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Fat girl slim... and all the lumps and bumps, ups and downs in between!!

So... this is a big step, actually, in a way, admitting in public that i am going to do it this time! Somehow makes me more accountable for it!

My background... was always chubby at school (around 11st) which was chubby for me then, gained another stone after school then at the age of 20 during pregnancy i ballooned to 15stone 10lbs!

After the birth of my first daughter i was gripped by will power, and lost 6 stone before my 21st birthday 9months later to weigh the smallest of my life at 9st 2! i looked fab even if i do say so myself... i gradually gained a stone or so and maintained at 10st 5lb for a long time (heavier than id like but passable - borderline tubby)

Baby number 2, and i put on weight to been 14st 8lb again, within two weeks of the birth though i was (somehow) 12st 5lb and here i am 8months later losing 6lbs or so and hovering around the 12st 8 mark (after a binge i can gain 8lb and a week of good eating can lose it just as fast)

I know this is incredibly unhealthy and my binges are big time, i could think nothing of eating all day, big bags of crisps, chocolate, anything i could get my hands on.

I'v always had an atkins brain, and know that my binges could be helped by levelling out my blood sugar so i dont want to eat all the time!

So here i am... 12st 10lbs and starting to eat low carb again. I am on day 11 and have kept a food diary so will put them down day by day, as i said above i just feel it makes me more accountable for my actions if i write it down, and then i can spot any triggers or cravings.

I just really want to do it this time, i think its actually worse having been slim before, cos i know i CAN do it, and i can be a size 8... but just doing it again is the difficult thing! Plus im 25 next and i want to look and feel young! Im half of a young couple with 2 beautiful babes and i want to be youthful not like a miserable fat person i am turning into again.

I know some days could be much healthier atkins wise and include more meat, i do know this myself and do try harder, but its difficult going food shopping with the hours my bf works, so im trying my best with what i have in... also i do eat the atkins bars and i have a soft spot for pork crunch.. i know some people dont consider them as healthy but its better than me going insane and eating a double decker and a family sized pack of doritos. I am trying and as soon as i get the binges under control thats the first battle! I know this is the diet for me, i love meat, seafood and salad, and even better - mayonnaise!

So... thats my life 'weight' story, i will put down my food diary in another post then continue daily from there, weigh day every saturday in BOOTS!

nice to meet you all and hopefully i will find some support here :) i will try and be good support too
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Monday 12th July - Not a great day

So not a great day BUT i do have the startings of cutting things out and down (i did have a mini binge though half way through the day which i managed to stop and didnt do any more damage)

2 x bags of pork crunch
pork ribs
bowl of choc cereal
2x toast
chicken salad and mayo
pork scratchings

i dont think it had hit home that i was not going to be eating carbs and i wasnt even thinking just was hungry and wanting anything i could get my hands on
Tuesday 13th July - much better

luckily i found my will power back from somewhere and really tried hard

chicken and bacon salad
2 x mayo pots (in the pub) 27ml each
40g of cheese
pork scratchings
2 x pork steaks, huge pile of lettuce and cucumber
Wednesday 14th july

3 slices of luncheon meat (not good i know but in the early stages i want to eat as much as i can, before ketosis kicks in and kerbs the appetite)
40g cheese
pork scratchings
butterfly chicken breast, 7oz gammon with
full salad and 2 x 27ml mayo

wednesday is family tea night so i managed to find a mix and match type meal, was really lovely too, glad i didnt break and have the tikka!
Thursday 15th july

luncheon meat x 1 slice
pork scratchings
mama lupes low carb tortilla with ham mayo and salad
atkins choc bar
chicken leg
chicken salad and mayo
pork crunch

really need to start cutting out the pork crunch, after copying this from my food diary i realise how often i eat them!
Friday 16th July

2x scrambled eggs, plain but yum
pork crunch
chicken, cheese and mayo salad
low carb biscuit (2g)
choc orange atkins bar
chicken salad and mayo

when i have a salad its a full plate full of lettuce and cucumber and celery, some times i throw some peppers in.

woke up with shocking headache, it went half way through the day, came back with a vengeance at night - awful
Saturday 17th July

weigh day : boots scales 12st 4lb

1 x sauasage
6oz rump, butterfly chicken breast and salad 2 x 25g mayo
bacon rinds and allioli
atkins choc decadence bar

was i a nibbly mood at night, thought it was a lot more than this
Sunday 18th July

normally sunday dinner day at the in laws, so went prepared with my own salad and a atkins bar in case of pudding, it was father in laws birthday so the big fat cream cake came out, not a big fan of them but normally id of tucked in with my big greedy trotters, but i resisted cos it looked foul and wasnt having the usual sugar cravings... i didnt even have the atkins bar either!

prawn salad and mayo (huge salad)
3x belly pork slices and mayo
pork crunch
1 x tomato sausage
Monday 19th July

Pepperami x 2
atkins chocolate brownie bar
pork crunch
pork loin steak (small)
frying steak (not fried though)
cauliflower and broccoli and a bit of cheese grated over the top
small bit of allioli
sugar free boiled lolly

ok... so in hindsight im probably not the most ideal atkins example, but writing it down has made me notice this so now i am gonna have to try much harder, especially with the conveniance stuff.... wouldnt be any wonder if i dont lose weight this week.... then again at least no carbs have really sneaked in, cant have gone over 20g in any day.
Tuesday 20th July

Atkins hazlenut crunch bar
40z cheese
pork steak

oh dear.... nothing else i need say here, will pick up from now on i promise (friday)
needs to eat much more food, proper food, seafood and meat!
Wednesday 21st July

Atkins caramel chocolate nut roll (amazing)
20g cheese
3 x egg omelette
pork scratchings

again not a fab day nutrition wise, but im seeing where i am going wrong... and still no carbs, surely must be in ketosis, the dog breath is saying so!:p
Thursday 22nd July

3 x eggs scrambled with butter yurmee!
3 x rashers of bacon
ashers pecan and caramel choc bar (2g net carbs) this was fab felt like i was eating a boost, felt so guilty and over indulgent i let my daughter eat half !!

Just the cheese.. bbq flavour (yes i did go crazy with the lowcarb megastore.... DONT try these, have pork crunch if u need something to munch on)

then the biggest mistake of the day....
i ordered walden farms marinara sauce from l.c.megastore... i thought if i mixed with mince it would be like an 'allowed' version of spag bol without the pasta!
have been putting this off for days as was sooo looking forward to a 'treat'

dont bother! it was awful and turned the mince pink, looked like dog food, and i just couldnt finish it, mixed through a spoon ful of allioli thinking it would make it more creamy
ack ack ack!
so that was my tea down the drain, made me feel unsettled cos id not stuck to my usual meat and salad, but luckily i didnt eat anything else!
so now here we are on day 11! so far i'v been naughty and had the convenience stuff (mainly as i have nothing in) really need to go shopping this weekend!

but tonight we are out for tea and going to taybarns. this is a big all you can eat buffet type place, i should be fine as plenty of chicken on skewers, prawns on skewers, ribs, roast chicken and a huge crunchy salad bar, so as long as i stick to my guns i should be ok, might be silly putting all that temptation in front of me but at the moment i feel my cravings are well and truly under control, will post later with my food diary of what i did actually eat!
hope everyone has a fab day!
Friday23rd July - Day 11 low carb

atkins choc chip day break bar
pork crunch
1 x celery stalk filled with primula

went to an all u can eat buffet type place for tea and was quite proud, i wasnt even hungry after the first plate of stuff which had on it

cucumber, beetroot, lettuce, celery, chicken, prawns on skewers (lots of) spare ribs
and i think the only (bad) ish thing was the ranch dressing i used as they was out of mayo

so think i did quite well considering it has the best garlic bread in the world

drunk the usual amount of water and 3 glasses of diet pepsi whilst there

when we got home we went to join the in laws at the pub and i had water!

weigh day tomoro!!
Saturday 24th July

weigh day 12st 0lbs 76.6kg

lost 4lbs woohoo very pleased with this considering

atkins peanut day break bar
pork steak
piece of belly pork
100g smoked salmon wrapped around 4 celery stalks chopped up with primula in the middle - gorgeous!
then i was reading through the threads and even though i was full wanted to try the famous MIM
so had one with the original formula, no splenda a bit of salt, and was quite nice
reminded me of wholemeal bread so i think il be using this more!

1 hour walking too.
hiya, thanks for that, means a lot having support x
Sunday 25th July

Atkins brownie bar
luncheon meat x 2 (deli slices)
bag of pork crunch
cooked chicken
full pack of king prawns
120g lettuce

about 10pm - wasnt hungry but OH cooked some burgers with onion in them, i had 1 sliced in half with cheese and gherkin and i just wasnt enjoying it, so stopped! thats unusual for me but glad i did

managed to get through the usual sunday routine of sunday roast at the in laws, took own salad again!

feel very bloated today, not sure if its from the Mim?!

really struggling today, was reading through the other diet threads like ww and sw, and it triggered cravings of 'normal' food!

but feel very bloated again today and 'bored' i know its just because i am sat about, and thats the only reason, havent eaten anything naughty and wont do, but i feel like im been a pig on 'allowed' food aswell! just keep nibbling away, i know it shouldnt be a problem but want to try get a normal relationship with food!

have a weeks worth of cambridge shakes on the top of my fridge and keep wanting 'to do them tomoro' and every time i wake up i just put it off, mainly cos im scared to make the transition as they are higher carb than the induction 20g, but i do want this weight off quickly and i know that cambridge will give me a nice boost next week... plus iv failed on cambridge before cos just wanted food, now im well into ketosis i think il manage it much better!
and im in a better mind state too, wasnt prepared properly for cambridge last time!

so as of WEDNESDAY this week, i am cambridge sole source bound....

from there i dont know what. uncertainty and lack of planning tends to unsettle me and throw me off course so before the end of my 8 days worth of shakes il have to seriously decide where to go next... cos if not my head will say wohoo u got through the 8 planned days... now its party time!!

and this is definately not wanted, so wether i go to exante for a few more weeks / find a cambridge counsellor / or go back to atkins il have to put some serious thought into this
aaarrggghh!! binge mode... whats wrong with me, im assuming boredom, my youngest is not on top form, its raining and its monday so i have no watching eyes over me... cant go out for a walk

iv just had my first binge, atkins (kinda friendly) not tempted to binge on bread or anything seriously silly, just wanted to scoff so found everything i was allowed and ate it, i will list it in a sec, but so i dont feel too bad im not beating myself up about it, as i have stopped (probably cos the protein has made me and everything has stabilised)
and my old binges id have eaten all afternoon until i felt sick, the sick feeling subsided then id of eaten again to that point! so it could be worse (im just making excuses up for myself arent i?!! )

so today i have had :
pork crunch - around lunch time
1 x slice of deli turkey
1 x atkins choc shake
2 x pork loin steaks (chinese style - i know these might be a bad thing, but cant check as bought from butchers so no nutrition labels on, i am aware they might contain sugar)

then within 15mins of eating the pork steaks i had a atkins marshmallow mudslide bar
then i went back for another one - atkins peanut chocolate nougat or something (not nice so i had two bites and binned it - i know i know, 2 quid in the bin but my binges have very weird places in my head)
then i went in the fridge to the endulge bars (not suitable for induction) these have been in the fridge happily for weeks and i ate...
the peanut one.

so thats me done and feeling sick... and looking at it, it might not look like a typical binge, its not, but the characteristics and behaviour was there....

its my own stupid fault, i think it was comitting a day to starting cambridge, i was kind of thinking 'well i cant leave these atkins bars in the biscuit tin as they'll be tempting' so the fat girl in me said 'give em to me, il eat em all to get them out of your way' kind of like 'the last supper type thing.

crikey i dont think iv made any sense whatsoever... but at least the babbling has given me something to do for 10mins, and binge mode is over i believe *fingers crossed*

and there was me thinking men were a complicated species..... they dont come close to a dieting female!

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