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Blue's last chance with exante.

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
This is going to be my *everything* diary. I may overshare here so be warned! It will be diet, family, life and everything else that comes along.
I love hearing from other people, about anything, not just exante :)
So please feel free to comment here and keep me company.

I'm sure some of you know me by now....I've been on the exante board for years now and feel like I'll never leave.
I've been on and off more times than I care to remember.
I wont post how much I weigh, I dont think it's important. I wont be having scales in my house anymore.
I will say though that for the last 2 months-ish I have been eating like food was going out of fashion, I came off exante and went crazy and the weight piled on faster than ever.

About a month ago I posted a thread on here overjoyed that I'd just found out I was pregnant the month before, last week I had a miscarriage and while the doctors cant say 100% they hinted that my weight was to blame and this has left me devestated and I feel like the worst person in the world :wave_cry:

This weight has to go before it kills me.

So exante here we come........again!
1st february 2013.
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Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
So let me introduce myself to all those that dont know me :D

My name is Claire, blue, bb (whichever you prefer)
I am 29 years old, I'll be hitting the big 3-0 in may.
I'm currently single, very long story but that can wait until another post.
I have a bucket list! A list of things to do before I die, it has over 300 things on it. And I WILL complete them all at some point.
I like piercings and tattoos and have some of each.
My biggest dream is to have a baby and I know it will happen one day, this year it just wasn't meant to be :(
I run a small animal rescue from my home and that keeps me busy....you may be bombarded with animal pics, I apologise in advance.
I LOVE pretty dresses and girly things but honestly feel too fat to wear them so live in oversized jeans and t-shirts, this will change.
I talk A LOT! Ramble on and on and sometimes makes no sense but I'm friendly and nice to everyone so dont be scared to come talk to me if you want to :D


Silver Member
Aw hun its good to see you back on here, but so sorry to hear your news :( Hope you're ok xxx

I went back on exante last week, with out of date veg soups, lol, but can't hack soups for too long, so after 3 days I quit. But was payday yesterday so have some shakes & bars arriving between 11:24 and 12:24 (exactly!) today..... hehehe :D Although I won't be starting until sunday methinks, still in the mood for food, and went shopping yesterday so now have food to use up. Doh! But.... I did buy coke zero and bouillon and peppermint tea in preparation hehe :) It's just over a year ago since I first started, and I lost nearly 6st last year, but put most if not all of it back on! Oooopsie! But 2013 WILL be our year Blue!! :) Oooh talking of things you like/want to do, I really want a tattoo! I don't have any, and wont get any until I've lost enough weight, but I def want one :D Turning 25 in 18 days, so if I can have been on plan for at least 14 before then I'll be happy, think I'll start on sunday :) Hope you're ok blue, sorry for rambling on hehe!

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
Hey Steeleee :D Ramble away, I love hearing about how other people are doing.

I have a tattoo planned for when (see I said when not if!!) I lose all my weight. Do you have any ideas about what you'll have?

Good luck with your restart as well.
Hopefully 2013 WILL be our year.
We'll stick to this 100% together!


Full Member
Hello Hun I'm so sorry to hear ur news but good on u for coming back :) here's to an amazing 2013 for you. I'm so jealous u have a pet rescue in ur home I would love that :) I on day 5 of working solution as I can't not eat because I'm greedy lol. When I reach goal I'm going to get my red headed tinkerbell tattoo on my hip :) hope today's been a good day for u xxx
Aww Blue, sorry to hear about your loss chick xxx Big hugs to you.

I am glad you have come back :)
I kinda feel like I have been around a while too... nearly 2 years :eek:
Lets get to the maintainers section chick ;)

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
Thanks for your support everyone, it always means a lot.
And I know the exante gang are the friendliest on here :D
I hope you're all having a fabulous saturday.

So I'm half-way through day 2 and all is going well.
I needed something to focus on after my loss last week, my emotions are all over the place.
Exante is giving me that thing to focus on.

I need to start getting out of my home. I've been stuck at home for a week .... it's hard to face people when not only do you feel like a whale! but you've suffered a miscarriage. I feel awkward talking to people and keep crying as soon as someone is nice to me.

My goal for next week is to get outside in the fresh air at least once a day. Even if it's standing outside my front door for 30mins!
Yep it's a small thing to aim for but I like achievable goals :)
Thats great Blue... fresh air is a great thing to make you feel better :)
Do you live near a seaside, or similar ?
I always find that a nice walk along the coast as very theraputic to clear your head.
It doesn't have to be brisk or long... just a leisurely stroll to blow the cobwebs off :)
I actually quite like doing it when its raining too :eek::)


Silver Member
Hope all's going well blue! :) I shall be joining you and starting again tomorrow, properly this time :) lol! My shakes and bars arrived on friday, got the coke zero and bouillon and peppermint tea, so all set! 10hour shift tomorrow in work though, so probably not the best day to start, but I'm doing it! :) Hope you're ok :)

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
@marge - I live in a teeny tiny village, lots of green and walking trails around here. I think the fact that the place is so small makes it harder to go out, everyone knows everyone else so all the people I bump into will know what's happened.
But I really do need to start getting out so I will force myself if I have to!
Still haven't learnt to ride a bike yet, that'll be next on my list :)

@Steeleee.....good luck for tomorrow. Maybe doing a 10 hour shirt will help you on your first day? Less time to think about being hungry :)
I'm doing alright.
We're gonna get slim this year I can tell!


Gold Member
Hi Blue, so sorry about your news, be gentle with yourself and let your emotions out wherever the heck you like! . Glad you've rejoined us and I really admire your focus. Good for you getting Out and about in the daylight (I daren't say sunshine these days). Cycling is a great way of getting around and getting fit in the meantime. Have you got a bike? Good luck hon, get stuck into Exante and the weight will be gone in no time.


Silver Member
Can you drive? If so, go to a place not too far from home, where nobody will know you, and go for a walk there.... I like marge's idea of walking by the sea, even in winter, when I lived in Aberystwyth I loved walking up and down the prom.

Thanks blue :) Am hoping it might be easier, but then my job is fairly boring, and inactive, and there is a coffee machine that does yummy hot chocolate..... so will have to resist and just take 2 packs in with me, and make sure I have one first thing, because then I cant use the "I haven't started because I haven't had my first pack, so lets just have a sneaky pack of crisps" excuse! :D Going to pop to boots tomorrow aswell to do a weigh in, not looking forward to it tbf, but I am being optimistic and hoping that I haven't put ALL the weight back on :)


Gold Member
Re tattoo designs, before the diet I was discussing a design for a tattoo with my OH, it's my own design with the earth at the centre. He said "yes dear, you could have a hemisphere on each buttock". Bum the size of a planet huh... Ill show him...
Hi Blue,

Sorry you have had such a bad time. I really admire your resolve to get back on Exante and make the changes you desire.

I'm fairly new to the forums at 4 weeks but find them a lifeline when struggling.

Looking forward to your posts!



Silver Member
BB I'm so sorry for your loss :( as far as all the research I've read weight is a factor but very small, it's much for likely factor for a late miscarriage or stillbirth.. as for a miscarriage it's nearly always that the baby spontaneously passed, and would have whether you were 10 stone, 20 stone or 30 stone. Please don't think you contributed to this, your amazing and you will lose the weight xxx


Silver Member
Blue, how's it going? :)

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
*sneaks back in*
Well that didn't quite go to plan, the restart that is. I've not been about because a) the re-start didn't go to plan! and b) my laptop died, I now have a nice new shiny purple one, woo!

Anyway I am back with updates!
- I am re-re-re-re-re-re-re starting today. The 7th of march.
- I know how much I weigh and it aint a pretty number! I'm going to be brave and put it in my stats though as when I start losing I like to see the weight go down.
- I'd been for tests over the last few months and it turns out I have something called sleep apnoea which is probably caused by my weight so this weight needs to come off for my health, right now!
- I'm actually going through a really stressful time right now. Last November I was sexually assaulted and just tried to get on with things and push it to the back of my mind.
It's recently come to light that the person who hurt me has hurt others and I've been in contact with lots of them. We have all started going to the police and it is so hard to keep talking about something that I just want to forget about.
I feel I needed to write about it here in my diary because if I bring it up at a later date people wont get confused.
I also needed to write about it just to get it out of my head a little bit. I'm going to be stressed while the whole police thing is going on and I use my diary to totally over-share.

So there you go.
I'm back and more determined than ever to sort my weight out.
I'll probably only weigh-in once a month because I don't have any scales yet.

I hope you are all doing good.
Oh I cant use smilies anymore. I've got the new new windows on my laptop and minis doesn't like it, so I've had to change something and it means I cant use smilies.....I'm devastated!!!

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
And one more thing....
When I was at the hospital getting weighed and measured the doctor told me I am 5'6 not 5'5 like I thought. So I'm an inch taller, go me!


Gold Member
Oh my goodness, you've had a horrible time, there's more than enough reason to have fallen off the diet wagon. But it's great that you've come back and you're restarting today, I'm sure this time you'll fare much better.

As for the assault, I'm so glad you and the other victims have gone to the police and hopefully they will prevent anyone else from suffering. I was assaulted when I was 16 and I didnt report it as it was someone I was at school with, but it's stayed with me always and I blamed myself for years. Obviously you're in contact with the other victims but have you considered counselling too? It can really help to talk to a complete outsider, someone that's trained to help you work through all the feelings you're having. I went for therapy over a decade later and it really helped me sort everything out in my head.

Anyway, good luck for the restart x

Blue Butterfly

Gold Member
Hey Jael, thanks for your reply :)
I'm so sorry you suffered assault too, it's awful. But I'm glad you got counselling and are doing good now.
My doctor has said she wants me to go and see a counsellor but we'll see.
I've got to go and give my official statement at the police station next Tuesday, I just want that out the way then I'll think about doctors/counselling.

I've just got my brother to take some photos of me so I have some 'before' shots. Going to take some every month I think so I can compare each month with the last and see the differences (I hope)

I turn 30 in may, nooooooooooooo, I don't feel that old!
Anyway, we have a family holiday booked for 13th - 20th may. It's only to great Yarmouth but I LOVE the seaside and we cant go too far because my mum is disabled and ill. The week away will be for my birthday and hers (17th and 20th)
I'm really looking forward to it but I'm a little gutted that I didn't lose more weight before we go.
I keep thinking 'if I'd started in feb I could have lost x stones by now' Got to stop thinking like that I know as it will only make me feel bad.

Today is going great so far.
Don't feel hungry so haven't had any packs yet but I've had 2 litres of water already.