Chunky Madwife
Full Member
From the night before starting Exante. Starting afresh today after a few wee days off. It made me smile and remember why I am doing this (although I forgot to maintain the journal)!
Tuesday 25th January 2011
Weight – 15stone. 210Lbs. 95.3 kilos BMI 36
Worst ever weight, but in all reality very well deserved due to
a. Greediness
b. Laziness
c. Both of the above
Just had a lovely Chinese and am ploughing through a bottle of Rose.
I'm not "big-boned" and I'm certainly not "fat and jolly". I'm just a greedy, fat person. With wee small eyes which need to get out of this big face. And it's not just food and lazyarsitis - I like my wine. Other people's wine too. Wine is very nice, but it's like a really *****y friend that talks about you behind your back. Actually, come to think of it, we are made for each other. STOP it! That's called co-dependency according to our psychobabbling experts, and it's not healthy.
I need to change. NOW. Before I end up with high blood pressure, cardiac problems, diabetes, cellulitis, varicose veins (well, I'm a midwife so it might be too late for the various veins, but still. There is time to house-train them). I have only recently began to worry about health issues relating to my fatness. I make no apologies for referring to my fatness, bald truth is the only way. Moving from your early thirties to your late thirties gives you the willies a bit. You suddenly start pushing forty. Well, it is the most exercise I get I suppose.
Tomorrow morning I am going to pack my kids off to school and take measurements. Weight is just one thing. But sheer bulk is another. The last time I lost any weight it was about 1 stone through WW. It took weeks and weeks of 2 off and 1 on, etc etc. And there was NO change in my measurements or clothes.
I have been on Weightwatchers, Slimming Worlls, Scottish Slimmers and a calorie controlled diet. By far the best was the calorie controlled diet (1200 a day), logged into laptop to record what I had eaten. However I was also doing judo twice a week, and working quite hard. This made a real difference, weightloss was steady (2-3lbs a week)and my clothes were looser and for once, I actually had to go and buy smaller sizes. They are still in the attic though!
Now I am waiting to start a new job, am in the house all day (unless out on bank shifts), and sleepingbadly so have the temptation to have a snooze after lunch. Or before lunch. Who cares?
Well I do. And I have had enough. I feel assexual. I feel ugly. I feel like somehow I don't deserve any better than to be stuck with this ghastly bloated body. I have been fat since just after I got married 15 years ago (with one episode of losing weight through weightwatchers and breastfeeding (I got to 10 and a half stone), and maintained for around a year before becoming pregnant and giving up completely. I can do it, I have done it. But it was hard, and it gets harder. I deserve better though.
Soooooo. I am going to try Exante, total food replacemnet VLCD diet (600 cals a day). I have never tried anything like this (cabbage soup doesn't count, does it?). And I am going to keep a diary and recored everything. There WILL be ups and downs, there always is, but I need to get it down in print, so I can stop my mind playing tricks on me.
I will be watching me, so I don't misbehave. I know what I'm like.
Tuesday 25th January 2011
Weight – 15stone. 210Lbs. 95.3 kilos BMI 36
Worst ever weight, but in all reality very well deserved due to
a. Greediness
b. Laziness
c. Both of the above
Just had a lovely Chinese and am ploughing through a bottle of Rose.
I'm not "big-boned" and I'm certainly not "fat and jolly". I'm just a greedy, fat person. With wee small eyes which need to get out of this big face. And it's not just food and lazyarsitis - I like my wine. Other people's wine too. Wine is very nice, but it's like a really *****y friend that talks about you behind your back. Actually, come to think of it, we are made for each other. STOP it! That's called co-dependency according to our psychobabbling experts, and it's not healthy.
I need to change. NOW. Before I end up with high blood pressure, cardiac problems, diabetes, cellulitis, varicose veins (well, I'm a midwife so it might be too late for the various veins, but still. There is time to house-train them). I have only recently began to worry about health issues relating to my fatness. I make no apologies for referring to my fatness, bald truth is the only way. Moving from your early thirties to your late thirties gives you the willies a bit. You suddenly start pushing forty. Well, it is the most exercise I get I suppose.
Tomorrow morning I am going to pack my kids off to school and take measurements. Weight is just one thing. But sheer bulk is another. The last time I lost any weight it was about 1 stone through WW. It took weeks and weeks of 2 off and 1 on, etc etc. And there was NO change in my measurements or clothes.
I have been on Weightwatchers, Slimming Worlls, Scottish Slimmers and a calorie controlled diet. By far the best was the calorie controlled diet (1200 a day), logged into laptop to record what I had eaten. However I was also doing judo twice a week, and working quite hard. This made a real difference, weightloss was steady (2-3lbs a week)and my clothes were looser and for once, I actually had to go and buy smaller sizes. They are still in the attic though!
Now I am waiting to start a new job, am in the house all day (unless out on bank shifts), and sleepingbadly so have the temptation to have a snooze after lunch. Or before lunch. Who cares?
Well I do. And I have had enough. I feel assexual. I feel ugly. I feel like somehow I don't deserve any better than to be stuck with this ghastly bloated body. I have been fat since just after I got married 15 years ago (with one episode of losing weight through weightwatchers and breastfeeding (I got to 10 and a half stone), and maintained for around a year before becoming pregnant and giving up completely. I can do it, I have done it. But it was hard, and it gets harder. I deserve better though.
Soooooo. I am going to try Exante, total food replacemnet VLCD diet (600 cals a day). I have never tried anything like this (cabbage soup doesn't count, does it?). And I am going to keep a diary and recored everything. There WILL be ups and downs, there always is, but I need to get it down in print, so I can stop my mind playing tricks on me.
I will be watching me, so I don't misbehave. I know what I'm like.
