Emotional Eaters... Any Advice?

[Katycakes]

Hiya... wow!

Lostris, glad you have lots of support and love around you... you deserve it! Starting to see that is part of the whole process... part of no longer having to hide or pretend to be something you're not. YOU is good enough.
Your icon does convey all of that, in a gentle way. I didn't see she was crying but did notice her sad eyes... and I know it can't have been a coincidence she's holding the veil. Like I said, I hope you won't be needing that veil for much longer... we talked a way back on this thread about security blankets... things to hide behind that make us feel better... one day your icon will let go of the veil and it'll float away, and her eyes won't be sad anymore, but happy!

Serena... yawning dog!!! Now I get it... you're laid-back and relaxed, not growly! (Well I knew you weren't growly anyway!!!) So true about the way we present different faces to the world, and 'test' people to look beyond the obvious. Can't believe you'd ever get bashful as you seem so level-headed and confident, but there you go, taken in by your wise words again and imagining your confidence was sky-high. Hope it will be soon.
Made me laugh as I was thinking what people would think if I put a pic of my dog on here as my icon - she is a grey hairy lurcher who looks (is?) deranged and psychotic. Moi?!!!

My icon... I identify with it so strongly I swear I believe everyone would know it was me the minute they glimpsed it, except my hair is brown not grey. But it just feels so totally me. And one day I'd like to be able to choose an icon that isn't about hiding, and isn't 'sad'. One day I'd just like to be me!
xxx

 

[Lostris]

Hiya... wow!

Lostris, glad you have lots of support and love around you... you deserve it! Starting to see that is part of the whole process... part of no longer having to hide or pretend to be something you're not. YOU is good enough.
Your icon does convey all of that, in a gentle way. I didn't see she was crying but did notice her sad eyes... and I know it can't have been a coincidence she's holding the veil. Like I said, I hope you won't be needing that veil for much longer... we talked a way back on this thread about security blankets... things to hide behind that make us feel better... one day your icon will let go of the veil and it'll float away, and her eyes won't be sad anymore, but happy!

Serena... yawning dog!!! Now I get it... you're laid-back and relaxed, not growly! (Well I knew you weren't growly anyway!!!) So true about the way we present different faces to the world, and 'test' people to look beyond the obvious. Can't believe you'd ever get bashful as you seem so level-headed and confident, but there you go, taken in by your wise words again and imagining your confidence was sky-high. Hope it will be soon.
Made me laugh as I was thinking what people would think if I put a pic of my dog on here as my icon - she is a grey hairy lurcher who looks (is?) deranged and psychotic. Moi?!!!

My icon... I identify with it so strongly I swear I believe everyone would know it was me the minute they glimpsed it, except my hair is brown not grey. But it just feels so totally me. And one day I'd like to be able to choose an icon that isn't about hiding, and isn't 'sad'. One day I'd just like to be me!
xxx

Hi Katy

I am having a hard time telling myself the ''bold'' part of text is true ;-). I have to be honest, I feel my self esteem is even lower now I lost weight and I fear new people I meet will think differently of me. Strangely, I always thought people became friends with me coz I was the fat girl... people who didn't want to bother with ''the fat girl'' simply never befriended me. Now I'm worried people will befried me for something they think I am, something they think I look like, without thinking of WHO I am as a person. That probably sounds very complex ;-)

Thanks so much for your uplifting words, I really hope on leaving the veil behind and feeling secure and confident about myself. I hope to be able to trust people to care for me just coz I am me, not for other reasons.. *sighs*

Whoever said losing weight wasn't complex was seriously wrong :'')

I hope you too, will be able to show your true self and be confident about it all! I hope you will find a way to not have to hide anymore.

xxx

 

[Katycakes]

But Lostris, you have put so much thought into this, it's so much more than a weight-loss journey. And while you've been hiding away behind the veil (weight) you have been the same person underneath... as you are now. It's just that you are wiser, and perhaps more wary, now. But your confidence will grow as you see that people still respond to YOU and the person you are inside... and hopefully you will be brave enough to take a risk and let people get close to you.
Weight may have kept you 'safe' in some ways, but it also made you unhappy or I'm guessing you wouldn't have worked so hard to lose it. It wasn't quite the shield you thought it was, maybe. And maybe now you are strong enough to manage without a shield at all?
After all, your friends have shown you so much love and support... yes, some people are shallow and judge on appearances but that's their problem really and you will learn to spot them, promise.
Work on that self-esteem and on liking yourself just the way you are. You have your whole life before you, and it's going to be great!!!
Big hugs.
xxx

 

[biltsy]

Hi All. Just to add something to you all. I have been fighting this weight issue since I was 13 and am now 40. I go down to a healthy weight for a few years then life gets too much for me and it all piles back on. This time round though I feel will be different because last year I saw a counsellor. I know it may not be to everyones taste but it really helped me realise 'who I am' why I do what I do etc. So this time losing weight is for me, and only me. I have always thought of myself as a fat bird even when slim, but now I am me, whether fat or slim. I am happy being me for the first time in years and I know I will succeed. Just remember who you are and why you are doing this, and I sure we will all get to where we want to be.

 

[Lostris]

But Lostris, you have put so much thought into this, it's so much more than a weight-loss journey. And while you've been hiding away behind the veil (weight) you have been the same person underneath... as you are now. It's just that you are wiser, and perhaps more wary, now. But your confidence will grow as you see that people still respond to YOU and the person you are inside... and hopefully you will be brave enough to take a risk and let people get close to you.
Weight may have kept you 'safe' in some ways, but it also made you unhappy or I'm guessing you wouldn't have worked so hard to lose it. It wasn't quite the shield you thought it was, maybe. And maybe now you are strong enough to manage without a shield at all?
After all, your friends have shown you so much love and support... yes, some people are shallow and judge on appearances but that's their problem really and you will learn to spot them, promise.
Work on that self-esteem and on liking yourself just the way you are. You have your whole life before you, and it's going to be great!!!
Big hugs.
xxx

Thanks so much Katy.. xxx

You are right. I have put a lot into this, I have turned myself around 360 degrees and I've been very strong. I was in fact very unhappy coz of my weight.

It's just... soooooo complex isn't it. I worry people are going to be all different... It's hard to explain but all your maybe's are right. I have no idea how to like myself more or how to fix my confidence though; so any tips (ANY!) are appreciated but it's a hard thing to change isn't it.. I have a lot of trouble accepting compliments; I fear they're not honest etc............ :s

*sighs*

xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Might not be the best person to advise, as I have some work to do on this myself... but if/when I look at this (OK, I know that's mad... I need to do it NOW) I'd try this...
You need to make friends with yourself, learn to like and accept yourself the way you are. I suspect you are a gentle & sensitive person who would make a loyal friend, always seeing the best in people. Look in the mirror and see the person there as a new friend... shy, troubled, lacking in confidence. Get to know her. Give her some compliments. Ask her about her achievements (don't let her get away with telling you she's useless - you know her way better than that). I think most of us are kinder to other people than we are to ourselves... so treat the girl in the mirror as a stranger. Help her to trust you, learn to trust her. Don't let her (you) run herself down, think in negatives, etc.
Remind yourself that you have to take risks in life - yes, it's a risk to let a new friend in, to trust someone new, but what is the alternative? Turn your back on the possibilty of happiness, love, fun, companionship, adventure? I don't think so. Live life - that's what it's for.
Self-confidence means making friends with the most important person in your world... YOU.
You can do it, Lostris... I know you can.

 

[Lostris]

Might not be the best person to advise, as I have some work to do on this myself... but if/when I look at this (OK, I know that's mad... I need to do it NOW) I'd try this...
You need to make friends with yourself, learn to like and accept yourself the way you are. I suspect you are a gentle & sensitive person who would make a loyal friend, always seeing the best in people. Look in the mirror and see the person there as a new friend... shy, troubled, lacking in confidence. Get to know her. Give her some compliments. Ask her about her achievements (don't let her get away with telling you she's useless - you know her way better than that). I think most of us are kinder to other people than we are to ourselves... so treat the girl in the mirror as a stranger. Help her to trust you, learn to trust her. Don't let her (you) run herself down, think in negatives, etc.
Remind yourself that you have to take risks in life - yes, it's a risk to let a new friend in, to trust someone new, but what is the alternative? Turn your back on the possibilty of happiness, love, fun, companionship, adventure? I don't think so. Live life - that's what it's for.
Self-confidence means making friends with the most important person in your world... YOU.
You can do it, Lostris... I know you can.

Wow, nice advice. Might not do the mirror thing but writing things down about myself, good qualities of mine, why Im a good friend/person/etc, my achievements would really be a good start.

Will try this and get back to you! ;-)

How are you doing hon?

xx

 

[Katycakes]

Doing OK honey... still a bit wrecked after the flu, but getting there.
I also noticed about your icon... she either has:
a/ Furry white ears
b/ angel wings!!!!
Seriously, what's not to love? Either way, I'd say that makes her pretty amazing... tell her that next time you glimpse her in the mirror, because I guess she is a part of you!
xxx

 

[Smiley_Cat]

Hi all. Glad to say I'm recovering well from my op. The bruising is just awful and the strong painkillers still very necessary, but I've been up and walking around.

One thing this surgery confirmed for me - how mad are those perfectly 'normal' people who undergo plastic surgery for pure vanity??? Why on earth would someone choose to undergo anything that causes pain like this. Ok, maybe because I've never had any surgery before I wasn't expecting it to be as bad as it has been, and maybe those studies that say redheads feel more pain are true, but sheesh! Someone bash me over the heid if I ever say I'd consider elective surgery! I'm just glad that, when I asked my surgeon about the chances of having the same problem in my other leg, he responded 'well you never had DVT in that leg'...I'll take that as an 'unlikely'! Phew!

The other thing this experience has shown me is just how much I want to reduce my weight to a healthier, firmer level. The swelling and bruising hurt like h*ll, and the extra weight on my thigh pulls at the wounds when I'm up and walking around. So if I do ever have to undergo similar surgery I do _NOT_ want to be in the same situation I am now.

Finally - the enforced 'break' from SS that I've been on has not been as bad as I dreaded before it started. And I'm more enthused than ever about getting back on it when I can come off the blood-thinners.

Surprisingly, this has been an emotional week - the pain, the exhaustion from the pain, the feelings of helplessness, guilt at my poor folks sitting around taking care of me (even though I'm so happy they came across to do so), the boredom - but I've not been too bad on the eating front. My folks have changed their eating habits since my father's heart attack a couple years ago, so the meals have been pretty high protein/veg. Toast has been my biggest weakness this week though (I never have bread in my house normally, but my folks love it and I've not been able to resist!) and without the exercise I normally do - plus the swelling - I'm dreading seeing my CDC tomorrow. Yes, I'm still going to go to keep things on track - I don't want to let things slip because of this.

The main thing is...At least I haven't binged as I normally might have, so I'll take it as a good sign that perhaps I've turned a corner with all the emotional eating/self-destructive behaviour issues, and am finally ready to take care of myself as I deserve.

Anyway, I thought I'd update you all and say thanks to those of you who offered kind words of support. I've still got a couple more weeks before I can get back on SS, but I will get there and be back on the 100% wagon and en route to meeting my goal ... with a healthier leg to boot!

Hope you are all doing welll
Hugs!
Cx