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Diary of a Fat Mam

Discussion in 'Slimming World - Weight Loss Diary' started by MidlandsChick, 2 July 2014 Social URL.

  1. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    RIGHT. Where do I start? Food has been my friend since I was little. It's the first thing I turn to when anything goes wrong. Or right. Or when I'm bored. Or sad. Or happy. Or tired. Or full of energy. Or it's a day with a Y in it.

    As a result, I ended up over 13 stone at the age of 20, met my now husband, got pregnant, and kept gaining after I had our son until I joined Weightwatchers with a friend in June 2011, and stepped on the scales to see 16 stone 4 looking up at me. I cried, my leader told me I'd never have to see that on a scales again, and I went home with my starter pack and my head swimming with propoints. Over the next 8 months I lost almost 3 stone, and started to feel guilty about it because the friend I'd joined with wasn't losing. Every pound I lost, she put on, and I felt bad for losing weight. I didn't have a particularly good leader, either. She didn't like cooking and didn't like drinking water, didn't see the point of exercise. Eventually my friend stopped going and so did I (so did the leader), because I felt lost on my own. I don't drive so I also felt like a burden on family by asking them to bring me to my meeting. I continued the plan at home for a while, but then life got in the way. My father-in-law was terminally ill and needed care from us all. I was also getting married that October (2012)- and I gave up smoking in June after seeing what it had done to him. He died 6 weeks before our wedding, and I got married at just over 15 stone. I tried again with Weightwatchers a few times - I even updated on here - but I would always last about 3-4 weeks and then get really sick of it. Sick of pointing, counting - I got completely obsessive about food and I was spending points on my old friends crisps, alcohol, chocolate, pastries, crackers, coke. Then in February 2013, I found out I was pregnant.

    We were overjoyed - our eldest was 9, so it was such happy news to finally be able to give him a little brother or sister. I decided to knuckle down and stop treating my body like a dustbin, but I indulged every single Kebab craving. I didn't weigh myself throughout my pregnancy, I didn't want to know. In July 2013, I went for a routine scan and heard the words - "I think I see another head". At 7 months pregnant, I found out we were having twins (totally outed myself there to anyone who knows me). What followed were 2 months of shock, panic, exhaustion and finally a planned c-section at 38 weeks that resulted in two healthy non-ID baby boys in October 2013.

    For the first 12 weeks after they were born, food went out the window. We lived on stuff grabbed from the chipper, or sandwiches, or a packet of chocolate digestives split at 4am. I needed instant energy - both my husband and I put on weight. I tried again with weightwatchers, but I wasn't able to do the grocery shop for the first 4 weeks so you can imagine what my husband came home with. I don't mean to insult any men, I'm sure some are excellent at doing a weekly shop - mine is unfortunately not one of them! When I did get back on my feet, I went overboard with soups & salads & stir fries for about 3 weeks, then the novelty wore off again. I lost and gained the same 6-10 lbs several times over the past few months. The few cans on a Saturday night, chinese on a Friday, and Fry on a Sunday became more of a routine than I'd like to admit. I'd buy packets of things specifically to eat when my husband wasn't at home. I was basically having an affair with jumbo packets of Thai Chilli Crisps, rolls of mini cheddars, and bags of pistachios. I'd eat them so quick I didn't even taste them.

    So where does it leave me now? I weighed myself last Thursday and I was 17 stone 4. Something clicked - the same thing that clicked when I gave up smoking (I haven't smoked since the day I stubbed out my last one over 2 years ago) - if I keep doing this, there's a possibility I could die. I could get a heart attack or a stroke and leave 3 young children without a mother. I read a piece from a man who had lost his wife to cancer 6 months earlier and his pain lept off the page. That woman didn't have a choice - I do. I can stop this cycle now, and I need to.

    I'm not even sure if anyone will read this (fair play to you if you've read it all), but I need to waffle and ramble for my own sanity. I'm a Stay-at-home-Mum to the boys (eldest is 9, twins are 9mths) and I want to be here to see them grow up. I don't want someone to have to show them one of the very few pictures of me and ask them if they remember me.

    A few weeks ago my son came home from school and said "I don't like that boy Jamie". I asked why, and he replied "Because he said you were fat".


    No more Fat Mam x
    Last edited: 15 February 2015
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  3. tamkat

    tamkat Full Member

    I really admire you for taking control of your life & being so honest,you have a lot going on with 9 month twins so to address your weight at this time takes courage & from what you said you really sound like you mean it :) I can really relate to a lot of what you said especially the eating multipacks of stuff without hubby knowing,im guilty of this too & of binge eating.I wish you all the best on your journey x
  4. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Thanks so much tamkat, thank you for reading! I do mean it but I've meant it before and that's what worries me, I go bald-headed into things and then I shun them altogether. Always have. Trying this time to break old bad habits and fit SW into bad days as well as good.

    Going to go for a walk this morning, the double buggy is murder to push on a country road but I got a pedometer and I want to see how many steps I can clock up today :)
  5. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    I'm going to keep my food diary in here instead too, so that I just have one topic to keep track of.

    Today's Menu: (Subject to Change)

    2 hard-boiled eggs with 2 slices of Hovis Nimble (HEb) and 10g Dairygold light (2 Syns).

    Lettuce, beetroot, pickled onions, 40g mozzarella grated (HEa), leftover sweetcorn, leftover peas, ham, leftover roast chicken bits.

    Creamy Chicken Curry with Boiled Rice & Spinach (SW recipe).

    Packet of Skips (17g) - 4.5 Syns

    2-3 litres.

    Walk 4.09km, used Map My Walk app. My pedometer reset itself halfway home, BOO!

    Last edited: 3 July 2014
  6. goose

    goose Silver Member

    You can do it gorgeous!! And with twins its not easy so i admire your courage. I have an 8 month old and find thst hard enough! Dont give up... Do it for your babies xxx
  7. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Thanks so much Goose, I'm definitely doing it for my kids as well as myself, don't want them to have a Mam with no energy who's not able to do stuff with them, also don't want them to grow up around bad eating habits, I did and it had a huge effect on me, I was never told NO.

    Quite proud of the fact that there's been a multipack of crisps in the house since Sunday and I haven't touched them :)
  8. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Today was a good day! The creamy chicken tikka was AMAZING. Never buying a sauce in a jar again! I have a bag of Skips for later on if I want them, but I've hidden them so I know they're there if I want them but I won't be eating them just because they're in front of me. Also ordered new trackie bottoms and a hoodie from the sale section on Littlewoods, I couldn't find anything decent to go walking in this morning.
  9. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Busy morning this morning, Fridays were always my danger days on any other plan I tried. It's my grocery day and I never seem to have time for breakfast before getting the kids up & fed & ready for the road - anyway, here's today so far.

    Nut Cereal Bar (6 Syns).

    Mid-Morning Snack after shopping
    Banana, bottle of water & some cherries & gooseberries.

    Leftover chicken curry from last night with leftover sweetcorn.
    Mullerlight toffee with 20g Nestle Tip Top Spray Cream (3 Syns) and an apple.

    60g of a wholemeal sub roll from Aldi (HEb) with 30g cheddar cheese (HEa), 2 slices ham, a gherkin. Side salad with crunchy lettuce, grated carrot, rocket, cucumber, gherkins, spring onions & fat-free vinaigrette.

    2 litres

    Hunger Attack!
    2 slices of ham, 2 clementines, a banana, 250ml low fat super milk (had a second HEa by accident so 6 Syns for this).

    Last edited: 4 July 2014
  10. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    This is the first night I'm really hungry and in danger of going for the bread, very nearly went for a sandwich - had a glass of milk and maxed out my syns (forgot I had already used my HEa, duh) and I don't want to go over on the first week. Had two oranges, a banana, and two slices of ham - should have put on some SW chips an hour ago, too late now. To bed I think :/ Note to self - plan for Fridays better.
  11. Rae Rae

    Rae Rae Gold Member

    You sound so positive, good luck on your journey. Can't wait to hear your first weigh in result :)
  12. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Thanks so much Rae Rae, I really need and want to do this, I'm loving the plan so far, I can see that this is something all the family could do for life :)
  13. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Saturday's Food

    Breakfast (11.45am after my walk)
    3 eggs, scrambled, with a dash of skimmed milk (0.5 Syns) and spring onions. 60g of a wholemeal sub roll (HEb) 3 grilled bacon medallions, 1 tblsp extra light mayonnaise (0.5 Syns), tomato, lettuce. Green tea

    Mid-afternoon Snack
    Gooseberries, raspberries, strawberries, cherries, cappuccino Mullerlight, 10g Nestle spray cream (1.5 Syns)

    Baked potato with 30g cheddar (HEa) mixed leaves, grated carrot, beetroot, 1 slice ham, cucumber, spring onion, cherry tomatoes, fat-free vinaigrette.

    Chicken breast with Maggi So Tender Papyrus sheet (1.5 Syns), Lidl dry chow mein noodles, blue dragon chinese vegetables, soy sauce. Can of Coke Zero.

    Snack Watching Film
    Manhattan Popcorn, 30g bag (6.5 Syns)

    5km with the kids, pushing double buggy.

    2 litres

    Last edited: 5 July 2014
  14. kfowler87

    kfowler87 Full Member

    I'm new on here and just reading some diaries for inspiration! Good on you Hun, you sound so determined, I wish you all the luck in the world! I know your story so well in terms of the 'secret eating' and turning to food for all occasions, but you've had a great start so long may it continue! If it's ok with you in will keep checking back and hopefully you can send some will power vibes my way :)
  15. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    Hi! Thanks so much for reading, and thanks for the good luck :) I'd love if you checked back in, please let me know if you have any threads I can pop by to support you on too xx
  16. Rae Rae

    Rae Rae Gold Member

    How's your day been? Food looks fab xx
  17. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    I had a really good day today, thank you! I'm trying to aim for 3 -4 walks a week and build up the exercise from there, I'm really unfit at the minute and don't want to push too soon. Food wise everything was good, I want to try some different recipes over the weekend though :) xx
  18. Rae Rae

    Rae Rae Gold Member

    Sounds fab, well done xx
  19. RosiePops

    RosiePops Gold Member


    Just wanted to pop by and say good luck with everything :) you sound really determined! I know we all do at the beginning but you have this thread to look back on in moments of weakness, to remind you why you're doing it all!
    I love trying new recipes to keep me on track- dont get me wrong, they don't always work out, but its good to try! Xx
    Edited to add: I find having cold roast veg (carrots, peppers, tomatoes, sweet potato) is handy to snack on, bulk out omelettes etc.
    boiled eggs are strangely satisfying when I'm peckish too..
    Lastly, I keep parboiled potato wedges in the fridge (drained/dried completely). They can also be added to omelettes for bulk or whacked in a hot oven for quick chips. They never last long between me and my OH so not sure how long they would keep but a good few days I should expect... Hope this helps!
    Last edited: 5 July 2014
  20. MidlandsChick

    MidlandsChick Full Member

    The cold roast veg is a fantastic idea, I have some a roast chicken in the oven for dinner and I think I will do that, it's also something the boys could munch on! The wedges are a great idea too, anything that saves time is a bonus in my book! Thank you for all the suggestions x
  21. Elvisfan4life

    Elvisfan4life Silver Member

    Im new too and think you are amazing...i dont have kids but other than at your story is similar to mine..food is my comfort in times of stress and pain and ive had too many of them...im on SW too and still finding my way sometimes buying and eating the wrong things but im in it for the long haul...keep going you are doing great

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