Blorpy's Exante Diary

[Blorpy]

Hello everyone!

I am Maria aka Blorpy, and I'm starting my Exante journey today!

A little about me - I did LighterLife almost 2 years ago, and lost 4 stone - 2 and half of which I've since put back on. I found the food replacement part of the diet pretty liberating, but I found the prices overly steep, and the classes... Well let's just say I've had a complex relationship with food, and don't feel comfortable talking about it in a room full of strangers!

I've already had it said to me that I don't have 'much' to lose, but I've never been less than overweight in my entire adult life, despite being conscious of my size and watching my weight in some shape or form since I was 11 (sad I know)

Anyways, I'm on my 3rd massive hot drink of the day, and I already feel like I'm sloshing around!

 

[Stardreamer]

Hi Blorpy, So pleased I found our post. I did LL a few years ago too and have since put on 2 stone. I woke this morning with a really posiitive attitude and decided to give Exante a go. I am ordering the packs today!! They should arrive tomorrow so today I am just going to eat protein and drink plenty of water today. It feels good to be back in control. Weighed myself this morning (haven't weighed myself for about a year) 12st 10 lbs. I would love to loose about 20lbs. I look forward to reading about your journey. Good Luck.
Stardreamer
xx

 

[Tummy Tamer]

Hello everyone!

I am Maria aka Blorpy, and I'm starting my Exante journey today!

A little about me - I did LighterLife almost 2 years ago, and lost 4 stone - 2 and half of which I've since put back on. I found the food replacement part of the diet pretty liberating, but I found the prices overly steep, and the classes... Well let's just say I've had a complex relationship with food, and don't feel comfortable talking about it in a room full of strangers!

I've already had it said to me that I don't have 'much' to lose, but I've never been less than overweight in my entire adult life, despite being conscious of my size and watching my weight in some shape or form since I was 11 (sad I know)

Anyways, I'm on my 3rd massive hot drink of the day, and I already feel like I'm sloshing around!

Blorpy,

First of all Hello and welcome ! Second of all, I'm afraid I find it hard to pull punches and am very blunt so here goes.

You say you have "had a complex relationship with food" and find it hard to talk about in a room full of "strangers". It's funny how that complex relationship makes you see things. Remember that old LL phrase about what FEAR is, FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. They suggest the way to recovery is to FACE EVERYTHING AND RECOVER. So how a bit of facing things then. On LL [ abstinence] everyone has to have at least 3 stone to lose, at least, I bet there were women in your group with at least twice that to lose and more, did you spot them ? or were they just all strangers to you ? How complex a relationship with food do you think they have ???? How complex do you think their relationship is that they were prepared to pay a ton of cash, come to a weekly group, go into abstinence, and talk about private failings to other strangers ??? How many diets do you think they had done , over how many years before they started on LL, and how many of those women lost the weight only to put it back on again ??? Complex enough for you ???? Heaven forbid but some of them night even have binged and purged a bit from time to time. Look around this forum and you will see how many times the words "put it all back on again" are used. Sorry to tell you this Blorpy, but you ain't special, you are just a common all garden scoffer and all range of emotion eater like the rest of us, millions of men and women around the world. I laugh in the face of your complex relationship and raise it dozens of my own stories about what me and my false friend food and I have been through, the places we have been , the dreams we have dreamed and the basket upon basket full of it that I have scoffed and then waddled around with on my hips and bum for years and depressing years. So welcome to my world, welcome to the club, at least I feel less lonely knowing you are there. I lied when I said you aren't special, course you are, we all are, you are just more "normal" than you realise. Stop judging yourself, cos you judge me too my friend and that ain't happening, you are not "sad", be brave, tell yourself you are fabulous, the past is irrelevant, start today to give yourself a break, love yourself and take care of yourself. We are all sloshing around with you !! Take care , hope you don't mind my ranting, you go girl !!!

 

[Blorpy]

Sigh, it was a simple introduction, I didn't expect someone to come in and make blanket assumptions about who I am and make a massive effort to belittle me.

Regardless of my relationship with food, it's my prerogative to decide what I do and do not share with those around me. The group situation wasn't right for me, and I don't see why I should have to justify myself.

Not once have I suggested that I think I'm special in comparison to any the hundreds of people on this site who may or may not have similar struggles to myself.

You ask me to stop judging myself - as I judge you at the same time - but you're the one putting me and my situation down. I quote you 'I laugh in the face of your complex relationship'

Perhaps if you knew about it, you mightn't be laughing my face. I've come on here for support, not for judgement.

 

[Yambabe]

I think if you re-read that post again you will see that rather than judging you what it actually says is that we all have a complex relationship with food and that we all know where you are coming from and will be here for you.........

Good luck with the diet, I have a lot more to lose than you and am currently feeling very positive about me and my life. Part of that is from knowing that I am not doing this alone.

I too struggle with sitting in a room talking to people about myself, but here you can vent a bit whilst still retaining some anonymity I think, which might be helpful for some of us.

I've also starterd a blog lol, the shyest person in the world putting their deepest innermost thoughts out on the 'net for any old passer-by to read, who'd have thunk it? But it helps me express things sometimes when the words to say to other people just aren't there.

Well done for taking the first steps to a new you. I'll be tottering along behind you no doubt.........

 

[Blorpy]

Ahh, I just hate the assumption that I think I'm special, quite the opposite. I guess I expected a little more empathy!

God knows we all have issues What I was trying to express is that --- In LighterLife, there was a room of say 25 women, some bigger than me some smaller, and everyone had a chance to talk about their demons and all of us had them and a lot were pretty upsetting - but when it came to me, I pretty much had to lie, there is no way I could have opened up truely to that room. You can judge me on that and say I should have been open, and being closed kind of defeats the point of the programme. I thought I might be able to open up, but I couldn't.

In other news, it's day 2 and I am contemplating knawing my own arm off.

 

[Yambabe]

Hehe, day 3 for me and today for the first time I'm not feeling too hungry. Had half-a-shake at 8.30 and am about to have another half now.

Looks like I'm stumbling ahead of you then rather than tottering behind!

(Although I would kill for a piece of cheese right now....... )

 

[Stardreamer]

Keep with it Blorpy!! As soon as the blanket of ketosis kick in you will feel much better. You CAN do this!!!! Thindom is just around the corner honey!!! Look forward to reading your diary.
Good Luck!!
xx

 

[justgina]

Hi Blorpy. I could never have stood in a room full of strangers and spoken about any aspect of my life so I can understand that completely. Any problems I have are mine and mine alone, although I do have a great family should I feel the need for support. When I read a lot of posts on here I feel really lucky. My problem with food is in no way complex, I'm just greedy.
I decided upon Exante partly because of the price but also because I could take charge of my weightloss, I didn't want or need anyone else to take any of the responsibilty. I suppose that's just the way I am, I hate anyone else teaching me anyhting, I much prefer to teach myself. I was like that at school too, I would always go ahead in my workbooks and teach myself the next subject before it was covered in class.
Not sure what I am trying to say in this post but I just wanted you to know that you are very welcome on this forum and I look forward to seeing less of you in the coming weeks ;-)

 

[Tummy Tamer]

Hey Blorpy,

I'm not trying to belittle you, quite the opposite. You said you were sad, I said you were fabulous. I know you didn't say you were special, I did.
It was meant to be tongue in cheek, I guess when you've been dieting as long as me you have to put something in your mouth, didn't realise it was my foot on this ocassion.

Thanks to Yambabe for getting me, and for moving the subject on.

As I said before, welcome and take care

 

[Blorpy]

Thanks, I overreacted, I'm overly sensitive on the subject and I apologise for jumping down your throat!

It's day 3 and I've been a bit emotional actually, I got all teary watching Gok Wan last night!!

I had my first (orangey) bar this morning (I bought the mixed bumper back) and it was palatable, nice when you first bite into it but the aftertaste is more on par with cardboard than choc orange! I don't think I'll be having one so early as I now have 7 hours until I can 'eat' again. I guess I shall just have to fill up on water.

I've also made a pact with myself to only weigh once a week as I can get a bit obsessed with weighing, and with all the water fluctuation it will screw with my head. I'm also going to take some pictures tonight and measurements as I find seeing the difference more gratifying than numbers in my head.

In other news, one of the kids at work just told me I have too much lipstick on. How embarassing!!

 

[Tummy Tamer]

Oooh we had our first fight, making up is always the best bit. I hope it means we can be true friends, thanks for forgiving me and understanding. I try to be funny and sometimes I just ain't !!

If Gok Wan made you cry, do not, do not, under any circumstances watch "The Notebook" I was suicidal for days after I watched it and am welling up now just thinking about it.

I alternate bites of the bar with slurps of tablet sweetened black coffee. Never drank coffee before the diet, hated it, now it's a life saver.

Just put more lipstick on and tell them it's vintage style !!

 

[Yambabe]

I have found cutting my bar into 6-8 pieces and having them slowly during the day has helped in my first few days.

I normally have my shake about 8.30 but I'm now diluting them so today's menu will be:

1/3 shake 8.30
water
1/3 shake 11.00
water
bar + water 12.30-2.30
water
1/3 shake 3.30
water
soup 6.00
a treat! fizzy water!
more water

Today is day 4 for me and I'm definitely less hungry now.

 

[Blorpy]

Haha I have been put off the Notebook after it turned my sister AND her boyfriend into wibbling, dribbling, sobbing balls of snot! I don't often cry at stuff, mainly the news haha!

Although I did go to see 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas' at the cinema (despite having read the book, knowing the plot and bubbled at that) I was an UTTER MESS, eyeliner everywhere, good job it was dark!

I'm a nutbag, the reason I had the whole bar is that I got up and the first thing I did was open the jar of blackcurrant jam to SMELL IT, stood there for a good minute just sniffing the jam.

HELP MEEEE!

 

[Blorpy]

Good morning fellow Exanters!

It's day 4, and I took Stardreamer's advice to weigh myself this morning, and I have lost an astounding 7 pounds! (Mind you, when I initially weighed it was TOTM and I'd eaten a full Betty's Afternoon Tea to myself, so probably a bit up!)

It's getting better! The soups I've had are far nicer than the LL ones which made me gag, and as a consequence didn't eat, they actually taste like soup and not like chemicals.

I just want to confirm that fresh herbs and tabasco are okay, I'd really like to add a bit to my thai soup for a bit more ZING!

I keep spraying myself with breath spray as it makes everything taste rank, so I'll be less tempted to nibble

Hope everyone else is speeding (or plodding) along!

 

[Stardreamer]

Wow!! Congratualtions on your loss.That is fantastic news!! Sooo pleased for you. When on LL I used tabasco sauce in my thai soup.
xxxxxx

 

[Tummy Tamer]

I love your cat's face, so fluffy !!
Herbs are definitely ok. Good idea.

I eat all my bars and packs whole, I can't seem to manage only having half of one, but I do eat them slowly and sit down and try to relax and enjoy eating them.I am working on that though.

I keep my packs in a bag hanging on the kitchen cupboard door so I don't even have to open the door and see any stuff that might make me tempted.This may not help, but just a suggestion. Instead of sniffing the jam,[ torturing yourself] you could try spending the time doing a bit of brain re training, eg think about how you feel 5 minutes after you have eaten something you fancy and are lusting after ? For me, I usually don't even remember what I've eaten, it is gone in a flash and the few seconds it was going down my throat are not worth the cost of carrying the fat around for years to come. I try not to "overcook" in my mind how food tastes.It is just food. Not magic. I tend to respond to food with a "must eat now" kind of frenzy and I am trying to remind myself that food will always be there, just cos I don't eat it today, it will still be there in a couple of months if I want to eat it then. I don't find it easy but am trying to use this time of abstinence to re educate my attitude and habits around food in the hope of having a more relaxed and in control attitude to food in the future. I am a work in progress !!

 

[Stardreamer]

Hi Blorpy, How are you today??
xx

 

[Blorpy]

Hello! I've been away from my PC for a couple of days, but here goes!

I'm definitely going to cut back on the weighing, I've been doing it every day, and the fluctuations are doing my nut in! If I'd only weighed today, like I should have, I'd have been ELATED with my 8 pound loss (and I still am!) but at one point I actually had a 10 pound loss, and 2 pounds have magically reappeared - probably oceanic amounts of water and the fact I've been on for the past 2 week *cry*

While I'm very pleased with the loss, and how absolutely PALATABLE the foodpacks are (honestly ladies, I know they're not amazing, but they're about a million times nicer than LL) I'm annoyed at myself for nibbling at the weekend - all low-carb, statistically okay foods, but arrghhh it defeats the point. I'm such a pleb!

Also this week, I did my usual workout (The Big Workout, fitness.tv if you must know!) and normally I skip the cardio, do the core and the weights twice. I did a half-arsed attempt at going through the whole thing once, less reps and I was on the floor *dead*

Anyways, it's Monday and my resolution is NO NIBBLING.

THIS IS A NON-NIBBLE ZONE

 

[Tummy Tamer]

Hey Blorpy,

Hope you had a nice weekend. I like your reflection about the weighing,it has made me think. I have been compulsively weighing every day and you are right. It is not good and not the way forward to new habits and a more balanced approach. So I will do the same as you and weigh weekly from now on.
I have been thinking about it and I think I need to get back to just following the plan of 3 packs and water a day and trust the process week to week. I have been doing some low carb nibbling, which will be a good eating strategy when I'm done losing weight, but it doesn't help me lose weight now and losing weight now is the plan. So a bit of re focussing needed.
It's well worth doing a bit of cardio, good for the heart, the most important muscle, and gets the endorphins flowing. I love it. It does get easier, and that feeling of achievement is good for the soul, empowering and boosts your confidence which gives so many benefits in all areas of your life.It's nice to feel proud of yourself, if like me you've felt like your rubbish for many years. Look forward to hearing more from you.