Debate - Weight, love etc?

[krupskaya]

Your better off without him! I know exactly how you feel re: your anorexia.

Maybe he was comenting on your weight because he was so unhappy with himself? Knocking you down a few pegs so you werent confident enough to see how better than him you were and leave him!

Thanks LadyA, you may be right there. And I'm definitely better off without him! When I left I was bowled over that some men found me attractive - it was a real shock to find that, as I'd always felt so ugly. Definitely better off out of it lol!

 

[Beth_1308]

I think the partner/husband mentioned in the first post was spot on. My partner said something similar to me, I was shocked at first but not angry. I had been ignoring my weight and my self esteem was plummeting. For me it wasn't just a weight issue it was the fact that I had such a negative outlook on life and seemed out of control. It was a wake-up call and I have finally taken control of my life and feel great. I know a lot of people have said they would be mortified if their partner said the same but surely a relationship needs to be about honesty and trust, if they don't say anything aren't they lying to you essentially?

 

[Beckyftwx]

I think thats horrible saying he finds in hard to be attracted to her, if my boyfriend told me that I'd say well I'll go and find somebody else who is attracted to me, attraction is more about whats on the inside. I understand his concern but thats a horrible thing to say to somebody, could have been worded alot nicer. Also people are saying hes good for giving her a kick up the butt, but I dont think anybody can lose weight just because somebody else wants them to lose it, they have to really want to lose it themselves.

 

[*Theresa*]

To be honest my partner never said it quite so bluntly but when I asked him he did tell me he fancied me more slimmer which I guess is the same thing.

Hurt like heck at the time and I got really angry but I couldn't blame him for being honest when I had asked him if my weight was an issue....May I point out though it was years later before I did anything about it and in fact I got bigger. I am now back at the weight I was when we met and so much happier for it...if only I had listened and done something sooner

 

[Lacurrie]

I think it was reasonable for him to say this. And it must have upset him to admit it! He loves her and made a huge point of saying that! Bless him. Some men wouldn't be so tactful..!!
It's got to be a personal choice but a kick up the bum sometimes makes you realise it's gone too far. Relationships depend on honesty and trust and she's lucky to have him.
I went up 2 or 3 dress sizes after having my son- hubs said "can't really tell" lol.. Very observant!! NOT!!

 

[kingleds]

surely a relationship needs to be about honesty and trust, if they don't say anything aren't they lying to you essentially?

They are only lying to you if they actually find you unattractive because of your size - and personally if someone rated my attractiveness on this alone I would not be interested in them.
I trust that my husband isn't shallow enough to put so much sway on my appearance.

I am not saying that all the blokes who have said this are shallow btw - just that if my OH said this I would feel it was!

 

[*Theresa*]

Hmmmm I disagree that it is shallow....it would be shallow to just walk away because of appearances surely. My OH stayed with me because he loved me despite the fact that he was honest enough to admit he found me more attractive when I was slimmer...That's not shallow in my opinion just honest. He didn't let it eclipse what we had

 

[alfsmummy11]

Wow loving this.

My oh has only known me slim due to me losing some weight before meeting and another stone after. He calls me bones now to which i often say "would you prefer me how i was fat and unhappy" he always says my size isn't relevant but how i feel is.....

Love and attraction are completely different as previously pointed out. I don't find my oh attractive when he grows his ginger hair and beard big it makes me cringe (im ginger too but he just looks rank) i tell him this but i still love him.... We have the kind of relationship when we can be open n honest and its good to know where u stand. Harsh or done politely id rather know lol xx

 

[kingleds]

Hmmmm I disagree that it is shallow....it would be shallow to just walk away because of appearances.

Think we will have to agree to differ on this one Still, thats what makes it such an interesting discussion and i can easily see why its an issue that would split a room.

 

[ladyantionette]

Well this has made an interesting topic in class and on here also!

I just want to give kudos to the lovely lady who was willing to share this - who has now lost a stone!

 

[Shirleen]

If my hubby told me he found me unattractive for any reason, I would leave.

The rest of what he said was ok, just totally unnecessary and controlling to say he didn't fancy her.
Now every time he says 'no' she'll be wondering if he still finds her attractive!