guess, for him too. BUT... one should NEVER underestimate or neglect our emotional needs ... for ultimately, I believe, they are the key to true happiness and healthiness..
Blimey - waxing lyrical for a Monday morning with a dash of philosophy thrown in for good measure!
Oh - remind me later to say about my snotty sister... lol xx Happy Monday one and all!!
(tech... if Canadian customs permits I will send you some of my baking via airmail... lol just pm me your details and it shall be done! Otherwise - wait the 18months, let me know where in UK you 'll be and I'll send some there instead! lol)
I have no idea what he will decide to do, but he can't keep sleeping on the sofa... ideally he will opt for the spare room and start clearing it.. however, I have a feeling he might pack a bag and sod off to his mothers... in which case I shall sort out the rooms and move all his stuff over so - either way, job done, and that way, if he opts to move out at least it won't mean coming into my room to do any of the packing etc...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless, I am upset at having to take this step too, but, I KNOW it is the best thing for BOTH of us. He wasn't happy either, but he hasn't the balls to actually make a tough decision... I know that he will play the victim to the hilt and I am trying to harden my heart to that - I think I might just keep out of his way over the next few days so he can have thinking space (not difficult as he has the freedom to just up and offski if he wants)..
I was glad to hear he had been out on his bike a good deal whilst I was at the rally... someone even asked me if he was seeing someone else as they had seen him with a woman at a recent event... lol
I just shrugged my shoulders and said I didn't know, and in many ways, I hoped so! That is SO unlike me you have NO idea!! (Well, some of you will..)
Anyway - I had a restless night but that's ok - when you hurt someone there is always a price to be paid... and I understand that...
'nuff of that now...
More biking buddies called in for tea & cake yesterday late afternoon which was wonderful and as a result I (well, we, I guess) was invited to a BBQ next weekend, which I am going to go to! I am taking the dog so no time limit upon return!
Have dog, will socialise... lol
I'm going to continue to do all the things I have in my diary just as I would if things were any different. That's the weird thing - it won't really change things other than psychologically (emotionally) for me - and, I guess, for him too. BUT... one should NEVER underestimate or neglect our emotional needs ... for ultimately, I believe, they are the key to true happiness and healthiness..
Blimey - waxing lyrical for a Monday morning with a dash of philosophy thrown in for good measure!
Oh - remind me later to say about my snotty sister... lol xx Happy Monday one and all!!
(tech... if Canadian customs permits I will send you some of my baking via airmail... lol just pm me your details and it shall be done! Otherwise - wait the 18months, let me know where in UK you 'll be and I'll send some there instead! lol)
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I have a feeling I am the elephant in the room... HWSNBN has packed up the bike and gone to visit his mother "for a few days"... I feel so sorry for him but at the same time I KNOW this is the right thing for both of us... he has been as unhappy as I have and if he denies it then he would be lying...
So - all quiet here, and time to move things around for when/if he comes back. I dread to think what he'll say to his mother, but whatever it is I shall be the "Baddie", which is ok.. he needs someone to support him and she will...
Right - I have a long list of things to do today... so... time for the first! (Well, second - he left behind a load of anzac biccies and fairy cakes and buns I baked so, I've thrown them all away - and given some to the dog) so temptation has been removed.
I want to cry, well, I feel I want to cry, but oddly there are no tears... weird huh? Right - cracking on!
So - all quiet here, and time to move things around for when/if he comes back. I dread to think what he'll say to his mother, but whatever it is I shall be the "Baddie", which is ok.. he needs someone to support him and she will...
Right - I have a long list of things to do today... so... time for the first! (Well, second - he left behind a load of anzac biccies and fairy cakes and buns I baked so, I've thrown them all away - and given some to the dog) so temptation has been removed.
I want to cry, well, I feel I want to cry, but oddly there are no tears... weird huh? Right - cracking on!
HopeSprings
Gold Member
Oooohhhh it's always painful to lance a boil.... but it had to be done.... Of course we never set out to hurt anyone and in hurting someone's feelings we feel their pain.... it's natural. I'm sure your tears will come... it's the end of something which at the beginning seemed full of promise..... the loss of that potential future is painful for both of you.... even though you have both came to realise just lately that it's not going to happen. Time's a great healer xxx
:hug99:
:hug99:
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
oh now I am crying... thank you... I wish we did too xxxxxx:cry:
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
stopped already - lol
I feel weird really (resist urge to say "no change there then" please)
Filled up with tears at all of your comments as opposed to his going... I have spent the entire afternoon lugging boxes of stuff from the spare room into my room, shifting his mattress from under the spare bed to ON the spare bed (wonder if I shove a frozen pea under it if he will fell it?).. I digress... then took all the drawers out of his chest of drawers , dragged that irking great thing across landing into spare room and then re-inserted full drawers, transferred his rugs and shoes and toiletries and pictures and model car and stinky sandals, and alarm clock and lamp... oh, and his comics... ok, he calls them graphic novels, but they are really just comics...
Have had to leave some stuff in there that is mine - which is a shame as I really don't want any of my stuff in "his space" as that's not really very fair of me... but I simply have nowhere left to put it now! My room is stacked to the ceiling now with bike club boxes of clothing and stuff... BUT, it is MY room again now and no dark bedding or dark rugs or yukky artwork or stinky sandals (apart from mine!).. and I have regained my wardrobe to myself (he has now got a whole wardrobe, 2 large chests of drawers (his) and a bedside cabinet and shelf space so he should be ok in there... and a double bed all to himself (although I must admit - he may need a stool to get onto it it's so flippin high with 2 mattresses on it! lol )
I ache but am glad it's done - all I have to do now is make the bed, which I shall do when I can find his bedding ... hopefully he will be ok about it when(if) he comes back. He did call me to let me know he arrived there safely and, ironically, O2 network is playing up here so if he tries to call again he probably won't get me and I have unplugged the landline so peace reigns!
The telly hasn't been on at all since I got home at lunchtime and it just may stay that way as I am so tired I think I might just have a shower and go to bed... my bed... my big, lovely, cream bed linen covered, bed... in my room... in my house... lol lol
Tears aren't far from the surface but I think the relief is over-riding them right now... Hope... lol... never thought of him as being a boil... that made me chuckle... bless him... he's just a reluctant singleton... and now he HAS to make some decisions... one of my friends said "why not give him another chance"... I told them straight - been doing that too often... and we're both miserable... so.. in the long run this is best for BOTH of us... and a bit of pain now will be worth it in the end...
I shall sleep better tonight - I know it...
Right - choc mint muffin time then bed methinks!
Night night lovely friends, thank you all for your loving support... it's never nice to accept defeat.... nor to surrender... but it's sometimes essential to preserve sanity (what remains of it) and well-being.. for both parties concerned...at some point every ostrich has to come up for air...
I feel weird really (resist urge to say "no change there then" please)
Filled up with tears at all of your comments as opposed to his going... I have spent the entire afternoon lugging boxes of stuff from the spare room into my room, shifting his mattress from under the spare bed to ON the spare bed (wonder if I shove a frozen pea under it if he will fell it?).. I digress... then took all the drawers out of his chest of drawers , dragged that irking great thing across landing into spare room and then re-inserted full drawers, transferred his rugs and shoes and toiletries and pictures and model car and stinky sandals, and alarm clock and lamp... oh, and his comics... ok, he calls them graphic novels, but they are really just comics...
Have had to leave some stuff in there that is mine - which is a shame as I really don't want any of my stuff in "his space" as that's not really very fair of me... but I simply have nowhere left to put it now! My room is stacked to the ceiling now with bike club boxes of clothing and stuff... BUT, it is MY room again now and no dark bedding or dark rugs or yukky artwork or stinky sandals (apart from mine!).. and I have regained my wardrobe to myself (he has now got a whole wardrobe, 2 large chests of drawers (his) and a bedside cabinet and shelf space so he should be ok in there... and a double bed all to himself (although I must admit - he may need a stool to get onto it it's so flippin high with 2 mattresses on it! lol )
I ache but am glad it's done - all I have to do now is make the bed, which I shall do when I can find his bedding ... hopefully he will be ok about it when(if) he comes back. He did call me to let me know he arrived there safely and, ironically, O2 network is playing up here so if he tries to call again he probably won't get me and I have unplugged the landline so peace reigns!
The telly hasn't been on at all since I got home at lunchtime and it just may stay that way as I am so tired I think I might just have a shower and go to bed... my bed... my big, lovely, cream bed linen covered, bed... in my room... in my house... lol lol
Tears aren't far from the surface but I think the relief is over-riding them right now... Hope... lol... never thought of him as being a boil... that made me chuckle... bless him... he's just a reluctant singleton... and now he HAS to make some decisions... one of my friends said "why not give him another chance"... I told them straight - been doing that too often... and we're both miserable... so.. in the long run this is best for BOTH of us... and a bit of pain now will be worth it in the end...
I shall sleep better tonight - I know it...
Right - choc mint muffin time then bed methinks!
Night night lovely friends, thank you all for your loving support... it's never nice to accept defeat.... nor to surrender... but it's sometimes essential to preserve sanity (what remains of it) and well-being.. for both parties concerned...at some point every ostrich has to come up for air...
