Diary Transfer

Half way through day 2 of only products. Muggy head and tired, its always harder to get back into ketosis the second time... like a inbuilt diet warning - 'don't self sabotage, you make it harder on yourself!'. But I feel motivated again. Just need to work on the thought patterns that are re-emerging.

Bought some material yesterday and am going to practice sewing. Think i'd quite like to make my own clothes at goal perhaps. Should keep me busy until the rain goes away and I can finish my sofas! The table went well. The main inspiration behind the sewing was that I will have to make my own waterproof cushions for the corner sofa, so might as well practice with fund stuff :)

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On to day 3 of 4 products. Doing that for a couple of weeks then 3 and a meal. Had forgotten how tired you feel in the very very beginning. I'm not hungry so far today though so looking good for ketosis being imminent. Feeling very, very bored and fed up of lockdown now, though! I wonder how long its going to go on and whether there will be a second wave or not...
Made this. Start, 12 weeks and a week off plan. Will make a new one for the next 12 week phase too.

Out of interest I also looked up the average pounds lost to waist inch lost, and its on average 8 lb per inch, but it varies by person and body shape of course. I have lost 11 inches in 60lbs, so if that ratio doesn't change for me, at goal I might have lost roughly 9 further inches from my waist. 28/29inch waist. I am working this out as I was going to make myself a goal skirt, but perhaps I should measure at the end to be safe haha


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Ha! Bizarre diet progress photos.... a ct scan before exante and an mri during


Can see where the inches have gone from! Kinda weird to see it like that.

have a kidney stone inside a strange little pouch so it can’t pass - nothing sinister thankfully
So end of the first week of phase 2 is 8 inches off and 3kg down. BMI 28.4. I'm still not sure if I am in ketosis because I am getting hungry and last night had a really bad headache. Perhaps the criticism I gave of Cambridge at the very beginning was unfair, perhaps it just takes longer to get into ketosis on 800 cal/4 products? Either way, I am glad I changed because i've done better without a consultant than I have with and there is much more choice of product with Exante. So well in the motivation zone again now :) Hopefully the weather will improve so I can build my garden benches. Also had a consultation about the kidney thing and I don't have to have any ops yet.... watchful waiting for 6 months then more scans.

Just nipped back on after recent exodus. Good luck with phase 2. I also started phase 2 yesterday - back to feeling ice cold and knackered, so looking forward to ketosis kicking back in. As I'm sure everyone else around me is. So glad you inspired me to try Exante. I'd be climbing the walls on pure CD 3+months in. Your week on week pics are phenomenal!
Hey lady!! Ahh it’s hard getting going again isn’t it?! Well done for coming to phase 2 haha :) and god yes I’m soooo glad I found out about exante too. Much better!! I’m freezing tonight too. Dammit!
This week sees a 3.5 inch, 2 kg gain after a sequence of events that has brought me greater understanding of where I am. That trined with reading 'The Big Leap' and having trauma therapy/coaching by way of Somatic Experiencing (life changing stuff!!). So here is a post to acknowledge a pattern I have entered into. I have been hovering around 15 stone for the last 4 or 5 weeks now, all at varying stages of progress... being on track, sabotaging, restarting and refocusing... but that seems to be the spot where I hover, and its also the weight I had been most of my life before I had traumatic events that led to significant gains. This week i've had to revisit some of those memories and sensations as a result of random/coincidental (or purposeful?) life circumstances and also regular trauma coaching. I was recommended the book mentioned by my SE practitioner. Its very interesting..

It talks about an 'upper limit problem'... a sort of comfort zone or glass ceiling of functioning at which we settle, and resist changing from. We're used to being there, even if its bad it is where we feel safest and even if its great, it isn't our fullest potential being realised. The book explains why we like to stay safe and how our life experiences and upbringings/circumstances impact on how or what keeps us stuck. The book is all about cognitive processes, how we can think our way out of it, but when there is trauma, it isn't always that simple. And you'd be surprised how small something has to be for the nervous system to perceive it as trauma it needs to protect us from in future. In short, its anything or any time we didn't feel safe (mentally, emotionally, physically) that wasn't resolved, or any time we couldn't stand up for ourselves or speak our truth, any time we couldn't get away from something stressful, scary or infuriating... in short any time our nervous systems were full of stress and we didn't get to resolve those charges in our nervous system. Not everyone who finds something traumatic gets trauma every time (big or small) but we all are able to get it. So both our beliefs about what we're doing being good, safe or comfortable enough, as well as our past and our traumas, keeps us stuck.

I have reached a plateau in my life in multiple areas at once. I am in a comfort zone, which isn't comfortable because we have a natural propensity to want better for ourselves (even if we don't believe we deserve it). And if we step out of that comfort zone, we cause or draw to us things which 'put us back in our place'. We might self sabotage, we might keep stubbing our toes, might cause or find ourselves in arguments, might lose things or be late all the time... we basically become calamity Jane. We do it when we're in the wrong place as much as we do when we're trying to move into the right place. I have been calamity Jane the last few weeks! 15 stone is my level of comfort zone. Having great ideas and seeing glimpses of what I am capable of is a comfort zone, but pushing past and achieving lots with those skills is past my comfort zone. I had reached a level of financial security which was outside of my comfort zone and so I overspent to rock the boat - not consciously, but now I'm not as financially secure and am having to repair that. Things were all going great... too great for what i'd gotten used to, and so these sabotaging instincts kicked in... because when you aren't reallllly trying.... you can't fail. When you are staying where you are.... well thats what you and everyone else expects of you. It's easy, even if it doesn't feel good to be there.

It felt excruciatingly painful to me to be nearly 20 stone and stuck and stagnant, because that wasn't my comfort zone. That was below the threshold, so it was almost too easy to get out of it once I thawed the trauma that had kept me there. But where I have reached recently, that was above my threshold apparently. And I have frozen back down into a comfortable place. So this 15 stone barrier onwards, I am going to start calling 'my upper limit' challenge. I will start referring to that in my diary, hence the long explanation incase anyone wondered wtf I am on about!!

So this week I had to have a medical appointment which was reminiscent of a traumatic event, I have had lots of arguments, I have significantly overspent, even after spending time making a fool proof budget so I could get a Nanny 2 days a week so I could set up a new business, and yesterday I tried to get drunk and ate loads of junk. Yesterday was a culmination of days of headbutting my glass ceiling. Of daring to reach past my upper limit and crashing and burning as I tried to push past. And feck i'm sure i've broken my toe from the number of times i've stubbed it so badly.

My plan is to send some tender acknowledgements of being at this limit and to try and support myself past it. I am not sure what I am actually going to do... maybe i'll write my upper limit problem a letter. Maybe I will make it a person inside me thats fearful and stagnant that just needs support to believe in itself, in change, in all the joy it can find...

So there you have it. The story of being stuck for the past few weeks, and the beginnings of a plan to get unstuck. Feeling rubbish today and I am back on my no carb few days before 4 products again. I also just remembered that I always used to be able to do 12 weeks with no 'cheating/falling', so thats an upper limit problem for me too...

"I commit to rising far beyond my upper limit and being happy, joyful, abundant and healthy with more comfort than I ever could have dreamed of".

Yes, I’m still lost and forlorn haha I’ve been working on addressing some of the stuff that’s coming up mentally/emotionally as I question why this is a stuck place. It’s being helpful! I’m working up a plan to get back on track starting like I usually do upping water tonnes first, then dropping carbs then adding products but I want to make sure I’m not setting myself up to fail again so I’m planning my strategies haha

glad you’re well and on top form 🥰
I completely forgot to post my friday details, which goes to show quite how lost and forlorn I have been haha. I've been working through some shizzle and haven't been able to find my way back. I couldn't find the balance between self compassion and tough love and I still don't know if I am there but I need to do some re-goaling. I think I might write myself a letter from my past and future self. That used to help. I am going through some huge transitions in my life at the moment... transitioning back to work, daughter going to a nanny for a couple of days (after crazy trauma resulting in it being very hard to be away from her since birth), enrolled in a degree and dealing with some of the trauma history... so I am not particularly surprised i've felt a bit uncentred and lost. Maybe acknowledging that and committing to getting back on track over and over, is all thats needed, however long it takes my nervous system to feel safer. I feel better now I am not premenstrual too, but I have had so much sugar the last week and I think the addictive nature of it has set back in, as have the headaches, and I haven't even started having products yet!!

I want to feel in control again though. I want to treat myself like I treat my daughter when she is going through big transitions... BUCKET loads of compassion, extra nurturance and love but consistency and a safe place to feel big feelings.

So I will try and come back later and post my letters, but today is also my first day with childcare so I dont know if I want to focus on that today... I want to focus on some of the things that have felt like mounting pressure that I am buckling under but don't need to... cause i've fricking got this!!! So I will send them soon....

Somehow, only a 2kg and 1 inch gain since last measure day and have menstrual cycle. Feel very bloated, lethargic and head-achey but a little fire of motivation is being rekindled and I will use the bellows to make it grow. Before I have found it really easy, but now it is much harder. All that is changed is how I am seeing and feeling things, so I just need to flip and reverse it all. It's really helping me to keep coming back and holding myself accountable even though i'm not doing as I would have preferred, but not bullying myself about it either. I do think I need some tougher love from myself now though.

I decided I do need a reset after all as some mind trickery... My system doesnt seem to like the twelve week mark. For some reason I seem to only think I can sustain things for three months.. so this is my reset. Week one of new phase, but obviously its an ongoing process. Lets see if this helps... you can do this nervous system!!

New Goals. New beginnings! I am resetting my account info from today too. This is what I achieved already. Now for new things! Phase 'obese' is complete. Now we are on week one of 'overweight'! BMI 30 down to 25 phase. I will come and edit this post from now on instead of my page one post.

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Day OneDrink 1L waterLose 30kgFinish Star animationNanny 20/07/20
Day ThreeDrink 1.5L WaterLose 33kgFinish KC WebsiteMassage
Day FiveDrink 2L WaterLose 36kgStart HFS WebsiteNice long walk... alone!
Day SixDrink 2.5L WaterLose 39kgFinish BW WorksheetsNew pan set and cookware
Week OneDrink 3L water a dayLose 42kgStart WM WebsiteNew rug for lounge
Week Two
Lose 45kgDraw characters WMPaint lounge
Week ThreeLose 30inLose 48kgWrite WM storiesDay out
Week FourLose 35inLose 51kgShort StoryNew sofas
Week FiveLose 40inLose 54kgAdapt writing in folderNew blinds and curtains
Week SixLose 45inLose 57kgMake wood storeNew Passports
Week SevenLose 50inLose 60kgTake portraitsNew clothes
Week EightLose 55inWork on WDNC NovelNight out
Week NineLose 60inUni Prep - set booksOuthouse conversion
Week TenCommissioned woodworkBook Holiday
Week ElevenStart Uni
12th OctoberRegister ST/LC HMRCBook a holiday

Week One photo

Start measurements: Bust 38.5, Waist 37, Hips 46, Arm 12.5, Thigh 21.5
Start weight: 97kg.

My first weigh in will be at week 4, then weekly.
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My usual methods are not working. Those of upping wAter, then cutting carbs but not calories and then starting products. I’ve been floundering trying to do it that way too avoid the five days of bleugh when you start after lots of carbs. So tough love time and just body getting on with starting products with no extras other than an oxo cube in hot water for the headaches.

forgot to measure etc yesterday so we’ll just do that for next week.
Still around, still trying to get on track. I tv ink I ruined my old sugar addiction avoidance so am taking some probiotics to try help that 😂 sure I have gut candida overgrowth.

will keep reporting back.