Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

thank you Cheryl xxxxx and for the big snuggle hug Gen ..

I had a rotten morning at work - I realised I hadn't sent in my timesheet for my wages this month (payday is supposed to be tomorrow) and when I rang them and asked if I had sent it in and she confirmed I hadn't I just completely broke down and sobbed my heart out. I spent the rest of the morning an absolute wreck..

Finally arrived at mum's and she's a changed woman! lol She is in great form! Not able to walk of course and no difference on the cancer front, but, no constipation + plenty sleep + no pain = very happy mum!!
 
Oh Jen that is good news about your mum. Long may it continue honey and hope that you have a wonderful weekend together again.

Sorry to hear about your timesheet - no wonder you broke down, you are juggling so many balls at the moment, you are bound to drop one x

Sending lots of hugs n kisses to you x
 
i'm afraid she will have good days & bad days hunni & unfortunately as time goes by the bad days will outweigh the good ones .
try to pace what you do with her , as if you do too much on a good day , then she is likely to suffer for it the next day .
take care sweetheart xxxxxxxx
 
pandora said:
i'm afraid she will have good days & bad days hunni & unfortunately as time goes by the bad days will outweigh the good ones .
try to pace what you do with her , as if you do too much on a good day , then she is likely to suffer for it the next day .
take care sweetheart xxxxxxxx
Click to expand...
I thought so... today has already been a real heart-tugger...

We both had a fantastic night's sleep and boy do I feel better for it! I told her that I ought to move in as I sleep best with her than anywhere else.. lol We both laughed.. and I said how much better I felt and she commented that I looked it! lol Must admit, I looked worse than mum last night! lol lol (and that's NOT good!)

Bless her, I sat on her bed last night and put the lavendar cream on her hands.. and we talked about the bed that's coming this week for her., to go in the living room...

We talked about moving things around and the dresser (you know, the one my sis is so keen to get rid of! Mind you, NOW she (sis) is actually suggesting what I said way back! That we try and sell it on ebay for mum!) It's weird... sis seems to be suggesting all the things I have said to her over the last few weeks and mum's agreeing and thinking they are all her thinking.. lol It's not really all that important, except that sis poo-pooed them ALL initiailly!

Sis said this week was the easiest time she's ever had with mum - I can see why.. lol, she was out most of the time and left mum on her own, and she's done no housework except the washing and keeping kitchen tidy! lol lol lol

Mum said this morning she wasn't sure whether, when she gets up, she's going to get dressed or just put her dressing gown on... so.. I went into "Sister (as in nurse) Jennie" mode and told her - clothes! lol

I suggested that it would be better for her to get dressed every day, even if just for the time she is downstairs until after lunchtime, and then, when she comes up for the afternoon, that she should then maybe change into her nightie... this seems a good compromise and defines the downstairs = normal routine and clothing, upstairs = bed and sleep and rest..

We had a lovely long chat and she laughed and said she knew I was right and that it sounded like a good plan to her..

She wants to go and check out the newly refurbished Budgens in the village tomorrow so, I suggested she might like to have her shower this morning, and hair wash, and then rest before her lovely best friend Pam comes to call... and tomorrow it will be less tiring..

So, we did just that! It was hilarious though... picture the scene - mum sitting on stool in shower washing her front.. me in her dressing gown (over my clothes) to protect me from splashback... and then chaos.. lol shower was going really well and then I washed her hair and she moved the shower head and I was dreanched... lol Couldn't stop laughing - both of us... but she was all lathered up so we had to continue.. lol All rinsed and towelled and back in bed on towels and lovely and clean and there I stood... sodden... even my shoes... lol lol So - I said it was just as well she'd decided to get dressed later as her dressing gown was soaked! lol

When she was settled and I was brushing her hair, she told me I was a gem... and that she felt so much better and so much more comfortable having showered than she has all week... it was a lovely moment.. she said she didn't think sis would be able to do that kind of thing for her and I found myself saying that she would because she loves her.. (can't believe I was actually 'talking-up' sis..) but there you go...

For just a few moments though, I felt very very special and a level of closeness that is rare between us..

So, she is sleeping again now, and I am on here, having scanned more photos of her and lots of my darling stepdad too.. and the family...

I am going to rest today... dinner already sorted as I dropped into Tesco express on the way here yesterday and picked up a lasagne and asparagus and fresh veg... so, we're going to have a yummy dinner.

When her friend comes I am going to go out and get a couple of things she wants... it gives them some privacy... and me some thinking time... mind you, I get lots of that here too..

I am looking forward to seeing her friends over the weekend as she has another one coming later this afternoon (I scheduled them so the one who cannot manage the stairs gets to see mum when she is downstairs, and the others can go upstairs to visit her after her afternoon sleep).. just add social secretary to my list of jobs... lmao.

The gardeners are coming today too so that's good... although I could do it, I'm glad I don't have to..

Housework is on my list as always when here.. lol.. but I know mum likes it clean and tidy and polished... so.. that's what is shall be like!

I feel at home here... wish I could stay longer... well, shall just have to make the most of it when I am here!

There's lots more on the financial side to say... and am torn about whether to say anything about the £3,000 or not... probably best not to at the moment.. but there will come a time when I shall say something to either one or both of them...

For now, I am just so happy to see mum so relaxed ... the cancer is far more visible now... it's really grown, just in the last 4 days I can see the difference... it's horrendous...
 
((((hugs)))) to your, Jennie. You really are a wonderful daughter.

I could just picture the scene in the shower with your Mum because the same has happened with my Mum and me. You will have to do what I do when I "bath" the dogs in Mums shower and put a swimming costume or something old on.

Hope you have a lovely weekend and your Mum enjoys her time with you.

Pam xxx
 
I hope you don't mind me reading your diary I just think your so good to your mother any one would be approved to have a daughter as kind and as caring as you.
 
Let's try that again typing on my phone ....

I hope you don't mind me reading your diary I just think your so good to your mother any one would be proud to have a daughter as kind and as caring as you.
 
LouQ said:
Let's try that again typing on my phone ....

I hope you don't mind me reading your diary I just think your so good to your mother any one would be proud to have a daughter as kind and as caring as you.
Click to expand...

I don't mind at all - welcome to my world! lol and thank you, that's kind of you..

Well, it's been a busy morning and now, as mum is back in bed snoozing I'm going to have a little siesta myself I think, before her next visitor arrives at 4.30pm.

Her friend came this morning and I nipped out and managed to get lots done! Prescription into the Dr, recycling down to the central collection point so won't need to do that Sunday now - birthday cards bought for my daughter and my nephew, wrapping paper too... got a mat for mums bedside cabinet to protect the top of it too...and was out for less than an hour, so all in all a sucessful trip out and gave her and P the chance to natter privately.

As her friend P was leaving we had a chat too - she told me that my sis had said to her that I have to remember that SHE is the eldest!! LMAO FPS! (For pete's sake)... she is 49 and I am 48 next month - hardly a massive gap, and anyway - it makes no odds... legally we are equals. So. I told P that the only reason my stepfamily didn't give mum this house was because they dislike my sister so much they didn't want her to benefit from their father's estate! She wasn't surprised - speaks volumes doesn't it! lol I also told her that I know about the money my sister has had... and she asked me how I knew... so I simply told her that I am an intelligent woman who follows her instincts and makes the right enquiries... and that I know about the expensive meals out my sister has had with her boyfriend and the cash, etc etc... and that, when this is all over with, I shall no longer be holding my tongue and my sister will realise just how much I do and have known and how I will not tolerate anything other than equality!

I now know, too, that the £3,000 was a loan from my mum to my sis which my sis has not paid back at all - so - sis is in for a shock when it all goes to probate as she will have that deducted from her 'share' of the estate... legally, that is what has to be done because it is such a large amount!

Mum has been in a lot more pain today but is comfortable again now she is back in bed... so... a nice quiet afternoon and evening are in order. She loved the lasagne with asparagus, brocolli, carrots, baby sweetcorn and mangetout. She ate the lot! PLUS the strawberry yoghurt with fresh strawberries in it too... so... nice full tummy and sleep...

Hopefully she will see some bowel action today as there was none yesterday and I was unhappy that sis insisted on "no Movicol" (laxative) despite my remonstrations... if no sign of movement this evening, poor mum will have to have double doses until something happens! The trouble is, once she can't go she starts to be sick which then means no food, and ultimately will mean a nurse coming out, an injection, suppository, etc etc... and that can ALL be avoided if the right stuff is given to her on a regular basis!

I am just going to ignore my sister next time.. lol... she can always have a moan at me after... she had another dig at me as soon as I arrived yesterday... apparantly, crime of crimes, the dishwasher had run out of rinse agent... quelle catastroph! *sigh*

I did point out that I had topped it up when the little warning message lit up so without my psychic abilities in working order I was sorry but I couldn't have done anything about it! lol

I think she's only happy if she can put me down as soon as I get here... it happens EVERY time, without fail!

Thankfully mum doesn't know.. and, unlike sis, I'm not going to tell her!

I have a feeling sis shows mum my facebook stuff as she showed her my photos the other day... so am thinking about restricting her access... but that will wind her up and I can't be doing with her being a mega-stresshead...

Mums friend said that others have commented how sharp sis is with them on the phone and that they have been put off visiting because of her attitude... that's not good... perhaps they should cut her a little slack and realise just how stressful it is to be in our position too... yes, mum is their friend, but she is our mum... and as hard as it is for them... they have no concept of what we feel like..

I do love my sister, I just don't trust her and a fair bit of the time, I don't like her... lol lol

Managed to clean the kitchen a bit more too and washed all the towels and they are nearly dry now.. so.. siesta time for an hour or so ... then I think I shall do some downstairs housework whilst mum's friend J calls in around 4.30pm

If we have the toilet action I can see mum having another great night and my sleep balance getting more on an even keel... fingers crossed! Pray for poo please! lol lol
 
Hi

Just wanted to post as I've read your diary lately and really feel for you.

I'm 29 and my mum has been caring for her mum in her own home for over a year. Last night she was rushed to hospital and we found out she has bowel cancer.

She's 96 and when you say that out loud you can almost forgive people for saying 'well, to be expected' or 'she's had good innings' but to my mum, that's her one and only mother.

My mum is a strong woman and at times when my blatant fear of death and dying have upset me she has always been the one to kind of say "that's life". But I know she's devastated now it's happening!

Sorry - just needed to vent. I hope that's not too selfish. I really admire what you're doing xx
 
Hi Miss C
Welcome - I totally understand where you're coming from. As if a person's age has any bearing on the sense of loss or sadness! It's terrible as most people will ask you the age of the one you love... when I say mum is 76 I get the "well, it's not bad"... and I want to scream! Not bad??? It's a nightmare! PLUS.. if she was 176 I would STILL feel the same...
My heart goes out to you and your mum and her mum - how horrible for this to be going on for such a long time for all of you. Mum's are strong for their children, no matter what age - bless you for understanding how hard it is for your mum though. No matter what happens she will do her best to protect you and help you get through it all...

Nope - not selfish at all - you are welcome to vent anytime you want.

I am so sorry for the news about the bowel cancer - it is what got my Grandpa in the end, and yes, it is very common in those over a certain age, but it doesn't make it any more palatable.

I wish strength, courage and peace of mind for your mum - and for her mum I wish a pain free, swift release from the misery that is terminal cancer.. I hope you are ok too... it's not easy watching your mum being in this situation and also your gran too... hard times for you too. Look after yourself and all I can advise is to remember the better days and whatever you feel you can do to help, just do it.
 
I'd write more but I'm about to cry. Just thank you so so much and you are obviously such a loving and caring person. Thank you for your kind words, the mean so much xx I'll write again soon xx take care.
 
You're very welcome and, trust me on this,. crying is good for you.. tears are cleansing most of the time... and, I think, they stop your head exploding! lol

I don't know if you have any faith or belief but if you do, lean on it, draw strength from it, use it to help you cope. If you don't then try reading upbeat poems, listening to music that makes you smile, avoid weepy films.. and don't do anything that will make you sad (unless its something that needs doing for mum or gran ) ... and try to look after yourself. Keep well and fit because you're going to need all your reserves to be well topped up to get you through the times to come.

My gran was 96 when she died 2 years ago, my mum had a very bad relationship with her but I didn't, I loved her and I was hit hard by her death.. I thought she was immortal - well, she had always been a part of my life! And so it is for my mother too... I never thought this kind of thing would happen to MY mum... but, it is and I have to make it as good a quality as possible for her for as long as possible.. but that isn't easy., and, it takes its toll.

Hang in there and feel free to pop in here anytime xxxx life's like that is right ... it is.. but it sucks.. xx
 
So, Saturday has arrived and mum is, once again, in pretty good form - despite the pain last night she almost slept right through and, thankfully, she took the extra morphine to help... at last she appears to have accepted that morphine is her friend and ally. I understand her hesitation to take more and more, but, if she doesn't the alternative is unbearable.

She is really looking forward to our "adventure" to Budgens this morning - and so am I! I am really hoping she sees lots of people she knows and we have a long list and an empty fridge to fill! lol

I know that she will love the feeling of actually being in control of her choices and her shopping and I am so so thrilled she wants to go!

I am tired this morning, restless night with not so nice dreams,.. TOTM is draining me too and I keep getting headaches... I'm sure it'll all pass and am hoping to have another fairly early night tonight and may just nab a nap this afternoon whilst mum does... although I want to get the housework done so tomorrow truly is a day of rest (at least until sis arrives!)

Still no sign of action from mums bowels - grrr! I hate her bowels.. lol... when they stop functioning properly it makes her so sick.. so... the nurse rang yesterday and I mentioned it to her and we have a plan of action! lol Won't go into details as I am about to have some breakfast! lol

Oh, mum loved the moisturising socks last night and her feet already look better hydrated.. as I massaged in loads of cream last night and on her legs too...

MUST remember to share my latest idea that made mum laugh and shake her head... lol it involves a paddling pool and a hosepipe!!

Right - off to have my brekky now mum has had hers and is reading her paper.. there is such a lovely peaceful atmosphere here with her... *sigh* her friend J came yesterday told me she feels mum is at peace about what is happening... and we hugged and both filled up with tears... mum has SUCH beautiful friends..
 
Well, that was an unprecedented disaster... poor mum was in agony so we just sped round the supermarket, left the shopping, and I brought her home and got her settled in bed.. *sigh* she was so upset and disappointed.. she couldn't cope with the car journey (less than a mile) and sitting in the wheelchair was hell for her... she was so upset about not managing but I tried to reassure her that it was a good thing that she had tried and that she had seen several of her friends too.. but that, I admit, I found hard as some folks asked her what was wrong and when she said she had cancer the questions came thick and fast... I just wanted to cry... as soon as I got her home and settled I dashed back to the shops and did the shopping ... cried in the car before I could go in and do it all though... then I had to drop her book in at the library, and, once home and all unpacked it was time to make lunch and then settle her for the afternoon... it is so sad.. she knows now that this means she is pretty much bed and housebound... *sigh* but I tried to put a positive spin on it by saying at least she now knows how to get comfortable and, as soon as we have the bed delivered and set up on Wednesday she will be downstairs... probably for good...

My heart breaks for her.. it really does...
 
Oh sweetheart , how awful for you both , I can't begin to imagine how you feel . Sending massive hugs & love to you both Xxxxx
 
So ends another long day .... mum got comfortable and slept for hours, whilst she slept I cleaned.. the house is spick and span again, just how she likes it... I sat and watched "Strictly" with her.. I can't abide Bruce Forsyth so that really IS a trial.. lol.. but she loves the show and no way am I not going to keep her company (and she me) when she is awake... I made some dinner for us both and she loved the sticky toffee pudding with custard especially! We haven't said much this afternoon and evening - we don't need to.. we know..

Having watched Merlin too and then helped her to the loo and then back to bed... she's settled down for the night now hopefully and me? I've just set off the dishwasher, unloaded the washing and am watching Casualty before heading up to bed myself... hoping I have a more peaceful night tonight but I am very cold (mum is really hot so no heating on yet and her windows and door open..) so, lots of layers for me tonight, and bedsocks and heated lavendar wheaty bag thing.. lol might even have to put gloves on! lol

Sometimes life is so damned cruel... mum told me today that she was talking to her friend J yesterday and said that she was sure that something great was planned for me and my sis (by God) and that she was sure that was one of the reasons why this was her time to go... not quite sure of the logic but if it brings her peace of mind then fair enough...

I had no words of comfort this evening - so I simply said "It's a real $hitter this isn't it eh?" and she agreed that it was, yes...

We've also agreed that she's going to rest and stay comfortable in bed unless she really wants to come downstairs... it's awful because I know it's too hard for her now... and that shes in a lot of pain if she walks or sits... it's just so awful for her.. I wish s much I could make it better for her...
 
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Hi I really don't know what to say , my hubbie and I got married in Nov 06 and conceived soon after and were expecting out first child dec 07. My father in law found out he had lung cancer in July 07 it came as a complete shock to us all. He was the first person close to me that had it.
He went downhill very fast and just like your mum he wanted to be at home and not in the hospital. We always assumed he would be here to meet out baby but he passed away in Oct 07.
Its so hard to see someone you love go through something so horrible. I can't imagine how hard it is to try and stay positive.
I hope you both have a good nights sleep tonight and tomorrow brings a nice happy day for you.
 
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