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Coming back, it's hard!!!

Hi there,

I just thought I would pop a post on here. My story is:

Started LL in June 07, and by end of October I had lost 6 stones. My start weight was 18st 1, and I got to 11st 13. My goal is to be 11 stone by my 40th birthday, which is in May this year. To cut a long story short, in October I had a really bad cold which hung around for 2 weeks, which completely put me off the shakes and the soups, I just couldn't stomach them.

I had gone to Management for a couple of meetings, but I wasn't really getting the support I felt I needed, I think the option of eating again sent me a bit mad, to be honest, I was like a child in a sweet shop, so I went a bit mad with food.

I joined WW, and didn't go too mad over xmas, no big tins of sweets in our house, well, not till my father in law turned up with one! But they have gone in the bin!

On 3rd January, I lost my mum very suddenly, a huge shock to the system, I had to go up North to sort everything out, on top of that, my mum was my step dads main carer, so had to try and sort him out as well.

I had come home, and was home for 3 days when my step dad was taken into hospital, he's still there now, not sure what is wrong with him, and trying to find out info and a care package when you are 6 hours drive away is not easy!

So, upshot is, I've put a stone on and am now 13 stone. Not happy with that! When I was at the funeral, a lot of my mums friends said that she had shown them pics of my weightloss, and that she was very proud, so why have I self sabotaged and eaten every piece of junk that I can get my hands on? Stuff I don't even really like!!

Plus, talking to my natural father, he said, "Oh well, you've sold all your fat clothes too soon, you'll be back in them before you know it" (they all went on Ebay). Thanks dad!

So, today is day 1 again, had one soup and loads of water, I had a weeks worth of packs in the cupboard, so going to have them and ring my counsellor next week.

I WILL DO THIS, I will be 11 stone for my birthday, and I want to raise a glass to my mum on 8th May, and say, "Here you go mum, I did this for you, I hope you can see me".

But guys, I'll probably need your support, last time round it was really easy, but this time, I think it's going to be a struggle. A couple of friends have said that this might not be a good time to do it, but I'm an "all or nothing" sort of person, I don't think I can trust myself around food at the moment, so I think abstinence is a good idea just now.

Thanks for listening xxx
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Hi Les.....I know it's been a tough time for you. :(

YOU are the reason I am here....honestly. And I know you will do it again....I can see it in your eyes when I speak to you. And you have great reasons for doing it. ANd poo-poo your dads comments - what a horrible thing to say!! SOmetimes those closest to us don't think words won't hurt because it comes from them....but how very wrong they are.

I'm glad your back - and as you know the support here is magic. With all of us striving for the same thing, we can get each other there.

You know where I am. If you ever need a shoulder, you come see me.

I'm rooting for you hon, and I KNOW your mom can see you, and I know she'd be very very proud. You're a beautiful lady.

Oh, and sorry to hear about your step-dad!! Sometimes you really have to ask whatever power that is up there, 'just how much can one person take.'?

Sending you lots and lots of vibes and wishing you nothing but peace and happiness.

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Well blimey, that set me off good and proper!! Think I need to have a good bawl and get it all out really! After I saw you last week, I only lasted in the office an hour, burst into tears three times, so my boss packed me off home, long and the short is that I've been signed off till 11th Feb, just need to get my head sorted, which can be hard when all the sh*t is hitting the fan up in Blackpool with my stepdad, been onto the hospital and the Social services this morning - what a nightmare!!

Have just put another bag of fat clothes on Ebay, I do look at them in amazement when I pull them out of the bag!

Just emailed Val, a lot of the girls have been saying that now is not a good time to get back on LL, what with everything that's been going on, but as val says, there's always be another pile of sh*t just right around the corner!!!

Ah well, just had the second pack and a nice long shower, going to nip round to my friends for a cup of tea, haven't seen her since just before christmas, she has been phoning but she gave me some space, got to get back out there and start seeing people I suppose!

Plus, going to nip to the charity shop and have a good rummage - it's amazing what bargains you can pick up when the weight is coming off! Think I need to buy myself something inspirational in a size 14, although my wardrobe is full of stuff already that I can't get into - yet!!!

Anyhoo, bloody big well done you on your weight loss, talking to you last week gave me the kick up the arse that I needed to get back on this. The first few days are the worst! Already peeing like a racehorse!!!

What an awful couple of months!! My deepest sympathies are with you.

I started LL round the same time as you. Didn't reach my goal either, and decided to take a break from it all in late November. Anyway - I decided to come back and finish what I started, and have just finished my first week of abstinence. Yes it's difficult, but compared to all the other things you have had to deal with - it is well within your capabilities.

In fact, while you have so much other stuff going on, it might be a relief not to have to worry about food for a while. You'll have a few days of feeling a bit rubbishy til you get into ketosis, and then you'll be rolling again.

I have found doing the Thought Records a really helpful tool - and just just for resolving feelings about food. Been logging on here, reading, occasionally posting, going for walks, getting my head in the zone. You can do this! And not just for your Mum - all Mum's want is for us to be happy in our skins, whether a size 8 or 28, but most importantly, for yourself.

Good luck, and see you on here!
Thanks, in a way I know it will be hard, but I've done it once, so I can bliddy well do it again! Like you say, in some ways it might be a relief not to think about food, when I was in Blackpool trying to arrange the funeral, I was just trying to get my step dad to eat anything, so of course, it was all the usual rubbish - don't think I saw a vegetable the whole time I was there, but as long as he had something to eat, that was the main thing.

Well, we can support each other, my first weigh in will be this time next week, so I've weighed myself at home this morning, I know the scales will be slightly different, but I should see some results!!

Onewards and downwards! xx:rolleyes:
Don't worry hon....baby steps....don't be mad at yourself. You'll get there. I think you are very brave for doing this now. I honestly do. I had nowhere near the courage when I lost my dad to do something like this, and did quite the opposite, so pat yourself on the back Mrs, and keep on keeping on, whether you stumble or not, its all forward progress. xx
Thanks jan, although as Val said, "There's always a big pile of steaming sh*t round the corner" - so anytime is a good time!!

Have booked a massage for tomorrow, going to try and switch off for a couple of hours, and tomorrow will be Day 1 again!!!

Feel a bit better, just managed to speak to my stepdad in hospital (to be honest, I think I've p*ssed the nurses off so much as I've been on to the complaints department and everything!) - I don't think they wanted to speak to me, they went and got my dad out of bed and wheeled him up to the nurses station to the phone - my god, you would think in this day and age they would get phones in wards!! Anyhoo, he didn't sound too bad, he has a french nurse looking after him, so he's calling her Edith Piaff - I think he must be feeling a bit better!

They want to hook him up to an ECG machine for 24 hours to monitor his heart, but they can't find a vein as his keep collapsing, plus they've told him he may have had pneumonia, which is what my mum died of 3 wks ago, so you can kind of see where I'm at with all this!!

That is what my died died of too. I didn;t know that. :( I'm so sorry, again.

I'm glad you got to speak to your SD. That must give you a bit of peace of mind, particularly that he is nicknaming his nurse!!

I will keep good thoughts for him and for you Les.


Roll on tomorrow - a bright new day. :)

Hi Sara,

many thanks for your lovely post, it's the support on here that I truly value, so here's to a fresh start tomorrow. I've got to do it, I've just put all my fat clothes on Ebay, so won't have anything to wear if the weight goes on, ha ha!! Got to laugh or I'll cry really!!:cry:

So sorry for your loss, hope you find lots of strength and support over the coming months. I wouldn't worry so much about what you've put on weight wise, bearing in mind as soon as you go out of ketosis and back to eating you can put on about 1/2 stone and that its been Christmas you've done really well.
You're doing a brave thing restarting your LL journey now but sometimes the difficult times are the best times. It gives you control over at least one part of your life and makes you face your emotions without the food. Years ago I'd got to a healthy weight with SW and kept the weight off for quite a while but my brother died suddenly in an accident, put a lot of weight on very quickly and never really got back to a healthy weight again (although tried on and off for 10 years...) I was at my heaviest weight early last year when both my sister and cousin were diagnosed with cancer. Part of my thoughts over the following weeks were that I didn't want to comfort eat again and get any heavier, something I was very capable of doing. It was the thing that spurred me on to join LL having considered it for the 2 years before. It was the best thing I could have done, even though I've taken a few detours along the way the counselling side of LL really has helped me deal with the worry of the year and I feel so much stronger mentally, its helped me be stronger for the people around me.
Keep trying to get back on the water and packs wagon and go back to your LL class. My LLC started a restart class last week and the weekly class definitely helps get you back on track. Wishing you all the best for the coming days and weeks. xx


Right to the 'point'
Out of curiosity...why is your name Greenockgal?


Staff member
Hi Greenokgal,

On 3rd January, I lost my mum very suddenly, a huge shock to the system, I had to go up North to sort everything out, on top of that, my mum was my step dads main carer, so had to try and sort him out as well.

I had come home, and was home for 3 days when my step dad was taken into hospital, he's still there now, not sure what is wrong with him, and trying to find out info and a care package when you are 6 hours drive away is not easy!
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your Mum:hug99:

So sorry your step Dad is not well, you are having a rough old time of it.

Good luck with your fresh start tomorrow.

Love Mini xxx
Hey Grenockgal

How are you feeling today? All ready for a nice new fresh start? Its a lovely bright day here in London, so I trying to grab all the positive sunshine vibes. This is going to be my first summer since I was a teenager where I'm not going to be a hot sweaty mess!
Hi ladies

:wave_cry:Hope you don't mind me crashing in!! I wasn't sure where to begin a post/threas but then saw 'returners' and thought ''Thats me!''. I went from 15st 8lb to 11st, crept up to 12st 11lb, been playing around with food packs, all or nothing...bingeing too! Arhhh!! Anyway, I'm keeping that slim feeling at forefront of mind and hoping this time it will out weigh the foody thoughts!:break_diet:

:DGreenock gal, love the saying about big steam of *****....youre right...never a good/bad time as life happens whether we're slim/obese/dieting or not. I think so long as we focus on what we need then we'll all get there..baby steps or giant leaps, we'll get there!:D

I'm off to start a bloggy type thread and create a tracker....hopefully see you there also!:p

Hope youre all having a fab day so far!!

Hi Julie,

Thanks for your lovely note. unfortunately i didn't manage to get back on the wagon today either, just had a bit of a downer today, which is weird, as I had a lovely massage which helped me chill out, so not sure why I felt down.

I feel knackered from the massage though, so off to bed soon and hopefully a good nights sleep.

I popped into a charity shop today and bought a swimming cossie, so I'm (hopefully!) going to drag myself down the baths tomorrow for a swim - hope my hair doesn't turn green, ha ha!!

Thanks again,

Lesley xxx
Me again! Worry, I read Julie's lovely post on the other page and just realised there was a whole page more of replies!!

Thank you ALL for your lovely comments, it really means a lot to me, as I mentioned before, even though the sun was shining, it was a bit of a poo day for me today, wrote a huge list of things I had to do (funeral acknowledgement for the newspaper, flowers for a friend, etc) and didn't do any of them, I sat down about an hour ago and realised the list was there, had totally forgotten I'd written it. Now I'm losing my mind as well, that's all I need!

Ah well, here's to tomorrow, can't be as bad as today!!

Thanks again guys, from the bottom of my heart,


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