Feeling kinda miffed.. O/T

Discussion in 'Orlistat (Xenical)' started by sona1980, 23 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. sona1980

    sona1980 Gold Member

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    Hey gals.. im sorry but ive come for a bit of a rant/ heart to heart/ get it off my chest before it drives me insane.

    I dont know if anyone can relate to me.. this may all be in my head and i may just be acting like a stupid ungreatful cow..

    The thing is.. my MIL looks after my lil boy when im at work, she offerd to do this and was really offended when we mentioned childcare. This is my 1st baby and I currently live with my inlaws.

    While she is great in some ways, she very annoying in some aswell. For instance shes always very jelouse of me when i go out with my hubby and she throws tantrums for no apparent reason. And she also tried to stir things up with me and my hubby and then denys it when i confront her about it. Which makes my hubby and my fater in law look like liars!

    While i was preagnant my mother in law didnt even care to look after me in the slightest! and i was in an out of hosp for 2 months... she never once asked me how my doc appointment went or how my scan went or even see the scan pics that u get!

    Well since my son was born she's been very .... over the top with him. I appreciate her looking after him and i love that she loves him and that he clearly loves her. BUT she's always trying to claim that he loves her MORE than me. As if he even knows how. When he started to talk she would twist his baby talk in to things to make it sound like he's only talking to her..( if that makes sence) when he said mama she went on for a week or so saying he was asking for water!! Then mama became dummy. Then he started calling her "dadi" now this means grandma in urdu (my mother tounge) and he's probably saying daddy.

    One of her kids said to me that my son never asks for me unless he wants something... that really hurt me. Then i satrted to teach him how to say "ami" this means mum in urdu.. And he was saying it sometimes.. obviously without meaning as he doesnt know what the word means yet its a sound to him at the moment. So when i came back from work she tells me (infront of guests) that he's been calling her ami all day ( so basically calling her mum all day) i corrected him and told him this is GRANDMA not mum! she made a face at this. Then later he was calling for "mama" she said to him "do u want ur artificial mum or ur real mum".

    That was it! I was this close to slapping her after that!! I had a rant at my hubby about it and made it quite clear that she is not his mum, artificial or otherwise!! she is his grandma and he loves her all the same! She looks after him all day through choice. This does not give her the right to take THAT away from me aswell!

    I feel im missing out on things asit is coz im at work all day (i have to work) and she makes me feel worse by banging on and on about stuff that i miss. As if to rub it in even more knowing that im already cut up inside about it.

    My mother in law is my hubby's step mom. He cant even have a go at her as this will spoil THIER already fragile relationship and she will give his dad grief.

    its a no win situation, i just live in hope that when we move out i will influence my son and he will come back to his REAL mom.

    anyway rant over, i dont expect anyone to respond i just had to get it off my chest.

    *sigh*
     
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  3. *jenjen*

    *jenjen* I will do this...

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    Hey you!

    What an awful situation for you to experience.

    Your son knows you are his real mum. You have a bond with him that no-one, no matter what words they try to teach him or alter the meaning of will ever change. He heard your voice for 9 months and a mother's bond with their child is something truly special. I don't get on with my mum but even through this, she will ALWAYS be my mum (if you can understand what I mean!).

    Anyways, I just wanted to say, I looked after my neice when my sister wasn't very well when she was very young. And she used to call me mum - not because I was but because thats the only words that she knew. She was little and a female figure and if she wanted my attention, she said mum. But that didn't mean she didn't love her mum and the bond she has and the love she has for her mum now is immense. She loves me and even now, she is 12, we still share a more special connection but I never took the place of her mum. And the same goes for me - I used to call my sister (who is a lot older than me, 18 years) mum when I was little - still loved my mum but I didn't know other words to call her.

    Its sounds like your inlaw is jealous. And very jealous of your bond with your child. And may I add when my neice called me mum - I said, no, its Jen... And my sister did the same thing.

    So for your inlaw to try and twist it, in my opinion, shows jealousy.

    I think you have done the right thing in by venting on here. And remember.

    When you get to move into your own house and you and your OH are just you and your son and OH in your own home - your in law won't have the negative effect on your family anymore.

    Any time you want to vent - vent away.

    Your son loves you - and it obviously shows for your inlaw to be so jealous of it.

    x
     
  4. sona1980

    sona1980 Gold Member

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    Thanks soo much jen!
    that has really helped! Its nice to know its not just in my mind!
    I will ty harder to just ignore it and also maybe to correct him a few time so that my MIL gets the picture without me having to say it to her. anyway 2.5 years and counting and then we will be ready to move in to our own place! just hoping to pay off most my moratage beforei move!!

    *feeling better*
     
  5. *jenjen*

    *jenjen* I will do this...

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    !

    The 2.5 years it will take for you to pay off your mortgage, in the scheme of things is a very small time for such an achievement. You will have paid off your mortgage!

    And hopefully it will FLY by. And by not rising to her baiting you, you will have a more harmonious relationship with your father inlaw and husband (and they will know what she is like!).

    Use this as your screaming board when she is doing your head in.

    I doubt that you will ever be able to understand your MIL... you can't reason with an unreasonable person... some people are just... difficult!

    x
     
  6. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    Poor you, some MILs are just like that. I find mine difficult - like you I was ill in pregnancy, and she treated us like it was all in my imagination, even when the obstetrician told us I might die, she turned the attention to her and how tired she was. Fortunately she's nowhere near as difficult as yours sounds and I don't have to live with her.

    You're his mum, you've been his mum since before he was born and you always will be.

    It must be hard trying to stand your ground while not making things worse. Is it not possible to move out earlier? The most important thing is not to let her drive a wedge between you and your husband.

    Don't forget at his age, language doesn't always mean that much anyway, for a while mama just means woman and dada means man. But he knows who you are and she can't change that - it's pathetic and kind of sad that she's twisted enough to even want to.

    x
     
  7. sona1980

    sona1980 Gold Member

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    Thanks hun!, just to clarify i will have a lump of my moratage paid not all!! lolz just brings my monthly down to an affordable rate so i can pay bills aswell!!
    DONT I WISH i could get it all paid in 2.5 years! thats just the 2.5 years left in our 5 year plan! my hubby is weird about making plans and lists!

    My FIL and hubby already know what shes like and she is very obviouse they just cant do anything to change her!

    They USED to think it was a"woman" thing but since ive come along they realise all women arenst like that! I think also she is soo used to being the only woman in th ehouse therefore having that type of attention.. which she now shares with me! and doesnt like!

    I know what u mean though just grin n bear! i just think about the free childcare and try to pardon her.. as i save money on childcare and use that for my moratage and move out soon!!

    OH i hear u hun!! my MIL was just like that when i was PG she actually acted like i wasnt! she expected me to carry on doing things that i shouldnt have done! Before i got PG with my boy i actually had a miscarriage..

    With my 1st PG she didnt actually show any emotion when i told her just shurugged it off. As soon as my hubby got back from work she started banging on about how happy she was for us. With the duration of this PG she didnt give a damn... when i had the MC she was there helping me suffer through my mini labour at the end and pats herself on the back for that all the time. While i was recovering (and kinda mourning my loss) she was bit*hing to ppl that i was pretending to be ill, obviously this other person had no idea i had a MC. I got to hear it from the person she bit*ed to!

    Evey month when i get TOM she will suddenly develop back pain or illness so that if i have cramps and need a hot water bottle so will she. its pathetic but EVERONE old enough to understand can see the pattern!!

    gosh ive rambled again!!! aagghh
     
  8. emmaaa

    emmaaa Full Member

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    Hi Sona, I don't have any children or in-laws so I can't empathise with you, but I read everybody else's advice and think it's all great. The two and a half years will be over before you know it, so you don't have to put up with it for too much longer.

    You're lucky that you're getting the free childcare, but she is taking liberties with the way she's behaving with you. The men in the house obviously know how to handle her, so you could ask them for advice? It's probably best to just ignore her and try to keep the peace in the household. Your little boy has a very special bond with you, and probably isn't old enough to understand what the words he is using means.

    You're right to carry on correcting him when he calls her mum, he needs to know he's not right so he doesn't start calling her mum off his own back without her telling him too.

    If you feel brave enough, you could try having a polite word with her, and just tell her you feel uncomfortable with the way she's treating you. If that doesn't work, then I'd be a bit ruthless and just be super nice to her just to annoy her! Haha.

    Let us know how things develop with this, I really hope she's lays off you soon x
     
  9. ninajw83

    ninajw83 Silver Member

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    Just wanted to say just hang on in there, don't have anything to add really than the advice you've already been given and I must say you're an awful lot better than me, i'd have left a long time ago, screw a 5yr plan but perhaps that's why i'm skint all the time lmao!!!

    huggles xxx
     
  10. sona1980

    sona1980 Gold Member

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    thanks for all the advice gals!
    im more for keeping the peace at the moment as i really do appreciate the help i get with my baby from her. and i keep telling myself this whenever i feel the anger bubble up from her attitude. Ur right i do have to consider my boy as he is looked after well and he is happy and healthy and obviously loves his grandma.. i dont want to spoil that for him he's lucky atleast to have a relationship like thatl

    Im just going to keep it sweet, bite my toung and get on with it.
    I think im past my vent now and in a better place for the moment so im going to bury this thread........ unless someone else wants it?

    lolz
     
  11. acegirl

    acegirl Friendly Member

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    OMG her behavior is really irritating! I would either move into another place, even if it was small, or I would try to distance myself from her as much as possible. Maybe take the baby into your room the second you get home from work, and just try to hang out in there more? And try to get out a lot on weekends? I would do my best to get as much alone time with my baby as possible in order to take control of the situation. Good luck!
     
  12. SacredSilence

    SacredSilence I

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    Can`t really add anymore to whats been said so have some {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

    You`re better than I, I would have told her to shove it by now and left - Skint or not!

    Xxx
     
  13. fed-up-and-fat

    fed-up-and-fat hoping for a good loss

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    She sounds similar to how my MIL was when my hubby and I first started seeing each other.

    When she first met me she was a bit off, but I was only 15 and just thought that was the way she was. Philip (dh) told me the first comment she made about me to him was 'girls like that flit from one boy to another, so don't get your hopes up'.....We have now been together for 20 years and married for 12 of those!!!!!!.

    She is a jealous woman and wanted her little boy to remain tied to her apron strings. Sounds like thats a similar thing with your MIL and the fact you are having to live with her is just making the problem bigger. She sounds like she is just trying to have everyone love her and wants everyone to herself. Is she a depressive? She sounds it, but I might be wrong.

    It must be so difficult for you, especially with her looking after your son as well, but at least your partner and his dad both know what she is like and that must make it easier to a certain extent.

    In the big scheme of things 2.5 years in nothing, it won't be long and you, your partner and little man will be able to have some space and time together as a little family unit.

    Your MIL is scared I think of losing her little boy (even though he is her step son) and this is probably why she is acting like she is. Is is scared of not being loved and being alone and not being wanted.

    Is such a shame can't accept you for who you are. Sounds like you need to be the bigger person in all this, correct her when she is wrong and just let it slid when she is winding you up. easy for me to say, but harder for you to do. This is what we have had to do with Philips mum and although it has taken a few years, she is finally starting to accept that we are adults in our own right and can make our own desicions and choices.

    Just think, in a few years time you can turn to her and say :kissass: lol

    Have waffled, sorry. hugs hun. It WILL get better.

    Charlie xx
     
  14. Mistraldancer

    Mistraldancer Member

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    Totally agree with what's been said!
    Your MIL sounds a jealous and insecure person ... it maybe sounds strange to say she is insecure, but she is fighting hard to be "in control" in her home (and in control of the chaps in her family by the sounds of it!)
    They always say two ladies + one house = fallouts!

    I think she is realising that her son is on his way to being totally independent of her .. it's a remarkable thing that you are doing and not the easy way to go ... living with them so that you can give yourselves a better start in your own new home! Brilliant!
    Not that MIL will see that ... it will be slowly hitting home that before long you will be off, living your own lives and doing what you want to do and I don't think she likes that so she's acting like a petulant child ... wanting the attention to be on her ... everything has to revolve round her and be about her ... silly woman she is!
    Just bite your tongue and think "free childcare" and "won't be forever" ... and do as everyone else is doing .. keep your head down for a quiet life and keep counting those days!!!
     
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