Found this journal entry...

Discussion in 'Exante' started by Chunky Madwife, 11 April 2011 Social URL.

  1. Chunky Madwife

    Chunky Madwife Full Member

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    From the night before starting Exante. Starting afresh today after a few wee days off. It made me smile and remember why I am doing this (although I forgot to maintain the journal)!

    Tuesday 25th January 2011

    Weight – 15stone. 210Lbs. 95.3 kilos BMI 36

    Worst ever weight, but in all reality very well deserved due to

    a. Greediness
    b. Laziness
    c. Both of the above

    Just had a lovely Chinese and am ploughing through a bottle of Rose.

    I'm not "big-boned" and I'm certainly not "fat and jolly". I'm just a greedy, fat person. With wee small eyes which need to get out of this big face. And it's not just food and lazyarsitis - I like my wine. Other people's wine too. Wine is very nice, but it's like a really *****y friend that talks about you behind your back. Actually, come to think of it, we are made for each other. STOP it! That's called co-dependency according to our psychobabbling experts, and it's not healthy.

    I need to change. NOW. Before I end up with high blood pressure, cardiac problems, diabetes, cellulitis, varicose veins (well, I'm a midwife so it might be too late for the various veins, but still. There is time to house-train them). I have only recently began to worry about health issues relating to my fatness. I make no apologies for referring to my fatness, bald truth is the only way. Moving from your early thirties to your late thirties gives you the willies a bit. You suddenly start pushing forty. Well, it is the most exercise I get I suppose.

    Tomorrow morning I am going to pack my kids off to school and take measurements. Weight is just one thing. But sheer bulk is another. The last time I lost any weight it was about 1 stone through WW. It took weeks and weeks of 2 off and 1 on, etc etc. And there was NO change in my measurements or clothes.

    I have been on Weightwatchers, Slimming Worlls, Scottish Slimmers and a calorie controlled diet. By far the best was the calorie controlled diet (1200 a day), logged into laptop to record what I had eaten. However I was also doing judo twice a week, and working quite hard. This made a real difference, weightloss was steady (2-3lbs a week)and my clothes were looser and for once, I actually had to go and buy smaller sizes. They are still in the attic though!

    Now I am waiting to start a new job, am in the house all day (unless out on bank shifts), and sleepingbadly so have the temptation to have a snooze after lunch. Or before lunch. Who cares?

    Well I do. And I have had enough. I feel assexual. I feel ugly. I feel like somehow I don't deserve any better than to be stuck with this ghastly bloated body. I have been fat since just after I got married 15 years ago (with one episode of losing weight through weightwatchers and breastfeeding (I got to 10 and a half stone), and maintained for around a year before becoming pregnant and giving up completely. I can do it, I have done it. But it was hard, and it gets harder. I deserve better though.

    Soooooo. I am going to try Exante, total food replacemnet VLCD diet (600 cals a day). I have never tried anything like this (cabbage soup doesn't count, does it?). And I am going to keep a diary and recored everything. There WILL be ups and downs, there always is, but I need to get it down in print, so I can stop my mind playing tricks on me.

    I will be watching me, so I don't misbehave. I know what I'm like.
    :D
     
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  3. nomoremuffintop

    nomoremuffintop Gold Member

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    Great entry. :) hope you feel better about re starting and good luck xx
     
  4. notsoskinnymarge

    notsoskinnymarge Gold Member

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    Now that is a cracking first diary post!!
    Marge
    :)
     
  5. namaste

    namaste Silver Member

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    Made me smile............. so many points of recognition! Well done on the restart, you can do it, you know you can :)
     
  6. *jenjen*

    *jenjen* I will do this...

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    You have a great turn of phrase. Very good post. And a good idea to revisit this post to get you back on track. Keep at it :D
     
  7. x Nee x

    x Nee x Gold Member

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    Goodluck with Exante, you sound very determined which will get you a long way :)

    Your post hit some truths to me also, so thats given me my boost for the day :D

    xxxx
     
  8. Antari

    Antari Full Member

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    Love your post, you could have been writing about me! Good luck with the restart :)
     
  9. Jeep

    Jeep Otherwise known as Jools

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    Brilliant post and very inspiring too - should give some of us who are flagging a major boost to get back on track. Thankyou :)
     
  10. Getslimquick

    Getslimquick Been liberated by Exante!

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    Thanks for being so brave Chunky! You say what a number of people think and are too ashamed to say. You are courageous and will succeed. Well done, and thanks
    GSQ
     
  11. DustQueen

    DustQueen Gold Member

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    Great post, it must be so helpful to have those things written down to keep motivated wish I had done that 5 weeks ago :)
    Good luck with your restart you!! :D
     
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