Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

My heart is in bits.. I didn't want to fight and kept saying so, and that we should be doing things together, jointly, not fighting.. it's upset me so much. She isn't speaking to me now. It's just horrid. All because I wouldn't let her go to the bank on her own - and, when we got there I was right, I did need to be there as they needed both of us to sign things and to show ID etc.. but she said nothing. The row was long and loud and very hurtful. She pushed me and pushed me and I cracked and told her a really major thing and tried not to but she pushed and pushed so I did. So now she knows some home truths that, had she not been such a bully, she would never have known. *sigh*

It's all such a rotten time... we have so much to do.. and to be honest, if we can get it all done before Tuesday then so much the better as, I don't think we will either of us be fit for anything after then...

She keeps telling me to stop crying.. and I have told her to stop saying it.. lol I NEED to cry when I need to cry... it will give me stress headaches if I don't... *sigh*

Oh Mum,. I wish you were here and this wasn't happening...
 
Oh my darling I can so relate to what you're going through. Exactly the same thing happened with my brother (and I was right about his thieving ways too). I've not had a conversation with him now in 3 years, there's no need to see him any more.

You just cry as much as you want to.... tears help to wash away the pain. This is, surely, a time when you should put YOU and YOUR needs first. Your sister will deal with losing your Mum in her way and you in yours.

Lots of love coming your way xxx
 
Dont ever feel the need to explain your tears doll.. Its just how some of us cope, i know i do. I felt i would drown in my tears when my nana died but that was just my own way to deal with it.. Thinking of you loads xxx
 
Of course you needed to go to the bank together.

We all react differently when somene dear to us dies. There's nothing wrong with crying in fact I think it is better out than in.

Hope the next few days go as peacefully for you as possible.

Irene xx
 
Oh, Jennie, I so feel for you at this time.

You cry all you want because crying is cathartic and will help you.

I'm sorry that you have rowed with your sister and I can guess what you told her. But it is best to get it out now. Perhaps some time away from each other when the funeral is over will be good.

((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
 
Now you just listen to me!

When our daughter died in 2010 I let the tears come wherever and whenever. I was in the queue at Sainsbury's and out of the blue the tears started and the lady behind asked if I was OK. I told her what had happened and before I knew where I was, I was surrounded bu deeply caring people. They were so sympathetic some had been through bereavement and couldn't have been kinder. What I'm trying to say... badly is that at times like this, you get comfort and support in the most unlikely places and from the most unlikely people. Whereas the folk you though you could turn to, are as much use as a chocolate teapot
 
Ditto to all the above . It's been quite obvious over the past few weeks that you both deal with things differently , with you being the more emotional & hare the more insular one . Now she knows home truths , get what you need to do done & then take time out from each other . Only time will tell if your relationship is salvagable
Lots of love xxxx
 
Good morning to you sweet heart. You seem to be on my mind such a lot. I know you can't be sleeping very well, if at all. I was the same and tried to have little cat naps through the day. If it's any help, I used relaxation CD's. Even if you can't nap it is important to rest and consciously relax those old muscles which must feel as tense as piano wire at the moment. Be kind to yourself... so the housework needs doing... so what, there are more important things. If friends ask if there is anything they can do, don't be afraid to let them help. A neighbour asked me if there was anything she could do and I said 'Yes, the ironing' and she did it bless her.
Noone can take this hurt away from you, but people will go through it with you, you aren't alone although there are times when it must feel very lonely
 
Thinking of you xxx
 
:cry: :bighug: :flowers: :zz:
 
Jen, cry all you want - it is never too much.

My thoughts are with you chica :bighug:

Ditto everything everyone has said - and Tasi, your posts are phenomenal. ((Hugs)) to you
 
((Jen))

Let the tears come. There are no right and wrongs right now, just do what you need to do to get through this. (((hugs))
Have been thinking about you all week, look after yourself cariad.
xxxxx
 
Remembering today my darling stepdad in whose arms my mum is now... he died 2 years ago today... so.. not long to wait to be back dancing to "Spanish Eyes" with mum...

Very very stressed out right now, headaches, nausea and palpitations.. I know it's because mum's funeral is tomorrow afternoon.. sis is struggling too.. and she is doing the flowers today.. they will be stunning - of that I am sure. She's talking to me again but for how long - who knows.. I don't and right now I don't particularly care too much.. it's all too much.

I have to try and muddle together the "memories from the grandchildren" into a readable format.. I don't know if I am able to do this reading at my mum's funeral or not.. I think it is going to be hugely difficult.. but I am so touched by how many of my friends are coming to pay their respects too - my friends of 30 years standing are going to be there... and I cannot express how much that means to me.. G (aka Shrek) is moving out by Dec 9th.. another major stress as he keeps crying on my daughter's shoulder and, bless her, she can't deal with his emotions as well as her own.. I feel sorry for her being at my place without me, but there is no other option right now... I feel sorry for G as he really doesn't want to move out, but he knows he has to.. and I know that's why he keeps crying... I am glad I am not there.. I cannot cope with his emotions on top of mine and those of my darling girls.
Have so much to share - need to do proper account of the day mum died and the subsequent days... I know it will be good for me to share it and I would ask that you forgive me if I drone on and on.. but there were some real moments of euphoria and also hysteria.. and laughter and tears... and every day since has been a year long...

When folks told me that losing my mother would be different from any other loss I didn't understand... I do now. It is unbelievable.. I am not looking forward to my birthday on Saturday at all.. and I am torn as to what to do, where to go.. who to see.. but I know I do not want to be at my house with G... I cannot bear his sorrow on top of mine.. I cannot comfort him and I do not want him to comfort me..

I know he is really hurting right now.. but he will have to lean on his friends.. and not my girls or me... he needs to look outside of my family for his support... we are struggling just to keep ourselves going as it is.. I can't wait to see my girls tomorrow. I miss them enormously.
 
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