feeling miserable

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by kizzib, 28 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. kizzib

    kizzib Full Member

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    I'm feeling so miserable tonight. Just came home from class, didn't bother staying, too embarrased. Put on this week - 3.5lbs. The most I have ever put on.:eek: I only rejoined SW 3 weeks ago. I originally left because I was going through a plateau and thought I was wasting my money and now I've rejoined only to fail again :cry:

    I know what I did wrong and what I need to do next week, but there are so many obstacles to me losing weight.

    My hubby is overweight and tbh I think he prefers me overweight as it makes him feel better about himself, but if I say this to him he gets really angry and says its not true but I think it is true. tonight for instance I have had NO sympathy. He's always buying me chocolate and ordering take aways, saying I need to 'live normally'.

    Also, he works 2 jobs meaning we always eat at different times and it f*cks up my eating habits. I also have a 2 year old who is a terrible sleeper - sometimes wont fall asleep til 11pm - so when can I get the time to exercise? And I work full time too at a desk all day with fast food shops all around me...lots of temptation :sigh: I can't get a babysitter to look after the wee one so I can exercise - she doesn't trust strangers, my in laws are awful can't trust them, and my mum is a carer so too busy too.

    I know if I give up then even more weight will pile on but I can't afford to go to class every week just to gain or maintain. I need to lose every week. I've tried so many diets over the years and I'm just fed up now :cry:

    I'm going on holiday in June and I really wanted to be a size 12 by then.

    Also at class was this girl I went to school with. She has lost a lot of weight and looks like a supermodel now. But she used to bully me at school. In other words, class totally destroyed my self esteem tonight. Consultant was too busy, as always, with new member talk.

    Sorry for the moan. I just needed to have a wee cry somewhere :cry::break_diet:
     
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  3. lucylupin

    lucylupin Full Member

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    Have a good cry and get it out, then sit down and think why you are doing this, it is for you, for you to feel better. Excersise can be a goodbrisk walk with you little one in the buggy,or put a music channel on and have a dance around the room.
    As for you husband could you sit him down and say what you have just written, let him know that you need more support,
    i hope that this helps a little x
     
  4. Circes

    Circes Strutting her stuff

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    You need to start focussing on what you can do rather than what you can't. Nobody's life is perfect and we all have challenges that we need to overcome in order to lose weight. By concentrating on the negatives all you are doing is dragging yourself down. So pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You are only human and we all have bad patches. That doesn't mean we are failures - you only fail if you stop trying!

    I don't see why your husband's routine should affect your meals. Sort out your meals by making sure you have a SW friendly meal ready for you and your daughter. You are teaching her good eating habits as well as losing weight, so focus on the importance of that. It's unreasonable to expect that you should wait until your hubbie comes in before you can eat your dinner. Put something aside for him, ready to reheat when he comes in.

    We all work and are faced by temptation but we have strategies for coping. Take your SW friendly lunch with you and leave your purse at home. No money - no buying bad things! Simple.

    You can't find time to exercise? Take your daughter with you - go swimming or for long walks. Do you have a friend that you can come to some mutual arrangement with. Babysitting each other's kids so the other one can have some time? Tell your hubbie that he needs to take her off your hands every now and then and put it in the diary on a regular basis. It will improve his relationship with your daughter as well so a win-win situation.

    And as for the girl who bullied you at school! You gave her power over your life and how you felt about yourself all those years ago. Are you going to continue to let her? To be honest, she probably doesn't even remember what happened - it was a big deal to you so you remember every detail, but probably meant nothing to her. And she may have changed just as you have. After all, who here is the same person they were when they were at school?

    Other people can only bring you down if you let them!
     
  5. olliebog

    olliebog Full Member

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    I know this is strange coming from a stranger. But do you think that he prefers you overweight for his own security? I have recently been through a difficult period with my husband. With a hundred arguments and brutal honesty, we've both agreed that we would feel better and more confident in our relationship if we lose some weight. But it took a very tough time to get there.

    so now we are a point where we are both doing SW together for moral support and the fact if he didn't join me I would be cooking 4 different meals a day for my family. One of my girls (she's 4) is a extremely fussy eating and only eats the same meal everyday. My eldest (she's 7) is a little underweight and needs to eat a high calorie diet. So I would be cooking a 'normal' meal for him, two serperate meals for my girls and a SW meal for me. It wasn't fair and I told him so. After nearly 3 weeks he is really enjoying the diet with me and I can see some weight lost already in him, even though he hasn't weighed himself.

    I can't afford to go to classes and I can't afford to join on-line, but I am monitoring my weight twice monthly on my own scales. I know what you are saying about exercise, it can be virtually impossible, but housework, gardening and generally being a mother is alot of excercise!

    good luck, please don't be down, you are not the only one who has gone through this, or is going through this.

    kelly x
     
    Last edited: 28 April 2010
  6. kizzib

    kizzib Full Member

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    thanks guys. Olliebug, I think you are right, he is insecure about his own weight. Plus his family are overweight so he kind of gets encouragement from them (my MIL is always 'joking' about how I dont feed him properly :mad:)

    My daughter HATES the buggy! I have been meaning to go swimming with her though. Also my hubby's hours are changing so that might make it easier to get some exercise done.

    I have disabilities as well which makes it hard to cook for myself and go some places hence why its easy for my hubby to sabotage my diet :(
     
  7. olliebog

    olliebog Full Member

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    Kizzib, if your husband does by you things to eat which you shouldn't don't eat them. Don't think your offending him, because obviously he know's your trying to lose weight and then he goes and buy's you some food you shouldn't have. Just say thank you very much and put them away and don't touch them again, he might get the message!

    So if this sounds brutal..... but I think it might work.
     
  8. Terrycb

    Terrycb Full Member

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    You have so many things going on here :( it's difficult to know where to start. Sounds like you've got an uphill battle as far as convincing your hubby that you want to lose weight is concerned. I think you've got to do it for yourself - maybe freeze the takeaways he buys for you and then he can have them another day while you have your sw meal? I don't know how you could find the energy to exercise with working full time, being a mum of an active child and having disabilities. Maybe just concentrate on trying to get the diet sorted and don't worry about exercise, I'm sure you get plenty running round after your daughter and you can only do so much or you're going to burn yourself out. We can be very damaged by things that happen in our childhood and those feelings often don't go away but try not to worry about the girl from school, is there another group that you can go along to or alteratively use this forum as your support in your weight loss journey. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck and hope that you can get your hubby to support you.
    Terry x :wavey:
     
  9. Gettingthinnerbytheday

    Gettingthinnerbytheday Gold Member

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    Oh honey - big hug on the way!!

    I agree - pick yourself up, dust yourself down & focus for this next week.

    What about making a plan for meals for the week. Take a look through the recipe section, or books/magazines you have, write out a menu for the week, including lunches & try to stick to it.

    You could possibly make things that last a couple of meals - I do this as often as I can. Not only is it cost effective, but it saves time for the nights that are busy.

    As for your hubby & meal times - is ot not possible that you & your daughter could sit down together each evening for dinner & hubbys work shift permitting, he could join you when home?? You may find that by being in a routine like this may help your daughter too :)

    Exercise - you could get an exercise dvd to do at home or just do some kind of step areobic type exrecise whilst watching the tv at night - if your body is moving its an exercise. Or the swimming with your daughter - maybe once a week & a play at the park with a football or something for 1/2 hour???

    Don't know how much you are wanting to loose in total - but it will come off in time i'm sure :)

    Good luck x
     
  10. kizzib

    kizzib Full Member

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    I've thought about going it alone but I'm worried I'll 'fall away' iykwim? Sometimes I'm too busy to come on here, so I forget to do a food diary or just feel I have nothing to say...

    I have a wii fit, which I love, but I can't remember the last time I was on it :( its 9.45pm and the wee one is STILL awake :( this is what my problem is :(
     
  11. Moo85

    Moo85 Full Member

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    It sounds like you have an awful lot going on and aren't getting much support from anyone! Have you tried SureStart before? They can help with all things to do with young children, they do fun activity classes for parents and toddlers and should be able to give extra support with things like sleeping and routine (sometimes they can come out to your home as well to help). Might be worth giving a go :)
    With regards to the woman at class who used to bully you - she is there for the same reason you are so her life obviously isn't all that perfect either! She was probably where you are now a few months ago.
    With regards to your husband buying chocolate and takeaways, maybe you could try writing a list of 'good' takeaways and chocolate eg. low syn chinese/curry and the low syn chocolate bars. That way he might feel less as if this you aren't eating normally because you can still have a treat.
    Hope this helps, good luck and don't give up!!
     
  12. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    You've certainly got a lot going on at the mo.

    I used to have sleeping problems with my son and it came to a point were I knew I had to do something. You need to remember you are in charge of your daughter, she isn't in charge of you. Show her who's boss, I read a book once & it said remember the 3 F's - Fair, Firm & Fun. Which I think is such good advise. Sometimes it's hard to be firm with children. Set your daughter a reasonable bedtime & stick to it, I know at first it will be hard. Get into a routine & even though at first the routine won't go to plan stick to what you want to achieve. If I tell you what I used to do it might make sense. We used to have a bath at the same time every night, then go to bed I read a book & then gave him a kiss & said night night. I would then go out of the room, closing the door behind me. At first my son would cry & scream, I left him for 15 mins, then went back in (& with no touching) told him it was bedtime & to go to sleep, went out of the room & closed the door, as you can imagine this pattern went on quiet a lot at first but after about 3 nights I found I was going back to his room just once/twice eventually he got the message & just went to sleep.

    I don't have experience of any of you other problems just thoughts.

    With regards to you OH bringing back treats you could save your syns & just have a little of the treats, that way you're not 'shouting' at him for bringing back something you're still saying 'thank you' I'll just have this amount.

    Meals - you mentioned you're disabled, you could look at the diaries on here & see what you realistically think you could make. There are lots of meals you can make which don't appear to be 'diet' food.

    Do you have a slow cooker, you could make something for tea in that, then when OH gets home his tea will be there for him & you've already eaten yours.

    So you don't snack on the wrong foods at work, take your own in, you could take fruit, boiled eggs, cooked meat lots of snack things, again take a look on here I think there was a thread recently about snack foods. And as Circes said don't take any money to work that way you can't buy anything.

    Exercise comes in many ways, try walking to the shops instead of driving, you mentioned your daughter doesn't like the pushchair, you could try distracting her as she is put in say give her a book, favourite toy & be firm with her, remember you are in charge YOU want her in the pushchair & make her stay in it. Fasten her in & ignore her screams, this will be very difficult at first & I suggest you don't go somewhere too public but it will work.

    Finally don't give up you can do it, remember you have lots of friends on here who will help.:)
     
  13. kizzib

    kizzib Full Member

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    I did try that bath, book, check every 15 mins thing - the result being the neighbours next door complained because she just would not stop screaming! The only thing we seem to be able to do is just let her fall asleep when she is ready, at least she's not screaming :( And tried the book/toy in the buggy thing too.

    I have been thinking of a slow cooker but don't know what I would cook in it though. And I'm going to start taking food into work as well.

    DH's hours in one of his jobs will be changing next week, he doesn't know the hours yet but hopefully he'll be home earlier and it will mean better evening meals and more time to go to an exercise class. I did have a chat with him and told him how I feel. He's angry at accusations he's 'sabotaging' my diet :sigh: but wants me to be happy so says he will try to be more supportive...
     
  14. Circes

    Circes Strutting her stuff

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    I don't mean to sound harsh but the ONLY way to resolve it is to battle through. And yes it is hard work and takes time and commitment but giving in only reinforces the bad behaviour and makes it worse. But you have taught her that all she has to do is scream and you will cave in and let her do what she wants. Of course the first few times you really set boundaries she will push even harder against them and scream all the more - that is what she has learned works. But if you stick with it she will eventually realise that you are in charge :)

    Take care :hug99:
     
  15. Bashful

    Bashful Slowly Getting There ....

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    *big hugs*

    When DH comes home at different times I leave his food on a plate which he can heat up later... having 2 kids means we eat dinner same time every day (5pm) whether one of us are out or not

    ....otherwise I'd go completely bonkers...

    I had to hit the bringing chocolate home on the head too... I haven't been so well recently and my hubby says he knows chocolate cheers me up so he kept bringing home big bars... wasn't doing me any favours! lol..

    Your hubby may be trying to sabotage or else he may well be trying to cheer you up if whenever he comes home you are all sad... which is probably very much the case if you are suffering all these other problems too

    *more hugs*

    As for the screaming thing I had the same thing with my first child but in the end for my own sanity I just had to tell the neighbours that it would eventually get better but that they would have to hear a lot of screaming before it did... they had a cow at the time but in the end it was that or I was going to completely fall apart....

    xxx
     
  16. kizzib

    kizzib Full Member

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    bashful, you're right about the cheering me up thing, I think that is what he is doing.

    we have a very small house so very easy for her to come through to get us (she can open the gate and doors now too). I did speak with my health visitor, my GP and had a support worker - I had to keep a diary and they all agreed I'd tried everything I could and all that was left for them to advise was that 'one day' it would settle down :S

    In all honesty, it is better than it was. At least she's now staying asleep when she does fall asleep. We're getting there I guess!

    Looking forward to next week as I really think things will improve once DH's hours change.
     
  17. Purple_Star

    Purple_Star Silver Member

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    I am afraid that I have to agree strongly with Circes above.

    We have all been there, made all the excuses under the sun. But at the end of the day, if you REALLY want to do this - you need to take responsibility. You can't blame everyone else.

    I went back on ww when my son was 3 days old, and 2 weeks after his first birthday I got to goal, having lost 9 stone. I was breastfeeding him for the first few months so was up every couple of hours all night, and couldn't leave him for long for those few months, but it didn't stop me. I also hve a 5 year old, and a job, so had a lot to balance. Tho I was at goal when I returned to work.

    Please don't think I am trying to lecture, I have in the past made all the same excuses as you. I just want you to see that if you really want to do it, you can overcome those excuses.

    I am a mean mummy, and had my kids in a very strict routine from word go, and my wee man sometimes wants out of the buggy to walk, but if it doesn't suit me to let him out then I don't. But if you even just played with her at the park, thats still excercise - and may help her sleep better.

    I think you need a plan - write out why you want to lose weight, how it may help your disability etc etc. Then plan out your meals for a week, things you can manage to prepare yourself, maybe even freeze some portions too for convenience. Then plan some exercise, even if its the wii fit - I am able to use mine with the kids around? They just stand and laugh at me lol. Try and be determined to stick to the plan, a day at a time, and eventually it will become the normal routine for you. I am sure when your hubby sees how determined you are, he will offer more support. You do sound very unhappy, so I suspect he is just trying to cheer you up in the only way he knows how. Hopefully when he sees your determination he will stop buying you the choc! Tho its important inthe longterm to learn to say no to temptation because it will always be round you, especially when you have kids!

    Good luck xx
     
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