Bullying and fat issues.... how did we get here?

Discussion in 'Calorie Counting' started by serafyn, 8 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. serafyn

    serafyn Full Member

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    I wanted to start a thread, certainly not for sympathy, but for us all to share why we are larger or what has happened in the past about our weight issues. It is something I have never spoken about to anyone and I sort of wanted to get it out there in a hope to maybe resolving how I feel about myself..in an effort to move forward with my weight loss.

    When I was born I was a big baby, I have photos of myself next to my sister and I look massive even as a 2 month old! I had a huge strudy head and was a big baby. I remember as a child even being embarassed by that photo and how my sister looked slim and pretty as a 4 yr old next to me (ridiculous I know). Then growing up in the 80's my family life wasn't exactely supportive in any of the things I did at school, so I stopped sharing school life with them. In fact I was a larger child, I think even my bones were larger than most peoples. I was also bored alot as a child and was fairly greedy! I loved food plus used to comfort eat terribly. From the start of Secondary school I rememeber the bullying starting. One of my first memories of being in the first year, this was when I had to take a message to a maths teacher, little did I know that he was weighing every child that walked through the door that day, as part of a maths investigation. I delievered the message and all the children were braying for me to 'mount the scales', as that was the fate of everyone who entered the classroom. I was terrified! The teacher asked the class to guess how much I weighed and one boy shouted 8 stone, 'don't be ridiculous' said the teacher 'if we are going to etimate and weigh people then I want you to make serious suggestions' You have to remember this was about 1980 when children were generally thinner and smaller, most of my friends weighed about 6 stone and I know that today that isn't alot of weight for an 11 yr old child, or maybe it is I dunno, however the maths teacher seemed to think this was a ridiculous amount of weight for a child.

    So with sheer blind terror I mounted the scales and yes I was bang on 8 stone...

    'oh' said the maths teacher, 'thats unfortunate'. I then fled the classroom in floods of tears. I don't even know if he ever caught up with me to try to put anything right, it's just something that sticks in my head. Then thoughout school life I was picked on by one boy in particular, my nickname with him was 'rumparse', he thought my backside was massive and used to shout that name at any given opportunity. I thought about telling my parents but somehow bullying wasn't dealt with much back then and I thought if I was bullied it was my fault for being so fat. Now you'd think I would become anorexic but I didn't lol I turned to food even more. There was no food I didn't like and when I tried to give it up I became depressed and have to deal with that instead.

    Then when I was older I got a boyfriend whom I loved very much, I managed to keep to about 10 stone because I didn't want him to dump me, turned out that evetually I dumped him as he was very destructive. Then I met my husband and I slipped into old ways of eating a whole tub of ice cream at one sitting etc and soon gained weight after the birth of our children. My father rang me one day and said I needed to get back to work and called me a 'fat lazy slob', so I did return to work, even though I had two babies to look after... he has since left my life (my father), but I partly blamed the weight for a while but now think it's his problem not mine. Is it any wonder I didn't share that I was bullied so badly at school?

    Then a few years back I decided to tackle the weight issue once and for all. I had four stones to lose and went on the Cambridge diet. I lost most of it and joined a gym, became alot more confident, but then for some reason I got hate mail through the post saying I was still fat! I even went to the police about it because they were sending me pics of fatter ladies off the internet, the police were unhelpful really. This put me right back and I needed the food again and I slipped back into old ways. I put the weight all back on and I can't face the Cambridge diet again :(.....

    So I'm here calorie counting and trying to get my head around my weight. Yesreterday I went to Marks and Spencers, just about managed to squeeze my 'fat backside' into a size 16 :( Looked at the cellulite on my thighs at the back and broke down in tears. Now I know there are bigger ladies than me, but I truely hate my body. I am broad shouldered and thick limbed, sometimes I think I look like a womble lol. I find it hard to get my chuby legs in all the lovely zip up boots this autumn, all my mates are in leggings and boots and I would look obscene :(, I can't even do up the zips on them. When things fail in my life I always say 'it's because I'm fat' if a boy used to dump me it would be because I'm fat etc....

    The reason I'm sharing this is that I'm not good at the weightloss thing, since the maths incident I do not share my weight with anyone, not even the doctor, that is why it isn't listed here, anyhow I don't deem that important since we are here to lose weight it doesn't matter where we are at. I have about 3 or four stone to lose in reality. I also have a huge battle to win in my head about food that has been caused by greed and other people.

    I thank-you for taking the time to read this, and if any of you want to share your experiences or get part stuff out there then please add.

    I shall endeavor to understand myself though and continue the weight loss. I think mine is like an addiction and is something I'll always have to control..

    love to you all, best of luck with your new weight loss xx

    ....I know I'm not alone in these experiences x Love you all here, it really is a special place x
     
    Last edited: 8 November 2009
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  3. assj

    assj Silver Member

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    wow, i had to stop the tears from trying to roll reading that, i am sorry about your ordeals, you are in the right place and the right frame of mind, and if you feel like you getting back to your old ways just come on here and rant it out rather than turning to food, there is always someone here to listen to you. you are certainly not alone in this. i think many people who have a weight issue have had similar experiences to you at some point, so we all know how you feel and are all here to help each other.
    Take care
    Sarah xxx
     
  4. LaLaLou

    LaLaLou Silver Member

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    I couldn't read all that and not leave a message, I'm glad you shared your story with us, and I want to punch all those that have been horrible to you in the past!

    I've had nowhere near the experiences you have, just the usual random idiots in the street on nights out. That kind of thing. I'm lucky that my weight never attracted any bullying in school. I was overweight in school, but not hugely so, it was more when I left and especially after having my son that I've noticed the difference.

    I tihnk my problem is that I eat when bored or stressed. I need to break that cycle, and I'm trying to find ways of doing so.
     
  5. serafyn

    serafyn Full Member

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    aww

    thanks you guys xx

    I just wrote it to try to understand why I can't lose weight and figure it has something to do with these issues. If you are fat all your life I suppose you don't know who the new you will be and I get scarred and then eat of course....

    I am just greedy too :)

    Each time I go without cals I do have to face up to all this because I become a bit down... I'm generally ok though.

    I am hoping other people will share similar experiences too x
     
  6. littlemiss

    littlemiss Silver Member

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    Serafyn,

    That post was brilliant, brought a tear to my eye. Thats the thing about being overweight is we feel like everyone around is is skinny, thats whats great about this forum, we all have one thing in common...to lose weight.

    My bad experiences about being over weight...too many to remember!! I was the opposite to you, I started off life very small, I found it hard to eat as a child, I remember feeling the food in my stomach and wanting to be sick, even if it was something small like a chocolate bar. At age 4 I was given medication with all the vitamins ect i'd need (i was being sick after each thing I ate), it was horrible! My family would put loads of pressure on me to eat more and finish meals, I'd be sitting at the table til around 9pm every nigt as I wouldnt eat. Then one day when I was in around Primary 5, I moved house and it changed, I started eating loads, my mum cut down my food as I was putting on weight, but instead i'd gorge on whatever I could steal from the kitchen for comfort! When I started high school I'd come home from school and eat 3/4 bowls of cereal and toast b4 dinner then after our family dinner, i'd eat another meal at a friends, my family started picking on me, calling me names like mrs blobby (my parents too) they were trying to ridicule me into eating less, but it had the opposite effect.

    I eventually became a teenager and got myself down to a size 8. But after a few years with the BF I'd put loads of weight on and was suddenly a size 22. I've lost weight since then, but I still have more to go, and I'm totally demotivated at the moment!

    Anyway, its good to share experiences as it makes us stronger to hear that someone has the same problems as us!

    :)
     
  7. serafyn

    serafyn Full Member

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    Hi LittleMiss thaks for sharing, I think even if underweight there are lots of issues around food arn't there xx hugs to you xx
     
  8. Lady Marmalade

    Lady Marmalade Bad girl warning...

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    A lovely post, serafyn. Very heart rending.

    I totally identify with the changing room breakdown! I have the same feelings of hate toward my own body but then I realise I had the same feelings before I put on all the weight. I don't think I've addressed it and I do worry that I will get to goal and STILL feel the same self-hate.

    Those people who have been horrible to you deserve a good slap, though. Nasty, ugly behaviour. I can only imagine they did it because you're so pretty and they're jealous. They have to live with themselves, though, and that should be punishment enough.
     
  9. serafyn

    serafyn Full Member

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    Yes changing rooms are a nightmare! The amount of times I have left them with nothing, even tho I could fit into it i just didn't want to be a size 16 end of!! lol :mad:

    I think those where you can see the back are worst like M and S. Some make you look skinny too.

    Don't get me wrong I do think I am attractive but I think this has caused more problems with my weight not less
    'If only you could lose that couple of stone, you'd be stunning' :sigh: :mad: so... you can't be attractive and be fat???

    Then I think why am I losing weight? I have got a right to eat what I like, but am I strong enough to stand by and be fatter and happy?

    But you're right... I got to goal once and felt miserable as I started out lol

    so why do we do it? I guess I am just sick of the weight at the end of the day :flirt2:
     
  10. bookseller

    bookseller Member

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    Serafyn,

    What a wonderful post. Thanks so much for your honesty.
    And yes, I agree, this is a special place.

    Tina x
     
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