Diary Transfer


I've 'started' again loads of times for a couple of days and I get so far, and I am not even struggling with hunger or headaches but I just get tempted and think 'i'll start tomorrow'. I find this a really frustrating cycle but I am going to stop it, because its purely psychological and emotional. I've lost over a month and a half in time in theory, but I have sat between 96 and 98 kg in that time while floundering so that should me motivation for maintaining maybe at the end to not have gained another stone!! I started at 124kg so it's a huge achievement and I am proud.

Also the Dr doesn't think I have POTS, he thinks I have something else to do with blood pressure so it's not a concern to lose more weight. I think that a big wobble started when I noticed my heart rate and calories burning being so high and it unnerved me in a way that dredged up some medical fears from the past. I read back over this diary and they all sound like excuses. I get stuck between how much of a break I need to give myself and when I need to pressure myself more. I respond both positively and negatively to each at varying times.

So start weight is 15 stone 6/ 216lb. End goal is adjusted a little to 165lb/11st11. End date has been pushed back a month to 26th October from September and I feel EXCITED, but I think that may be the end date of exante 800 rather than full stop, because I will need to stop doing VLCD at 12st7/175lbs because my bmi will just fall under 25 then. So my goal date on the left bar is a stone short of my actual goal.

All the things that felt like scary changes in my life feel less scary now, I understand the process I am going through more and however many times I have to try to get going again, I will get going completely. I have to work with, not against myself. My new rule to myself is that if I feel compelled to stop following plan, I must wait at least two hours before I can do so and contemplate all the pros and cons of doing so, read the posts i've made and think of how good things will feel to have finished. Now more impulse sabotage. Ready, steady go!!

And I am going to try and remember to update every evening and be accountable to myself!!

Dear Diary, I will succeed!

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I dont know what day I am on but I am still going. My freezer just broke and everything is defrosting and will have to be thrown away so ive had to have a 200 cal exante meal today and will prob have to do that to use up the chicken i have been forced to cook today!! so much waste. I am proud though... I could have just started eating it all 'to not waste it' and start again next week excuse but I didn't.
I got supppper lost and couldn't clear my head. I am back to try again :) Starting at 105kg. I was about to buy myself some bigger clothes after getting rid of the bigger stuff before but instead I am going to get back to it and not be defeated. Its been an intense few months and ive worked through a lot of stuff and now its time to shed and let go of the old!
I’m pleased to see your name pop up. Welcome back. Sorry to hear you’ve had a rocky few months, but credit to you for drawing a line under it. You did amazingly last time, so if you have cracked working through any self sabotaging stuff, then you’ve got this!

I seem to be constantly self sabotaging. The 3 shakes a day caused massive hair loss otherwise I’d go strict again. My only saving grace has been always keeping at least one shake in for the morning. So the lost weight hasn’t all come back, but my insides must be cursing me as I’m eating crap calories. I really want to focus on the getting healthy rather than just weight loss And hopefully one will follow t’other.

Anywhoo, forward to seeing you smash it again!
Hey Sophia! Great to see you :) Thanks my love. I managed to keep most of it off still, but some has crept back on. But I feel more focussed. Hopefully forwards movement now :) I hear you re the insides cursing haha.

Lets smash it together!!