First week weigh in!

[1978Emma]

thanks for your support pipaluk, Em xx

thanks Claire (tobefitandhealthy) for your support as well, yeah I am pleased with my loss so far, long way to go but this minimins site is helping me so much, Em xx

thanks MissAmy, yeah just doing the healthy eating / calorie counting thing, at the moment am on 1500-1700 kcals a day but to be honest am usually bang on 1700, I like my food ha ha! I do watch my carb intake which I believe is helping but as I said on another post I can't seem to hack it on a low carb plan as a veggie I find it difficult so I limit my carbs but still have at least 120g-150g a day. I do exercise as well but will admit I am not really a gym person so my exercise comes in the form of my dog walks, I do at least two 45min-1 hour walks a day with my dog over the local moors, or through the local woodland / fields etc and some days fit in a third one but due to the weather recently two has been enough! I have to admit I think the walking helps, I am not the fittest person in the world granted but I am getting better and push myself to do more each week , so more slopes you know, sometimes I can look fit for the knackers yard by the end of the walk but I feel better for the exercise. I know some people have told me walking isn't enough but I feel exercise is exercise and its keeping me moving daily! Em xx

 

[andi]

Thanks for the reply Emma. To be honest I am a bit lost at present. I am a binge eater and I am currently the heaviest weight I have ever been.I am more than 18 stone and only a few pounds lighter than I was when I was full term pregnant with my twins! I feel dreadful and my self esteem is rock bottom. It seems like the only thing that soothes me is food and that numb stuffed feeling after a binge. My health is deteriorating fast and I have a strong family history of diabetes. It seems like every diet that works for me I cant stick to and any plan I can stick to doesnt work. I havent been following any plan for a while. To kick start my life/diet im doing slim and save for a couple of weeks to try to get rid of some weight and this awful bloated feeling I have, after that I will look at Juddd again. Judd is up day down day eating. One day 2000 cals next day 500. It has other health benefits as well as weight loss - did you see the horizon programme on it last night? Hope you have a great week

 

[1978Emma]

Hi Andi, oh I missed Horizon last night, I don't think I could hack the Judd diet you talked about, the 500 kcals a day would be way too low for me, though I am sure the 2000 kcals a day would be fine ha ha

I have a diagnosed binge eating disorder myself so I am receiving specialist eating disorder help at present so I am under instructions to not do any diets as such, the focus I have been told should be put on the middle path of moderation hence my healthy eating plan plus built in treats, nothing is truly off limits, no bad food, no good food just everything in moderation, its far healthier for me on every level especially mentally as its removing the usual hard done by feelings or punishment feelings I have on typical diets but its harder for me as someone with a binge eating disorder who has always starved and binged I work best in extremes so this middle path is so difficult yet I can't argue with the results, I have lost the most weight in years by doing it this way. Its all about mindfulness, and getting away from the all or nothing way of thinking.

I can so relate to the self esteem issues, my self esteem is rock bottom as well, I weighed in over 7 weeks ago at 22 stone 5 lbs my heaviest ever, I have always since childhood used food as a way of coping, to numb the feelings, to escape the pain the sad thing is as time has gone on the pain has got worse because of my weight gain and then feeding myself to deal with that had left me in a vicious circle of feeling so sad, suicidal even, using food to numb myself and then of course gaining weight and feeling worse again. I have found the only way out is to face up to the emotions I was trying to escape from with food and now instead of using food I have to face those painful emotions which is tough as I would rather hide from them as I knew most of the feelings were due to serious traumas in my life and I didn't want to face what had previously happened to me but I have had to and as a result the need for food for comfort has def lessened. Also finding new ways of coping is essential, so using music, nice hot drinks, a nice relaxing shower, bath, anything to help self soothe rather than using food, it takes time and practice and you will have slip ups but it really can help you change your life.

It could be so useful to look into the dialectical behaviour therapy approach, so mindfulness skills, loving kindness and distress tolerance, its really been my saving grace of late.

Em xx

 

[shrinking-sarah]

fantastic losses Emma. Well done

 

[Pipaluk]

thanks for your support pipaluk, Em xx

You're welcome I really enjoy coming on here to read your progress, it is refreshing! I haven't really been around much, I am going through that time where I have found a new partner and I am struggling a little with the diet because he is cooking me dinner all the time and doesn't understand how my SW works. I really don't want to say anything to him in case I hurt his feelings, I really appreciate everything he does but I stood on the scales and found I was up another couple of lbs this week so I wimped out of going to class. Urgh...!!

 

[shrinking-sarah]

Pipaluk, instead of trying to find a way to say he's not helping the diet why not do some cooking together. It can be fun, imagine making strawberry pavlova, feeding each other strawberries dipped in thick total O% as you go and you can explain the kind of things you can/can't have without ever hurting his feelings.

 

[xMariex]

Emma well done on your fantastic loss this week. You are doing so well you must be really pleased with yourself. When you talk about the emotional issues it echos what so many of us are going through right now. I think people do not realise that losing weight especially when there is a good amount to lose is as much a psychological journey as well as a physical one.

 

[1978Emma]

thanks shrinkingsarah,

oh yes pipaluk it must be difficult when in a new relationship, hope its going well, its always a difficult time to diet when you are dating as we naturally tend to do meals out or meals in with a partner and this early on in a relationship its sometimes harder to be honest re the diet plan hey

thanks xMariex, oh and exactly I am always shocked at how simple people think weight loss is, all this just eat less and move more which of course in one sense is true, its so simplistic and doesn't take into account the psychological issues, the emotional relationship with food that people have often developed, I know its been my best friend and worst enemy for years, its my drug, I don't drink or take typical drugs but have used food in exactly the same way, to numb the feelings, to protect myself, so many of us do this. I truly believe in order to truly turn our lives around we need to work on the inner self as much as the outer self and it all takes time. I hope you are ok as I know you have so much on at the moment, Em xx

 

[andi]

Hi Emma, its good to read a post from someone who understands. I will definitely look into DBT. I have been putting off going to my gp for months and I now have a list of things! Slim and save didnt happen today. I tried calorie counting a few weeks ago and ended up food obsessed and bingeing. Im so tired of it all. I have to find a way out of this but I think I need help to do it. Its brilliant reading about your success it gives me hope that it can be done. x
Ps. I just noticed that we have the same avatar so I changed mine to avoid any confusion lol!

 

[1978Emma]

Hi Andi, if you look into DBT make sure you see if there are any references in terms of eating disorders so binge eating etc as some DBT services are purely aimed at people with borderline personality disorder which is what it was primarily used for originally but nowadays some eating disorder services inc the eating disorder charity I get help from are using the methods due to the common all or nothing thinking patterns with eating disorders as with borderline personality disorder but it doesn't mean you have that disorder of course just that the form of therapy is used for that as well so I am guessing off the top of my head much of the DBT stuff that may come up through google etc could be in relation to borderline personality disorder which could be confusing!

It may be worth looking up mindfulness, loving kindness and distress tolerance instead which basically forms DBT , its basically about accepting yourself, learning new ways of tackling issues, finding other ways of coping with your emotions other than using food, also facing any issues which you might need to face which perhaps you haven't faced in the past and instead relied on food, we are all different but many of us have developed the use of food as a coping mechanism to different degrees so its about looking into that in more depth and finding a healthier way of coping. It can be so hard to diet in the typical sense if you are prone to obsessive thinking patterns, I am so obsessive which I hate, either obsessive over what I eat, when I eat, what I don't eat, its crazy and the therapy is about trying to ease the obsessive thinking, it doesn't go overnight and its def a work in progress for me still but its getting better so its always worth asking your gp for any help available or looking into what help is available in your area through say google or something. I never knew there was a local eating disorder service in my area until my doctor told me and referred me for an assessment there, its always best to ask.

Good luck, the fact you realise you are struggling is massive, awareness that there is a problem is the first step to making a lifestyle change in my humble opinion, Em xx

 

[andi]

Thanks Emma, I will chat to my GP and see what he can offer. Im feeling a bit better today. I realised that im in such a big rush to lose weight I have been running around like a bull at a gate trying every diet, giving up, hating myself, bingeing and so it continues.... Maybe I should try being gentle with myself, one step each week eg. this week eat what I want but have a curfew of 7pm (most of my binges are after that time), next week add in more water each day etc. Problem is I panic when the scales dont move, think its hopeless and eat everything! I just want something very simple that works?? Hope your week is going well. Xx

 

[1978Emma]

oh so true Andi, I have always done that in the past, I have tried to change everything at once, one time I started a strict diet, started the gym, tried to undertake therapy and increase my water intake etc all at the same time and I have now learnt the changes need to be smaller and a bit at a time.

This time I started therapy for my eating disorder, didn't try dieting or anything for the first number of months just concentrated on getting my head around what I was doing in therapy, then the next step I did was allow myself to eat what I wanted and when I wanted except I wasn't allowed to have any binges so for my meals I had the freedom to eat anything so I wasn't dieting as such by any means but managed to cut out the binges then I took the next step of trying to diet, well at least reduce the calories to a limit that would see the weight come off. I then a few weeks into that started to introduce the water, well for me weak orange squash and upped my exercise but for me doing it in stages was a must and I think thats why its working now. If I had tried to go from daily binges to a diet I would have never managed it, I needed to break it down into smaller steps. I was originally eating something like at least 7000 + kcals a day during my binge times, the period when I allowed myself to eat what I wanted but no binges was more like 3000 kcals a day so yes not a diet amount but a hell of a lot less than when I was having the binges, then the diet period came and I went down to 2000 kcals for the first week and a bit, then 1800 and now aim for 1500-1700 but I could not have dropped from 7000+ to 1500 or so immediately as I would have just given up and been back on my binges in no time. I def did a more gradual process, I have been dieting for just under eight weeks now but whilst the weights been coming off during this period, the work on changing my lifestyle started months before, its just been a slow build up!

Em xx

 

[andi]

Hi Emma, wow you have come so far. Your way of dealing with the bingeing makes so much sense. I have to let go of the lose it all in 6 months mentality and accept that a slower, baby steps, approach will hopefully result in lasting weight loss and help heal my relationship with food. I have had my 3 meals today and I have stuck to that but as im writing this I am feeling that itch to binge....I could easily just go and load up on crisps, chocolate and biscuits. I know that its my habit too - kids settled, tv and boredom. I think I will go for a walk or do the weekly shop until this subsides. x

 

[1978Emma]

its so difficult Andi, I can totally understand the binge urges, it can be for so many reasons as well, its not always just because we are low or angry or even happy it can be a habit or because of boredom, I def was addicted to my binge foods, if I wasn't having a binge as a way of coping with unwanted emotions it was because I was bored stiff or just out of habit, it was my thing, other people may drink , smoke, take drugs for me it was food and lots of it and always the chocolate, crisps, cakes etc etc I remember this one gp saying "maybe you could try and change your binge food to an apple", I was like she sure doesn't understand the concept of binges or binge food, unless it was a toffee apple it wouldn't have been part of my binge ha ha or an apple pie maybe!

The one most important thing I realised was that it isn't the one binge that ruins things but the way I reacted to the binge, the one binge in isolation would be ok, yeah I slipped up but its not the end of the world, what ruined things for me was my reaction it, I would be like "oh sod it I have done it now" and then would basically give myself permission to keep on having more binges, if I had just had that binge and thought "oh well that was then tomorrow is a new day" I would have been much better off.

The other thing is it can be so hard to feel understood as sadly many people still hold the belief that if you are big you are just fat and lazy, it makes me see red really but sadly the stereotypes still exists, when you think of people with other addictions like drugs, alcohol, smoking, they can struggle so much with their addictions and I see food in the same way, not for everyone but for those who have a lot of weight to lose on some level food has had a purpose of comfort or what have you, its not just as easy as deciding to give it up, it takes time for many of us we have developed a very complicated relationship with food and I know for me its been a best friend and worst enemy through almost all my life.

I have always wanted the quick fix as I have been so desperately unhappy as most of us are on here yet this time for the first time in my life I am choosing the more gentle way as its kinder to myself and I feel allows me a better chance of making it this time, I don't want to lose it and then regain it. I think for me thats why I am so big on the baby steps approach, changing a bit at a time and trying to turn your life around rather than going on one fad diet after another which I have always done in the past.

Anyway I think you sound as if you have a great deal of insight and awareness of the issues re food and that is certainly going to be of great help with fighting those issues. Em xx

 

[andi]

Its day 4 binge free, go me lol!! Its very early days and I have done binge free days, weeks even, before but I just have to take it one day at a time and see how it goes. You are so right though, the odd slip up is not a problem; its the daily abuse of food that is the issue. Im having a mixture of food, alot of which is not typically healthy but my main focus is no bingeing so one step at a time. I was just out for a burger and chips and really enjoyed the freedom and the food lol. Hope you are having a great weekend.

 

[1978Emma]

exactly Andi, I am glad you enjoyed the burger and chips and 4 days binge free is fab, every day you manage without a binge is a massive step in the right direction. For me one of the main things was getting away from the thoughts of "bad food" and "good food", in all honesty all foods are fine if eaten in moderation, when I go out for a meal I allow myself whatever I want to eat purely because I don't go out more than once a week for a meal or usually once a fortnight so on that night I will have pizza, chips if I want them and most importantly enjoy them and not feel guilty as I would have done in the past. I went to Pizza Hut last week with my mum and had the buffet dinner and it was so tasty and I didn't really feel I had done anything wrong because it was my treat meal and I hadn't had a meal out for at least two weeks so I was ready for it! ha ha but the best thing was I recognised when I was full and so didn't have a dessert and in the past I would never have even known when I was full. I still have things in the house which wouldn't be classed as "healthy" as such but as long as they are not my binge foods / trigger foods then they are ok and I can eat them now and again. I have had to get out of the frame of mind that I have previously had which was based on a diet can only work if you feel you are being punished whereas now I am being kinder to myself and whilst I am now eating more diet amounts than before like I said I did it in stages, I wanted to give up the binges as much as possible first before trying to diet as such. I didn't even aim for weight loss when in the first stage of giving up my binges as I was allowing myself what I wanted to eat when I wanted as long as I didn't binge / secret eat etc and now I am aiming for weight loss I have lowered my calories and have fewer treats but its a process and I know I couldn't have ever done the massive daily binges to diet without a few steps down in between. Em xx

 

[1978Emma]

oh well weighed in at the same weight this week but as I have been on TOTM I am not too worried and have lost quite a bit over the last number of weeks so all in all I will just hope for a loss next week, Em x

 

[andi]

Hi Emma, a sts is just your body playing catch up and the totm, next weeks loss will make up for it. You have come so far, when my scales play up it nearly always means a huge binge and the end of yet another diet.
Im doing ok today, probably helped by a sore throat. Hope you have a great week. x

 

[Pipaluk]

Pipaluk, instead of trying to find a way to say he's not helping the diet why not do some cooking together. It can be fun, imagine making strawberry pavlova, feeding each other strawberries dipped in thick total O% as you go and you can explain the kind of things you can/can't have without ever hurting his feelings.

Thank you for this! We started cooking together, I would plan something to make and we would make it together, it was great fun. He has now joined me at Slimming World to support me and he said he wouldn't mind losing 1 stone, so I am excited now!

Don't let your STS get you down Emma, it happens to us all and I believe it's the WI's like that are the ones that test our will power and strength. A lot of people have a slight gain or a maintain and they give in ...which is silly in my opinion. Your body will probably be starting to adjust to the new eating habits and is getting to used to it, for the first few months I was getting at least 4lb loses every week where as now I get an average of 2lbs a week, which I am happy with because a loss is a loss and those numbers do add up very quickly! Remember how well you are doing and keep at it. xx

 

[1978Emma]

thanks Andi and pipaluk you are so right, wish when I had a week when I remained the same weight I wouldn't feel so low, silly really as after all our body weight can fluctuate so easily especially as women, I have been struggling this last two weeks anyway, have remained on track but really struggling with my binge urges, think its the knock on effect of the therapy, its tough in therapy at the moment and I'm having to face things I don't really want to think about from the past so its bound to be natural to crave my old trusty friend / binge foods to push down these emotions, I am just taking it a day at a time at the moment. Em x