failing miserably...

Discussion in 'Exante' started by skinnyG, 11 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. skinnyG

    skinnyG Member

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    Please don't read this if you're doing well and feeling motivated and in a good place. I don't want to bring anyone down by me moaning.

    I don't know how everyone else manages, I must completely lack resolve and willpower. I started this diet with the best intentions, but am just finding it impossible to cope without any proper food. It's driving me a little bit crazy.

    I'm fine all day, it's the evenings, after I've had my soup that I want to go kitchen raiding. Also yesterday as it was a weekend day, I just couldn't stop thinking about food.

    Are some people just not up to it and should I be looking at one of the food included solutions instead?

    It's my day 5 today so I'm going to try again. Not going to have my morning shake until I start to feel hungry and see where I go from there. I really don't want to give up. I'm sick and tired of being fat and have tried to many diets that if I give up on this I don't know what else to do.

    Sorry to be a moaner, as I said, you all seem to do so wonderfully I feel terribly guilty for whining.
     
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  3. justgina

    justgina taking it 1 day at a time

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    I feel your pain. It took me many tries until i got my head into the right place this time around. You could maybe try the working solution which allows you around 400 cals of food. The yogurt and fruit is my saviour. I save it until mid to late evening then i can always have something in reserve. Having said that, i have had a bad week this week have had chocolate so i'll be happy to have stayed the same. Need to get my own head back to the right place to lose these last few pounds. Good luck.
     
  4. Yambabe

    Yambabe Bad Girl

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    I think we've all been there at some point. :(

    You read the posts on here and yes we all do seem to manage wonderfully but trust me there's always a "but" hiding behind all the positive messages. If you've been reading my blog you will know about some of mine..........;)

    Doing this is not easy, well not for me anyway. There have been times when I've sat here and wondered what am I doing this for, what's the point of it really? Like you, evenings are the worst, those long hours stretching ahead, my brain/tummy telling me it could do with just a bit more, the temptation of having food in the house cos I don't live alone, it's bloody hard.

    The first couple of weeks I got round it by going to bed earlier. :eek: No seriously, I'd aim to have my soup most nights around 6.30-7 and I'd be in bed for 10 most nights, which really wasn't like me.

    I then started my one-day-at-a-time mantra, some days I even needed to do it one-hour-at-a-time. I bought no-carb snacks (chicken, prawns) in case I needed them, then spent hours and hours convincing myself that I didn't. I bought the bouillion cubes from Sainsburys and every now & again when I feel the need for something that at least tastes like food I have one of those. I have flavoured fizzy water or coke zero as a treat. Sometimes I still crack and I do nibble, but I can usually stop at a taste which isn't so bad. Only once have I come really close to sabotaging the whole thing, and even then I managed to catch myself in time. Boy did I agonise over it later though. :eek:

    After all that rambling I'm afraid I don't really have an answer for you. I can tell you that for me it truly did get a little easier the longer I was into it, doesn't mean there aren't still "moments" though. I'm fairly sure I am one of the lucky ones who is experienceing the ketosis "euphoria" side-effect, you may not be.

    If you really don't think you can do it then yes, try the working solution and add a meal, see what happens.

    On the other hand you could just drink more water and tell yourself you can do this til your next pack. Whe you go to bed you can do it til tomorrow. And just keep drinking the water and telling yourself that.......

    Maybe start to blog your moods & feelings too, reading back over it you may be able to spot the danger signals and down times and look at ways to distract yourself when you know they are likely to happen.

    It's not going to be an easy journey whatever you choose to do, but I'm sure you can do it. :) Even if you don't do it 100% the conventional way and have to adapt it a bit to suit you you can do it. Oh and once you see the numbers on the scales starting to drop you'll be surprised how much that can motivate you too!

    Good luck.
     
  5. Mumbles

    Mumbles Full Member

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    Skinny G - I'm struggling too. I lost about 14lbs. with Lighter Life Lite, but it is far too expensive for me. The good thing was that the meetings gave me some motivation. There are no meetings to go to now with Exante, you're on your own. I managed another 4 days, and then came yesterday, a Saturday. White wine is my downfall. I had a glass with lunch and then that was it. I really need to give up the wine. I'm going to give it another go though.
     
  6. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    Right then chuck, if you're looking at this on a willpower basis alone, you're on a hiding to nothing. Willpower doesn't necessarily have to be overcome, it just has to be managed.

    The rest of us may be doing well because we've discovered for ourselves a few useful tools:- 1) habit, 2) distraction, 3) a change of approach and 4) results.

    As you will have read, the first week is hellish. You are fighting against umpteen years of habit, which doesn't change overnight. Your body screams at you to be fed. It will tell you to eat that which it is used to, but once it realises it's not going to get fed, it quietens down a bit, which for me was after about a week. That is normal, and is not permanent. You body resists the change to it's alternative fuel source (See my post elsewhere about the 'dual fuel car analogy'), and you are effectively 'withdrawing' from a carb addiction. But it's temporary, it passes soon enough and is a blessed relief when it does.

    Apparently according to certain NLP practictioners, it takes 21 occurrences of the 'new practice' until habit forms - which is a week of 3 times a day, or 3 weeks if you're doing something new daily. Therefore whatever it is, you cannot crack it overnight.

    Therefore you need to engage the next tool - distraction. Instead of what you've always done, eg sitting in front of Corrie and having the snack itch - go do something else, preferably something absorbing for an hour, bath, read a book, go for a walk (lovely evenings at the mo), do your nails, tidy the wardrobe, crochet, whatever - just anything, preferably not including the kitchen. If the danger time is, say, after the kids have gone to bed, then this is now *your* time, and if you previously rewarded yourself after a tough day with food, you need to adjust your thinking that your 'reward' is doing something constructive for you. Eating random stuff is not constructive (otherwise we wouldn't be here) so now is an opportunity to do something new with your time. You just need to do something different than you've done for several months/years, just one evening at a time.

    Regarding the change of approach - you need to adjust your thinking. Don't think of this in the 'long term', don't think 'I can't do it for weeks'. You can do this 'just for today'. Even if that is too much of an unbearable thought, you are only actually dieting for a maximum of 5 hours at a time, from pack to pack. and after your last pack, it's only going to be about 3-4 hours till bedtime, and if you manage to distract yourself for an hour or two, then the evening will pass in a flash.

    You need to think pack to pack then a day passes. Manage this, and a week will pass. You will get the first week's results which will give added impetus, and by which time your body will stop shouting at you, ketosis will have kicked in, your blood sugar level will have evened out, and more importantly you will have started to form new habits. It only takes a week. (Or, of you prefer, 21 packs, and 7 evenings of doing something else...)

    Thereafter, it will get substantially easier. New habits will get steadily more entrenched, the previous ones begin fall away, you might have found you enjoy your distractions, varying results keep rolling in. Then there are other problems to face, but no-where near the first week 'hell'.

    But most of us still choose to do this 'just for today'. It's a positive choice, doing something for the good of ourselves, rather than a grudging 'need to change or else...'. (Or even worse, 'I hate myself because I'm fat so must do something about it'. :cry: How is anyone going to succeed if they dislike themselves that much?)

    So apart from the first paragraph, where did I mention willpower? ;)

    Now, we're not all perfect, by no stretch of the imagination. I, for example have replaced a few iffy habits with a few others - I've had 'days off' when (4 weeks in) I was too much of a coward to be upfront with the family about doing a VLCD. I'm still also an idle bugger, using replying to this (and listening to the Archers Omnibus) as an excuse for putting-off doing the garden, while on my second coffee and stopping mid-way for a smoko. I also drink far too much fizzy pop. But the VLCD is temporary, and I'll address all of those later. I ain't superhuman, and if I try to tackle everything that's 'wrong' in my little life in one hit, I fear the house of cards will come crashing down...

    So, don't be so hard on yourself - the problem may be with your thinking and approach, and not your willpower. You are perfectly normal. :)

    Anyway, if there's anything specific you have a problem with do come back and we'll all natter further.

    there goes the Archers theme #dum de dum de dum de dummm# I'm off to slaughter the lawn ;)
     
    Last edited: 11 April 2010
  7. Maia

    Maia Full Member

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    It's true, it's not for everyone. I've been chatting to one of my friends who is also aiming to lose some weight. I think this is by far the easiest and most painless way - the thought of following a conventional diet for probably approaching a year (which I would need to for the same results) doesn't appeal at all. Whereas she thinks exactly the opposite and believes she has the easier way and me the more difficult. :rolleyes: There must be so many factors affecting it - lifestyle, relationship with food, the way your metabolism works, etc, etc. Neither is better or worse - just an individual thing.

    HOWEVER, I've got to say, you haven't given it a fair chance yet. The first few days are horrible for everyone, but you are prolonging the agony by having food and so not letting yourself get into ketosis. If you could grit your teeth and do 3 full days with no cheating, I am almost certain you would be ok. And then like Yambabe says, you would see the results on the scales and it would allll be worth it.:flirt2: Good luck whatever you do.:)
     
  8. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    As an aside, I had exactly the same thought recently.

    The thought of losing an average of 1lb a week (which it is, taking into account the weeks where you inexplicably gain, purposely gain, STS, or plateau) for two years is utterly soul destroying. having to practice a degree of self-control for 6 months where you clearly know the demarcation lines seems to be vastly preferable to 2 years worth of the same self-control, in the face of having all the things you want (or have a problem with) dangled within your reach...
     
  9. skinnyG

    skinnyG Member

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    Thanks all for the very sound advice. I do feel stupid, considering compared to some people with longer weightloss journies ahead of them, I don't have so much to lose.

    Taking one day at a time and thinking pack to pack is a good way of thinking about things. As is having some prawns or something handy so that if the urge to eat is too hard to resist, it's not such an epic fail as hitting up the cheese :rolleyes:

    I've had a vanilla shake this morning, hot with coffee to make a faux latte. Sadly I thought it was hideous! Someone mentioned it works better as an iced latte, so may try that next time. But in any case it's nearly 2pm and I've not had my lunch pack yet or anything that I shouldn't and I'm at home on a Sunday so that's a good sign that I may have my head back in the right place. I've had a long bath and am going to attack some washing and ironing and watch a film as you've all kindly suggested; distraction seems to be the key.

    Miss D your advice and encouragement is spot on and invaluable. I must confess, when I posted my cry for help I hoped you'd come along as I knew you'd say the right thing. (Lurking for a few weeks has taught me who the stars are on here) I don't know what you do for a living, but I reckon you'd make a great therapist / councillor / life coach. Thanks to you and everyone for taking the time to dig me out of a hole. I hope I won't let you down from here on in. :)
     
  10. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    Blimey :eek:

    Careful, you'll dent my rock 'n' roll image...:cool: (which only exists in my head, BTW).

    Strangely enough, the day-job does kinda involve sorting out other people's crises, in a roundabout sort-of way...

    Anyway, don't feel stupid - because you aren't - we all have our wobbles in our own way. I actually consider mine quite daft, too. Put it all behind you from this point onwards. That's it. Stop. Onwards...

    Aaaand.... one minor thing... you're doing it for you, not anyone else. Don't give a hoot about letting us down. After all, who the hell are we? lol If said thought give you a bit of impetus then go with it -but we are not the diet police, and are not going to tell you off... ;)

    BTW, the garden's looking much better now, but I'm knackered.
     
  11. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    And BTW. there's absolutely nothing I can do to vanilla to make it palatable. I once stuck in enough coffee to make me climb the curtains, and it still didn't work for me...
     
  12. skinnyG

    skinnyG Member

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    I know. If anything I thought vanilla would be the one which would definately go down okay considering it's a plain sort of flavour. The one I thought I might not like was bannana and it's probably my favourite.

    My boyfriend came home a little while ago after a trip to the shop to buy toothpaste. He bought some hotdogs and hotdog rolls and proudly came to show them to me telling me he thought I would be able to have them... give me strength! It doesn't matter how many times I tell him not to talk to me about food, offer me food, show me food etc he just does not get it. He's a natural bean pole so I guess I can't expect him to understand!
     
  13. amelia23

    amelia23 1lb at a time

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    I think that this diet is really hard until you see your first loss and then you have that to keep you going...ketosis helps though, but eating means it'll take you longer to get into so I wouldn't do it (again...haha been there and had to endure another 3 days of being hungry to get back into it!! lol)

    Anyways....good luck and try to stick with it, if it really isn't for you then bump up to next stage but give it at least the whole week!

    argh hotdogs! i'm starving lol!!! My OH is the same, tho am subtley suggesting she start on this with me...then we can just throw all the food away!! Seems like a plan!
     
  14. Quak

    Quak Gold Member

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    Not read this thread, but from the title just know how you are feeling, the only word that makes sense for my weekend is - binge - it has been a carb and alcohol fest and not in a good sense, my only saving grace has been the amount of walking I have done. I am expecting a bad couple of days to follow when I attempt to go back 100% so watch this space, or more probably my blog. I promise to read all this properly tomorrow. Dammit all to hell.
     
  15. Mrs R

    Mrs R Full Member

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    We have taken stringent measures here to keep me on the straight and narrow, as we live a mile plus from the shops it's not easy to nip out and buy stuff I shouldn't. I got my husband to put locks on the food cupboard and fridge so I can't get in there when he is out. The wine is in the underfloor space where I refuse to go because of the big spiders that live there. I have no access to any food. Needs must :cool:
     
  16. Magggie

    Magggie Full Member

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    Love it
    can imagine J down the underfloor with shotgun & rocking chair, waiting for the squeak on the stairs
    how the devil did you lock the fridge (this post needs photos ;) )
     
  17. Mrs R

    Mrs R Full Member

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  19. skinnyG

    skinnyG Member

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    I'm convinced now that if I can be 100% for 3-4 days it will get easier, so that's what I'm aiming for now. If that fails I shall see about getting my boyfriend to fit a lock on our fridge too!

    Today I've discovered peppermint tea, which is keeping me quiet for now :D

    I think starting the diet on a Wednesday (because I wanted to wait for my brother's birthday to pass before I started) was a bad idea in hindsight. The diet is so much easier to stick to on work days, so I'm hoping if I take today as my new first day, I'll be able to pass the 3-4 days as work will keep me occupied.

    It's what I've discovered is my 'favourite pack' day today too, so that's helpling. Bannana shake, choc orange bar and mushroom soup mmmmm!

    Thanks for all the support everyone. I shall rush on here next time I'm thinking about eating something I shouldn't. I hope I get into ketosis on Thursday or Friday as it sounds like it will be easier from there, fingers crossed!
     
  20. Markyboy

    Markyboy Full Member

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    I cant say iv struggled at all with the TS but after a week i had no hunger what so ever, to the extent where im having to force myself to eat the packs....just stick with it and you'll soon be ok. Im sure it takes 48-72 hours for your body to use up its carb stores and after that changes to alternative sources. Once you have used up your carb stores it should get so so much easier for you.

    best of luck.
     
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