Emotional Eaters... Any Advice?

[Katycakes]

Porgeous & KD, I do understand what you are saying, but I know I am a long way from understanding why I can say 'no' one day and not the next. I have had periods of healthy eating over the years, but always something painful/stressful/overwhelming comes along and wipes logic and self-respect clean away. I know I have a long way to go, as the 'just say no' thing didn't make me feel better but worse... this is a battle I've been fighting for decades, and ultimately losing, until now, at least.
The whole of my life, I have been scared to look at why I act this way but I think some of us do need to? We're talking about hunger, & whether it is genuine, but hunger for love/approval is real too and maybe when food is given as an expression of love it's not hard to see that we can muddle the two things up.
For me it is a revelation that other people do 'use' foods in unhealthy ways, not just me, so maybe I just need to get my head around that first before I can work out some answers?

 

[Porgeous]

Porgeous & KD, I do understand what you are saying, but I know I am a long way from understanding why I can say 'no' one day and not the next. I have had periods of healthy eating over the years, but always something painful/stressful/overwhelming comes along and wipes logic and self-respect clean away. I know I have a long way to go, as the 'just say no' thing didn't make me feel better but worse... this is a battle I've been fighting for decades, and ultimately losing, until now, at least.
The whole of my life, I have been scared to look at why I act this way but I think some of us do need to? We're talking about hunger, & whether it is genuine, but hunger for love/approval is real too and maybe when food is given as an expression of love it's not hard to see that we can muddle the two things up.
For me it is a revelation that other people do 'use' foods in unhealthy ways, not just me, so maybe I just need to get my head around that first before I can work out some answers?

Totally understand where you are coming from, been there too many times myself.

When you say "have had periods of healthy eating over the years, but always something painful/stressful/overwhelming comes along and wipes logic and self-respect clean away. I know I have a long way to go, as the 'just say no' thing didn't make me feel better but worse..." - one thing to consider is coupled with saying no to food did you address whatever it was that was causing the pain/stress? The two need to be tackled together.

xx

 

[Kira]

Katycakes I understand the fear factor and why you are scared to look at why you act in the way you do. That's me and probably many others. I think the key is not only recognizing that the work to be done on any diet is in one's head but more importantly working on one's head more than the diet/food. I am making sense?

 

[Katycakes]

Porgeous, I can see that now... until CD helped me take food out of the picture I didn't think about why I acted that way, although I knew it was unhealthy in more ways than one. But the shame of the binge/guilt cycle does swamp things and maybe that's what I wanted in some ways, something awful to keep me busy, keep me focused AWAY from the things that are really hurting me. And habit is a huge part of this, it's a pattern I learned very early on...
It's just that I'd love more than anything to 'just say no' and not think too deeply about it all, but for me the thinking has to be done. It might be painful, but it's what I have avoided all this time, and it seems like facing it will be the only way to shake free of this. I do appreciate the input you & KD are giving, thank you!!!

 

[Kira]

I meant to say working on one's head/mind and the diet/food at the same time. Both need to be in synch.

 

[Katycakes]

Kira, thanks for your post too, it helps! Funny how easy it is to wobble and panic. Lots of work ahead but I am up for it, and do feel so much less alone.

 

[KD]

To be honest, I think we can spend a disproportionate amount of time wondering why we do it, when we could spend more time just saying "no".

I know I have a long way to go, as the 'just say no' thing didn't make me feel better but worse...

The two need to be tackled together.
xx

Exactly. My point at the top was that I believe too many people spend too much time going through why they overeat, and not enough time taking action. Of course, the two need to be tackled together.

I meant to say working on one's head/mind and the diet/food at the same time. Both need to be in synch.

This is a difficult one because it depends on which diet you are doing.

Personally, I found it difficult to really sort out the food/emotional/compulsive eating when I was on Cambridge. I treated cambridge as the tool to get me to a point where I could work on the inappropriate eating.

Mainly because I really had to get it into my head that the food would still be there for me whenever I wanted and 'at the end of the diet' was too far ahead. I needed to know that I could have it in 10 minutes, so that I could put a pause inbetween. Something to stop me compulsively reaching for food and eating immediately.

 

[KD]

Katycakes I understand the fear factor and why you are scared to look at why you act in the way you do. That's me and probably many others. I think the key is not only recognizing that the work to be done on any diet is in one's head but more importantly working on one's head more than the diet/food. I am making sense?

Loads of sense. It's not about the food. It's not even about the weight.

Food is the substance we use because of the problem.
Weight is the side effect the the problem.

Neither of them are the problem.

For example.

Imagine I had a nasty habit of throwing myself against a brick wall.

The wall isn't the problem.
The injuries I get from it aren't really the problem

the problem is why I'm throwing myself again the brick wall in the first place

 

[Porgeous]

Personally, I found it difficult to really sort out the food/emotional/compulsive eating when I was on Cambridge. I treated cambridge as the tool to get me to a point where I could work on the inappropriate eating.

Following on from this I think whilst on CD it a great time to think about these things and raise your level of awareness. You can then use that heightened awareness when you move into maintenance as you can only really tackle things as they arise.

xx

 

[KD]

Following on from this I think whilst on CD it a great time to think about these things and raise your level of awareness. You can then use that heightened awareness when you move into maintenance as you can only really tackle things as they arise.

xx

Glad you added that PG

 

[Katycakes]

Kira, Porgeous & KD, thank you, wish I could give you all a hug! So much here that makes sense. KD, I will carry your brick wall image with me from now on... couldn't have a more dramatic symbol for what I am doing, & one that makes it all seem SO clear.
Porgeous, I agree that CD food-free weeks are the time to start looking at this... it has to be really, for me, these things have never been allowed to even have head-space before now, I've been so adept at 'stuffing' them back down. Take away the food, and the issues begin to be visible... it would be crazy not to look at them, however scary it may be.
I feel so strongly that this thread, along with CD, will help make a massive difference to my life... I keep saying it, but thanks for being there.
xxx

 

[Smiley_Cat]

Katycakes, Porgeous, KD, Kira, and everyone else who has contributed - this thread has been a great one indeed, thanks so much

But one thing we haven't really said is that it isn't just the bad things that happen in life that can throw us off track...so to drive the point home further that food is not the issue (at least for me)... (and sorry in advance for the food reference on the 100% forum, but it is key to the story)

My biggest 'aha moment' so far came as quite the shocker. A few weeks ago, early in my CD journey I was feeling good and happy, and in control of my life for the first time in ages. I felt I was moving in the right direction - towards the person I really thought I was deep inside - and on a lot of fronts, CD/weight just being one of them. I'd just eaten my last pack of the day....then, quite scarily, I watched myself order a pizza, get the money out, pay the delivery guy, sit down on the sofa with the box on my lap (something I have never done!) and scarfed the whole thing (except the crusts as they were slowing me down!) and didn't taste a thing.

I posted about that on here when it happened, saying 'but it wasn't emotional eating as I was feeling great' and someone said that if I wasn't hungry then it was emotional eating, and that I just needed to figure out what emotion it was.

That made me think hard. And true enough, it was emotional eating - but not the sad, depressed, out of control, stressed type, but the opposite - happy, in control, positive emotions that led me to binge.

And it dawned on me - I'm not USED to being happy, in control, and positive about my life. Sure I'm good at pretending, but deep down inside, nope!

That just made it so crystal clear to me that it is my head and not my stomach that has ruled so much of my weight issues. It isn't real hunger at all. Which is why I'm so in agreement with everyone who says you have to sort out the mind & body in synch, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

As for the 'how to know if it is real hunger'...It was Porgeous or Lilypop who, early on for me, helped me see that even a rumbling stomach doesn't really have to mean you're hungry. After all, I'm getting all the nutrients I need in the packs. So I started to tell myself that the grumbling was just my stomach getting a workout And then, when I did have that binge, Wow! did I feel it later - my stomach was no longer used to such masses of food and I felt so ill. Was never quite sure about the whole 'stomach shrinking' thing but I believe it now! I don't know if I really know what real hunger is yet myself, but I'm trusting that my body is getting what I need, and as I move through CD I'll learn.

Fact is, I managed through Christmas very well, and my 'losing the plot' at New Year was really as much down to the drink (and justifying eating because I knew I was going to drink), and being with friends who don't know I'm on CD. But I'm not kicking myself at all. I enjoyed myself and am back on track...and, rehydrating and getting back on track and I've lost 6lbs in the last two days.

So I know that I'm still heading in the right direction. I'm never going to be perfect, but as long as I'm heading in the right direction, not beating myself up, and sorting out the real issues, then I'm happy...and getting used to that feeling

Cx

 

[Katycakes]

Smiley, I so identify with that 'trance' eating thing... not even tasting the food... and I know too that not just sad emotions but good ones too can tip me over - I don't know if I am afraid to be happy? Does that sound crazy? Even though on the surface I look and act happy, and I know friends would say that I was. I am in many ways, but there's so much hurt too, just well-hidden. In the past, when things have been going too well for me I will sabotage things food-wise and spin myself out of control again, perhaps I just don't know how to be any different for more than a short while? But it's also all about punishing myself afterwards with feelings of self-loathing, and that is wrong, I know.
This time I am so sure it can be different. CD is so different to other things i have tried, and never before have these questions even raised themselves... it's so obvious they need to be sorted for me to change and disconnect from the old patterns. You are dead right about heading in the right direction... all of us are, & all of us are determined to get there. We may stumble along the track but we can be there for each other when that happens and make sure we don't fall but keep on, one step at a time.

 

[Smiley_Cat]

Yep, life is full of stumbles and we have to learn to get up, dust ourselves off and keep on moving in that right direction.

Heh! It just occurred to me - no wonder our 'safety blankets' are old, dirty and ugly...they've stumbled with us and gotten all covered in the muck we fell into! lol Best to leave it there in the muck eh?

Hang in there, sounds as though you've got some big issues to deal with (as do I) but I'm sure you can. You're doing some really good things for yourself, doing CD, coming on here, opening up...

Good luck chickie
Cx

 

[Serena A]

I posted about that on here when it happened, saying 'but it wasn't emotional eating as I was feeling great' and someone said that if I wasn't hungry then it was emotional eating, and that I just needed to figure out what emotion it was.

Guilty as charged :ashamed0005: I have a big gob don't I lol! I'm glad you found it helpful though xx

 

[KD]

I posted about that on here when it happened, saying 'but it wasn't emotional eating as I was feeling great' and someone said that if I wasn't hungry then it was emotional eating, and that I just needed to figure out what emotion it was.

I'm not too sure I go along with that. I've had it out with someone else long time back...and still not convinced that all overeating is driven by how we feel emotionally.

I had said, sometimes I eat when I'm happy, and she said that happy was an emotion. Well yes, but often I didn't eat when I was happy

So, I still don't believe it and have certainly sorted out my food issues without using that.

I guess it's for each of us to find out what causes us to overeat on a personal level by exploring all options.

For me, I ate because I ate. That's what I did. I ate because it was Friday after work. I ate because the food happened to be there. I ate because one biscuit always led to the packet. It was my routine.

sometimes I ate for emotional reasons, but more often than not I just ate whatever, whenever.

 

[Serena A]

Hi KD

I think from what I remember, Smiley had said it was like she watched someone else do it and she'd already stopped herself 3 times before actually doing the deed, so it wasn't because the food was there or because one thing led to another. But of course you are right to point out that an opinion is simply an opinion

I certainly appreciate your point of view and actually I would agree. Men, for example, are often (not always) great ones for simply overeating/overdrinking just for the pleasure of it without the emotional baggage attached. I suppose our first instinct is to automatically relate situations to our own experience but your post has reminded me it does us well to bear in mind that just as the "eat less and move more" brigade can have a narrow outlook to weight issues it can also go too far the other way sometimes.

 

[Porgeous]

Oh yes totally agree on this one, sometimes I ate just for the pure pleasure of eating, it is after all an enjoyable thing.

x

 

[Serena A]

It is isn't it, dammit!!

 

[Porgeous]

It is isn't it, dammit!!

:8855::8855: hell yeah!