First week weigh in!

[Pipaluk]

Sorry to hear you are struggling Em, I know it's easier said than done but don't let it knock you down. When I was roughly 2months into my diet I struggled with urges, I had 2 weeks of gains and put on 3lbs which all in all isn't too bad but I think seeing the numbers go back up twice in a row scared myself and made me get back on track and the weight came off in a week. Maybe you should just have a treat, to cure that craving ..if the numbers go up, they do and get yourself back on track the following week? I think it's natural to be honest to crave the things we are used to confining in when feeling down. I know I could have lost more weight in the amount of time if I stayed 100% the 6months I have been on SW... I am not going to lie but I eat a packet of crisps nearly every other day and just count it into my syns. We are not a robots! I believe if you enjoy things in moderation you will be fine. It helps me keep going, otherwise I would just feel deprived and probably end up falling off a lot more easily.
Sorry to be rude, perhaps you have posted about it earlier but what are you going to therapy for.. I am going to presume for eating? Correct me if I am wrong. How is it going? Stay strong chick and take it one day at a time xx

 

[andi]

Hi Emma, just think of how far you have come. You have made so many positive changes and you are the boss of the food now. This is just a blip, stay strong hun. Scales are just evil. What about weighing less? Easier said than done I know. Maybe up the cals for a couple of weeks so you can have a few more treats? We are here for the long haul and we can take the scenic route together. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs xx

 

[1978Emma]

Thanks guys for the lovely messages, yes its been a hard couple of weeks, we all get them hey but I have managed to stay on track just built in the odd treat every other day over the last two weeks like you said pipaluk to make things easier. I think I had been aiming for just my meal out as a treat and then on the weeks I wasn't having a meal out as a treat whilst I enjoy my new food I had no little treats and think I had gone a bit all or nothing again so I decided to allow myself some chocolate every other day, just a single normal sized snickers bar as I don't trust myself with multi packs ha ha and it seems to have done the trick, I just made that part of my calorie intake and it really hit the spot and I made myself eat if mindfully so really was aware of eating it and enjoyed it all the more for doing that!

Re therapy yes its eating disorder therapy to help with my binge eating disorder, its called dialectical behaviour therapy its working wonders and I decided that I would try and shed at least some of the weight whilst in therapy as it made sense to try and do it whilst I have some support, I believe I have the support up until the start of Dec so it gives me a while to make some good progress. Also part of the therapy is going away from all or nothing so away from my starvation and binges and going to regular healthy meals, so everything in moderation, they always say I need treats so I don't feel deprived and I think thats where I started to go a little wrong over the last number of weeks I wasn't having any treats hardly so now I have built in some more regular ones I am feeling much more capable of remaining on track. The therapy itself is tough going as DBT is very in your face therapy and looks at tackling so much inc past issues that say in my case caused or at least made the eating issues worse inc abuse etc and so over the last few weeks I have had to talk in therapy about the abuse in such detail that its left me feeling so exhausted emotionally and mentally and I think thats why I have struggled as well with my mind set this last two weeks. I have to say your support means so much, hugs, Em xx

 

[1978Emma]

4 lbs off this week - yay! I started at 22 stone 5 lbs 9 weeks ago and am now exactly 20 stone, 2 stone 5 lbs off in 9 weeks! I can't wait to get under that ruddy 20 stone mark, Em xx

 

[andi]

Go Emma!!!! Well done, thats a brilliant result. Good for you staying on track, its like its a big learning curve and I feel like im on the really steep bit lol!
I lost 3 lbs myself last week. Dont get me wrong im happy about that but there is a part of me that thinks it should be much more than that at my size and my first week of eating normally. A lb of that mysteriously went back on this morning despite a good day yesterday, that sent me into a tailspin and you guessed it - I have ate far more than I needed today, not quite a binge but dangerously close. Its a new day tomorrow so I will dust myself off and start again. Hope you have a fantastic week.

 

[1978Emma]

thanks Andi,oh and well done on your weight loss, never knock your progress, we are all different, lose it at different rates, I have always been someone who loses alot in the first two weeks in particular then mostly levels at 3 lbs a week after that, though I either never or rarely see a loss when on totm, whereas some people do, on a good time I stay the same or gain, we are just all different.

I think my exercise helps as well, like today I did three long walks with my dog and at my size, it takes it out of me so prob is good for my weight loss.

My best advice is to hide the scales in between weekly weigh ins, its hard to do but many of us myself included become crazed scale hoppers, one day you see a loss, the next you see a gain yet you have been on track so you start trying to think how it could have happened when the honest truth is as women our weight fluctuates alot and so in my humble opinion I believe its best to weigh just once a week on the same day at around the same time and on the same set of scales and you can then feel you are getting an accurate representation of your weight loss journey. I was a terror for beating myself up over small weight fluctuations and would binge because of it when in all honesty it could have been coming up to a period, on your period, constipated, you name it! My eating disorder therapist really wanted me to limit my contact with the scales due to my obsessive relationship with them, she wanted me to just weigh in once a fortnight but as I used to do it numerous times a day going to once a week was fine with me but I have to literally remove them from sight or I go back to my old ways.

You are doing so well Andi, remember that, plus this isn't about doing a diet but a lifestyle change and you are having to give up the binges and that is not easy, so be kind to yourself, your insight will help you, at least you know you battle with the food demons so to speak, it takes time to recover , I don't believe you can recover overnight, its going to take time and best to do it in small manageable steps, Em xx

 

[andi]

Thanks Emma. Im feeling a bit fragile and sorry for myself this morning. I have a binge hangover and im a bit lost. I thought what I was doing was working and I was eating alot less than before so why are the scales not reflecting my effort? I have probably wrecked my metabolism with the multitude of diets I have been on or maybe my thyroid has packed in? Will I ever shift this bloody weight? I am not blessed with much patience unfortunately. The last straw came last night when a person on facebook posted that she lost 7lbs in one week on weightwatchers and has only one more stone to go! I have 8 stone to lose, lost 3lbs in a week and that is back on in 2 days! I need to get a grip and just accept that its the scenic route for me with no short cuts and maybe with a bit of luck my body with get used to this weightloss lark. Hopefully I will get over myself and be a bit more positive in your thread, sorry Emma for going on. xx

 

[MissAmy]

Andi, i think the difference is that when you are littler to start with you can go more gung ho and strict with the diet as you don't have to sustain in for that long.
I have at least eight stone to lose so I'm in it for the long term. I need a diet I'm happy to stick to for a very long time.
I'm only a a month in and so far happy with what I'm doing.
I've banned certain trigger foods but other than that eating what/when i want.
I'm Queen of snacking and know i can't stop it. Instead I'm trying to eat more filling snacks to hopefully prevent the binges.

 

[andi]

Thanks MissAmy. I read your thread, you are doing really well, im subscribing. I seriously need to change my life too. Im married but my husband makes no secret of the fact that he hates my weight which makes me feel like sh*t. Its a new day tomorrow so I just need to get on with it. Following you and Emma is really inspirational, thanks girls. Xx

 

[1978Emma]

I am really sorry you are feeling fragile right now Andi, I can understand that, its so hard sometimes and places like Facebook are great for making you feel inadequate, I used to go on Facebook alot but you end up comparing yourself with everyone and often come away feeling like crap. I read a quote once that said something about "I hope one day my life is as great as I pretend it to be on Facebook", its so true, everyone on the whole just wants to sing their own praises and I just can't be doing with it. I go on maybe twice a week now and even then I just am like yawn yawn reading all the silly updates, the only people I really bother with on there are my true friends and family members that I see often so tend to talk with them via text or phone or in person and not as much through Facebook, don't get me wrong it can be a useful tool in life to keep up contact with people and its nice seeings photos of the people you truly care about etc, but it is known for making people feel like crap as we think our lives aren't as good as Joe Bloggs we went to school with, didn't like them back then but hey now years on we put them on our ruddy friends list! ha ha

I was so low today myself, looking in the mirror and hating my reflection and feeling like crap, I so want to binge today in all honesty and I feel so low about my looks, my hair has gone like a fuzz ball because of the heat and I just feel all horrible, I just kept on telling myself that I have already lost 2 stone 5 lbs, yeah I am nowhere near target but I am on the way and I just keep trying to drill that into myself. I know from the start I had 11 stone 5 lbs to lose to get to my target weight, I still have 9 stone to go, it feels like a massive mountain to climb but I think for me I am just going to take it a day at a time, I'll get there when I get there, no pressure! I have to do it for health reasons and so I have to believe I can do it this time so at the moment for me its a case of baby steps.

I am sorry re your husbands comments as well, sadly some men don't have any tact hey! It must be very hard though if he doesn't hide those feelings from you, it can't be doing much for your self esteem, if ever you feel low about such things just come on to here to vent, it can really help sometimes to get things off your chest.

Plus MissAmy was so right, its much easier when you only have a smaller amount of weight to lose as you can go on a much more strict diet and in next to no time be at target but when you have like half your body weight to lose it takes much longer and you need something much more sustainable, no quick fix will work long term when you have alot to lose in my opinion.

Em xx

 

[Pipaluk]

I was so low today myself, looking in the mirror and hating my reflection and feeling like crap, I so want to binge today in all honesty and I feel so low about my looks

*e-hugs* I hope you feel better soon Em, you are amazing and I know it's hard to tell yourself that and believe it but you really are. I am really glad that the therapy is working wonders for you. I think it's a good choice to start losing while you are attending the sessions, it should make the whole ''process'' a lot easier for you. It's nice to read how open you are about your problems, I tend to lock mine up and throw the key away then I have times where I bottle them up and they burst out like a sh*t storm. I wish I had heard about those sessions before actually, they sound like they could do me a whole lot for me, I might have to look into them. I am suffering with depression again at the moment, past couple of weeks I have just felt so down ..I had a binge after my weigh in tonight at SW and feel even worse now for doing it but for so many years confining in food when I had problems was what I did. Boiling a pan of veggies and scoffing them doesn't justify it quite the same! x

 

[xMariex]

I am also sorry to hear your feeling low Emma. And on here most of us can totally relate to the wanting to binge. I think especially with us who have more to lose psychologically you go through as much if not more a journey as you do phyiscally. I am getting very low moods at the moment, I had a binge last night so my weigh in today wont be affected but I just know next week will be rubbish and I always dread WIs now. You are right about it being baby steps but you are taking huge ones in your weight loss, I think you are doing amazing. But I know what you mean about the mountain I feel exactly the same, so tempting to tell myself I am fat and used to that anyway so why bother it really is. I hope you feel somewhat lifted and like pipaluk I am sending some e-hugs.

 

[1978Emma]

thanks pipaluk and xmariex, I really appreciate your support, just battling such a mixture of emotions right now, I am still on track but just don't feel very good, just very low, I have various mental health issues which have always impacted on my moods and does often mean I am a bit of a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows and so I am just trying to ride the emotions at the moment rather than fight them. I just wish food didn't hold such a power over me, I do feel like I am winning at the moment and that its not as powerful as it used to be but its still a daily struggle as I know you will understand.

Oh pipaluk its so true about bottling things up, I have bottled things up for years, pushed down emotions with food, even my severe OCD works to keep me away from dealing with my real emotions and past issues like abuse etc and its the bottling things up and not facing them that has done so much harm over the years, its only now thanks to therapy I am having to face up to things and be more open which is so hard, I either have always pushed down my emotions or completely switched off - disassociate and that can be very hard to get out of, became robotic, no emotions at all, a common thing I believe after going through serious trauma.

I really hope you both get the help you need as well, its such a battle each day and especially when you have so much weight to lose plus need to deal with the underlying issues that led to the weight gain in the first place. Em xx

 

[andi]

Hi Emma, im sorry its tough going at present. Im sure that facing issues that were previously buried with food is really hard but you are battling on and are still on track which is brilliant! I am a member of another forum which I read ocasionally (Juddd dieters) and there is a lady who started Judd in November last year. She has lost 7stone and has 20lbs left to go. She did it a day/week at a time and she looks and feels fabulous. Time flies and before you know you will be where you want to be. I love those "just for today..." affirmations. Just for today I wont binge and will stick to healthy eating....etc. Somehow 1 day seems much more doable than a week, year etc. Stay strong Xx

 

[1978Emma]

thanks Andi, its so true, I think in the past I have concentrated too much on how much weight I need to lose in total whereas this time I am just trying to take it a day at a time even a week at a time as its a journey of recovery really and I think if I focus too much on my target weight say I will just give up and be back to my binges in no time. Its like yesterday I was so low feeling like crap about the way I look again, all the usual self abuse in the mirror and then I thought "wait a minute, yes you are still big but you have lost 2 stone 5 lbs", I think its so important sometimes to remind ourselves of how far we have already come, I mean yes I have loads still to lose but if I hadn't started when I did not only would I have not lost that weight but I know for sure I would have put god knows how much weight on to boot!

I am still having treats, like last night my friend invited me over for a pizza and a dvd which was great but I have already noticed the difference, the pizza takeaway place do pizzas in sizes small, medium, large, extra large and extra extra large, now before I went on to this eating plan I'm ashamed to say I would have ordered the biggest extra extra large pizza to myself and still felt hungry afterwards as emotionally as well as physically I was always starving! yesterday I ordered the medium sized one which is so small towards what I am used to but no lie I was stuffed after eating it and it shocked me re how much I used to be able to eat,my appetite is shrinking so much! The thing is I truly believe an eating plan should include treats, I'm all for moderation, I haven't had a takeaway in yonks but really enjoyed it last night and it felt all the better for eating what to me looked like a more normal sized portion, I just didn't feel embarrassed for the first time!

How are you doing Andi? Em xx

 

[BigBurd]

Just came back to the forums after 2 months away with holidays and stuff, and after reading this thread I had to comment on how brave you are to share all the downs as well as the ups and describe in such detail a struggling relationship with food that all of us can identify with. 2 Stone is amazing! you must really be starting to see the benefits well done!! xxx

 

[Pipaluk]

I have Aspergers which is why I am not very good with my emotions, which is mostly the reason why I dealt with my emotions by eating. I have had a pretty harsh teenage life, it didn't turn out as planned but I am trying to deal with it. I know what you mean with turning robotic, I am emotionless on the outside, deep down I care and have feelings but I don't like to let that on too easily. My life took a turn when my great grandad died, I couldn't deal with the death. Then my Grandma slowly deteriorated and her dementia got worse and I couldn't face to see her suffering. She was sent into hospital and died the following week, I couldn't face to go and see her when she was in hospital because that wasn't how I wanted to remember her, she was in pain for so long and when she did pass away I ended up in an argument with my family because I didn't go and visit her at the hospital. They couldn't respect how I felt about not wanting to remember being demented and having hallucinations all the time about insane things, they said I was selfish. After that I just blocked off all my emotions from the world, started eating more and more and I got to the size I was. Recently I am suffering with issues, I got into a relationship with somebody who cheated on me after 1 week so I ended it, trying not to turn back to food is hard. I have had a week where I let myself go, I am away tomorrow to watch my uncle racing so no doubt will be more junk food, so I am going to start again on Monday. However I am no longer going to SW, I am weighing from home following the SW diet. I can't afford classes at the moment as I am going back into education and money is extremely tight as I have gone from 24hours a week to 12!

 

[andi]

Hi Emma, im doing ok. I was away for a couple of days for my birthday, we had a lovely time but the weigh-in this morning was grim I appear to have gained 6lbs, 3 that I lost and another 3! Good news is I actually feel ready to start again so here goes.....day 1 again. The kids are back at school at the end of the week so I get my routine back and that should help. How are things with you? I know what you mean about the pizza - having an xxlarge and still being hungry. Im the same. Whenever my stomach has strunk it always amazed me what I used to be able to eat, im sure thats how naturally thin people are. I do have a big appetite but at least a third of what I ate was emotional or old fashioned greed. I have always had a "clean plate" and ate food that I didnt even like. Im going to try lower carb this time too -less than 80g per day. I have always done ok with that and it helps with cravings and hunger. Well heres to a great week of healthy eating

 

[1978Emma]

2 lbs off this week which means I have lost exactly 2 and a half stone (35 lbs) in 10 weeks - yay! I started at 22 stone 5 lbs 10 weeks ago and am now 19 stone 12 lbs, I have a hell of a long way to go but its a fab start. I have now said goodbye to the 22's, 21's and now 20's weight wise - hurrah! plus I have gone down from a size 26 to a size 20 / 22!

Things have been a little tough as well I have suspected PCOS on top of other things and so have up until recently had hardly any periods and when I do get them they are so painful and last forever! well since I have started losing weight my periods are returning but too much so I keep having them so often now and each time its killing me and messing with my moods, I don't even have the usual month to recover inbetween which has been getting to me as someone with a mood disorder anyway this really makes things so much worse arghh anyway at least I have seen a weight loss this last week. Em xx

 

[1978Emma]

Hi Andi, glad you had a good time away for your birthday, oh weigh ins after having any time away are never much fun, I'm the same if I have time off for good behaviour the scales never show any mercy! I am off to Butlins all being well with my sister and nieces at the end of the year and so put it like this I will not be hopping on the scales when I return home from that trip ha ha . I am sure I only need to look at a cake and the weight goes on! I think you were right to enjoy your birthday and brilliant if you now feel able to get on track again, its much better to have a treat time over a birthday then to deny yourself and then go on mega binges afterwards caused by feeling so hard done by. I always live it up on my birthdays, lots of chocolate cake and anything else I have been missing out on whilst on plan! I am all for trying to lose weight but I truly believe we need our treats as well, some people wouldn't agree but for me I don't believe anything should be totally off limits.

OMG I can so relate to the appetite thing, I had a huge appetite, often felt as if I was so empty the whole time even when I had eaten enough for numerous people! for me I realised that I had got out of the habit of hearing the physical hunger signs and also got used to going over the full signs although at times I never ever felt full and I now realise that it was because emotionally I was starving, I was so unhappy and I was trying to take those horrible feelings away with food and sadly no food was ever enough to make things better in the long term. I have always been a member of the clean plate club as well ha ha sadly most of us were brought up like that. I still insist on clearing my plate so my way of getting around that was I now have a smaller plate!! I can't believe how quickly I fill up now , my appetite has shrunk beyond recognition, I have a much smaller appetite now than my much slimmer sister and friends which is weird but I think its because now I know when to stop when my body is telling me its physically full something I don't recall being aware of for years, it takes time for things to change though thats for sure! I couldn't have believed how small my appetite would be now, if you told me this ten weeks ago when I started I would have just laughed! Em xx