Expecting too much of people

[blue_grapefruit]

Everyone in your life has a different role. What happens when that person doesn't perform to your expectations? Is it their fault or yours?

Ok, i'm sorry I'm being vague but this is very difficult.

If you are always being dissapointed, is it your fault for expecting too much or is it the other persons fault for always dissapointing you?

Any thoughts would be much appreciated! xxx

 

[Kitteh]

I guess it depends.. depends on how high those expectations are.. everyone has expectations of other people.. in whatever role they play in your life.. they should live up to those if the expectation is of normal levels.. I think so anyways.. like if you need help.. an expectation is that a friend will help you.. if they dont. then that would be their fault.. if you get me..

x x

 

[westiegirl]

Difficult to say without knowing the full circumstances but on a personal level I am far too much of a perfectionist and many people have failed to live up to my expections.

I have learned to relax my attitude over time to avoid disappointment, but it is important not to let your expectations drop too much because that's when people will take advantage.

It's all about balance and only you can decide what the correct balance is, based on the circumstances and a realistic look at all the situation.

Sorry, I'm not helping much am I

 

[Porgeous]

Tricky one darlin but my gut feel is that it depends on the expectations. If the expectation stops that person being who they are then ultimately they are unrealistic, however, if they are things that most of us could reasonably expect from another then you are right to do so.

Am I making any sense?

xx

 

[Chelle x]

Hi BG, just wanted to add my opinion to this as there have been times when I've been disappointed by close friends. The way I tend to look at it is that if I would do certain things for them then I would hope that they did them for me. If these people then fail to do this, I re-assess the friendship/relationship to avoid future disappointment as I wouldn't want to lose friends over hurt that they probably didn't intend to cause.
Not sure if that all makes sense but I completely understand where you're coming from.

 

[blue_grapefruit]

I think you all make perfect sense. Sarah you have defo hit the nail on the head with the "relaxing my attitude" as i am defo one to fly off the handle.

I always try my best to avoid dissapointing people and always go mad when people let me down. As one of the closest miniminers to me once said "Leah, you are far too hot headed".

Expect nothing, be pleasently suprised?! xx

 

[Isis]

I think you all make perfect sense. Sarah you have defo hit the nail on the head with the "relaxing my attitude" as i am defo one to fly off the handle.

I always try my best to avoid dissapointing people and always go mad when people let me down. As one of the closest miniminers to me once said "Leah, you are far too hot headed".

Expect nothing, be pleasently suprised?! xx

Are you a Virgo by any chance?? like moi!!!!

I think if you go mad when people let you down hun, then you are giving yourself a really hard time and that can be very draining emotionally.

I'm not saying that sometimes it may be totally justified depending on how badly you have been let down, but my twopennorth would be to say to try and ease up on yourself, protect your feelings a bit more and not sweat some of the small stuff?

Is that as clear as mud....lol

P.S. I think hot headedness goes with age.....lol

 

[blue_grapefruit]

Brill advice there hun - thank you.

I'm a very indecisive Libra, and am only 22 so watch your lip VS.com xx

 

[Isis]

Brill advice there hun - thank you.

I'm a very indecisive Libra, and am only 22 so watch your lip VS.com xx

lol....exactly!!!!...You are ONLY 22 so hot headed malarky will take a while to cool..xxx

 

[HelenG]

I work with a lady who has extremely high expectations of everybody else but doesn't actually tell people what she expects from them.

Have you told your friend about the hurt? If you have and they still do it, then you need to re-evaluate the friend. However if they are unaware of your expectations how can they meet them?

 

[kazzymc]

i reckon ur expectations change as you get older i used to expect alot and get nothing and now i expect nothing and seem to be happier for it,, saves the hurt then as no one can let ya down

 

[Isis]

i reckon ur expectations change as you get older i used to expect alot and get nothing and now i expect nothing and seem to be happier for it,, saves the hurt then as no one can let ya down

Amen to that

 

[blue_grapefruit]

But, and dont be mad, i'm not older!

 

[kazzymc]

But, and dont be mad, i'm not older!

but you will be older 2moro than you are today and so on and so forth

 

[Isis]

but you will be older 2moro than you are today and so on and so forth

....and wiser and wiser every day.....

 

[blue_grapefruit]

So should i wait to deal with my problems tomorrow? COs after all i will be wiser! Ok, now i'm being a smart arse...

What i guess i'm saying is that i cant base my reactions to things on the premise that i may be wiser in a few years. Hindsight is a glorious but evil thing...

 

[Gen]

Hey... my tuppence hapenny worth is this...... I give way too much and always expected the same from friends and measured how much of a friend they were by how much they gave back to me.

It did take a while but now I just take everyone for their individual friendships... if I feel pissed off cos someone hasn't given me the support i would have given I have a think about the friend in general and more often than not their good points far outweigh their bad points so I can live with them not giving as much as I would have or expected.

I am giver... as obviously you are too... but not everyone is I'm afraid

Hope that made some sense

Gen xx

 

[HelenG]

I think people are just asking you to step back for a minute. It is so hard , but even if you can count to 10 before a reply you may take the sting out - does that make sense?

You may also find that it's not quite as bad as you first thought

 

[blue_grapefruit]

It did, and thanks!

I feel MUCH better now, maybe i should do the "counting to ten" thing before i react

 

[kazzymc]

or 20 if you still explode