Cheekychinchilla's food and stuff

I'm just exhausted mate. That's the best way to describe it. And I'm so sick of being so stressed about so many things. I got a big brown envelope from work today and I instantly felt sick and started getting really dizzy. It was just information about the new staff online services thing they're setting up. Feel so stupid to have such a bad reaction, but guess it shows just how worried I am about work.
I've wanted to go back to work for a while, but keep getting put off by my boss. So I've no idea what reaction I will get when I tell her I have to come back. And seriously asap! I guess if she isn't happy about it I'll have to go higher and speak to the woman from head office. I don't want anything to go wrong with my relationship with my boss, coz we do have quite a good one. But I really have to go back! It's not just the money (although that's obv a massive thing!) but I've been off work for 7 months now, I'm feeling pretty sure that whatever is going on with me may be around forever, so the longer I'm off now the harder it will be to get back.
I just finished the reading/lectures for the course. The thing is with it, there's not an awful lot you can do while not in work because a LOT of the assignments are practical based or case studies and things like that - also a lot of exams they wont let me do at home ;) I'm not entirely sure what's left, assignment wise, that I can do alone. But I can also start studying for the trickier exams. A lot of them have a 100% pass and there are apparently some quite difficult ones, so can certainly do more reading and studying for those subjects.
Going back to work and trying to juggle the course is really stressing me out. I think they'll have to be pretty understanding with deadlines and stuff now. But maybe once I'm settled back in and got a bit of a routine going on, especially with the practical stuff, we can start getting things ticked off and I'll get back in to the swing of it. But yeah, they're going to have to be pretty understanding about my physical and mental limits at the moment!

I didn't send my pizza back because we'd waited almost 2hrs for our food already and I was starving. We ordered desserts and they took about 40mins!! One of my friends ordered just vanilla ice cream and hers came last and about 10mins after ours!! We got to the restaurant at 8:30 and didn't leave till after 11:30! We had 2 courses each and 2 drinks :confused: Absolutely awful, awful service!!

I loved Catching Fire! I think we're going to see it tomorrow - my Mum, Sister, and her boy haven't seen it yet. And Mum's away next week so wouldn't get to go on Orange Wed :eek: I love all the books, probably the quickest I have ever read books! Think I read the second one in 2 days! xx
 
Don't know if anyone's spotted my new ticker ;) But I had the quickest text conversation with my friends Michelle and Margie (who we met in Sweden) and we're going back to the Arctic!! We've set a rough date of March 2016. I know that seems ages away, but just over 2 years. Obv depends on me going back to work and keeping my job, but if all goes to plan it will give us a decent amount of time to save. I'll finish paying off my car in a year too! And Michelle's just started paying rent, so will need time to adjust her money too.
The plan so far seems to be probably a 4 or 5 day dog sledding trek followed by a few nights in Kiruna - doing some site seeing stuff we didn't get to do last time like the iron ore mine and Abisko Sky station. Will be cheaper too coz we'll only be doing one tour, not two! Plus I want loads of spending money coz there were a lot of things I wanted but didn't have the money for last time ;)
There's a possibility of going to Norway instead. But we've not done much talking yet. All's I wanted was a "Yes, I want to go" :D

Have also discovered we can fly from Manchester to Kiruna now. Would be a bit more expensive than Heathrow, but the amount of money it cost to travel to and stay in Heathrow was probably more than the extra for the flights from Manc! So that's good too :)

Anyway, I needed to do this because me and Michelle seriously need something exciting to look forward to and plan! Her mystery illness is looking more and more like Crohn's Disease, which is just sh*t! So yeah, we need some cheery stuff!!! And what could be better than going north to sled in the wilderness with the doggies?! :D

The company we booked with added a load of my photo's to their Facebook page the other day. Absolutely made up :D They're Nature Travels if anyone wants to look :) xx
 
That's so cool that you've set a date! Woohoooo! Such a fab thing to look forward to!
I know exactly jow you felt with the brown envelope- I once saw the starting line of an email from an sx and I felt ABSOLUTELY sick at what it might read and the bloody internet crashed!! Turned out to be nothing at all really but I was so stressed over nothing.
Fingers crossed that all goes well with the work talk!
I want to see Catching Fire again too!!
 
Omg, I saw Catching fire last night, and I was left on tenterhooks!!! I LOVED it and CANNOT wait until the next film! I have been going on and on about it all day - obviously the logical thing would be to read the books!!
 
Catching Fire is awesome. Have you read the books B? My Mum hasn't but me, my Sister, and her boy have. Kinda felt a bit envious that Mum didn't know the storyline lol!

Some more bad news, coz obviously I've not had enough yet this year according to the universe. One of my chinchilla's died today :( Little Bernard. He was only 9, can't believe it :cry: He wasn't sick or anything! Buried him next to Ramona :(

I've been half on half off plan. Normal service to resume tomorrow.xx
 
Oh no!!!! :( you poor thing! *hug* so sorry to hear that hun. X
 
Hey guys!
We've set a rough date of March 2016 but so much of it depends on me really. If I can't go back to work or lose my job then there's no chance :(

Bernard's the second pet I've lost this year and he really wasn't very old for a chinchilla :( Was such a shock to find him.

Off to see my GP later. I don't have much hope to be honest and I don't really know what I expect really. I'd like some help with the dizzy spell and the headaches. And probably need to find out about yet more referrals. Don't know if they'll come from him or whether I'll have to see General Medicine Dr.
Just sick of all of this, I really am.
So nervous about seeing my boss tomorrow and I have so little energy left to fight all of this, but I've got to. I want to go back to work and I want some help health-wise. Not much to ask really is it?! :rolleyes:

Back on plan today. Looks like I'm not going to get any treatment that could sort out my weight gain or crappy metabolism, so I need to try and re-focus on SW. Nov and Dec are notoriously bad for me coz there's usually all sorts going on. But if I can keep my weight around what it is and get thru to January I'll be able to focus more :)

Off to the cinema later for a secret screening. We get a free Maltesers bar! Haven't decided if I'll have it tonight or save it. Will see if I feel like it later. xx
 
Hope everything went well at the doctors and will keep everything crossed for you tomorrow. I hope they let you go back and ease yourself back into work.
I think controlling your weight over christamas and hitting it properly again in Jan sounds like a good plan :) x x x
 
Erm, yeah, so I'll re-start SW tomorrow then :eek: Got to the cinema and they handed us a MASSIVE bar of chocolate each. And I have NO will power right now! I feel really guilty and stupid but :eek: My friend got a big bag of pic and mix as well - which I didn't ;)
But yes, back to it tomorrow :)

Not much of an update from my Dr. It still feels like he doesn't think he can do much for me while I'm under General Medicine. But I told him what happened with Endo and told him about the illnesses I think it could be - he said all are definite possibilities and something I should talk about with my referral Dr. Lupus seems unlikely, especially until we find out how increased my ANA is in my blood. I really hope it isn't Lupus :( But I have a lot of the symptoms, including Raynauds. But I really don't want that...
He's given me some more Naproxen to do a proper trial with to see if they help my headache. It would normally be codeine, but that send me completely loopy so I refuse to take it. He's also said to re-trial one of the vertigo meds when I'm having dizzy spells, so will try and remember that. The dizzy spells are either pretty infrequent or mild enough now that I don't really notice them too much. Think I've just gotten used to them to be honest. But will have to pay more attention and see if the meds help when I have an attack.
Forgot to mention the B12 so will mention that to referral Dr too.
Told him about my crazy opticians results and he said that was interesting and should mention that too.
He checked my throat and ears, coz they've been sore for a while now. He said my ears are quite pale inside and that's usually a sign of mucous build up (euw!) but the drums and everything are intact. I've probably had a mild cold or a virus and not really realised. How would I know if I was sick right now?! Lol.

He's signed me off for a further 2 weeks to give me time to talk to work and try to get things moving. He's said he will sign me as fit when I'm happy to be and as long as work are sensible about the terms of me going back. So I guess we'll see.
My brain's really doing a number on me at the moment. It keeps telling me I'm going to die and that work have sacked me. And last night I had a dream about being cuddled up with my ex asleep on the couch. F*ck you brain, seriously!! I so didn't want to get up today, I just wanted to go back to sleep :eek:

Right, I'm really tired and should probably go up to bed and read for a bit and try to relax. Haven't got much hope of a decent sleep tonight I have to say.
Just updated my CV as it's part of a work assignment and something my boss mentions whenever I bring it up. I used to have a cracking cover letter, but can't find it in my files. Will have to have another look round.
Night all and see you tomorrow.xx
 
Off to see my boss soon and I'm so nervous. Like, ridiculously nervous! And of course, stress bring on the dizziness so I feel great lol. Will wear my glasses I think, coz I know the lights in there make me extra squiffy, so anything that can help.

Definitely a SW day today :) Just need to try harder and make up for days off and stuff. Will probably have a low syn day today and then start 'normal' tomorrow.

Tuesday food:

Lunch: 2 Weetabix (HexB1)
Banana
Maple Syrup (0.5)
150ml Kara milk (part HexA1)

Tea: 2 Quorn fillets
Fried onions, mushrooms, and peppers
Microwave veg bag - peas, carrots, & green beans
Pasta N Sauce tomato pasta
Cheese (HexA2)
Mayo (0.5)
I wanted lots and lots of veg ;)

Snack: 2 Alpen Lights (HexB2)
Shape 0%

Drinks: Coffee. Diet Coke. Options made with Kara milk (rest of HexA1 + 2)

Syns used: 3

Will start saving syns again from tomorrow.
 
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Well, it's not official yet, but I'm going back to work! I explained about last week's appointment and how disappointing it was and explained a little of what I think might be going on and probably where they're going to look next. And I just said how much I needed to go back to work.
My boss said I could come back and see what happens or I could leave and maybe try again in a couple of years when I'm more on my feet. But, realistically if I'm right about what's going on all those illnesses are degenerative and not going to go away and who knows where I'll be in a couple of years.
I don't want to be off sick on benefits for the rest of my life. Of course this may happen in the future, but I gotta try while I can right? And even if they do diagnose me, who knows what sort of time I have left for doing this kind of job. I would really like to at least qualify as a VCA and get another few years done. This job is exactly what I've always wanted and working for a charity is a big ambition of mine. And who knows where it could lead.
I just have to try my best and see what happens. Don't know until I try!

So the plan at the moment is to use up my new sick note (2 weeks) and set a start date for coming back - 16th Dec I think. But I also have holidays and lieu time that I will have to use before I go back, which I think is at least 3 weeks. So probably going to start back in January.
I will go back on a phased return which will last 4 to 6 weeks.
And then we're going to change my working pattern. instead of doing two and a half days a week I'll do 5. Which will be four days of 4hrs and one day of 3hrs. It kinda sucks the thought of going in to work every day, but it might help with the fatigue and stuff and I know it's done. I'll have to cover all shift types, but only do those hours each time. So if I'm on an early I'd work 8-12, middles 9-1, and lates would be 4-8.
When I work a weekend I will have to do full days (10.5hr shifts!!) but my boss will make sure I have days off before and after a weekend shift. They'll be tough, but it's part of the job and I really can't get out of them or change them in any way.
The spread out hours will be reviewed after 6 months. I have a feeling I may want to change them to either slightly longer and less days or back to normal. Will just wait and see.
I asked about being able to have a 'breather' or a quick sit down and she said that's ok. And we'll have to figure things out along the way like heavy lifting or restraining aggressive animals. I said am I ok to step away from a situation if I don't feel that's safe and she said that's ok too. She did say we'll have to tell people why, but I'm fine with that. I'm fairly open and don't hide anything. And, besides, it's not just my safety, it's theirs, and the animals!
But she did also say that "up high" are getting very strict and wanting 'value for money' from their staff and are being a bit mean at the moment. So it kinda goes both ways really.
I made this spectacularly embarrassing statement today, but it did make my point "I may not ever be 100%, but I'll give you 100% of what I've got" :rolleyes: :eek: But it did work lol! And it did say what I wanted. Lame tho LOL!

So it looks like Christmas is back on ;) And I'll prob get paid more for my holiday month than my first month back at work coz I'll be on reduced hours lol!
But yeah, I gotta try haven't I? Might have a few years in me yet ;) xx
 
Ooh what was the secret screening?

It's great that you want to focus on keeping your weight in control on top of all this, sounds like everything is so much effort at he mo that I think that is quite an extra thing to add to it all.
Will be interested to see how I deal with xmasy stuff this year now that I am a bit more relaxed- will probably get my first big gain! Eek! But at least I know I'm not one to fall off the wagon... I will still eat good at home between the festivities etc, but this year I'll be getting pissed at xmas parties!! Hehe. X
 
The film was the Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I was a bit disappointed when it came on, but it's such a good film! I really, really enjoyed it. Light hearted and quite funny, but they filmed in some incredible places, and I really liked the storyline. Definitely a nice surprise :)

I really don't want to put any more weight on :( Getting close to a stone on now and I really don't like it! And I can't afford to buy new clothes ;) So will just have to try my best. It's really difficult with my fluctuating appetite and the weird cravings and I don't know what to do about it other than feed my hunger with the likes of more veg in my meals and extra low fat carbs like pasta. But the hunger is back again with a vengeance and it's really difficult to control.
Like everything, I'll just have to try my best.

My first Christmas doing SW I went absolutely nuts and gained a stone LOL! It didn't stay on long, so probably not a true gain. But still, fairly impressive. The 2nd year wasn't as bad. Last year I had the idea of keeping as many meals as I could SW friendly and low syn, but still had the naughty stuff like chocolate and mince pies (my arch nemesis ;)) and managed to lose 2lb :confused: I did work Christmas day though so maybe it was a sympathy loss lol!!
Like I said in your diary, you've got a really good handle on SW and know how to deal with you - if that makes sense? You'll be ok :)
 
A stone on over one xmas- WOAH! That is enough to scare me out of going too crazy LOL. Glad it came off quick though!
Mince pies are my nemesis tooooo!! Def with you on the low syn meals and enjoy other treats like mince pies :)

Cravings are so hard to deal with! Recently have had way more than in the past 6 months, it is like a chemical want for something! I think aspartame drinks really set me off so am going to try and cut down on the NAS squash and replace it with splenda sweetened green teas... Might help the aspartame caused cravings. I hate water though!
 
It probably wasn't a proper gain because it came off quickly and I'm in no way a fast loser - and Christmas/New Year :whistle:. me and my sister usually have a "who gained most" competition lol! I usually "win" coz I gain so bloody quickly.
Last Christmas was a pleasant surprise though and just shows that you can balance out treats with low syn/fat meals if you're careful. Still think it was a sympathy loss for working a 10hr shift on Christmas day ;)
At least I wont have to deal with that again for at least a year! That was a horrible day :(

My cravings are just for food of any kind! I've had a couple of weeks off from it, but it's come back round again. Stupid bloody weird symptoms. I used to have amazing will power with food! I really did :( I did really want to treat myself to naughty food after today's good news, but decided against it. So thought that deserved a little yay! Lol
I don't really know what to suggest with the sugar cravings. Do you like stuff like fruity teas or Redbush tea? I'm a proper Diet Coke fiend, but I don't find it alters my appetite. I have cut back on it a little bit tho. Depends when Coke's on offer ;) And I drink buckets of coffee lol. Have long lost the effects of caffeine as well :rolleyes: I go through phases of liking water, but usually in the summer.
Does fruit help at all with the sugar/sweet cravings?

Can't think of anything else lol. I'm very tired ;) xx
 
Wednesday food: Big lunch coz I'm going to the cinema later and wont get my tea till late. My bread had gone mouldy so had to have regular size wholemeal - extra syns :( Have added half a syn per slice, is that right or should it be 1 each?

Lunch: 2 free Linda M sausages & 1 Italian sausage (0.5)
Half a tin of beans
A fried egg
Crispy potatoes
Wholemeal toast (HexB1 + 1)
Tomato sauce (1)

Snack at the cinema: Chewy Delight (HexB2)

Tea: Quorn pieces
Red onion, garlic, peppers, broccoli, mushrooms, and beansprouts
Whole Wheat Soba noodles
Soy sauce & Worcester sauce.

Dessert: Activia Snack Pot

Drinks: Coffee. Squash. Diet Coke.

Syns used: 2.5
Syns saved: 12.5
 
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