feeling like a big fat failure


Full Member
G: 12st7lb
Hello everyone,

For what feels like the 16th time I am returning to the forum with my head hung low. I seemed to have started and stalled so many times I wonder why this time should be any different...I always swore I would lose weight and feel great by the time I turned 25, then 28. Well the truth is I turned 30 last month. And I have got nowhere. I feel like such a failure. I feel depressed and useless.

I know there are still some issues linked to my past and the abuse I experienced which feeds into my thoughts - by being big and unattractive I hoped it would stop what was happening. I still feel somewhat trapped in this thought pattern even though I am now in a safer place.

But I guess somewhere inside I have decided enough is enough. I am going to be strong and have my head and my heart work together in hopefully making a difference.

I hope there is still a place for me here, and that those who have offered support in the past will continue to do so even though I feel like I let you all down. Plus I can't promise I won't slip again.

I am weighing in on Monday so have set my new start date for Tuesday. This will give me time to get my head in plan, do an online shop and clear my cupboards of all the synful stuff!

If anyone has any tips or things I can do in preparation I would love to hear them. What support has helped you with your journey?

I hope to get to know you all again.

KB x
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Gold Member
S: 18st12lb C: 10st2lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 22.2 Loss: 8st10lb(46.21%)
You haven't let anyone down, least of all yourself. I bet that 99% of the people here have started and restarted with SW (or another weight loss plan). Losing weight isn't just about finding the right plan- it's also about whether your head is in the right place to do it. I am having success with SW this time round and I'm 44. I first joined a SW class more than 15 years ago and must have started and restarted at least 20 times! Are you going to go to a group or do it from home? Whatever you choose, you will always have lots of support here :grouphugg:


I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
Hello and welcome. Personally for you I would set very tiny targets that you can achieve. So the first one might be to stay on track for the day, By doing so you will succeed and can begin to love yourself for who you are now not in the past. Think about what you will be gaining in terms of health, looking better, healthier shiny hair, better nails, not hiding under baggy clothes. The mental list of your gains is up to you and what will help make you feel better. As for the weight loss aim really low again so you reach your small targets. Think about aiming to lose 2 lbs a month because then if you fall off the wagon you may still achieve this and not feel like a failure. Lower your standards and feel better about yourself x x x x


Full Member
S: 17st0lb C: 17st0lb G: 13st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)

A lot of us are in the same boat as you - we've tried before (numerous times) and we're back AGAIN. But do you know what - I admire you for coming back AGAIN - that's what's important. It would be worse if you had given up altogether - but you haven't. You sound DETERMINED to get there so fair play t oyou -don't beat yourself up!

Don't stress/pressure yourself too much - just losing 1lb a week will be 3.5 stone in a year.... Break it down into small targets - ones that you KNOW you can achieve....

Best of luck. I'm restarting (for the millionth time) on Monday when the kids go back to school.....

This forum is what will keep me SW focused......

Best of luck,


Silver Member
S: 12st3lb C: 11st12lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 27.6 Loss: 0st5lb(2.92%)
I did sw for the first time starting 29 Dec 2010, lost 12 pounds by the end of February. Felt so good losing weight that I started to flag and didn't lose anymore weight in March and April-I just maintained. Then by the September I had gained it all back and decided to wait until after Christmas to start back on sw.

So here I am again, hoping I can go beyond 2 months on plan and actually get to target!!

It is tough and I wish you the best of luck. My best advice is that if you do mess up, don't quit the diet. Just get back on plan as soon as you can once you regain your focus. If you do get cravings for certain things then look on here for ideas of sw alternative recipes. Also don't allow yourself to become hungry, full up on the free and superfree foods at meal times so you are less likely to snack xx


Gold Member
S: 22st10lb C: 17st4lb G: 12st0lb Loss: 5st6lb(23.9%)
Don't let anyone make you feel like a failure, especially yourself :)

Start by making your shopping list and do your shop, throw out all things that are sw unfriendly and make a 7 day menu..

First few weeks are tough. After that it's a piece of cake x


Full Member
S: 14st10lb C: 14st4lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 32.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.91%)
Hi there,

It doesn't matter that you have slipped up before, what matters is that you keep trying. Well done for coming back, and for being so honest about how you are feeling, that was very brave. Hopefully now you have put those thoughts out there, you can start to move past them. Take one day at a time.

Good luck and lots of hugs.


Full Member
G: 12st7lb
Thank you everyone, you are all such a lovely bunch of people, and I am sure I will be calling on your support. I tried group for a while, but clashed with my consultant early on and have never really felt comfortable. So I am going to try online, and will weigh in here too. Maybe when I feel a bit better I will return to group.

Small goals sound like a good idea. First being doing a shop and foregoing the crunchy nut bites :eek:


S: 17st12lb C: 14st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 31.2 Loss: 3st9lb(20.4%)
Hi Klairbear

Never feel a failure. I lost 3 1/2 stone about 4 years ago and felt great however over time the weight (and more) crept back on. I had a lot of excuses why I couldn't lose weight, do SW etc etc but eventually my head was in the right place and last August I started SW again. Even with a tiny weight loss you will feel so much more positive about yourself and this will spur you on. Don't beat yourself up, set small achievable targets and know that some weeks you may not lose or even put on a pound or so, even if you have stayed on plan (the joys of being female!).
Good luck, you can do it!!!


Silver Member
S: 15st6lb C: 11st7lb BMI: 25.2 Loss: 3st13lb(25.46%)
Dont think about the past hun just look forward to the future and what you are going to look like. x You will and can do it x


I am one of the 63336
S: 20st3lb C: 20st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Welcome back Klairbear. I originally joined the forum a couple of months after you and I have just been to my first SW meeting in a year or so.

Good luck with your new journey x


Lost in the Supermarket
S: 16st2lb C: 14st10lb G: 10st5lb BMI: 33.2 Loss: 1st6lb(8.85%)
I originally started SW in Nov 2010 at 15 stone and managed to lose 1 stone in a few weeks. Then I stopped. When I re-started in december I was 16 stone :rolleyes:

I imagine a lot of us here are in the same boat, you will get a lot of support!! Everyone is trying to do the same thing- it makes for a refreshingly equal forum :)

I know how it feels to be feeling overweight and depressed, starting a diet almost seems pointless; like trying to repair a boat out at sea. But keep at it! I guarantee you'll start feeling better when you see a difference in the mirror :)


Silver Member
S: 13st3.0lb C: 13st3.0lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 28.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Hi Klairbear, I restarted this week and can't find the confidence to go to a group so am doing it from home. Lots of luck x


Wants to be a yummy mummy
S: 16st4lb C: 16st4lb G: 12st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
It doesn't matter if you fall off the wagon 100 times as long as u get back on 101.xx


Not evil at all
S: 21st12.5lb C: 19st10.5lb G: 16st6lb BMI: 43.3 Loss: 2st2lb(9.79%)
Hey klairbear,

First of all you are not a failure!! You should have your head held high and feel proud that you're now taking these steps to change your weight! Be positive hun and this plan will work! There must be hundreds of us here who have been in the same boat as you. I've been on and off this plan (and others) since 2009, but like you I've decided enough is enough and this is the time I will succeed, and so will you! Don't feel like you have let anyone down, because you haven't. Of course there is a place here for you:D

To prepare you could write up your weeks meal plan, hunt around here for recipes to give you some ideas. If you like to snack there are tons of low syn treats you can make to keep in the fridge so you never have to panic when you're hungry and have no snacks - the 1 syn cupcakes are good, quiches are great, soups you could make and freeze etc, so if you want you can get the recipes for those and add the ingredients to your shopping list!

The things that have kept me going this time have been having a constant positive mental attitude. Whenever I done this plan before, I would feel guilty about a bad day, and I would end up having a bad week, so now I'm like well tomorrow is a new day, no point ruining the entire week! I also took my before picture, which is hideous, but it's my wallpaper on my phone so I see it about 1000000 times a day, which constantly reminds me of why I'm doing this. I also wrote a letter to myself so I could read it on bad days to get my head back into it - and I haven't read it once since! Because I've never had a bad day, just too many syns sometimes. Looking at it that way seems to keep me focused. The support on this forum has also been a huge help - I started a food diary so that basically the world can see what I eat, hoping that it would keep me encouraged! It's also there so I can look over it if I do have a gain/sts to see where I went wrong. And if I need it, there is always a SWer about to answer syn queries or general questions on here.

Sorry for the super long post!!:eek:

Good luck hun! xxxxx



Loves smilies
S: 16st6lb C: 15st5lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 35.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.52%)
It's not how many times you fall off the wagon hun...it's the fact that you got up and back on again! :bighug:

Use the support on here...honest it's fab...and there's always someone around to ask questions...

There's quite a few mini challenges on the SW forum at the moment. There's the Valentines Day one, Easter and Summer ones too. Feel free to join any (or all) of them.

Losing the weight in small amounts may feel easier to achieve that concentrating on one huge loss.

Good luck with your weight loss journey! ;)


Silver Member
S: 18st3lb C: 17st4lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 0st13lb(5.1%)
by being big and unattractive I hoped it would stop what was happening

I know how you feel here! I have often thought that its safer to be fat and then people won't come near and hurt me.


Full Member
G: 12st7lb
Thank you again for your lovely replies and understanding.

I really want this time to be the time it works, not just for the added health benefits and better range of clothes but I hope it will (at least symbolically) let me finally let go of the past. My uncle had no right to do what he did and no right to make me believe being fat would stop me being hurt. I have been trapped in this thought pattern for far too long, and now I want to break free and embrace the future. I have a real prospect now of changing career and being brilliant at it and loving it and the only thing stopping me really embracing the possibiltiies is how I look. I know it won't be an easy process or a quick fix, but I can't go on like this. Its not fair on me anymore.


Determination is Key
S: 18st0lb C: 14st7.0lb G: 9st1lb BMI: 37.1 Loss: 3st7lb(19.44%)
You haven't failed if you're still trying. It's when you admit that you'll never, ever do it, and stop trying that you've failed. You haven't done that!
So chin up, hun... you'll get there, like the rest of us, eventually.
I've lost track of the amount of different things I've done in the past to lose weight. This is the only thing that's worked for me, and I feel great about doing something positive about my weight.

Once you get the hang of it, you'll coast along.


Silver Member
S: 12st8lb C: 12st8lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 30.7 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Don't ever feel alone - there are plenty of people here who all help and support each other.

I agree with what Scorpiolady said - make some mini-goals for yourself and treat yourself once you reach them :) I usually buy myself my next pair of target jeans (sometimes even some make-up). This time, I'm buying myself a really cute dress for when I get to my Club 10..

And please don't worry about stopping and starting - this is my fourth time on SW!! We're all here for you x