Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Whoo hoo what a busy bee you are! I love the pic on facebook of you, you look stunning x x x

Have a lovely weekend honey x
 
wish I had a weigh-in this week - but only because I want to know how it's going.. I know by the time I do next week it will be good so that's ok...

Lots gone on since I last updated... Sunday started way too early with major crisis .. can't say much but, it's going to take some sorting out and involves drugs..

Was so sad to hear the news of Amy Winehouse and am utterly disgusted at the complete lack of understanding and compassion being expressed by so many! Are they idiots? Surely they don't really believe the nonsense they proclaim? I am frustrated to the nth degree about it. *sigh* no wonder so many kids adopt the gangland mentality and the lax attitude to addictions... *sigh*

Norways events are so so tragic too... clearly the actions of a deluded madman (akin to Hitler)... and interesting he is linked to the EDL...
 
wish I had a weigh-in this week - but only because I want to know how it's going.. I know by the time I do next week it will be good so that's ok...

Lots gone on since I last updated... Sunday started way too early with major crisis .. can't say much but, it's going to take some sorting out and involves drugs..

Was so sad to hear the news of Amy Winehouse and am utterly disgusted at the complete lack of understanding and compassion being expressed by so many! Are they idiots? Surely they don't really believe the nonsense they proclaim? I am frustrated to the nth degree about it. *sigh* no wonder so many kids adopt the gangland mentality and the lax attitude to addictions... *sigh*

Norways events are so so tragic too... clearly the actions of a deluded madman (akin to Hitler)... and interesting he is linked to the EDL...

Hugs Jennie hope it all sorts itself out soon xxx
 
Thanks Gen... hope so too..

Am sooo tired.. lol After waking at stupidly early o'clock I spent an emotionally tiring morning and then , thankfully, a physically tiring and highly enjoyable afternoon - not in that sense - but in the way that I drove down to Epping Forest to a bike club lunch where I had hoped it was one of my favourite things - a serve-yourself carvery. It wasn't but was still tasty... turkey and carrots and broccolli.. and then I braved the pool! Yes, an outdoor pool and I was the ONLY female who did! I also put on, over my cozzie, a t-shirt and shorts so that I could protect my modesty! (ie cover my worst bits!)

It was freeeezing but fun! I then sold lots of club goodies and sang along to Happy Birthday to 2 of the guys and presented them with a birthday cake.

It was a really lovely time and by the time I got home I was happy again. HWSNBN is very quiet - although we have talked some more and he is very very tearful. When I told him I can repay him for his rally place as my female friend is going to take the place he paid for (remember - at his insistence) he just kept repeating "I don't want it back, I don't want it back..." in ever increasing volumes and tearfulness until he cried!! I tried to appease him but he just kept saying it... he's not well I think... but he is, like always, refusing to do anything about it.. so I cannot help him.

He has started to do the martyr thing now too... "If you want to do x y z I won't go and I will look after the dog"... now, on the surface this looks like a lovely offer... it's not.. because it hinges on guilt..
if I go and he doesn't because I am = me feeling guilty that he is missing out
so...
I arrange dog care, BUT he insists he won't be going to X Y Z so he may as well look after the dog - = better because he is not "going without" something to let me do it...

He is now talking about not doing the national rally at all - I remember this happening last year too and I relented and he came... and we shared a van... and I had an almost total nervous breakdown as a result... so... NOT going to happen this year... it's his choice whether to go or not... it's not mine! He is 56yrs old and can make up his own flippin mind!!

I KNOW folks will say it's because of me... but they are daft if they do as he is the chairman of another branch of the club and has a host of branch members who will "look after" him and who he can play the fool to.

Again, on Saturday when he went off to his event he had the long sad face... but... having seen the photos he is once again playing the fool... carrying around his ridiculous stuffed monkey... and when he was telling me about his day he clearly had not moped about all day feeling sorry for himself... I KNEW it would do him good... but if you saw him when he got in you would NEVER be able to tell!!

It could be a front for everyone else's benefit of course... and probably is... but I have to say, I do find it odd that he would walk around with that damned ape... I think there are some very deep-seated things going on in his head.. but.. unless he talks to a counsellor it will just continue... I wonder just how long he truly can cope with being here like this...

He told me that he has never stopped fancying me or loving me... wtf! Could've fooled me!!!! Too late! It's ALWAYS like this with him... when it's over ... (and the difference is, this time it IS for good) he suddenly begins to say and do the things that first attracted me to him... and makes an effort... but this time, sadly, it really is just too late.

He hasn't even told his mother about the changes here!!

I am tired.. so going to sleep now.. TOTM has arrived too and I hurt and just feel drained... hopefully improve tomorrow as want to go and help my friend Annee to do her garden.

It was her hubby who died the day before my stepfather in Nov 2009 ... she is lovely. I love spending time with her.

Sleep now.. still sticking to diet.. not sure when next chicken and salad meal will happen, but probably at the weekend if I go to the rally... lol x
 
I drove down to Epping Forest to a bike club lunch where I had hoped it was one of my favourite things - a serve-yourself carvery. It wasn't but was still tasty... turkey and carrots and broccolli.. and then I braved the pool! Yes, an outdoor pool and I was the ONLY female who did! I also put on, over my cozzie, a t-shirt and shorts so that I could protect my modesty! (ie cover my worst bits!)

That sounds like the Royal Oak in High Beech to me which is less than 2 miles from where I live!

Next time you decide to make an impromptu visit to my neck of the woods (or, rather, forest) make sure you let me know ... OK?? :p :D
 
That sounds like the Royal Oak in High Beech to me which is less than 2 miles from where I live!

Next time you decide to make an impromptu visit to my neck of the woods (or, rather, forest) make sure you let me know ... OK?? :p :D
It was the Kings Oak... I had no idea you were so nearby.. when I go next I'll be sure to call in and say hello on my way :D
 
I must be mad - have just committed to going to the Isle of Man TT in 2013 with some of my bike club buddies! Where on earth am I going to get that kind of dosh! lol BUT, the way I look at it - I will be 50 in the November of 2013 so it HAS to be a very very special year and I have always wanted to go to the TT so to be invited to go with them is not only a lovely invitation but makes perfect sense too! lol

I think I am going to have to hit ebay and sell everything! lol lol ! Be worth it though!
 
Good morning! Am so excited today - my friend has her first weigh-in tonight! I hope it's as good a result as I anticipate - she has stuck to it like glue so it ought to be!

Didn't sleep too well last night - TOTM, HWSNBN, spiteful "friend", family issues... all whirling around in my head! Madness is my constant ally right now methinks!

I feel bad about HWSNBN as he is still very tearful and it's too hard to sit with him in the evening as he stinks of cigarettes and looks so forlorn...

I haven't told him about my plans for 2013 - I am sure he will have moved out and be properly independent by then so it won't have any bearing on him... oh sod... I need to factor in kennelling costs now! Don't think my mother will look after the dog if she knows I am going away on a motorbike holiday... *sigh* oh well -it will be SOOOO worth it all!! I have yearned for years to go to the TT... it has been on my "bucket" list since the 1980's! lol

I've got so much going on in my head at the moment I'm not even sure what to address first... at least the diet is a constant... I am still sticking to it 100%... do wish I had a weigh in.. might ring the surgery and make an appt with the nurse for my regular BP & weight check so I have an idea... it's either that or get a battery for my scales and weigh myself... don't want to do that though...

HWSNBN has a job interview tomorrow - please send positive vibes - he REALLY needs a job, a purpose, something to get him active... at the moment he spends all his time in his "frock" from Turkey - it's one of those full length robe things and makes me laugh.. sorry... but it does look funny... if it wouldn't reveal his identity I would take a pic and post it up here...

I know you probably think I am a right b*tch about him but to be honest, I am! He IS a good man, a nice man... but not a good partner or boyfriend etc... he's an ok lodger, although knowing he fancies me makes me a little disconcerted so I don't walk around in my pj's anymore in front of him.. and, I have noticed that he only gets up when he hears MY alarm clock go off! Weird as, when he shared my bedroom he never got up when I did!

I am going to make a concerted effort in September to find another job. One that will make it possible for me to afford to live without needing his 'rent'. Not sure how long I can have him living with me... I think that as time passes, unless he gets a job it will be more and more difficult for me to feel relaxed in my own home... I spend most of my time up in my bedroom at the moment just so I don't have to sit in the living room with the telly on 24/7

I would suggest he move the tv into his room, but I know it is better for him to not be tucked away up there 24/7 ...

I have a packed diary until Christmas but need to make sure I have some time at home and spend time sorting things at home that I want to sort - cupboards, sheds (again), loft., all my ebay stuff!

I am seriously thinking of stopping doing the bike club regalia so that I can have some physical space back and next year go to all the rallies just as a "normal" member instead of always "working"... or perhaps I will just say that I will courier a box of stuff to them and it's their responsibility to sell it... we shall see..

Right - I got up early to get here early to be more productive so had better stfu and get on with it!!

Sorry to waffle on again - not sure what's going on "upstairs" at the moment... all a massive jumble! Roll on August 23rd when I get away properly! Can't wait! xx
 
supposed to be going to see my lovely friend this afternoon and help her with gardening but to be honest, I am shattered... look (and feel) like I've not slept for a month! Belly-ache (I HATE PERIODS!!!) sorry - TMI I know... but I do! I feel so flippin' washed out! Going to pace my afternoon now... 1 hour doing X, then rest for an hour, then an hour doing Y, then rest for an hour... and so on, until about 8pm when I am going to bed... with earplugs and eyemask and phone on silent!

I am so tearful today - got all emotional when I got home and HWSNBN asked me if I was ok I said yeah and he hugged me and I told him how I am sorry he is so sad and I wish it was different and I worry about him. I just wanted to burst into tears! F*ckin hormones!!

Was going to have a big deep bubble bath but my friend (a nurse) told me that's the worst thing when having TOTM as it makes matters heaps worse,... so.. shan't do that then!

Weather is perfect for biking but would probably have a prang if I rode as am so weary and you need to be totally on the ball to ride! (Eyes up yer arrrrrse etc! )

So - here I go for my 1st hour... Regalia stock checking, and, orders updating..

Might be back on here in an hour droning on again inanely... seem to be doing that a lot lately... oh... and the mate who broke my trust, let's see, I'll refer to her as, hmm, gotta think of something... oooh I know... BAG (Bad and Gobby) ... so... BAG was on fb yesterday bragging about how she rode her new bike (a lush 1000cc Honda) at 163mph!!! She's an idiot!! She has children, is a single mum, and has just been on a driver awareness session and been fined for speeding in her car (not as fast as that!) and.. she even told me that it had shocked her and she would definitely slow down as a result! Short memory - it was only a month ago!!! She has joined a club full of really fast riding hardcore bikers... as much as she upset me, I still care about her.. and I am so worried she will end up killing herself on her bike... *sigh*

Still, she's not my responsibility - and I did text her the other day to wish her luck with her weigh-in, I think its on Thursday...

Oh,.. btw... I made an appt with nurse to be weighed and get BP checked... might mention this overwhelming tiredness... but then again, it may have passed by then! lol Appt is for Thursday which would have been my normal weigh in day so I feel a bit happier that someone (albeit not my CDC) IS going to keep track... never thought I would mind not being weighed for 1 week, but I do! Don't want to buy batteries for my scales so,.... problem solved ..

Right - 1 hours... that'll be 3pm down tools time - pick up book and possibly snooze time... lol

Laters xxxx
 
It was the Kings Oak... I had no idea you were so nearby.. when I go next I'll be sure to call in and say hello on my way :D

Ah of course! I knew which one you meant as that one has the outdoor pool (very nice so I hear). I always get my 'Oaks' confused :)

I know the pub well, and there's also an area very close by there where all the bikers hang out most weekends. Do you know it?

Would love to see you whenever you're back in the area! :D

xx
 
Am back down that way for sure on November 17th as it's a special quiz night, so can book me into your schedule and I can call in beforehand.. lol

If they have anything else on down there before then and I am going I will definitely let you know!

xxxx
 
FatFairNForty(ish) said:
Am back down that way for sure on November 17th as it's a special quiz night, so can book me into your schedule and I can call in beforehand.. lol

If they have anything else on down there before then and I am going I will definitely let you know!

xxxx

Bloody typical! I'm away from Friday to Monday that weekend at a blues weekend in Stoke so we may even be passing on opposite sides of the motorway.

Do let me know if you're around anytime before then though. It's been far too long since I last had a Jennie hug :)

xxx
 
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HWSNBN needs shaking!!! Ages ago he said he wanted a discounted ticket for the bike racing this weekend at Silverstone, and so I passed on his message to the woman who always gives me grief at the club and he confirmed it in an email... NOW, the NIGHT before he is due to collect his ticket, he changes his bleepin' mind and SHE is peeved with me!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! Now, I will get it in the neck from her at the club tomorrow night because HE has changed his bleeping mind !!!

I give up! I am so hacked off about it... he KNOWS how much crap she gives me... oh blerks!! I'm so cross I'm going to bed!
 
WOW what a mega read that was! First of all a MAHOOOOSIVE congratulations on being 4 stones down... that's almost half way there :D Just brilliant especially considering all the cr@p you're dealing with right now.

I love it that your diary is full until Christmas, time speeds by when you're busy!

As for BAG hopefully she'll learn her lesson and find out what the word 'discreet' means :rolleyes:

You're really doing amazingly well, fair play to you xxx
 
Overslept! Argh! Hate rushing headlong into the day, but there you have it!

I went to the bike club last night and it was packed! Wish I'd gone on bike but hey ho , going out on her this afternoon as a result though - arranged with my lovely mates S & S to meet them for "lunch" at 1pm , on bikes, then go for little bimble and then head home in time to get to nurse for weigh in and BP check... invited HWSNBN along as they are good friends and know the situation so will cheer him up a bit...

Keep getting "poked" on fb by a rather dishy looking chappy... about as close as he's going to get though... lol lol lol

Very tired and have to do some baking tonight and pack clothes for rally as car is already all loaded up with camping gear and bike club clothing goodies... (sold some last night in the car park, lol).. so will be off promptly tomorrow! HWSNBN has another job interview tomorrow - oh I DO hope he gets some positive news soon.. I think it will make him deal with the end of our relationship so much better!

Spent yesterday afternoon doing heaps of housework and paperwork and very pleased with end result. IF time tonight, whilst cakes baking, will cut grass out front and de-poo lawn and cut that too.. also need to iron (please, no falling over!).. as have some nice summery tops to wear over the weekend... only staying one night at rally (maybe)... will make my mind up when I get there and when I know what the weather's up to! lol

So much to do,. cracking on!! Loved it at the club last night as no nastiness, lots of new faces, but bit sad that "Fit bloke" (remember him) who used to be so friendly didn't even speak to me... I think it's because I said that those who post racist jokes on fb have a lot in common with that nutter in Norway... wasn't saying they are delusional mass murderers... but their ideas regarding immigration and their racism has certain similarities.. and that your man in Oslo was just an extreme of that.. it didn't go down well... but I still believe it to be true...


Right - must get on., .. hope all having a good day today.. I got told last night that I am "more smiley and seem a lot happier in myself" ...

I am! There is sadness but there is joy too., and relief is a great smile-inducer! xx thanks Gen, I needed that... but then, so do you sweetie xxx
 
right - what a day! had a lovely ride on Hattie but not far enough really - wish we hadn't had food (I had chicken and salad of course)..as we could've ridden more - but there's always next week!

I am getting a top box for Hattie on Monday which will mean I can ride to work every day as I can dump all my paperwork in it! Whooopiee!! Will also mean when I ride down to Cornwall that I will have a "suitcase" for my clothes as well as a rucksack so can carry a little bit more than anticipated!

I am tired tonight - been a busy day. Got a bit emotional tonight too... finances are dire... card declined at the Co-Op for less than £20... not good... *sigh

After this weekend I am going to have to dedicate a load of time to selling stuff on ebay - just need to get head into it so I can do it. Just don't seem to have any time!!!

Off to sort out clothes for this weekend and update stock lists as sold stuff last night at the club. Once I have my bag packed I think I am pretty much all set as car is loaded up with tent, sleeping bag etc... oh, MUST remember pillow! (Luxury due to being in car).. not taking duvet this time.. only planning on stopping for the one night... that way I can leave late Sat and lay in Sunday and then go for ride on Hattie on Sunday if weather nice before steaming in to end of year stock check and end of month accounts...

Went to see nurse and she weighed me and took my BP... it was down to 120 over 74 so spot on!! (Much better than the 220 over 123 it reached earlier in the year eh?)

Can't use her weight thing as anything other than a guide to losses as her scales are not my cdc's. I can't wait for next Thursday to come!!

Not even sure I can convert kg to lbs.. lol so... still no wiser..

Did some baking for the weekend and flippin ate one of the buns!! SO cross , as a result I have only had 2 packs and the chicken with salad (no dressing, no nothing!)... and am NOT having anything else!

Gave myself a good talking to and am going to try on my biking jeans I got in May that say they are an 18 but I can't even get them over me damn knees!! Mental!!!

I think I may have upset one of my loveliest and utterly wonderful friends with a thoughtless throw away comment on facebook... I really hope not as she is one in a million.... texted to say sorry when I realised... but not heard back... hope she's ok... feel very sad about it... my own fault for being so damn stupid and insensitive..

I hope we can sort it out... I love her ever so much...

Right - must go and start packing! Might have to iron!! Blergh! Not liking the sound of that at all! Must have a look at weather forecast too... should be interesting scenery though so will maybe take myself off for a little explore during the day on Saturday whilst they are all out on the rideout... must pack soups!!
 
Can't wait to go now! Just had a text offering to take all my stuff in a car so I can go on my bike!! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

So - taking my car full of stuff over to me mates G&A and then hoping to dash home, get changed and saddle up! Wooohooo!

So - off to the rally on Hattie ! I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it... lalalalallalaaaaaaaaaa
 
WOW! What a weekend! Took over 3 1/2 hours to get to the rally thanks to satnav sending mate through all the town centres... lol but was an incredible ride!! I LOVED it!! Had all day yesterday relaxing and wandering around Tewkesbury and then last night singing and laughing like loonies in the pub... and this morning up and at 'em and a lovely 100 mile ride home in the sunshine - boy is it hot in biking gear!! Mobile sauna's are us!! lol

Can't wait for weigh in on Thursday and am hoping for very good results! I had some chicken and salad on Sat and today.. but only 2 packs on each so should be ok. Needed it so much on Sat as was very faint and right "odd" ...

One of the best weekends I've ever had - some issues with BAG - but sorted out!

Bike was wonderful and am off out on her tomorrow to get a rack and topbox fitted so can ride her to work! Yayyy!!

Big bite on my leg which is a large hard patch and red hot! About the size of a large egg at the moment.. so... have drawn on the edges to see if it gets any worse... lots of bugs by the river where we were all camping... so not a surprise really...

Early night in order as had 2 late ones and riding is tiring!! (Surprised me just HOW tiring!)... I think Cornwall will HAVE to be in 2 stages... try and do 200 on afternoon 1 and the rest on the morning of day 2... already getting route planned! Soooo excited it is going to be a GREAT adventure!

Hope all have had a brilliant weekend too!

3 more sleeps til weigh in!! Yayyy!! lol xx
 
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