Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

I hear mum close the living room door and ring my sis... THEN I hear her telling her EVERYTHING I've said!!! I am NOT impressed but I am amused that she thinks I can't hear her... so... I post a comment on facebook about it.. I don't say who is making the call or to whom but I do say it is funny and frustrating as .. IF I wanted folks to know about my life etc I would prefer to tell them myself!!

This gets some comments in response - now - I have already stopped my sister from commenting on my page so I know she cannot.. and anyway, she's on the phone to my mother so not on facebook! lol

WRONG! Ping! Text arrives basically telling me that if I want to whinge about mum calling her and telling her stuff I should tell my mum and not put it on facebook, and that the ONLY reason I was here this weekend was because SHE (sis) had suggested it!! WOE!!! (what on earth)... and, wait for it, that mum only suggested making it a long weekend because Sis KNEW I had offered to look after mum for a week...

All hail the wonderful big sister with her all seeing eye and all knowing sodding brain and all texting fingers!!

I was not impressed! So I told her she was wrong.. I'd arranged to stay BEFORE she stuck her nose in and she needs to get off her high horse and keep out of my business!

She, somewhat as maturely as me, lol, replied that she was going to and had deleted me from her facebook... LOL LOL and that I should remember who my family are and that truth hurts and that she has no interest in my business... (coulda fooled me!)

So, I agreed, truth does hurt and that it wasn't me who screwed around and planned to leave my kids and my entire family and live thousands of miles away... and she should remember that before she takes the high moral ground! I told her it didn't hurt mum when I said stuff on facebook as she doesn't have it and it's my outlet and I didn't say who anyhow! I confess, I wasn't at all grown up when I ended my message with "now stfu and keep your nasty texts to yourself!".

She went on to tell me that her plan had been for my mother to go and live over there with her after my stepdad died... now... bear in mind... this was all planned about 9 years ago... mum was in her 60s and loved the sun, now she's 76 and gets too hot in her living room when the temp is just 18 degrees! PLUS she cannot manage long distance air travel anymore... so really.., if that HAD been the case, it wasn't really much of a "goer" as plans go... and.. healthcare in Tobago is not good! Its a bit of an empty "offer"... a bit like me saying... if my dog has puppies you can have the pick of the litter... my dog's a dog so won't ever have puppies... so... same thing... rubbish "offer" which has NO substance...she then admonished me for bad language... hehehehehe... and told me not to contact her again THEN promptly sent me ANOTHER text telling me again about her "offer" to mum and not to tell her that all she wanted to do was leave!

Funny, I remember it all very well and I remember her kids... and especially her youngest who was only just 11 at the time... she had already left the marital home and was sponging off, I mean, living with, my mother and stepfather... and travelling over to lover boy for weeks and then months at a time over the course of the subsequen years... so , what she's forgotten is, I KNOW the truth of the situation!
 
I point out that everyone knew then and knows now that she did just want to leave and remind her that I am not the one who started this nonsense sending $hitty texts out of the blue and I haven't stuck my nose into her life... and.. if she's worried about bad language she should have a word with her sons who constantly use the "C" word on facebook! I also remind her that I am not the one getting their facts wrong and that despite what she may think, she doesn't actually know everything! Ended by telling HER to have a nice weekend and to leave me and mum to have a nice weekend together!

I let her have the final word (I lost interest by now) and she said to leave the kids out of it (these, by the way, are the ones she was content to abandon).. and to enjoy my time with mum!

So... there you have it... how to fall out with your sister in less than a dozen text messages!

Simples!
 
And that, Jennie, is why I am glad that I do not have a sister.

She is a stupid fart isn't she! Sounds like a bit of guilty conscience. My brother can be a fart too but at least he doesn't send texts.

Enjoy Sunday with your Mum and ignore stupid sister.

((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
 
As for me and mum - mum is, thankfully, oblivious to ALL of this.. and shall remain thus as far as I am concerned...

My sister is the golden girl and has been for years... which puzzles me a bit.. maybe it's because I say it how it is and she just sponges and takes and lives closer... whatever it is... both my mother and my sister have forgotten what life is like when you have to support yourself... my mum gave up work at 50 when she moved in with and then married my darling stepdad and has lived pretty much in the lap of luxury ever since... and I am very glad she has too! She had a rough time of it before my father died... and deserved all the happiness she has had and still has to come.. I DO feel sorry for her pain as it is very real and is exhausting her... and I cannot help...

This evening we sat down with our diaries and we have booked me in to come and stay again in August, October and November.. can't do September as I have too many weekend committments already that are to do with daughters and bike club...

We've had a lovely day just chilling out and chatting and watching telly (although she does talk all the way through everything, lol, but that's because she misses company of an evening I think)...

I am taking her to church in the morning and then picking her up and driving us to lunch... when we get back in the afternoon, if the weather is kind enough I hope we will take the dogs out again as that was something we always used to do when I visited at her old house..

I told her she isn't ill, she is in pain, its very different and that the pain will get sorted one way or another as soon as they can determine the cause... she is going to have an MRI scan - another mega dramatic reaction to that - I told her it's probably so they can identify the exact cause of the pain and then treat it for her... she's not convinced... lol The pain is really getting to her.. she's changed such a lot since I saw her in April... which sounds a long time ago but it's only actually about 12 weeks...

Mum and sis forget how tight money is for me and neither of them have mortgages to pay..etc... and petrol is a crippling cost on a 160 mile round trip! (PLus all the little running around efforts).. don't get me wrong, I do NOT begrudge spending it on seeing mum, but, at certain times in the financial month I just don't have it to spare!

So... bed time now and hoping she has another good night of sleep as she did last night and that helped loads.

I won't be telling her about this crapola with my sis.. for the first time in my life I actually understand how family rifts can happen... and why people stop talking to one another...

I still love my sister... I just don't want her running my life for me!
 
Redpam said:
And that, Jennie, is why I am glad that I do not have a sister.
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Redpam said:

She is a stupid fart isn't she! Sounds like a bit of guilty conscience. My brother can be a fart too but at least he doesn't send texts.

Enjoy Sunday with your Mum and ignore stupid sister.

((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
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LOL, well, I guess, in fairness, my responses weren't particularly mature at times but I was sooo incensed, she is SUCH a control freak! I admit, I don't see mum as much as either of us would like, but, unless I have more days in a week and money in a month, that's how it's going to stay!

Am going to enjoy tomorrow lots - not least coz we're off to a carvery for dinner! oooh! Turkey and veggies here I come! lol xx

 
It is WONDERFUL having sisters but inevitably there are fallouts. There's nothing out of the ordinary to worry about there jen, just normal stuff that happens everywhere.... there will always be differences in opinion between siblings about who does what for the parents.... best not rise to it, if you can't talk honestly to your siblings then who can you talk honestly to????
 
sounds perfectly normal to me - for families!
 
Ah yes families, i remember it well, i was fairly close to my sister who died, but have not seen or spoken to the sister who is still alive in about 13 years and have no intention of doing so, she has never met my youngest and never will. My life is better for not having her in it, but thats probably not the best way for everyone, we fell out over something trivial and i just didn't phone to apologise (as always even if she was in the wrong, I had to apologise)
 
I am just happy I am an only child, and hubby is one too (but both his parents are no longer with us). It just means that I have to put up with mother all by myself lol !
 
Karen1972 said:
It is WONDERFUL having sisters but inevitably there are fallouts. There's nothing out of the ordinary to worry about there jen, just normal stuff that happens everywhere.... there will always be differences in opinion between siblings about who does what for the parents.... best not rise to it, if you can't talk honestly to your siblings then who can you talk honestly to????
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I think it works best to talk to your friends... I have always talked honestly to my family, (and friends - and strangers come to that, lol) however, I KNOW that my sister doesn't... she has lied so many times now it's ridiculous... if mum got wind of any upset between us she would definitely take my sisters side as my sister would fill her with rubbish! She did that when I was laying in hospital after having had Sarah - I was in a mess as had an emergency C section - Sarah was critically ill in the special care unit - and my late mother-in-law came to visit at the same time as my sister (they never hit it off) and my sis said something nasty about my stepdad so I defended his corner (my sis never had a good word for him in the early years) and she ran off home to my mum and told her I was horrible to her and had ignored her etc... FFS... I was recovering from a major trauma with a baby who may die and all I did was defend my stepdad! By the time I got a nurse to get me to a payphone (this was 24 years ago) my sis had already gone back to my mother and stepdad and when I rang I got it both barrels from my stepdad as my mother was in tears as was my sister!! I just couldn't understand it!! I couldn't tell my mother the truth as she would've been devastated to hear what sis had said about stepdad (they had only been married a year) so I just barred my sister from visiting me. THAT is what I have been up against ALL my life! Honesty, I find, is the best policy but in my experience, that isn't how my sister sees things!!!

So, sorry, it isn't always WONDERFUL to have a sister... sometimes it's a lifelong battle to hold your tongue (which, amazingly, I have done for many many many years) and, as others can attest to, when she has needed me I have ALWAYS been there for her! No matter what.

I offered her a place to live, and, when my neice got pregnant I bought the cot, and sent what I could to help out.. I have spent fortunes on her over the years... when my hub died and I got that money, I bought her some furniture and jewellery... we have had good times too... a fab holiday.. BUT even then, SHE was in control of EVERYTHING!

Trust me Karen, I would rather talk to my friends.. and I really feel that THEY are who you can be truly open and honest with - warts and all...
 
mspiggy said:
Ah yes families, i remember it well, i was fairly close to my sister who died, but have not seen or spoken to the sister who is still alive in about 13 years and have no intention of doing so, she has never met my youngest and never will. My life is better for not having her in it, but thats probably not the best way for everyone, we fell out over something trivial and i just didn't phone to apologise (as always even if she was in the wrong, I had to apologise)
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I am so sorry that your sister died.. that's awful... and sorry to hear about the living one too! I can sooo relate to the having to apologise even if she was in the wrong - it sucks, and, there comes a time when you just have had enough! I reckon 47 years is long enough to take that kind of crappiness! xxxx
 
Monday morning started far too early! Still - it means I get the chance to get on here before mum gets up.

We had a lovely day yesterday - despite the rain - and I chilled out with the newspapers whilst she went to church (I drove) and I did a few things around the house for her and then I picked her up and we went for lunch. Oooh food!! It was scrummilicious! LOL I had a mountain of veggies and some turkey... troughed the lot... still feeling full now! lol We had a good talk over lunch and I told her straight - if she is ill I want to know right away!! Not a few days later when I call next.. and... if she wants to talk to me then just call me or text me and I will call her back! She said "but I don't want to bother you, I know how busy you are and that you have a lot on your plate with HWSNBN and the girls and work etc"... so I told her straight - it doesn't matter a flying fig what's going on in my life, SHE is my mother!! I told her I'm not psychic so she needs to tell me! She gave me the "but you live so far away" and I told her off, lol, warned her not to make me wag my finger at her, lol (all of this was said in a very light-hearted but serious way - if you know what I mean).. and I meant it too.. she knows now. NO excuses... if she is ill she has to let me know! Otherwise I don't know and can't help! I think she gets it... I told her that it was very frustrating to find out after the event that she has been ill... and that when we talk on the phone I never want the response to "how are you" to be "well, I'm better now" as that was one of her pet peeves with HER mother! She laughed and agreed with me and said she would never do that - and I pointed out that she already had! lol So - hopefully - in future, Mystic Meg can keep her crystal ball as I won't need it coz mum will make sure I know is she is ill!!

Fingers crossed she remembers her promise! lol

I know I moaned about her playing the "likkle old lady" role really well , but she really does.. lol I watched her when I picked her up from church and she was among her friends... really "suffering".. yet as soon as we got in the car she was right as rain... LOL LOL LOL

Don't get me wrong - she really IS in a great deal of pain with her hip - and I know it's getting her down and is wearing her out too... but I reminded her that she isn't ILL... constant pain is not an illness... it is a horrid situation which, hopefully once she has the scan and they know what is the matter, they will fix for her!

She was talking about sis and her 50th birthday (next Feb) and said she is going to take her on a Cunard cruise later in the year as her present... she said to me... well, YOU had a Cunard cruise with me... lol She seems to have forgotten the Caribbean Cruise the two of them went on to celebrate mum's 75th last year ... which was already booked when we all went away the previous year but I knew nothing about until I asked where she would like us to take her for her 75th! To say I was shocked was an understatement when the penny dropped and I realised it was already a done deal between the pair of them! (Mum paid)

So I don't have a prob with sis going on lush trips at all.. just don't make out that it's because of anything I have had... lol... she then asked what I would like to do for my 50th and where would I like to go... so I said, very honestly, I would love to go on another cruise (doesn't have to be Cunard!).. and her response... "I don't think I can afford 2 cruises in 2 years Jennie"... now... tell me something... does that not speak volumes???

I have 2 daughters who were born as close together as me and my sis.. and I have always treated both the same... what one gets, the other gets, if I can't afford for both to get, neither gets... simple as. Seems to work for me (and for them)... if I were to talk my elder daughter away on a lush holiday and then say to my younger one, sorry love, but I spent all my money on your sisters holiday so it's Skeggy in a van for you... (extreme analogy perhaps) then I would be very naive to expect younger daughter not to feel somewhat miffed and that there was favouritism on a pretty large scale going on...

Sod it.. it's crap all this sibling rivallry stuff... I should be able, after all these years, to rise above it... but it seriously pi$$es me off when I know how dreadful sis has been and what her priorities were and I don't need a crystal ball to guess what the future will bring...

Bah!!

Going to go and have a choc mint muffin and stop whinging... hopefully going to have a pleasant morning with mum before heading home to HWSNBN and stress of a whole different nature! lol

Toodle-oo x
 
I feel this pain.


Family is just difficult. Period. Be strong, we are here.
 
So, am home again now... we had a lovely day today... as I was having my morning choc mint muffin the gardeners arrived and got stuck into the back garden. We left them to it and went into the village where mum bought some earrings for herself and a new purse for me as mine broke yesterday when we were out - it was her old one and she had given it to me a few years ago.. (I usually use stuff til it gives up the ghost., lol)... I am thrilled with my new purse and I know it will last me years! She also bought some pens that rub out (perfect for crossword puzzles and I got a great deal on them! I asked if she would get discount for buying in bulk and they said she could have 6 for £10.99 (normally £2.45 each) so she got 6, and gave me 4 of them! So, that's me for years of happy crossword puzzling! lol I said what a bargain! to which mum said "especially as I am paying!".. so I offered to pay and she was really quite abrupt.. lol.. so I retracted the offer pronto!

We then went to the chemist and stocked her up with painkillers (I hope they get this MRI scan of her hip done soon - I am sure once she realises it's nothing sinister that it won't hurt half as much - the mind can do that kind of thing). Having popped back to the house to let the dogs out (she has a lovely dog and I had mine there) she was thrilled with the work the gardners did and I suggested she might like to go out and visit a nursery.. so.. off we went again.. (this, by the way, is in my car)... we called into a nursery and she was about to spend £200 on a sandstone sundial which was stunning but the young man "serving" her really couldn't give a toss whether she bought it or not, so I told her not to. lol He was so "whatever" about it all when we enquired about delivery etc.. so,, she paid for the lovely Buddlea tree we'd picked out and also a fabulous ceramic duck. (Which weighed a ton!)

We then went to the Harvester and had a divine lunch! MORE chicken and salad!! Eeek! I really hope this isn't damaging my weighloss - it doesn't feel like it is, and my cdc said I could consider it as my AAM week... I have to say, whenever I have a meal of chicken and veg then I do not have 3 packs a day, I have 2. So, I feel good and am still looking forward to weigh in on Thursday.

We called into another nursery on the way back to her house and got another couple of lovely ornaments for her garden and she was very happy. It really was lovely and when it came time to say goodbye I cried.. I made her promise she would tell me if she was ill and we had a lovely hug. I hated leaving her but at the same time was glad to be coming home...

She is oblivious to the problems between me and my sister and I sincerely hope it stays that way!! Sis is seeing her tomorrow.

We have arranged for me to go back again in August and October and November and, if HWSNBN is still living here in December and goes to his mothers for Christmas then my mother can come here and stay - if not then I am going to get prices for rooms at the Travelodge up the road. Otherwise I guess I could go to her... we'll see.
 
I got home and HWSNBN was very chatty! He has asked if I would like to go and see Harry Potter on Wednesday afternoon and I have said yes please! (I will pay for my ticket though)! He also asked if I wanted to go to a biking event he is going to on Saturday but I said no. I mentioned October and his Great Aunts 100th birthday and if he still wanted me to make a cake for her - he looked puzzled and said yes, of course and that he wanted me to go up to Wales for the celebrations.. I have agreed but we will not be sharing a bedroom! I will be taking my sleeping bag with me and will sleep in the living room of the caravan in his mothers garden.

I was shocked that he also told me that he has planned to lead a ride to Wales in the middle of August! (He NEVER makes plans! lol) As it happens its the same weekend I have already arranged to go and stay with my mum again - which is a bit of a pain as it means that I could've had a weekend at home alone!! Bah! Oh well...

I am planning on taking Scrabble with me next trip to mums as she loves playing it and it is something we can do if she isn't mobile enough to go for walks or visit some gardens etc...

I'm also going to try and get the photos I took of her garden made into a little photobook as a surprise.. I know I moan about her, but I do love her, and, I wish I lived closer... I felt really bad leaving her and although she says she loves living alone and has lots of friends, she misses company of others. I am sure she has got "old" all of a sudden because she mixes with old people who hobble around and moan about their ailments all the time.. mind you ... I had a few cringeworthy moments as we walked along the High Street and she passed comments on everyone and everything... lol... and... because she cannot hear properly, she's not very quiet! LOL JUST like my grandmother used to be and I remember how my mother used to cringe and say nothing too! LOL Oh brother! It's going to be an interesting 20 years ahead methinks!!!
 
mspiggy said:
What a weekend, did you make up with sis yet? looking forward to hearing about the movie.:)
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What a weekend indeed! Back to work tomorrow and a very heavy week ahead!

Nope - not made up with sis and no intention of communicating with her at all, not interested.

Looking forward to seeing the film, just hope he can get tickets and that I don't fall asleep! (I did last time!)
 
You certainly take no prisoners my dear!!! I think I can safely say that it's a good job we ain't sisters!!! Lol :)

I hope you calm down and make up soon, I know how much you love your sister and that you don't hold grudges. I don't know your sister to comment but I do know you and you are a bit crazy intense sometimes, I wonder if the diet exaggerates this side of your personality?

Don't go mad at me you know I luvs ya xx
 
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