I'm so hungover
I decided last night that it would be an excellent idea to have a few drinks seeing as I wouldn't be able to drink tonight because of work tomorrow. Uuughhhhhhh! A few drinks turned into half a bottle of bourbon
So my morning is written off because I can't think straight
I was going to study but I need to go pick my bf up early today (cos he's a freakin chancer and thinks cos I'm off it must be a half day for him
) so there's no point in even starting to revise anything.
Not in the best of moods today. Probably because of the hangover, but also because my dad's home (and has been every day that I've had off this week - you'd think I wasn't trusted to be alone in this fecking house) and also because I had to take down my still damp clothes so he could use the bloody clothes airer thing. Why can't people just wait for their turn? If you can clearly see that someone has damp clothes still drying, don't put a wash on! He was using the other airer so it's not like he didn't know that I had the other one out with stuff drying on it.
Also, half my stuff from the other airer has gone missing, because these idiots don't even know what clothes are their own
my bf has had so many pairs of socks go missing, and then seen them being worn by those dickheads!! And by that point it's useless getting them back because they've been stretched out of shape and are useless to him (he has smaller feet than my dad & brother) FFS!!! I was looking for one of our towels once and I found some of my bf's shirts that had been worn by whoever, they were sitting in a crumpled heap and covered in tar because my brother had worn them to his work
tar doesn't just come off btw!
:cry:
I am so sick of living in this fecking house. Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!
They've been dropping some hints recently, they are about as subtle as a brick to the face. I was questioning where my rent money goes. Backstory: bf and I pay £420 between us for the privilege of living here, we used to pay £500 and that was when I had LESS money than I do now, WTF. Anyway. We have a feeling that my brother either pays nothing at all or about £100. There's loads of reasons why this is unfair, one being that me and my bf buy all of our own food AND we take turns in buying milk, eggs, salt, pepper, frylight, toilet roll and recently kitchen roll and mayonnaise were added to this bizarre shared items thing. My brother does none of this, my parents buy all his food and make his dinner and don't ask him to buy milk or eggs or whatever. So.. when my mum said "it's your turn to buy the kitchen roll" I was pissed off, because of everything basically, and I said "what does my extortionate rent actually cover, mum?" to which my dad said "why don't you find your own bloody place??!?!?" and this is his new way to make me angry
So since then I've hated living here even more
They hate us living here, we hate having to live here. And the other night when I jokingly asked if it was too late to be adopted, my mum took it seriously and said basically what my dad had the other day "find your own house" kind of thing. (I was joking about the adoption thing because we were discussing xmas and it was a complete farce, about who's coming here and why my uncle won't have it at his etc.. I said "this family is a joke, everyone is scared of upsetting him but it's ok for him to upset all of us? Is it too late for me to adopted?" it had nothing to do with living here or paying rent or anything, so my mum is obviously just looking for any excuse to make me feel crap about living here)
And while I'm ranting, here's another thing. A while ago my brother started a diet, a crash diet basically, I think he's lost like 2 stone, well done and all that. But anyway, around about the time he started it, I had bought that WW butter stuff to try. It was gone within a week because my brother helped himself to it (and our squash, mayo and fruit btw - that's why mayo is now on the "shared" list FFS) Anyway, whatever, I was actually past the point of caring. That was until a brand new tub of WW spread appeared in the fridge, and my mum had written my brother's name on the lid of it in permanent marker and "do not touch". Seriously.
He has been using the spread we bought last week too actually, but because I can't be bothered with a big scene I haven't said anything. My bf said he is going to have a word, but it just makes living here worse so I hope he won't
Ffs, I could cry.
I know I sound like a moody teenager. I'm not immature, honestly. I am a fully grown adult! And that's why this stuff makes me so angry, because I get treated like I'm about 17. My dad makes sarcastic comments all the freaking time.. "that pot won't wash itself" talking to a pot that I've got steeping, or "tidy up in here when you're done" as we're cooking the dinner. It infuriates me. You don't have to tell me what to do! I know to tidy up!!! But he does it just to wind me up! He likes to think he has control over us or something. Seriously every comment that he makes is just him looking to have an argument. I ignore every ****ing one! Every single comment, I ignore it!!! And it does his head in, that's why he keeps doing it, that's why he's started using us living here as a thing to make comments about. That's why he puts washing on when mine is still drying. He wants a reaction! AAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate living here. I hate my parents, genuinely. You know when like, someone you aren't really fond of will speak to you, and you can't help it but you notice that your input to the conversation is a bit off, you can hear it in your own voice that your dislike for the person is coming through a bit? I'm probably alone in this lol. Anyway, that happens to me when I speak with my parents, when they're not making comments or being dickheads, just when we're talking about something or whatever. I can hear myself not caring. I get the impression from them that the feelings mutual. You can walk into our house after work or uni or whatever, and they won't say hi to you, but if you don't say hi to them and they are in a "good mood", it's all "what's wrong with your face". If they are in a bad mood, everyone else has to be, if you can't be arsed with them because of the bad moods they're always in, you're in the wrong!
So. My bf and I can't move out, my job is temporary and my uni loan/bursary isn't enough to cover half the bills or rent etc on its own, and during the summer I don't get anything. Even if my work keep me on after December, it'll only ever be a temp contract and I can't commit to renting a house when I don't know if I'll have work 3 months down the line. My bf's salary wouldn't cover everything and he's already said he's accepted that he's stuck here probably for the next 4 years (that doesn't stop him complaining about them to me or threatening to move out and leave me here or all the other crap I put up with from him because of them). We wouldn't get a council house because we're not junkies and I'm not pregnant. Plus they are all in really rough areas that neither of us would enjoy living in.
We are stuck here. I have put up with this for... 2 years now I think. I've kept quiet when they've done little things to upset me, I haven't risen to any of my dad's comments, I've paid for milk, eggs etc when it was my turn even though it's so cheeky to ask me to pay for things I hardly use when my brother doesn't have to and he uses more than his fair share, I've loaned them money even when I had less money than all of them (college bursaries are poor). I've got to the stage now where I don't know how long I can go on like this, without rising to the comments or turning into a teenager and throwing a tantrum when they remind me that I need to buy milk again. I barely have conversations with them anymore. I get dirty looks and shrugs from them when I try to talk to them anyway. They are really passive aggressive with me which is beyond infuriating.
One more thing before I go off to get ready to pick up the bf, have a wee cry and chainsmoke. Last week we had pasta n sauce for our dinner. The day before this, I had been at uni from around half 9 in the morning until about 7pm, I got home at like half 7, 8 ish. My mum had text me when I was driving (I don't text whilst driving but I noticed it when I parked up when I got home). It said "remember get milk". I walked into the house, I was in a really bad mood that day already because I had almost been in a car crash in the morning and I had to stay really late at uni because of a group work thing that was a complete farce and a rant for another day. I went to tell my bf that we needed to go get milk, so we went up to the store and got it, it was like 9pm by this point.
Anyway. Back to the pasta n sauce. I put it in the tub to go in the microwave after my bf had done whatever it was he was doing. I sat down at the table to have a cigarette and my mum was over at the microwave/cooker bit. She picked up the empty pasta packet and said "oh look, I was going to have that for my dinner last night! But someone didn't bother to get milk so we couldn't have it"
Let's just say that this comment did not go down well with me. They have a car, they could've gone up to the store (a 2 min drive away) to get the bloody milk. "I was just joking" is what she said. No, she obviously wasn't. The tone of her voice said it all. I told her exactly what kind of day I'd had and how long I'd been at uni for and how I only got her freaking text when I got home at 8pm and how if she wanted or needed milk that ****ing badly, why the hell did she not get it herself?!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh
