No sooner had sis and fella left but mum started to be sick - she kept saying she wasn't being sick and it was just wind, but that was exactly what happened Thursday night too.. and I had a fair idea of what was ahead.. first came the yoghurt... then the soup.. and then she seemed ok again.. and I went up to the loo.. no sooner had I sat down then DD shouted up for me to come down as mum being sick.. I was having a wee! lol lol So, did what I had to do and then dashed back down - not nice... bless her..
Mum continued to be sick until all that came up was disgusting black poo-smelling sick - it was so upsetting for her.. (and not a hell of a lot of laughs for me and DD either! lol)... we kept swapping bowls so she had a clean one all the time and wasn't face over a nasty bowl of vomit!
She was in agony too - the vomiting made her hurt and we got her repositioned in the bed and she soon fell asleep again... she was utterly exhausted... DD and I got on with clearing up and I texted sis to call hospice nurse.. they advised that it was all part and parcel of the progression of things and they wouldn't come out but if she started to be sick again later to call them and they would then come.. wisdom indeed as mum was then out cold until the early hours ...
DD and I loaded up a tray with cheese and biscuits and went upstairs... we sat up crying and hugging and talking until about midnight.. didn't want to sleep... we talked about mum and about DD's father (who died when she was 8) and life in general.. it was lovely. Very special indeed. She is a lovely girl and so calm and loving with mum too... no panic, no stress, just love and calm and help and that's just what mum needs..
She's sitting watching Sword In The Stone with mum now... mum is being ar$ey with me, lol, and lovely to DD.. lol lol
Anyway - we finally went to bed and I checked on mum a few times throughout.. and then finally went to bed.. I woke up suddenly around 3am and felt an urge to come down and check on mum - but I needed a wee first.. then I came down to find mum had knocked the buzzer off the bed and needed me! She was in pain and very agitated and said she needed a poo... so I encouraged her to have one.. I don't think she did as I couldn't smell anything and to check her would be so awful for her as it takes 2 to roll her onto her side now and is agony... when the nurse comes to do her pump today I may ask her if we can check just in case.. I shall empty her catheter bag before the visitors start arriving too...
So... 3am ish and mum needed more morphine so she had some.. I sat holding her hand until she was sound asleep again.. as I held her hand and stroked it gently she smiled and said I had such lovely soft hands.. it was nice. I told her I would be sitting on the sofa if she needed me.. and she went to sleep. I got a blanket from her room upstairs where DD was out for the count.. bless her, she had to get up at 5am yesterday to catch all her trains down from Liverpool..
Blanket fetched, drink poured and I settled down to sleep.. got about 2 hours and then was awake again.. mum sleeping still so I didn't turn any more lights on.. just got online and sorted out some emails.. and then started to update on here..
Mum woke up about an hour or so ago now and seems sort of brighter.. she asked for a cup of tea so we have given her one but I am worried it will make her sick again, but I am not going to refuse her anything.. the nurses said last night to my sis that they want to add some of the relaxant drug to the pump today to reduce the agitation and distress.. I have a feeling mum will refuse.. I hope they don't ask me and sis for permission because I know that we both think it IS time but not best timing as mum still has some goodbyes to say.. and she will want to take communion this afternoon too.. so we may negotiate one more day for her.. it depends.. it's hour by hour really now..
She is very confused again this morning and has gone through the "we had this conversation already this morning" routine with DD... and denies ever having watching Sword In The Stone.. which is so bizarre as we have watched it countless times.. she's read the paper and we will possibly attempt the crossword puzzle later. She is drinking water out of her spouted double- handed cup.. but keeps burping which was how the sickness started last night... I got DD to surreptisiously (sp) bring in a bowl (just in case) but mum hasn't spotted it so it's ok.. it's better to be prepared really..
Mum's quite chatty, despite confusion... and is pretty lucid most of the time.. it's so confusing.. and I don't want this to sound horrid but I don't want her to keep this up and down stuff.. it's dreadful.. after Communion this afternoon I think she may be ready for the sedative.. her body is very jerky now at times and she has so little strength in her hands and arms and has real trouble finding her mouth with the cup..
*sigh*
Going to just wash hands, face and feet today and then put cream on hands and feet for her as she loves that and it smells nice... she seems to have lost the smell of cancer that she had on Thursday.. and I wonder why... but I don't care,.. she doesn't smell bad now.. and that makes it better for us all.. I don't think she can smell herself anyway...
So... that's today begun... kitchen cleaned up and everything downstairs all clean and tidy - I am half dressed (top half) and need to put trousers on instead of my jimmy palmers.. and then I am set to meet and greet todays flow of visitors.. it's going to be very hard for her.. closest friends are due.. the last one is scheduled for 5.30pm.. we have blocked off 12 - 3 as she will be having nurse and then vicar..
I will make cups of tea and offer sympathy to all but inside it tears me up to see these lovely people hurting so much and my poor mum knowing she is saying goodbye to them all... I think she is amazing.. what courage and generosity... but once she is sedated I think the visitors may need to stop ... sis and I will discuss and decide together... I am sure we will agree...
