Ellem's eat less and move around more diary

I am 22 and lots of the lifeguards at the pool are people I used to go to school with. I know how judging they are and I just would hate for them to see me in a cossie! Going with someone else is worse.... wouldn't want my friends to see me, especially as they are all stick thin!

I used to go to an early morning swim with my Mum - from 6-7 I think it was - tempted to go then, but still, I don't want the lifeguards to see me!
 
I can completely understand that Sarah.. do you have another pool you can go to instead perhaps? xx
 
Well today was a bit of a washout caloriewise.

Stayed at boyfriends last night and got up this morning to find that my cereal was finished, had a bowl of his Frosties instead. Next I went for lunch at a chinese buffet with my uni class to celebrate the last day of uni ever. Then I get home to find the parentals have ordered in indian food for dinner!

So today doesn't count, back to it tomorrow! I'm hoping it won't matter too much, might go down to 1200 cals for a couple of days to make up for it.

My dad joined a local gym and got free guest day passes so I'm going with him tomorrow to work it all off and go for another swim.
 
Well today was a bit better foodwise

B: none cos I woke up late
L: 2 slices of wholemeal toast with flora buttery
S: low fat cherry yoghurt
D: whole wheat pasta with red pesto plus a serving of broccoli and a smoothie ice lolly for dessert
S: 1 slice of toast with a banana

had a migraine all day so didn't go to the gym with my dad, will go with him next week.
 
hmm I wasn't gonna post this but maybe getting it out will help. I was on a downer today, not only because of yesterdays washout but also because a pile of stuff I ordered from the catalogue arrived today.

Basically, the background to this story is that up until early last year I had been dieting and exercising and had lost lots of weight. My bottom half was a size 14/16 down from 18/20 and my top half had gotten down to 18/20 from a size 26. I remember going shopping one day looking for a jacket that I could wear during the spring/summer and phoning my mum after I bought it to excitedly tell her that I could finally fit into a fitted size 20 jacket from Dorothy Perkins. I resolved that day that I wasn't going to set foot in Evans or buy from a plus sized catalogue ever again. I could now fit into clothes from places like DP, Next, and the New Look range for 'normal' sized folk. Despite all that I let it all pile on all over again. I even ended up a few pounds heavier than my previous heaviest weight!

So what the heck happened?

I know exactly what happened, all exercise and dieting stopped because of a number of reasons -

  • I met my boyfriend and started spending lots of time with him so I let my routines go out the window.
  • I was writing my dissertation and doing uni work at the same time and used this as an excuse not to exercise.
  • I had been following a diet and exercise regime that was too difficult to maintain long term.
  • I had hit a bit of a plateau, I had lost almost 4 stone fairly quickly and then it slowed to about half a pound a week and that was disheartening.
  • As I fell off the wagon I continually consoled myself that this next piece of cake/chocolate/junk would be ok so long as I got back ontop of things starting the next Monday.
So back to the clothes...as I went up in size I tried not to buy too many new clothes as I kept saying to myself "I'll get back down to an 18 soon". I wore a lot of the smaller size tops and just bought some cheap cardigans/shirts to wear over the top of them and it looked ok. So about a week ago I got my first proper day of summer, there have been others but I'd been sitting in most days doing uni work so hadn't been out in them. This day it was incredibly hot and I was out walking around town. I was wearing a too small tshirt with a zipper jacket thing over the top and I was sweltering but didn't want to take it off as the tshirt underneath was too small. When I got home I admitted defeat, logged onto the catalogue web site and ordered a pile of summer clothes sized 22/24.

They arrived today and I just felt so incredibly disappointed with myself that I was back to square one and buying the same sizes again. :(

So I was all down in the dumps about this most of today plus having a migraine all day didn't help matters either. However, I started turning it around in my head, started thinking "ok, this has happened? what can you learn from it? what am I doing differently?"

  • Well for one thing, I'm trying to change the way I think about food. It's not this forbidden thing that I can never have, I am not banned from certain foods, it's all there and available to eat if I should ever want it. So I remind myself of that when I want to overeat, if I buy a chocolate bar I might want to buy 2 or an extra big bar but I say to myself "just get the one and if you want another you can have it tomorrow". Usually tomorrow comes and I've forgotten about it.
  • My diet and exercise plan are not restrictive in such a way that it's difficult to follow. I've started by keeping the exercise fairly light so as not to overdo it. I'm doing things I enjoy rather than things I hate (like jogging!)
  • I'm going to have off days (like yesterday) they are ok to have so long as they are rare for special/social occasions and so long as I get back on track the next day. They are not an excuse to leave it a week or longer. They are not an excuse to give up entirely.
  • I'm getting other people on board. Spending time with the boyfriend might take up a lot of my time but we are now exercising at the same time when we are together. Same with the family, my parents are getting fit so we motivate each other.
  • I've learned from putting the weight all back on - hitting a plateau is not a reason to stop, it's a reason to keep going. Also, after losing all the weight I want to lose it will not be a cue to go back to old habits.
  • Life happens so find a way to fit in the diet and exercise. Which is what I'm doing rather than diet and exercise being the main focus.
  • I'm using this website and diary, with so many others in the same boat I feel like I'm not doing it alone. The diary helps keep me accountable to myself too.
...and once I'd had a think about all of that, I realised I didn't feel so bad any more. I'm more determined now and feeling positive. So I figured posting it here is a good idea just incase I feel bad about things again in the future, I can have a look back. :eek:

 
Awww Hun, well done you for writing it all down! It's really good to get things off your mind, hopefully it makes you feel more positive about the future. :)

The part about food not being forbidden is so right! One of my friends lost 5 stone on a really strict fat counting diet, and in a matter of months has put most of the weight back on because it was just too strict.

Best of luck with your journey. I look forward to hearing how you're getting on.

Carol xx

 
Saturday:
B: 2 weetabix with soya milk, strawberries and blueberries
L: 2 slices of wholemeal bread with flora buttery and quorn ham, 1 rhubarb low fat yoghurt
D: pasta with home made bolognese sauce, a salad with lettuce, cucumber, celery, raddish, and cherry tomatoes, 2 slices of garlic bread plus 1 beer
S: a roll n jam
cals: 1791 - not good

Sunday:
B: bowl of frosties with whole milk (note to self, buy new cereal for boyfriends flat!)
L: a roll n jam
D: homemade sweet and sour quorn style chicken with noodles + about 4 stolen chips :p
S: a packet of munchies
cals: 1750 - not good

Bah sticking to the diet at the boyfriends flat is harder than at home. I also seem to crave sweets constantly when I'm at his place. It might be because for a while we were both eating lots of junk and getting take outs all the time so that might be the reason for the cravings, I associate his place with bad eating habits. Also, his flatmate has a lot of sweets lying around in the living room and in the kitchen cupboards. He's one of these guys who can buy a share size bag of sweets and they will last him 2 weeks. If they belonged to me, the bag would be lucky if it lasted an hour! I think seeing these lying around are setting off cravings as well.

Things to do for next weekend - get proper cereal, take fruit & yoghurt for snacks, and don't eat as much as the boyfriend!
 
Todays food:

B: museli with whole milk
L: butternut squash with ginger, lentils and other things I can't remember soup + 2 slices wholemeal bread
S: a celery stick
D: 2 hot & spicy coated chicken breasts with a pile of salad. low fat cherry yoghurt for dessert.
S: wee bowl of strawberries, blackberries and blueberries

1457 cals

exercise: brisk 30 min walk, 10 mins on airwalker, hand weight routine
 
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Today:

B: 2 weetabix with strawberries, blueberries and soya milk
L: iceberg lettuce, cucumber, celery and a tin of weight watchers tuna mayo with sweetcorn
S: 3 oatcakes with sun dried tomato houmous on top
D: couscous with half a tin of ratatouille and chicken style quorn pieces mixed in + salad leaves & cucumber + a half corn on the cob (om nom nom nom nom)
S: probably have a low fat yoghurt later

Cals: 1501

Exercise: none apart from a wee bit of walking around earlier. Had a headache all day and methinks exercise will only make it worse, boo. However, on a positive note, I managed to find a long lost exercise DVD that I used to quite enjoy doing so will give that a go one day this week.
 
Woo, weigh in today and despite having 3 bad days I still lost 2lbs :) that's 8lbs total.

Goals for the next week:

Lose 3lbs!
Up the exercise a wee bit
No washout days, no going over 1500cals
Drink loads of water!
 
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