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Found this journal entry...

S: 16st6lb C: 14st9.5lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 35.3 Loss: 1st10.5lb(10.65%)
#1
From the night before starting Exante. Starting afresh today after a few wee days off. It made me smile and remember why I am doing this (although I forgot to maintain the journal)!

Tuesday 25th January 2011

Weight – 15stone. 210Lbs. 95.3 kilos BMI 36

Worst ever weight, but in all reality very well deserved due to

a. Greediness
b. Laziness
c. Both of the above

Just had a lovely Chinese and am ploughing through a bottle of Rose.

I'm not "big-boned" and I'm certainly not "fat and jolly". I'm just a greedy, fat person. With wee small eyes which need to get out of this big face. And it's not just food and lazyarsitis - I like my wine. Other people's wine too. Wine is very nice, but it's like a really *****y friend that talks about you behind your back. Actually, come to think of it, we are made for each other. STOP it! That's called co-dependency according to our psychobabbling experts, and it's not healthy.

I need to change. NOW. Before I end up with high blood pressure, cardiac problems, diabetes, cellulitis, varicose veins (well, I'm a midwife so it might be too late for the various veins, but still. There is time to house-train them). I have only recently began to worry about health issues relating to my fatness. I make no apologies for referring to my fatness, bald truth is the only way. Moving from your early thirties to your late thirties gives you the willies a bit. You suddenly start pushing forty. Well, it is the most exercise I get I suppose.

Tomorrow morning I am going to pack my kids off to school and take measurements. Weight is just one thing. But sheer bulk is another. The last time I lost any weight it was about 1 stone through WW. It took weeks and weeks of 2 off and 1 on, etc etc. And there was NO change in my measurements or clothes.

I have been on Weightwatchers, Slimming Worlls, Scottish Slimmers and a calorie controlled diet. By far the best was the calorie controlled diet (1200 a day), logged into laptop to record what I had eaten. However I was also doing judo twice a week, and working quite hard. This made a real difference, weightloss was steady (2-3lbs a week)and my clothes were looser and for once, I actually had to go and buy smaller sizes. They are still in the attic though!

Now I am waiting to start a new job, am in the house all day (unless out on bank shifts), and sleepingbadly so have the temptation to have a snooze after lunch. Or before lunch. Who cares?

Well I do. And I have had enough. I feel assexual. I feel ugly. I feel like somehow I don't deserve any better than to be stuck with this ghastly bloated body. I have been fat since just after I got married 15 years ago (with one episode of losing weight through weightwatchers and breastfeeding (I got to 10 and a half stone), and maintained for around a year before becoming pregnant and giving up completely. I can do it, I have done it. But it was hard, and it gets harder. I deserve better though.

Soooooo. I am going to try Exante, total food replacemnet VLCD diet (600 cals a day). I have never tried anything like this (cabbage soup doesn't count, does it?). And I am going to keep a diary and recored everything. There WILL be ups and downs, there always is, but I need to get it down in print, so I can stop my mind playing tricks on me.

I will be watching me, so I don't misbehave. I know what I'm like.
:D
 
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S: 18st6lb C: 16st11lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 43.3 Loss: 1st9lb(8.91%)
#2
Great entry. :) hope you feel better about re starting and good luck xx
 
S: 20st7.5lb C: 20st6lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 42.2 Loss: 0st1.5lb(0.52%)
#3
Now that is a cracking first diary post!!
Marge
:)
 

namaste

Silver Member
S: 15st12lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 30.2 Loss: 4st6lb(27.93%)
#4
Made me smile............. so many points of recognition! Well done on the restart, you can do it, you know you can :)
 

*jenjen*

I will do this...
S: 24st0lb C: 20st4lb G: 15st2lb BMI: 41.9 Loss: 3st10lb(15.48%)
#5
You have a great turn of phrase. Very good post. And a good idea to revisit this post to get you back on track. Keep at it :D
 

x Nee x

Gold Member
S: 20st10lb C: 20st5lb G: 8st0lb BMI: 50.5 Loss: 0st5lb(1.72%)
#6
Goodluck with Exante, you sound very determined which will get you a long way :)

Your post hit some truths to me also, so thats given me my boost for the day :D

xxxx
 

Jeep

Otherwise known as Jools
S: 22st5lb C: 19st4lb G: 16st0lb BMI: 47.8 Loss: 3st1lb(13.74%)
#8
Brilliant post and very inspiring too - should give some of us who are flagging a major boost to get back on track. Thankyou :)
 

Getslimquick

Been liberated by Exante!
S: 17st0.0lb C: 10st10lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 25.7 Loss: 6st4lb(36.97%)
#9
Thanks for being so brave Chunky! You say what a number of people think and are too ashamed to say. You are courageous and will succeed. Well done, and thanks
GSQ
 

DustQueen

Gold Member
S: 16st5lb C: 15st12.5lb G: 9st13lb BMI: 39.7 Loss: 0st6.5lb(2.84%)
#10
Great post, it must be so helpful to have those things written down to keep motivated wish I had done that 5 weeks ago :)
Good luck with your restart you!! :D
 


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