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Busy busy busy!!
S: 15st3lb C: 13st11lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 1st6lb(9.39%)
Well done on 12lb down already! No more scale hopping though!

Ok so let's fast forward to after having seen CDC - come home get a carrier bag .... fill it with tins of beans until it weighs 12lb or however much you've lost. When you pick it up and carry it around, you'll not want to regain that weight! So no binges!!!
12lbs turned out to be the rest of the bag of new potatos in the cupboard, plus most of my cd meals (tetras and bars) for the week:eek: Yes it was heavy! No wonder you feel better even after a few days.

Have just sat down with a chocolate tetra. Doing ok. The holiday really, really helps because I know with every fibre of my being that I don't want to be this size when I go. And also because there is no escaping it. It's booked, with my parents, and I have no escape!
Miserable. Not exactly sure why, just trying to work it out here. I did have a hard weekend and this week isnt much easier. So that does not help. I have a lot to organise tomorrow which is stressing me out, worrying how I will pay all the bills this month etc.

We have also been invited to my ex husbands for dinner, was meant to be tonight, now re-arranged for tomorrow maybe. I am not 100% sure but I think he might be trying to sabotage me, because he can't seem to move on, and knows that I have no life when I am this size as I am virtually reclusive through shame:eek: So I think he might be trying to tempt me, to keep me like this, so I don't move on either. He certainly did a lot of sabotaging when the seperation first happened.

And finally, I think it's simply that the initial enthusiasm has worn off, I'm a week and a day in, and I can see this long, long road of abstinence ahead of me, and all I want to do is eat to make myself feel better:sigh: Maybe surgery is a better way for me, so I literally cannot eat.I cannot afford that though, how much is it, does anyone know?:confused: I suppose though, as a single mum of 3 young children, 2 horses, 2 dogs and lots of guinea pigs to look after, I cannot really take the time out for surgery:sigh:. I think I just need an early night with paul mckenna to see if his cd helps whilst on this too!:rolleyes:
Well another couple of. That's 3 so far this week. As you can see I'm not doing very well at not weighing:eek: Although I actually did forget to yesterday! My ticker doesn't seem o have updated though, wonder if it will in this post.

Last night I was very, very hungry. I don't know why:confused: The computer is right next to the kitchen though so I had to remove myself and watch tv and read a book to distract myself. Was a close call. No idea why I should be feeling like this now. I think I am losing the right frame of mind and starting to feel sorry for myself, which is pathetic really. Straight through to holiday, that was the deal! Do I really want to do it at this size? No!!!!:mad:

Very tired this morning. Will write more later, especially if I still need a kick up the a*$%!:doh:
Weellllll that didn't work did it.:( I got to about a week and a half. I was so depressed and miserable and snappy. Is it just the deprivation/mental aspect of it, or is it also that by restricting carbs you are restricting your seratonin or whatever the happy chemical is?

I was thinking about going to my doctor to chat about surgery. But I don't think I will get it somehow.

My mum thinks I should just give up dieting totally and just try and eat healthily and exercise, with no pressure.

I have trouble with trying to eat healthily because as soon as I try to, it becomes a *diet* and the whole cycle starts again.

So I have had vague thoughts of doing something different. Habits. Week by week. Instead of trying to change everything all at once. I need to work out the changes I will make. I will make one change per week or so. I will implement one change, with no pressure on what I do for the rest of the day. I.e, the first one will be to eat branflakes with skimmed milk for breakfast daily. What I eat for the rest of the day is up to me! My eating habits are so terrible. I am huge, but what I eat is actually very limited, and I rarely eat proper meals. So to make changes like this might work. I will also try and up my walking. Maybe eventually all the changes will just become natural and I feel less inclined to eat until I am sick:confused:

So whaddya think? Has anyone done this before?I think I just need to stop dieting. But I can't put any pressure on myself by even saying healthy eating.

So, some changes that I have thought about making so far:

eating breakfast. cutting out crisps. chocolate. normal coke. only having coke in the evening. having wholemeal bread. eating a piece of fruit for a snack. cooking and eating an evening meal from a lowfat cook book.

Now, I know these are straight forward healthy eating ideas. But if I tried to do them all at once, it would be a *diet* and I couldn't do it. I am hoping that by doing one at a time, and allowing myself to have whatever I want the rest of the time.....I might be able to trick myself into developing some better habits. That coupled with dog walking...maybe?:sigh:
Ok. Kids all back at school tuesday after half term.

My first weeks changes will be :

1) eat bran flakes and skimmed milk every day for breakfast.

2)swap coke for diet coke.

3)walk ten minutes per dog to start with.
I weigh 16st 4 lbs today. Thought I would note this as I have run out of normal coke. Won't be replacing it, if I want some it will be diet coke.:) So maybe even, with the amount of coke I drink, I will drop a bit of weight just by doing that!:cool: need to alter ticker. Didn't put it all back on though, suppose thats a good thing:)
Ok. Well. I have managed to swap coke for diet coke, and I'm totally fine with it, so one thing down!

I have an appointment to see my doctor this morning to discuss surgery. I am really not expecting it to be very hopeful. I need to write some notes quickly for things I want to say, how it affects me etc.

Wish me luck:(
It went better than I had thought, he was very nice and very helpful. He did offer me anti depressants again though:eek: I didn't take him up on it because it's the weight that makes me depressed mostly, so deal with the cause not just treat the symptoms I think! I was on them a long while last time, if I can manage without will.

So he looked through all my old notes and nopted my fluctuating weight. That I have lost large amounts of weight many times and always regained. He was all for the surgery and said we will start the ball rolling with the normal procedure, starting with an appointment to see a dietician with surgery in mind. Good, glad its with that in mind because I know myself what I SHOULD be eating, I could do the job myself I should think:D

So. That's the latest. I guess I just wait for that and continue as I have been, making my little changes and trying to exercise more.

I wonder how long everything from start to finish is? what are we talking? 6 months? a year? 2? I want to visit the surgery forum but I scare myself with the bad stories:eek::D


Busy busy busy!!
S: 15st3lb C: 13st11lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 1st6lb(9.39%)
Glad your GP at least listened to you. Go find out more on weight loss surgery forum ... ask questions and see what you think.