Hi
When I first went to see my CDC I told him not to tell me what I weighed and to keep my card for me each week until I got to a certain weight and only then did I want to know. He did this for me and on the several occasions that I have jumped of the wagon for whatever reason and gone back with a gain, he again has kept it to himself at my request and then the following week just says yes you have lost the gain and thats it - it stops me beating myself up all the time and dwelling on the scales constantly. CDC's have all been there so they know how hard it is - if you don't want to call yours, how about an email or pm on here - I know they will welcome you back - after all they would not be doin the job if they did not want to see people succeed and to offer help.
I know it is hard, I have been on and off this several times, but we will all get there - I just keep saying to myself "how badly do you want it" the only problem I have is that I want it NOW lol - never did have any patience. Don't beat yourself up, hop back on, 1 day at a time. We are all rooting for ya gal ! x