Body Dysmorphic Disorder BBC1 last night...think I should have been on it!!

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by Isobel1965, 17 May 2007 Social URL.

  1. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    Did anyone see it last night??

    It was a documentary following two young women and a fella. One of the women had 'forced' her family to spend 65grand on plastic surgery for her, as she couldn't function because she felt too ugly without it (after a skin condition, I think).

    The second woman was absolutely gorgeous, sexy voice, highly intelligent etc but wore very thick makeup and covered her face with her hair, as she thought she looked like a man. Both woman, I might add, were complete skinny minnies!!

    The fella wore shades all the time as he thought he had huge black rings under his eyes - he didn't. He was fine!

    It was absolutely fascinating and appalling to see how what they thought of themselves affected their everyday life and tbh crippled them. The fella who was making the programme, Emeka, was fabulous at encouraging the people to take each more 'adventurous' step and two out of three of them made huge progress, which was delightful.

    I sat and watched it with my bloke and we were both saying - oh poor people, what are they on about, they're gorgeous! - when I realised that some of what they were doing, saying wasn't so strange to me after all.

    If I had to walked down the street with NO foundation or eye makeup on, I couldn't look anyone in the eye.

    I would want to wear sunglasses and a hat.

    I would try to hide my eyes behind my hair as much as possible.

    If I lost my makeup bag, I would PANIC and have to send someone to the shop to get me replacements.

    No man has ever seen me without mascara. No man ever will.

    When I look at myself without foundation and eye makeup, I don't see a 42 year old woman. I see me as the chubby faced, rosy-red cheeked fat girl who was crippled with embarrassment because she was so ugly and huge when compared with her dainty classmates (except this child has now got appalling wrinkles!).

    My confidence comes purely from wearing my makeup. I know that I can look ok when I've got my mask of defence on. But, this is one of the reasons that I hate going to the hairdressers - that I'm forced to sit for hours, trying to avoid my face in the mirror that's confronting me. I cannot look in that mirror if anyone's talking to me, as I am horrified at the way my lips twist when I'm talking.

    This is all so 'natural' to me that I was surprised when my fella looked concerned when I was discussing it (although I suppose, I've never really talked about it before) - it just made me wonder how many of us felt like I do?

    It's not just me, is it????


    xxx
     
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  3. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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  4. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    That's definitely me Issy.
    I CANNOT go out without face make-up ... not even to go to the corner shop. I have a big thing about my eyes and the saggy upper lids: I think I look like that cartoon character 'Droopy' dog and I dream of having surgery to put them right. I avoid eye contact with people because of it.

    I don't ever think it's possible for me to look 'nice' .... with effort, I can sometimes look 'passable'.
    The thing is, I focus on one area I dislike and if I do something to improve that, then the focus just shifts to something else I dislike. I just have to accept that no matter what I do, I'll probably never be truly happy with what I see in the mirror.

    I'm just glad I'm in a happy marriage with a bloke who loves me ... I can't imagine that anyone could be attracted to me if I were footloose and fancy free.

    It doesn't cripple my life though ... I've learned to accept there are other facets of me: character, personality etc and I think those are ok :)
     
  5. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    Yup - totally have the same kind of feelings, Debbie. I almost feel like I've lived a life of lies tbh as I've mastered the defence mechanism of appearing confident and well-groomed so long as I've got my slap on.

    The thought of having to strip off those layers of protection is just too horrifying!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  6. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    God bless Max factor!!
     
  7. htpink

    htpink CDC

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    I've never had a problem going to the shop with no make up or my husband seeing me au naturel. I've actually always liked the hairdressers because i get to see my face without it being impacted by the size of my body!

    Even at my point of lowest self esteem my downer was what a failure i was and how i had wasted my life - i didn't think i was attractive at all but i didn't feel "ugly".

    The fact i have always breen fat has always diluted whether or not i have a pretty face - yes i 've always made the best of it i can but i've always felt that my attractiveness has always been tempered by my weight.

    Interestingly though for the year or so i was slim was my lowest self esteem (marriage break up - feelings of failure) - for me my personality and my insecurities then became more important - and i kind of dismissed the outside package.

    Now however, i have worked on my self esteem - despite being a couple of stone overweight i feel great and attractive and sexy - but i think that is because i feel successful and secure - losing the weight is no longer the magic wand to my life and personality that i treated it as before - its just the icing on the cake!

    Keep working at it - it is worth it!
     
  8. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I rarely wear makeup, but not because I think I don't need it. Perhaps I'm comfortable in my ugliness:D

    I'm not sure that is Body dsymorphia:confused: Knowing your not attractive, but coming to terms with it?

    Same goes for the fat. I know I feel a lot bigger than I am. Sometimes I feel slimmer but I am 'size ^/)&' which is a size made especially for people who have lost a lot of weight. The size on the label is the same as for others, but it magically fits even though you know you you're not really that small:rolleyes::D
     
  9. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    I know what you mean about magic sizes, KD!

    I've been thinking about this all morning and am still struggling to get my head around my own 'hang-ups'.

    Is it because I am (believe it or not!) a natural blonde and so have blonde/invisible eyelashes and eyebrows (don't get me started on my eyebrows - to my eternal shame, they don't look like everyone else's - they 'stop' way before they should so I have to use eyepencil to 'fill' them in. Can't believe I've just put that on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    When I was growing up, all the pictures of beautiful women seemed to be brunettes or blondes with dark lashes/brows and I just looked so alien compared to them and to everyone around me. I can't shake off that feeling of 'strangeness'.

    All around me are adverts for thick, glossy mascaras - the darker the better - dramatic, sweeping raven's wings that will improve your life (yada yada) but nowhere is the image of blonde/transparent lashes/brows held up to be a sign of acceptable beauty. So I cheat and experiment and hope like hell that nobody can see through my 'lies'.

    Some of the most toe-curlingly, cringe-worthy moments of hot shame flushing through my body like a tidal wave have been when pupils or drunk men have asked me why I 'draw' in my eyebrows. It's just too horrific to recall those moments! What can I say? I'm a natural blonde and I have an eyebrow disability?????? It's just too horrid because it makes me feel even more different and ugly.

    I haven't yet come to terms with it deep down although on a daily basis, it's just something I've got used to.

    I can't even go to a beauty salon and have my lashes/brows tinted. Tried that. Far too severe in the humiliation factor as the therapist always look so surprised and then they'd see me au naturel! EEEK!
     
    Last edited: 17 May 2007
  10. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    I didn't see the programme last night but by the way you describe the second woman, I think I saw her and her boyfriend on Lorraine Kelly's programme last week. If it is the same person, I agree that she's absolutely beautiful and most people would be amazed how she feels about herself and the way she looks.

    I don't think I've got Body Dysmorphic Disorder as such - but I absolutely NEVER go out without wearing make-up! The very idea would never occur to me. The first thing I do each morning is put on full make-up .. even if I don't have any clients to see .. as I know I'll be going out at some point during the day - even if it's just to the shop for a pint of (skimmed) milk!

    Maybe it is because I'm trying to 'hide' something (the wrinkles most likely), but by and large I think it's because I simply believe I look better with make-up than without it. As for my eyebrows, that's actually a contentious subject for me too - and the reason why I wear a fringe. I hate mine .. always have done! .. and nothing I've ever been able to do has made them a 'decent' shape. I'm thinking of having them professionally shaped, but I really don't think there's enough for a beautician to work on and improve them. I am planning to go and see about having them 'threaded' just to see whether it makes any real difference .. but I doubt it.

    As for clothes sizes, they just vary so much that it's almost meaningless these days to stress about what size you are! Depending on the shop/brand I'm anything from a size 10 to 14. I think it's such a well-accepted fact now that clothes sizes are such an inexact 'science' that I simply can't get worked up about whether I can fit into one size from one manufacturer and not by another. It's all just one great big fashion con IMHO :rolleyes:
     
  11. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Though mine are sort of mid brown, they stick out. They are long but don't lie flat . They also seem sparse too. Filling in with an eyebrow pencil doesn't seem to work as I have too many bald spaces. Just looks like I've coloured in the gaps.

    It's so odd really. I look at your avatar and you really are gorgeous:confused: I'm not just saying that. Honest. But if you feel you aren't attractive, then you most certainly have BD!!

    I was constantly told as a child that I wasn't a pretty child. I couldn't help it, but it was just something I had to live with.

    When I fell in love with DH, my mother was shocked. He wasn't the most attractive fish in the sea. She couldn't understand why I would have chosen him. After all, she told me..."you could have done better than that!"

    Umm. Couldn't understand what she was on about.:confused: Surely and ugly girl feels only too chuffed to get a partner, regardless on what he looks like.:confused:

    She did grow very fond of him, despite his looks;)
    Awww Issy!
     
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