Hello, apologies for the really long post but I need to get this off my chest and would appreciate hearing from anyone else who may have overcome the same problem...
I have lost 9 stone altogether (not all with CD) and have been told I need to re-introduce food now. I'm really really struggling though. I stocked up on cottage cheese, chicken and turkey but it's all still sitting in the fridge going out of date!
My friend and worried Mother have been trying to sabotage my diet for some time now, saying that I have gone far enough - and my CDC said she will only let me buy 14 packs from now on. So far I've been lucky as the 2 friends I go with have cheated and not needed the full supply of packs, so I give them the money to get a few extra for me. I can't rely on this forever though as with the summer coming and holidays booked they are determined to stick to it from now on.
So - I planned to have a meal from AAM list every 2nd night last week. On the first day my DD had made fairy cakes at school. Due to pressure from her, OH and worried Mother I ate 2 of them! In that moment - with yummy cakes in front of me - people saying "you need to eat now, the CDC said you had to" - and looking at Moms worried little face I totally bought into it (I guess thats why I had 2!).
Sadly it didn't stop there. Once Mom had gone home, DH went off to work (he works nights) and DD was tucked up in bed I used the same reasons to justify to myself eating a bag of crisps and 4 lemon and raisin scotch pancakes - toasted with lots of butter by the way! (don't do things by halfs do I??)
So - no cottage cheese consumed that evening to compensate.
For the next 3 days I SS'd again to make up for my sins and planned to have some chicken and mushroom kebabs for tea on saturday. All went well until half 2, had the house all to myself - settled down to watch Now Voyager (am not allowed to watch black and white movies when OH and DD are in!) Out of nowhere I took myself off to the kitchen and ate a scone! I was so cross with myself but decided to put it behind me and increase my water intake to lessen the effects - but instead of filling up my water bottle I came skipping out of the kitchen with ANOTHER scone. A serious binge followed - a bowl of cereal, a pork pie, a packet of crisps, about 10 biscuits, a cheese sandwich and half a litre of icecream! This was in the space of one hour. Apologies if me listing the food like this has made all of you SS'ers drool - but I really need to be honest about how bad my binges are when I succumb to them - as I never admit this to anyone else. :break_diet:
I felt so poorly afterwards and I looked 6 months pregnant! I was so full that I could barely fit a breath down me, I had to take short little breaths and each one was accompanied by stabbing pains. I felt unwell all evening and like I'd been kicked in the tummy all day yesterday.
So - needless to say no chicken and mushroom kebabs that night! and have been back to SS since. It's my weigh in tonight and it looks as though I've gained 4 - 5lbs.
This is becoming a regular pattern. 3 weeks ago I had a 2 day binge (which also included alcohol) and gained 8.5lbs! - sole sourced till next weigh in and lost 6.5 of it, and am headed for a gain again tonight.
I can SS religiously - I won't even stir my black coffee with the same spoon have stirred OH's milky coffee with, and never eat a crumb of what I am making for the family - won't even lick my fingers if a bit of their food have touched them! I can't understand why I can be so disciplined most of the time then go completely off the rails as soon as I am "allowed" to eat. The stupid thing is when I am SSing the thought of cottage cheese and salad or some chicken really appeals to me - so why isn't that what I end up eating??
Part of me thinks I should just carry on like this as at least I can keep my weight stable but then I worry that one day I may not be able to get back to SSing following a binge and could end up back at 17 and a half stone and VERY miserable again.
Has anyone else had this problem?
I have lost 9 stone altogether (not all with CD) and have been told I need to re-introduce food now. I'm really really struggling though. I stocked up on cottage cheese, chicken and turkey but it's all still sitting in the fridge going out of date!
My friend and worried Mother have been trying to sabotage my diet for some time now, saying that I have gone far enough - and my CDC said she will only let me buy 14 packs from now on. So far I've been lucky as the 2 friends I go with have cheated and not needed the full supply of packs, so I give them the money to get a few extra for me. I can't rely on this forever though as with the summer coming and holidays booked they are determined to stick to it from now on.
So - I planned to have a meal from AAM list every 2nd night last week. On the first day my DD had made fairy cakes at school. Due to pressure from her, OH and worried Mother I ate 2 of them! In that moment - with yummy cakes in front of me - people saying "you need to eat now, the CDC said you had to" - and looking at Moms worried little face I totally bought into it (I guess thats why I had 2!).
Sadly it didn't stop there. Once Mom had gone home, DH went off to work (he works nights) and DD was tucked up in bed I used the same reasons to justify to myself eating a bag of crisps and 4 lemon and raisin scotch pancakes - toasted with lots of butter by the way! (don't do things by halfs do I??)
So - no cottage cheese consumed that evening to compensate.
For the next 3 days I SS'd again to make up for my sins and planned to have some chicken and mushroom kebabs for tea on saturday. All went well until half 2, had the house all to myself - settled down to watch Now Voyager (am not allowed to watch black and white movies when OH and DD are in!) Out of nowhere I took myself off to the kitchen and ate a scone! I was so cross with myself but decided to put it behind me and increase my water intake to lessen the effects - but instead of filling up my water bottle I came skipping out of the kitchen with ANOTHER scone. A serious binge followed - a bowl of cereal, a pork pie, a packet of crisps, about 10 biscuits, a cheese sandwich and half a litre of icecream! This was in the space of one hour. Apologies if me listing the food like this has made all of you SS'ers drool - but I really need to be honest about how bad my binges are when I succumb to them - as I never admit this to anyone else. :break_diet:
I felt so poorly afterwards and I looked 6 months pregnant! I was so full that I could barely fit a breath down me, I had to take short little breaths and each one was accompanied by stabbing pains. I felt unwell all evening and like I'd been kicked in the tummy all day yesterday.
So - needless to say no chicken and mushroom kebabs that night! and have been back to SS since. It's my weigh in tonight and it looks as though I've gained 4 - 5lbs.
This is becoming a regular pattern. 3 weeks ago I had a 2 day binge (which also included alcohol) and gained 8.5lbs! - sole sourced till next weigh in and lost 6.5 of it, and am headed for a gain again tonight.
I can SS religiously - I won't even stir my black coffee with the same spoon have stirred OH's milky coffee with, and never eat a crumb of what I am making for the family - won't even lick my fingers if a bit of their food have touched them! I can't understand why I can be so disciplined most of the time then go completely off the rails as soon as I am "allowed" to eat. The stupid thing is when I am SSing the thought of cottage cheese and salad or some chicken really appeals to me - so why isn't that what I end up eating??
Part of me thinks I should just carry on like this as at least I can keep my weight stable but then I worry that one day I may not be able to get back to SSing following a binge and could end up back at 17 and a half stone and VERY miserable again.
Has anyone else had this problem?