Broody

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by zombiecakes, 14 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    I used to loathe children and swore i never wanted one! I'm not even a maternal kind of person (cept with cats/dogs/lizards)

    However, a few months ago a switch just seemed to flick and i'm broody as hell! To the point of crying with jealousy when someone at work announced they were pregnant (in private of course)

    Why does this happen?! And what can help (besides having one!)

    I've never met a man i'd consider "father-material", but then i met my bf. Not only is he perfect for me, but i know he would make a fantastic dad, so this isn't helping at all. Neither is the fact his sister is pregnant so when we visit the in laws (who i love) there's tonnes of baby stuff about.


    I'm sat looking for a crochet pattern for a baby hat (for incoming auntie duties) and crying...Am i nuts?!
     
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  3. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    I can not say why the switch has flicked I can only tell you that my son, now an adult, is the most important thing ever to have happened to me in my life. It is a unique and very special feeling and relationship. It is different to anything else I have ever experienced.

    My DH is my life at this point in my life but the relationship with your child is different and apart.

    If you and your BF have a good and steady relationship and are in the position to, could you talk about having a baby ???

    I wish you well in whatever you do.

    hugs xxxxx
     
  4. RubyMoss

    RubyMoss Silver Member

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    Zombiecakes!

    I am exactly the same right now!
    I've never wanted kids - my younger siblings have always been enough to put me off! ;)

    However, the past year I've REALLY started to want a baby. Not to the point I'd actually start trying for one, but really considering within the next couple of years. I still feel too young to be a parent (I won't be 22 until November) but my mother had me at 21, and I'm starting to just feel like I'd love to be a mother. I'm not sure whether it's because so many of my friends are pregnant/have had children, but I just cannot stop feeling broody!

    I can't sympathise with how emotional this gets you but it just shows that you're in a good place for thinking about having children - you're obviously with the right guy and obviously mentally prepared!

    I hope that whatever you decide to do that you and your partner are happy! :D

    xxxxx
     
  5. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    We've talked and he's certainly not adverse (in fact he's another converted "i'm never having children" type), well he's even keen. But he's about to hand in his PhD thesis (hence looking for a job v shortly) and i've got another 7 months to go (so again i'd have to be looking for a job). Even if we were in a position i wouldn't like to be in the lab with all the chemicals and gases etc and be pregnant (just incase).

    So it's not practical for us atm :( Which makes me cry even more. He even said we can try in a year, but again that doesn't seem practical. I mean i'll get my PhD next year then move onto a "career" which ofc takes a few years to build up stability... so when do you have time for kids? :( Ack! I never thought i'd have these type of feelings/"problems"
     
  6. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    There is never a "right" time to have kids, but equally, there is never a "wrong" time either. Maybe if it is something you are still very focussed on when your PHD is coming to an end, you could try then, and then start your career officially when your baby is a year or so old? There are so many good childcare options available to working mums these days and with careful management, it IS possible to do both. You are in a very good position, you will be incredibly well qualified, you and your DP will be able to earn good incomes, and even if that means you live on one salary for a couple of years, if it is what you both want, then it is absolutely do-able.

    I went through a whole HEAP of broody when we were ttc DD1. It took 4 years and eventually fertility treatment to get there, but every friend/relative who announced a pregnancy, every cute little bundle of baby I passed on the street, every little kid whose mother was screaming at them and wrestling them around in the supermarket, was like another stab in the chest and a mockery of why I couldnt have one and they could. I dont think I ever felt emotional pain like it.

    Fillymum is right, having children is an experience like no other. You are young, you have so much potential, and you are a capable woman. There will always be a million reasons not to have children, but other than actually not wanting them, there arent any that cannot be overcome and dealt with.

    (((hugs)))
     
  7. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    Thank you all. You're right MLM, i guess there is never a "right" time. I guess i'm just finding these feelings a bit hard to deal with :(

    I've never even held a baby, so i guess feeling that i want one makes me very confused!
     
  8. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

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    I just want to echo everything mlm has said including the heart breaking pain of trying for a baby for 5 years with 3 misscarries but he was worth every minute of it.
    I think hun the reason your switch has switched is cause you have met a man you want to have children with.
    I would say if you feel strongly enough that him telling you to wait makes you want to cry you shouldn't wait. you can pick your career up at any time.
    my children are 9 and 2 and now i'm starting to think about a career and me time when my son is older but i have to train you already have that advantage.
    theres never a right time hun we never have enough money but having children is the best thing i have ever done they touch my life daliy and I often wonder what I did before them.
     
  9. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    i was never bothered about kids until i met my OH. being with the right person makes a big difference. Now we have 2 beautiful daughters aged 10 and 6 who i wouldnt be without,much as they drive me nuts sometimes.

    There isnt a right or wrong time-we made sure we did a couple of travel related things before we started 'trying' just so we wouldnt look back and regret missing out IYKWIM,but i know we'd have been ok if things had happened in a different order-believe me if you got pregnant tomorrow you WOULD cope .

    Good luck whatever happens
     
  10. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    Thank you :)

    He didn't tell me to wait, i'm just crying because i have to, because really it is very impractical for us now :(
     
  11. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

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    i guess it makes sense to wait maybe you will find it easier if you think about this as prep time get your body and diet healthy ready for a baby do a few things you want to do. a year will fly by hun ((( )))
     
  12. *Cupcake*

    *Cupcake* is working hard.....

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    I STILL get broody at the ripe old age of 39. Given the right man (got that bit proper wrong) and the right plumbing I'm sure I'd have had more children but fate had other ideas!

    Being a mum is actually my greatest achievement, and I totally understand how the urge *gets* you.

    There is no 'right' time and no 'wrong' time. I'd advise you to talk things through with your OH and set out a plan for you both that will meet all your needs as you see them. Time will fly by and what seems impossible today, can often be perfect tomorrow.

    I'm sorry you are feeling so emotional right now - that's normal, and there is no harm in a good cry! You are doing positive things with your health by losing weight and your time will come. It will.

    Take care hon, xx :hug99:
     
  13. Lovely_Laura

    Lovely_Laura Moooooo

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    As the others have said there may never be a perfect time to have babies. There will always be more money to save, more plans to be made etc. Equally though there can be worse times to go ahead with it. As you say, you'd be concerned with your studies and though no one can ever really afford to start a family if you look at the cost of everything there will come a point when your partner is in work when it's do able, however much it won't seem like it.

    I had my babies young, I was in my first year of uni when I met my husband who was on a post grad course and we had our first straight away. I didn't even complete my first year which I regret but then we didn't exactly plan it to happen.:rolleyes: I love my boys dearly and can't imagine life without them BUT it would have been easier to wait, have a house, have a job and all that other stuff. I also had an awful lot of growing up to do and missed out on finding who I was first though of course I thought I knew it all. :giggle:

    I'm not saying this to put you off but just to say I understand your need to wait. Yes you're broody now and it must be really hard but like a lot of feelings it may ease a bit once you have a plan and know it's something you'll do when you're ready. Babies are wonderful but they grow up and get harder! Be at a point where you're happy with your life/career and they'll be an added wonder which you wonder how you ever did without.:)
     
  14. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    Thank you all so much everyone :)

    I feel a bit better this morning. No less broody, but a better mood :)

    It's definitely sensible to wait, even in a year we'll both be Dr's (not the medical variety) and (hopefully) in decent jobs, therefore it's a much more practical time to actually consider acting on these feelings. Trying to be positive and think that a year will pass quickly and i won't get too upset over things. :)
     
  15. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    Also my careers not something i can put on hold for at least the next 6-9 months because it's a PhD and i have to get it finished (time wise, funding wise and hell my sanity wise).
     
  16. RubyMoss

    RubyMoss Silver Member

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    Understandable - wait and see how you feel about things once your PhD is over and done with - things might seem a little clearer then, and you might be so busy that your mind is taken far away from babies!

    It'll all make sense in the end, and you'll know when it's right lovely xxxx
     
  17. tarka

    tarka Full Member

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    Oh I know exactly where you're coming from zombiecakes. I'm 33 and up until December last year when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant I'd never even thought about having babies! I'd been a little broody from time to time but that was it. And so having taken a month to get my head around and get used to and happy about the idea (even excited!) we found out I was having a miscarriage. Devisating can't even describe it. So yes I've gone from never being that fussed to being all out obsessed to the point that it's all I can think about sometimes (and worry that I'm getting older). I'm taking the time to loose weight now so I'm not branded as one of the NHS "at risk" pregnancies when it does eventually happen again and that's what's helping me keep sane(ish)!. The others are right though, you'll know when it's a right time for you and if that means that you focus on yourselves (some "us" time) and your PHD now then everything will slot into place later :)
     
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  19. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    Thank you <3 This helped to read.

    I'm so sorry about your loss though :( Good luck with the weight loss and i hope you get another chance soon /hugs
     
  20. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    You say you've never even held a baby. Is there any way that you could look after one for an afternoon?I'm saying this because altho your hormones are raging now, the reality of a baby is something else! They are bl**dy hard work. 24/7 commitment and in the first 6 months can put a real strain on your relationship no matter how much you and OH love each other. Would I be without mine? No, I am very proud of both mine. But you never stop worrying about them .And my baby's 34!
     
  21. zombiecakes

    zombiecakes Will be slinky!

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    Well at the end of Sept i get to be an auntie, so i was kind of hoping it would stop the broody (not make it worse) /fingers crossed
     
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