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Danii's "Here we go again" Weight loss diary!

S: 11st9lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 31.2 Loss: 0st3lb(1.84%)
*Here we go again!..I will not look like tent if i wear a dress*

I seem to have spent the majority of my adult life on a diet, even since i was a kid i was always the 'big, jolly, bonny' girl. With a larger than life appetite! On times i was referred to as the 'the little dustbin' for my ability to clear away left overs, completely oblivious to the damage it was doing to my waistline! Some people say that more tubbier people are always happier..Its not true :\ I look at myself in disgust everyday!..This entry will probably be how i came to acquire the very large spare tyre around my waist

It all started probably when i left primary school, at age 11 I was bigger than the average girl in my class, yes i was the smallest height wise but horizontally it was a whole different story. Guys and girls would be incredibly hurtful about my weight now i know the saying quite well that 'kids can be evil creatures', after years of being tormented to holy hell and making myself ill from starving myself just to try and get some results, i decided to take matters into my own hands and at the age of 14 i went on my first ever slimming world ramble!, My starting weight was 10 stone 8, as the year went on my weight came down dramatically until i only weighed 9 stone 12, i enjoyed the thrill of guys telling me i looked good. For my drama exam a guy had to lift me from the ground into some sort of firemans lift..Before i decided to diet the guy refused to even lift me saying that he'd probably put his back out which yes, hurt a lot at the time but it was the truth, but upon the lift he commented about how light I was, what a thrill! :D

Unfortunately, my mother lost her job so i had to stop going to the slimming world clubs and meets..Eventually my weight began to creep up slowly again, and then back down again when i left school and began my first years of college! Since then my weight has been up and down like a yo-yo!

At the age of 20 i met my now fiance, my weight was still in the 9 stone region as id managed very well to control my eating. But once your that content in a relationship all your inhibitions just go out of the window and before i know it, boom!!..Back up to 11 stone :\..When i was 22 we found out i was pregnant :) We we're both over the moon as we planned so hard for this!

I gave birth to our son, Sebastian Edward on June 6th 2012 via emergency c-section and he weighed 7lb 11oz. We we're both elated!, but during my pregnancy i had put on 2 stone! making my grand total of fatness 13 stone!, before my son was born i was a UK size 10/12

Recently i went for a contraceptive pill check, only to find my weight had decreased a little bit but not enough for my liking. I tipped the scales at 12 stone 5lb..I wanted the ground to swallow me up at that point, now its a race against time to try and get some weight shifted as if i have anymore gain then i won't be allowed my baby preventors!..Don't get me wrong another baby would be grand but not quite yet :\

My brother is getting married in November, and nothing fills me with dread more than shopping for clothes!..I haven't worn a dress since i was 9 stone!, as the fear of looking like a tent on legs dampens my spirit somewhat, I would love to be able to wear a dress for the wedding..I miss the days of shopping and picking anything up off the rail and knowing it will fit, instead of having to try it on and think about how its going to look!..Being a size 18 is the biggest i have ever been in my whole life and im not liking it one bit!

So here it goes again, hopefully this time I can stick to this diet and be back to my old self in no time!!

Thank you for reading :)
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S: 11st9lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 31.2 Loss: 0st3lb(1.84%)
-----**diet day 14**-----

I am so disappointed in myself! I don't know what it is about me but I just keep Falling off the wagon and struggling to get back on :/ it's like I have no inspiration, no go power! And a lot of days where I seem to go insane with my syns!!

I've still to weigh myself and find out the extent of my syn binges! I don't feel any thinner from the days I have stuck to it, I was drinking diet coke for a few days, but yesterday I treated myself to full sugar and feel much less miserable..maybe the tonnes of sugar and caffeine have something to do with it? I'm deciding to brain storm my meals for the day but I have no idea what to have today so ill do what I've had so far

Breakfast - nothing, woke up and wasn't hungry :S

Lunch - white bread (healthy extra) chicken and bacon spread, butter

Snacks - small slice of iced Madeira cake :/

I'm guessing total value for the will probably over 15, but I'll keep going!

Everything's so hectic, the wedding has now been moved to next week as brides father isn't doing too well (cancer, apparently) and then I'm also on holiday at the beginning of next week and finding something to wear that's not going to make me look frumpy and old is really not going to well :/ if I was skinnier I'd be covered but unfortunately I'm not!!

Weigh in day tomorrow!! I have decided to face the scales head on and see the damage my binges have caused!!


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