Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
- Start date
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Totally and utterly helpless Irene... it's just like when she had the breast cancer... waiting and seeing... hoping... praying.. not knowing...
Sister texted to say she is kicking off at the hospital! WOoohooo!! Go sis!!!
Hope it achieves something though... doubt it will, they don't tend to take a lot of notice... still.. fair play to her for trying! She has insisted on speaking to a Dr (tbh I can't believe mum has been in there all week and she has just taken mum's word for what's going on!!!!) Everyone knows that mum's (particularly those in their 70's) are prone to either sugar-coating, or the reverse, the pill! Plus, mum's not really got a great memory and probably hasn't asked the questions she needs to... when I spoke to her yesterday I asked her what was happening and she simply said "oh, you know, big sis told you ( will call her BS - for BigSis ~ somewhat apt at times...
So, I bake and wait... another 8 doz fairy cakes baked... and paperwork begun for the show on Sunday... and still sticking to plans to visit Monday... although, if necessary I will drop everything (figuratively speaking of course) and be there!
Oh - remember my so-called friend.. can't remember what abbreviation I gave her ... well.. she's talking about organising a bike rally... I was soooo tempted to offer as a name "Old F@rts and Fat T@rts Rally"... not quite sure what stopped me as have a bit of a "$od it" head on at the moment!
Can't imagine why.. .. .. ..
pandora
finding my way again !
Have been reading to see how things are hunni , just a few things to say
1 well done on the weight loss , you rock
2 at our hospital we allow relatives who live a distance away to have a pass code so they can be told what's going on , see if they can do this for you
3 if the scan can't be booked before nxt week it maybe the think mum will be more comfortable & worry less at home than sitting in hospital fretting
4 hugs , your in my thoughts
Xxxxx
1 well done on the weight loss , you rock
2 at our hospital we allow relatives who live a distance away to have a pass code so they can be told what's going on , see if they can do this for you
3 if the scan can't be booked before nxt week it maybe the think mum will be more comfortable & worry less at home than sitting in hospital fretting
4 hugs , your in my thoughts
Xxxxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Time to call it a dayfor now, so tired.. Mum home, tests next week and results on 17th. She talked to me this eve and is pretty low, but still got humour .
She has a tumour the size of a golfball onside her hip socket.. Biopsy early next week.
Am so tired, so will catch up tomorrow xxx
She has a tumour the size of a golfball onside her hip socket.. Biopsy early next week.
Am so tired, so will catch up tomorrow xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
mommyB said:
Will expand on that tomorrow , lol xxx
HopeSprings
Gold Member
Cor, what a mega catch up I've just read. Jumping out at me is your weight loss reading 64lbs lost and 66lbs to go.... more or less half way now..... go you!! With everything that's going on it's a remarkable achievement! Kudos to you
Hope your Mum's results are back soon after her tests so that you all know the action plan. The uncertainty sucks!
Loving that you're out on your bike so much, clearly enjoying every second, how fabulous that you have this bliss to look forward to.
Take care honey xxx
With everything that's going on it's a remarkable achievement! Kudos to you Hope your Mum's results are back soon after her tests so that you all know the action plan. The uncertainty sucks!
Loving that you're out on your bike so much, clearly enjoying every second, how fabulous that you have this bliss to look forward to.
Take care honey xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
shattering day... but brilliant too... worrying though...
Mum not at all well - sis rang to tell me mum has shivers and lips went blue so 999 and ambulance came... they ummed and ahhed and decided to call out a Dr and mum is still at home but on some morphine-based painkillers and stuck in bed for the foreseeable...
am going first thing in the morning once rush-hour has sodded off!
Had a very very long chat with sis, told her I love her... we both cried.. both admitted how afraid we are of losing mum... it was good and terribly sad too... I worry about her too (sis) as she has arthritis in knees and struggles with the stairs at mum's place... as for me, I can barely walk at the moment thanks to being on my feet far too much this weekend...
ho hum... so much more to say... not least that folks have started to notice the weightloss now which is lovely...
Still sticking to diet.. and taking packs tomorrow.. dreading seeing mum as I know she's going to look rough... but looking forward to seeing her too...
if energy, will update tomorrow
night xx
Mum not at all well - sis rang to tell me mum has shivers and lips went blue so 999 and ambulance came... they ummed and ahhed and decided to call out a Dr and mum is still at home but on some morphine-based painkillers and stuck in bed for the foreseeable...
am going first thing in the morning once rush-hour has sodded off!
Had a very very long chat with sis, told her I love her... we both cried.. both admitted how afraid we are of losing mum... it was good and terribly sad too... I worry about her too (sis) as she has arthritis in knees and struggles with the stairs at mum's place... as for me, I can barely walk at the moment thanks to being on my feet far too much this weekend...
ho hum... so much more to say... not least that folks have started to notice the weightloss now which is lovely...
Still sticking to diet.. and taking packs tomorrow.. dreading seeing mum as I know she's going to look rough... but looking forward to seeing her too...
if energy, will update tomorrow
night xx
tech1960ps
Full Member
O Jennie sorry to hear about your mum. I hope she gets better soon.
Great job with the weight loss, keep it up.
Great job with the weight loss, keep it up.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
am so stressed out it's unbelievable!
Utterly exhausted when I got up yesterday, picked up mum's best mate and drove down to see her... she looks pretty rough and, I thought, a bit yellow but that could be the lighting, my imagination etc etc...
Mum seemed pleased to see us but even more so when my sister came back in the afternoon!
She's in bed all the time now - because she cannot manage the stairs - I am worried she will very fast slip into "dependant invalid" mode if she's not careful... I told her I felt she would feel better if she washed and dressed and sat on top of her bed rather than in it in her nightie all day... my sister and her mate poo-pooed this and just said it was what was best for my mum right now. I can kinda see what they are saying but at the same time I know the psychology... and I know the dangers....
Hey ho. Mum is going to hospital tomorrow to have some kind of scan - no-one (not my mum nor sis) seems to know exactly WHAT kind of scan... I do wish they would ask and write things down!!!
So, hopefully we will know more tomorrow... I dunno... I tried to talk to sis but we didn't really get chance and I am worried about her too... she hasn't slept either... lack of sleep is dreadful... I cannot function without it...
I had a massive row with my elder daughter just now... she rang me at 1am this morning to let me know there were riots in Liverpool but she's ok. I am, of course, relieved to know this, however, having only had 1 hour max of sleep by then I was a bit peeved at being woken up to be told all was well, when, I had no idea there were any problems in Liverpool!!! I thanked her for telling me but asked her not to call me in the middle of the night again unless an absolute emergency.
She said I was selfish., and that any mother who had a child in a troubled area wouldn't mind being called no matter what time, and did I think I was the only one who was tired!!
She said that she hadn't slept because "my city is burning down" to which I told her not to be so melodramatic!! FFS - what can I DO at 1am if she has a problem 100's of miles away!!! I said I DO care and I DO want to know she's ok, but in the morning!!! I NEEEED sleep... she said I was being selfish and then I lost the plot and screamed down the phone at her "MY MOTHER COULD BE DYING AND YOU THINK I AM SELFISH BECAUSE I NEED SLEEP TO FUNCTION AND COPE WITH IT ALL????" and then I hung up on her....
I cannot deal with this... I worry for her and about her but she is 24yrs old, can get out of Liverpool if she's that worried... and can text me to let me know she is ok... and if NOT ok then yes, get someone to tell me, BUT, if it's not life-threatening then it can damn well wait until after 6am!!
So there we are - selfish daughter (according to sis) and selfish mother (according to daughter)... wonderful... really makes me love my family!
Utterly exhausted when I got up yesterday, picked up mum's best mate and drove down to see her... she looks pretty rough and, I thought, a bit yellow but that could be the lighting, my imagination etc etc...
Mum seemed pleased to see us but even more so when my sister came back in the afternoon!
She's in bed all the time now - because she cannot manage the stairs - I am worried she will very fast slip into "dependant invalid" mode if she's not careful... I told her I felt she would feel better if she washed and dressed and sat on top of her bed rather than in it in her nightie all day... my sister and her mate poo-pooed this and just said it was what was best for my mum right now. I can kinda see what they are saying but at the same time I know the psychology... and I know the dangers....
Hey ho. Mum is going to hospital tomorrow to have some kind of scan - no-one (not my mum nor sis) seems to know exactly WHAT kind of scan... I do wish they would ask and write things down!!!
So, hopefully we will know more tomorrow... I dunno... I tried to talk to sis but we didn't really get chance and I am worried about her too... she hasn't slept either... lack of sleep is dreadful... I cannot function without it...
I had a massive row with my elder daughter just now... she rang me at 1am this morning to let me know there were riots in Liverpool but she's ok. I am, of course, relieved to know this, however, having only had 1 hour max of sleep by then I was a bit peeved at being woken up to be told all was well, when, I had no idea there were any problems in Liverpool!!! I thanked her for telling me but asked her not to call me in the middle of the night again unless an absolute emergency.
She said I was selfish., and that any mother who had a child in a troubled area wouldn't mind being called no matter what time, and did I think I was the only one who was tired!!
She said that she hadn't slept because "my city is burning down" to which I told her not to be so melodramatic!! FFS - what can I DO at 1am if she has a problem 100's of miles away!!! I said I DO care and I DO want to know she's ok, but in the morning!!! I NEEEED sleep... she said I was being selfish and then I lost the plot and screamed down the phone at her "MY MOTHER COULD BE DYING AND YOU THINK I AM SELFISH BECAUSE I NEED SLEEP TO FUNCTION AND COPE WITH IT ALL????" and then I hung up on her....
I cannot deal with this... I worry for her and about her but she is 24yrs old, can get out of Liverpool if she's that worried... and can text me to let me know she is ok... and if NOT ok then yes, get someone to tell me, BUT, if it's not life-threatening then it can damn well wait until after 6am!!
So there we are - selfish daughter (according to sis) and selfish mother (according to daughter)... wonderful... really makes me love my family!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Oh... AND to top it all.... HWSNBN heard the phone conversation and stood and looked at me as if I had 5 feckin heads because I was apperplectic in anger and then stood and stared at me! So I just threw him a real "killer look" and said "WHAT?????" ..... rofl... clearly terrified he scurried off out of sight.... lol
What use is someone who stands and stares as you rant? If I were him I'd have stayed well away... lol lol lol No sense some men... no sense at all....
Thank goodness he is going out in a few hours... I can bang and rant and swear as much as I want then... and cry too if I want to! Cried this morning at work - I am sooooooooo tired... my eyes hurt... my body aches... I am utterly helpless...
Dear God, PLEASE let us know what we have to deal with so that we can!
Me and my family can deal with ANYTHING as long as we KNOW what we are dealing with... I am not afraid of death and dying... I am not afraid of my mum dying... it happens to us all... what I AM afraid of is the unknown... the uncontrollable... and my imagination.
Sorry for the melodramatic and selfish post... I guess that's just me eh???
(muttering obscenities under my breath and hoping HWSNBN keeps the hell out of my way of he may just cop it!! lol )
What use is someone who stands and stares as you rant? If I were him I'd have stayed well away... lol lol lol No sense some men... no sense at all....
Thank goodness he is going out in a few hours... I can bang and rant and swear as much as I want then... and cry too if I want to! Cried this morning at work - I am sooooooooo tired... my eyes hurt... my body aches... I am utterly helpless...
Dear God, PLEASE let us know what we have to deal with so that we can!
Me and my family can deal with ANYTHING as long as we KNOW what we are dealing with... I am not afraid of death and dying... I am not afraid of my mum dying... it happens to us all... what I AM afraid of is the unknown... the uncontrollable... and my imagination.
Sorry for the melodramatic and selfish post... I guess that's just me eh???
(muttering obscenities under my breath and hoping HWSNBN keeps the hell out of my way of he may just cop it!! lol )
I 100% understand this at the moment xxx
Redpam
Living the Life
Big ((((hugs)))), Jennie because I know just how you feel.
You are not a selfish daughter or a selfish mother but just trying to cope with many things with very little sleep. More likely your daughter is still at the "world revolves around me stage" and thought she should tell you she was ok.
For what it is worth, I agree with your Mum getting washed and dressed even if only to sit on the bed again. I do have those problems with my Mum sometimes but older people can be very obstinate I know. (Oops I am nearly an old person myself). In hospital you get out of bed and dressed during the day dont you? Unless very ill of course.
Deep breaths and relax.......
I hope you get some positive news after the scan tomorrow.
More ((((hugs))))
Pam xxx
You are not a selfish daughter or a selfish mother but just trying to cope with many things with very little sleep. More likely your daughter is still at the "world revolves around me stage" and thought she should tell you she was ok.
For what it is worth, I agree with your Mum getting washed and dressed even if only to sit on the bed again. I do have those problems with my Mum sometimes but older people can be very obstinate I know. (Oops I am nearly an old person myself). In hospital you get out of bed and dressed during the day dont you? Unless very ill of course.
Deep breaths and relax.......
I hope you get some positive news after the scan tomorrow.
More ((((hugs))))
Pam xxx
mspiggy
Full Member
Redpam and Gen are right hun, and you cant even begin to think straight until you have the results and know what you are dealing with, your daughter probably has no idea of the intensity of your feelings and emotions right now, and HWSNBN probably doesn't understand either, i hope you get the results of the scan tomorrow, and i hope its not as bad as you think it might be. x
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Daughter still pi$$ed off with me.. no text to say she was ok this morning... as it happens I knew she was because of her facebook updates... but when I texted her this morning I got a lecture on the fact that she lives near shops a McDonalds and a petrol station and that Liverpool trouble was 10 minutes from where she lives etc etc etc...
I feel sick inside. Now I have a daughter who thinks I don't care. She couldn't be more wrong. This "selfish" mother has always put her kids first... always helped when I can, done what I can, been there when I can.. but that's not enough.. now I have to be willing to have no sleep too just in case.. well Mrs Selfish is at home because I cannot cope any more without some sleep. I am constantly on the brink of tears right now.. I am so utterly worn out it's mad... I have a mother who prefers my "martyr" sister, a daughter who thinks I don't care about her because I'm not willing to hold an all night vigil when she isn't even alone.. if she were on her own that would be different.. but she's not... she's 24 and lives with her fella and another housemate! My other daughter couldn't understand why I didn't dash over to see her new flat on Sunday evening (its up 3 flights of stairs and I could barely put one foot in front of the other having been on my feet all weekend) and a sister who clearly thinks I should jack in my job, lose my home and go and look after my mother because she doesn't want to... so.. crap all round basically.
Good job I have a dog. At least he can look happy to see me and love me (even though I know it is stomach-related) ... and he can't tell me what a crock of doo I am...
Sorry - am just so damned tired and so emotional and so freaking worried... and fed up of being the bad guy!
I feel sick inside. Now I have a daughter who thinks I don't care. She couldn't be more wrong. This "selfish" mother has always put her kids first... always helped when I can, done what I can, been there when I can.. but that's not enough.. now I have to be willing to have no sleep too just in case.. well Mrs Selfish is at home because I cannot cope any more without some sleep. I am constantly on the brink of tears right now.. I am so utterly worn out it's mad... I have a mother who prefers my "martyr" sister, a daughter who thinks I don't care about her because I'm not willing to hold an all night vigil when she isn't even alone.. if she were on her own that would be different.. but she's not... she's 24 and lives with her fella and another housemate! My other daughter couldn't understand why I didn't dash over to see her new flat on Sunday evening (its up 3 flights of stairs and I could barely put one foot in front of the other having been on my feet all weekend) and a sister who clearly thinks I should jack in my job, lose my home and go and look after my mother because she doesn't want to... so.. crap all round basically.
Good job I have a dog. At least he can look happy to see me and love me (even though I know it is stomach-related) ... and he can't tell me what a crock of doo I am...
Sorry - am just so damned tired and so emotional and so freaking worried... and fed up of being the bad guy!
mommyB
love it
Aw hun , my heart goes out to you too, you have so much going in it's no wonder tempers are a little frayed.
Hope this scan your mum is getting will give you some answers so that you all at least know what you are dealing with ( and I really hope for good news for you all )
Playing devils advocate re your daughter, it's just possible that she was scared and just wanted to hear her mum's voice-of course she would NEVER admit it, LOL
Hope things look better today,that you got some sleep and yo get some answers
Hope this scan your mum is getting will give you some answers so that you all at least know what you are dealing with ( and I really hope for good news for you all )
Playing devils advocate re your daughter, it's just possible that she was scared and just wanted to hear her mum's voice-of course she would NEVER admit it, LOL
Hope things look better today,that you got some sleep and yo get some answers
