Feeling awkward?

[Jenna88]

A friend and I (both of whom have been 'dieting') were talking today about how it's obviously lovely to hear from people that they think you've lost weight as it shows your hard work hasn't gone unnoticed but we also noted that we both feel incredibly awkward when people say it?

Today, I was told by no less than 4 different people that I looked 'well' and had lost a lot of weight. Now recently I've been struggling to see the things that other people are seeing but I genuinely don't think that had anything to do with the way I felt today.

I felt really awkward, and probably didn't respond in the 'normal' way. I just sorta mumbled a giggled thanks and then waited for them to change the subject rather than staring, talking about weight loss and asking how much I'd lost (which I find a little bit rude given that you wouldn't ask someone who'd got fatter how much they'd put on).

It's strange, because surely you should feel really proud of your achievements (which internally, I guess I do because I've worked hard at it) but I just can't muster up the enthusiasm to say 'gee, thanks, yeh I've lost x amount'

Maybe I'm just a moan? Maybe my friend is too? Or are there others out there, who, whilst they appreciate that others can see the difference would rather die than have people talk about it?

 

[clairebrookes]

I used to feel like this and my only conclusion was that I wa feeling a bit offended because if people noticed I had lost weight sort of means that they're acknowledging that I needed to lose weight iyswim. I didn't really li to admit that my weight was as bad as it was but now I just lap up the compliments.

 

[gazter]

I just lap up the compliments.

Lol... Oh yeah. Every third conversation I have now revolves around people asking!! I haven't done well until I have undone the damage in terms of gains though. So it isn't until I get to 25 BMI that I will really feel I have made the achievement.. That said, I am going to be ecstatic when I am no longer 'obese' as I drop under 30 bmi...

 

[clairebrookes]

Lol... Oh yeah. Every third conversation I have now revolves around people asking!! I haven't done well until I have undone the damage in terms of gains though. So it isn't until I get to 25 BMI that I will really feel I have made the achievement.. That said, I am going to be ecstatic when I am no longer 'obese' as I drop under 30 bmi...

Tell me about it... When my bmi is in the overweight category I'm going to do a happy dance!

 

[Jenna88]

See, I'm genuinely not offended by it as I know my weight before hand was out of control and that a change was definitely needed...it's just a very strange situation. Part of me thinks it might be due to the fact my head hasn't yet caught up with my body, in that I still think of myself as highly overweight and the idea of people saying 'nice' things is absurd and not something I'm used to. Thanks for the input, always interesting to see what other peoples opinions are

 

[stivesliz]

Jenna is one of my favourite buddies on here - we agree on soooo much and again I have to say she is right! When you're overweight you're not used to getting compliments and when I get them I always wait for the 'but' or the 'because' -

Revel in it and enjoy it is what I say! xxxx

 

[clairebrookes]

Jenna is one of my favourite buddies on here - we agree on soooo much and again I have to say she is right! When you're overweight you're not used to getting compliments and when I get them I always wait for the 'but' or the 'because' -

Revel in it and enjoy it is what I say! xxxx

Got to admit it is taking some time getting used to the genuine compliments rather than the comments I used to get.... Mainly praising me for having so much 'body confidence' which I think is skinny peoples way of saying how can you still be so bubbly when your that fat! I actually had zero confidence about my body but it's slowly changing.

 

[stivesliz]

Got to admit it is taking some time getting used to the genuine compliments rather than the comments I used to get.... Mainly praising me for having so much 'body confidence' which I think is skinny peoples way of saying how can you still be so bubbly when your that fat! I actually had zero confidence about my body but it's slowly changing.

Oddly enough I have just been chatting to a friend on facebook - she does ww and hates her body - I think she is lovely and said that we really need to learn to love ourselves xxx

 

[*Emsie*]

It can be awkward and I'm glad it has eased off a bit now (even if thats partly because I've put a bit back on ) but if nobody said anything it wouldn't be great either. I think part of the problem with weight gain and loss is its so public as its so on display.
I definitely think your head hasn't caught up with your body Jenna as going by your stats I can't see how you are heavily overweight or could think of yourself as such but then I wouldn't consider your starting weight as 'out of control' either and think stivesliz is right and we need to love ourselves and not worry too much about what others think or say though I know its easier said than done x

 

[AnnaFaraday]

And then on the other hand we regularly see threads on here from people who are upset because other people haven't commented and don't seem to have noticed!

"Other People" just can't win, can they?

It would make you feel much less awkward if you could just put yourself in their position for a moment. If you were them, what would you say? If someone is offering a compliment, even though it might not be quite what we wanted to hear, it is kind and polite to accept it graciously - just as you would want someone else to do if it were you giving the compliment.

 

[junemag]

When talking about head catching up with your body, I'm finding it hard to see for myself the weight loss. I know that I've gone fro a size 22/24 to a 14 but when I look in the mirror I find it hard to see and sometimes will put on a size 14 an feel I look too big in it!!!! Beginning to wonder when this will sink in I don't want to go the other way and become obsessive about looking thin!!

 

[gazter]

as I know my weight before hand was out of control

Just to show how relative this all is. Your starting bmi, which you say was 'out of control' is my current bmi which i am chuffed to bits to get to, and is after six months and eighty pounds of losses.

 

[Jenna88]

Eek guys I really didn't mean to offend anyone with my post and I'm genuinely sorry if I did.

When I said my weight was out of control I meant for me personally and what I feel comfortable with. It's a totally relative thing (as another poster has said).

Similarly I'm not meaning to 'hate' on other people for giving compliments, it's lovely that they do so and I completely understand that they mean well it was more the fact that my friend and I didn't really know how to deal with it and feel rude when someone does compliment us as it doesn't seem 'real'. Hope ive managed to make some sense there and again I am really sorry if I offended anyone that was not my intention.

 

[peacelily]

I'm definitely of the "don't want to talk about it" camp cos I don't comment on others appearances and wish they wouldn't on mine. It does set me off. I'm losing weight for me and hate it when people notice. I even had someone say the other day "you're always going on and off diets and losing and gaining weight aren't you?". I felt like punching her lights out. Whilst its true I just wouldn't dream of saying something like that to someone. In the past it would have affected the way I ate but luckily I seem to be getting better. I'm doing this for me and my health, not for others who think I should which is how it's always been in the past since I can remember. I think it's something which is very personal to each person and I'm happy to say I'd rather not talk about it. I'm perfectly happy talking on here where it's never about how you look.

 

[stivesliz]

Eek guys I really didn't mean to offend anyone with my post and I'm genuinely sorry if I did.

When I said my weight was out of control I meant for me personally and what I feel comfortable with. It's a totally relative thing (as another poster has said).

Similarly I'm not meaning to 'hate' on other people for giving compliments, it's lovely that they do so and I completely understand that they mean well it was more the fact that my friend and I didn't really know how to deal with it and feel rude when someone does compliment us as it doesn't seem 'real'. Hope ive managed to make some sense there and again I am really sorry if I offended anyone that was not my intention.

Whether you have one stone or five stone to lose it still means you are unhappy with your body x

 

[gazter]

I'm definitely of the "don't want to talk about it" camp cos I don't comment on others appearances and wish they wouldn't on mine. It does set me off. I'm losing weight for me and hate it when people notice. I even had someone say the other day "you're always going on and off diets and losing and gaining weight aren't you?". I felt like punching her lights out. Whilst its true I just wouldn't dream of saying something like that to someone. In the past it would have affected the way I ate but luckily I seem to be getting better. I'm doing this for me and my health, not for others who think I should which is how it's always been in the past since I can remember. I think it's something which is very personal to each person and I'm happy to say I'd rather not talk about it. I'm perfectly happy talking on here where it's never about how you look.

But what they said was just out and out rude. Many people are interested, in the way they are interested if you have got a new job, or had a child, or a new puppy, or moved house.

When people lose weight it is generally thought of as a 'good thing', and many people are just overjoyed for you.

Most people have only ever known me as fat. Yes, it had got worse in recent years. But i was the fat kid in school (anyone notice how schools now have loads of fat kids?), fat kid at university, fat person at work etc. They see me now as a different person. It is curious for them.

There is a hidden and sadistic joy when you pass people who were much less than you but looked down on you... It gets them nervous as you sail right past them.

One person who weighed less than me, but was quite a bit shorter so probably a similar bmi, said 'there's hope for all of us', without any spite. It must have been hard for her, but i hope i might have inspired her into doing what i have done.

 

[gazter]

Whether you have one stone or five stone to lose it still means you are unhappy with your body x

Well put.

 

[mandyafc]

I'm definitely of the "don't want to talk about it" camp cos I don't comment on others appearances and wish they wouldn't on mine. It does set me off. I'm losing weight for me and hate it when people notice. I even had someone say the other day "you're always going on and off diets and losing and gaining weight aren't you?". I felt like punching her lights out. Whilst its true I just wouldn't dream of saying something like that to someone. In the past it would have affected the way I ate but luckily I seem to be getting better. I'm doing this for me and my health, not for others who think I should which is how it's always been in the past since I can remember. I think it's something which is very personal to each person and I'm happy to say I'd rather not talk about it. I'm perfectly happy talking on here where it's never about how you look.

What an unpleasant and rude person that was peacelily, I'd have felt like punching her lights out too. I wonder how much of that was because she doesn't like to see you taking control of yourself? I once had a (ex)-friend who hated seeing anyone happier than she was, reminds me of her.

I also think that in the UK we find it hard to accept compliments, well I do anyway, so don't really know how to react. I won slimmer of the week and month tonight and although I knew that every person there was genuinely pleased for me I still felt all embarrassed and shy when they were all clapping and I didn't know what to say or how to react.

 

[peacelily]

What an unpleasant and rude person that was peacelily, I'd have felt like punching her lights out too. I wonder how much of that was because she doesn't like to see you taking control of yourself? I once had a (ex)-friend who hated seeing anyone happier than she was, reminds me of her.

I also think that in the UK we find it hard to accept compliments, well I do anyway, so don't really know how to react. I won slimmer of the week and month tonight and although I knew that every person there was genuinely pleased for me I still felt all embarrassed and shy when they were all clapping and I didn't know what to say or how to react.

Thank you am glad it wasn't just me being sensitive. Well done on SOTW and SOTM

 

[gazter]

I won slimmer of the week and month tonight and although I knew that every person there was genuinely pleased for me I still felt all embarrassed and shy when they were all clapping and I didn't know what to say or how to react.

It gets easier when you have won five previous Slimmer of the Months