The last few weeks continued on to be rubbishy rubbish and I have been so low I have just drifted through feeling like a sack of spuds. I didn't loose the plot for the whole time I just had a couple of weeks just taking my foot off the gas and eating fresh fruit and some different foods. My body was needing a break so I took one.
I had one bad day on a food binge and went back to some bad bad habits of eating biscuits and sweets :break_diet: it was one of those times where you just blindly sit and eat and you don't even taste what your eating.
When life goes nuts it seems that I do too and I loose control food wise. Through this difficult time I realised how much of a big deal I find food and it becomes the enemy and to a degree CD also became the enemy. I was bored of it and needing something different.
An example of my utter madness regarding food is that when I was asked to go to a conference that is on this week I went into free fall and started panicking about the food that will be there. I've been before and it is a food fest and at each every turn there are plates of biscuits and pastries, my real downfall and there will be several lunches and dinners. I tried and tried to get out of it but I couldn't so it made me miserable for the rest of the week. How ridiculous is that?
I am determind not to go loopy, the days are long and tiring and above all I have a very special event on Saturday and I have bought a very pretty tea dress and glittery shoes. I just hope my resolve stands up.
I did abit of a test today. I went out for lunch with my family something that I try to avoid, but my brother had come down for a mini break so I wanted to see him. Straight away my mind went into over drive and I was scanning the menu. I really wanted a glass of wine, I don't drink very often but it felt like an occassion. So rather than the usual oh I'd better not and all the stuff that comes with that. I had a small glass of wine and a griddled chicken salad. (I do 810)
After the meal everyone had another drink and I had water. I felt more relaxed and another drink did not bother me. Infact I was ready for my water. So all in all a good day and I didn't have a pudding either
I just slowly ate my salad and I was the last to finish which is very rare for me as I do eat very fast.
So the conference journey starts at 7.00am on Tuesday and it's a four hour journey. I just need to take my packs and drink my water. I also find all the questions hard to manage from other people especially the negative ones. I was looking at a magazine in work last week and I was amazed at the weight Pauline Quirk has lost on lighterlife. She looked amazing on her photo shoot and I was really happy for her. In fact it's made quite an impression on me, only for someone else to say "oh she will be fat again next year". So I then keep quite as I havn't been a great example to the success of CD as I've struggled and I suppose they think it doesn't work.. we know it does I just need to stick to it.
Well that's all the updates in my weird world and let's hope I can find the resolve not to put bad things in my gob!!
