Confused, down, all over the place in general!

Discussion in 'Weight Watchers' started by CelticChick, 24 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. CelticChick

    CelticChick Member

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    Ok I went to get a tattoo on Sunday with my sister and her friend. They both went before me and the guys in the shop were laughing and joking with them and flirting etc.. it came to my turn and all I got was, which colour? No talking or laughing through the tattoo or anything. Before we all left the guys came over and again talked to the other two and I was invisable again. It really hurt and got to me, I used to get flirted with like that but now I'm not worth the effort. I came home and I did eat, not too badly but I did. I ate again last night after being good all day and this morning I have already ate all my points :(

    I had a sneaky weigh in on Sunday morning and I was down 8lb already in the 4 days back on plan. Today I am only 4lb down and probably back up the whole 8 tomorrow the way I'm going.

    SS is always in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about it and know that when I did manage ten days on it I wasn't miserable but I absolutely hate how my stomach feels on it.

    I am 26 and have been this size for about 3 years now, in those 3 years I have cut friends out of my life, become completely inhibited and depressed, stopped going out completely. I'm lonely, miserable and just very sad most of the time. So what the hell is wrong with me?? Why can't I just stick to one plan or the other and come hell or high water just do it?

    I'm feeling all hopeless again, the thought of food now is making me sick, when that happens I usually get so hungry by the evening I eat something bad and strong in flavour as its all I can stomach. I want to be thin more than anything in the world, I want to get my life back, I want to look good again and flirt and have relationships and a normal social life.

    I am going to councelling, I have all the exercise machines in my house, I have a dog to encourage me to walk, I had gym memberships, I've tried every diet under the sun, I've been hypnotised, tried acupuncture, reiki, personal training etc... and I'm still fat and just getting fatter!! I feel like retreating back into myself completely again.

    I just needed to vent, I'm sitting here now and I honestly have no idea what to do or how to do it or whether to just give up and admit defeat completely.
     
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  3. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

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    Dont let those silly men stop you doing this.........are they worth it?I expect they are in a relationship with someone and really shouldnt be flirting!!!!Also your confidence is low at the moment and I expect they picked that up and thought it best not to say to much to you,if you notice it doesnt really matter what size we are we attract people with our confidence I have been 6 stone over weight full of confidence and people were drawn to men lots of men too, have been 1 stone underweight and people have steered clear of me as I was miserable due to what was happening in my life :confused:
    Take a step back and think you can do this,hold your head up high and get that spring in your step.Christmas you will be at least 2 stone down which is better MUCH MUCH better than being 2 stone heavier if you dont get back on that bumpy wagon!Next time you ''''have'''' to EAT think WHY SHOULD I LET THEM MAKE ME EAT ?ARE THEY WORTH IT?
    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

    XXC
     
  4. gaijingirl

    gaijingirl has lying hips

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    Poppycock.. you most certainly are worth the effort.

    In my experience whether or not I get flirted with/flirt is largely mirrored by how I am feeling in myself. When I am feeling shitty about myself and filled with self-loathing I think I must emanate some kind of negative force field or something.. people don't talk to me or seem to not notice me.

    But even at almost 18 stone.. when I was feeling good about myself I could flirt and be flirted with for Britain - and get a gold medal!!


    Do you really need to put this kind of pressure on yourself? You felt down and you ate - we all do it. If you're anything like me, hitting the scales each day is only likely to make me eat even more!

    Can you take a break - do something completely out of the ordinary. Take a bus to a park you've not visited before and walk around it, go and watch a film by yourself - I know it sounds wierd but sometimes I find it helps me to do something completely odd and out of character to sort of jolt me out of the downwards sprial!

    Maybe you could try to accept your current size and just get on with life. Life doesn't stop because you're overweight and you're not helping yourself at all by not going out. (I don't mean you have to stop trying to lose weight, but try not to make it the most important thing in your life). I recently found myself turning down dinner invites with friends I haven't seen in a while because I was so embarrassed at my size. I almost blew out one of my oldest friend's weddings recently for the same reason. I was increasingly not going anywhere and turning into a couch potato. But you know what, I might be fatter than I was, but I'm still the same person inside and I'd hope my friends love me for who I am - not what I look like!! I realised that I was letting my weight rule my life - it's bad enough that food has such a hold over me without completely handicapping me!

    Anyway, I don't know if any of that advice is particularly helpful - but I can at least say that I do know where you're coming from and understand how you're feeling. It's good you're getting counselling and I hope it helps. You're very much worth it and you deserve to be happy.
     
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  5. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

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    Your post really touched me. I'm quite new to the board so I don't know your past history, but presume you've tried the VLCD option and didn't get on with it...

    Like you, I had tried pretty much everything (and I think my list of failed diets would be longer than yours, as I'm older so the faddy diets in my day were crazy! grapefruit diet! egg and steak diet, to name but two!

    Like you, I really wanted to be slim, but kept starting new things every Monday and fell at the first hurdle, ate far more than I needed to compensate for the deprivation I was feeling post-diet, and ended up more and more miserable... and fatter and fatter...

    "This time", which I swear is the LAST time I'll ever diet, I knew I had to go about things a different way.

    I set myself a start date, sufficiently far in the future to get my head into gear and start planning... To this day, at maintenance even, I plan everything in advance. My meals for the next seven days are already listed in my book (I love lists!), only those foods have been purchased (and frozen, steamed or whatever), and nothing is left to "chance".

    How often when we come back from work hungry do we wander aimlessly in the fridge wondering what to eat? And then often make the wrong choice because we're starving/fed up/in a hurry or whatever.

    I didn't follow WW or SW this time, as I knew all the principles, and knew the only thing I was "missing" was the mindset...

    Might this planning, not buying anything else, method work for you, do you think? I really feel your pain and wish you much success...
     
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  6. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    Oh hun - I'm so sorry you're feeling so down.

    It's a spiralling thing, I think - that if you feel horrid, then people back away from you.

    I've been overweight for 40 years, til this year - and if a bloke showed no signs of wanting to talk to me, I'd think - stuff you, boyo, I'll MAKE you interested!! - so I'd flirt and make them laugh until they were interested.

    Comfort eating, as we all know, is falsely named as it doesn't bring you comfort - apart from the 5 seconds that the food is in your mouth. Have you tried eating the 'happy foods' that are said to increase your serotonin (sp?) levels - like blueberries and brightly coloured fruit and veg? They really do cheer you up - well, they do me, anyway.

    Hugs, hun - we've all been where you are today.
     
  7. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    (((hugs))) to you.
    I think what the others have said is true in that even at my biggest size 20/22 I could flirt and be flirted with ... hence the name!;)

    But if I'm feeling down and my self confidence is not thast good - I send out signals without even realsiing it that puts people off - and they keep their distance.

    Looking at yr photo - you are a pretty girl and see no reason why any red-blooded man wouldn't fancy you. Someone once said that for others to love you - you have to love yrself .... and at the moment you don't love YOU.

    How much have you got to lose??? and how much have you already lost??

    Take care - don't eat, you'll only feel worse later ... come on here instead!
     
  8. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    BTW - what tat did you get?
     
  9. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Hi Celtic Chick,

    I think we all get stressed out about dieting and we become like a dog chansing our tail and getting no where fast.

    The one thing I do see with everyone who has lost weight or is losing weight is that they never give up trying they keep going until one day with enough practise they finally get it!!!

    I think if your run down and trying to do WW is futile as you need to build yourself up first with a good multivitamin and this will stop the cravings for rubbish foods and along with walking for 20 minutes each day will help lift mild depression and balance the hormones so that you don't feel so hungry.

    It is very difficult to like yourself when down, try smiling at yourself in the mirror or just smiling as it does lift the mood. It is very diffiucult to stay annoyed if you smile.

    Love Mini xxx
     
  10. andi

    andi Bye bye bellies!!!

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    Hi,

    I know exactly what you mean. Its so frustrating, we want something so much and we know how to do it but for some reason we just cant make the connection or if we do we cant keep at it and old habits come back thick and fast.

    Dr Phil says that in some way there is a payoff to staying big - for me its the mental lift and pleasure I get from eating tasty food whether im hungry or not. If I ask myself at 8.30pm, when the kids are in bed and im watching tv, if I would rather be a size 12 or eat a bar of chocolate the answer is, at that particular moment, I want the chocolate. I make that choice and I therfore choose the outcome - obesity.

    I have been reading several anti-diet books lately discussing how diets are a waste of time and that constantly struggling with yourself about what you want and actually eat causes rebellions - binges and basically diets dont work. They encourage eating what you want when you are hungry and stopping when you are full. That in itself is a work in progress for me and for me the weight loss has been small compared with all the other plans.

    For me the sheer amount of weight I have to loose (at least 6 stone) makes me despondent and pressurized . I was at the gym the other day discussing my diet with a woman I know when she said to me "dont you wish you could see the results alot quicker" in other words my 1lb a week average loss on Paul McKenna was pointless to her and I needed to do something FAST!

    As for the male attention thing - most men are shallow and insecure. I have always been told that I have a pretty face and a nice way about me but at my largest (19 stone) few men looked long enough to see that. I was defensive and angry around men and im sure I gave off bad vibes to them. I didnt have the confidence to flirt and was suspicious of any man who paid me attention.

    Unfortunately I dont have any answers. All I know is that you are not alone. As Mini has said we all have to find our own path and you will be sucessful if you just keep at it. I am trying to live one day at a time - in the present.

    Tommorrow is another day - make a plan - what are you going to do/eat etc. It will get better.

    (HUGS))

     
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  11. CelticChick

    CelticChick Member

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    Thanks to all who replied to this thread. I am feeling ok again this evening. I've taken some chicken out of the freezer to defrost for dinner tomorrow, I'm going to make yet another pot of soup and I have my meals planned out for tomorrow. I'm going to weigh myself in the morning and then give my scales to someone and get them back in a months time, just need to stop the constant weighing!

    I got a band of flowers on my ankle and also a quarter moon and stars on my wrist on Sunday. I also have one on my back of a little girl sitting on a cloud and she looks really confused and she has a devils tail and horns but also a halo and angel wings, its so so cute but thats from a few years ago, thats me finished with the tattoos I think!

    Thanks again to everyone, think I just have to dust myself off and keep trying.
     
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  12. Sparkle

    Sparkle Gold Member

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    I haven't posted because everyone else has already said what I think. All I can advise is read this whole thread again, it's actually very empowering.

    I've recently started writing everything down. I'm an emotional eater - whether I'm happy, sad, excited or depressed - I eat. Since I've started writing things down it's really made me more aware of the way I think - even whilst I'm writing I can see that I'm being unreasonable, and it knocks me out of the mood.

    I'm glad you're feeling a little more positive! You're a beautiful woman, just keep going - you WILL achieve your goal! :D
     
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  13. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

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    Andi,

    You mention something here which I am working on too:

    "I have been reading several anti-diet books lately discussing how diets are a waste of time and that constantly struggling with yourself about what you want and actually eat causes rebellions - binges and basically diets dont work. They encourage eating what you want when you are hungry and stopping when you are full. That in itself is a work in progress for me and for me the weight loss has been small compared with all the other plans.

    It's true that, as overeaters, we have no notion of hunger... or fullness... Even now, as most of us have to in full time employment, I eat because it's time to eat. And if I don't feel hungry at lunchtime and go without, I know I'm going to be starving in the afternoon without the chance of eating anything!

    I too am consciously trying to listen to my body's messages. Am I hungry or fanciful? If the former, I'll eat something (if it's time). If the latter, I'll drink more water and usually it'll pass.

    As for stopping eating when full, that has to be one of the hardest things to learn. As children, we were taught to "clear our plates". I still do this, so I am working on that. If it's on my plate, it's MINE, and I'm going to eat it. So I'm trying to put less on it!

    I find that listening to my body's requirements, though, definitely works where dessert is concerned. After a main meal, we can often shovel in a dessert in quick succession. However, if you get up, do the washing up, then think: "am I hungry?", I never am; try it!
     
  14. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Some great words to think over from the above posts :cool:

    How are you today?
     
  15. lardass

    lardass Silver Member

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    "This time", which I swear is the LAST time I'll ever diet, I knew I had to go about things a different way.

    I set myself a start date, sufficiently far in the future to get my head into gear and start planning... To this day, at maintenance even, I plan everything in advance. My meals for the next seven days are already listed in my book (I love lists!), only those foods have been purchased (and frozen, steamed or whatever), and nothing is left to "chance".

    When planning your meals did you use calories or just what you think is healthy ?
     
  16. gaijingirl

    gaijingirl has lying hips

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    Have either of you read the Beyond Chocolate book - or any of the Geneen Roth books? I went on one of their retreats and it was excellent. When I get this weight off that will be my eventual aim - to just be normal around food. Hopefully the counselling on LL will help get me there but I will be re-reading lots of these books too I think.
     
  17. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

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    Hi CelticChick

    I've read great advice from others on here, I hope that you've found it useful.

    Just wanted to say that I hope you feel happier today and that life is smiling on you. Be kind to yourself.

    Hugs
     
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  19. CelticChick

    CelticChick Member

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    Thanks to everyone who replied, I am much better than I was last week, still all over the place but not as down in myself thank God.
     
  20. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

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    Sorry "Lardass" (feel bad calling you that!!!) - I was on holiday and am now catching up on all the postings. I suppose calories are engrained on my memory from all the failed attempts at dieting with calorie counting, so they probably played a part.

    I think most "failed dieters" know more about food and nutrition than they realise. We know what we ought to be eating, in what quantities, and when. That isn't the problem. It's the whole mental approach that is vital and that's probably the hardest thing to get right, or to catch yourself at the right moment to actually stick to it for a decent amount of time.

    I cut out snacking between meals, as that was one of my downfalls, and worked out meals including lots of fresh steamed veggies (steamed in a big steamer at the weekend, and put in tupperware for the first few days of the week) and salads. Fruit for snacks. I cut out potatoes, pasta, bread, rice etc too. Things which now make me feel very fat, bloated and lethargic when I let them creep into my maintenance plan.


    Celtic Chick - how is it going?
     
  21. CelticChick

    CelticChick Member

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    I'm back on track and joined a great meeting last night so feeling positive all round, thanks for asking Maintainer. :)
     
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