Hi Gaijingirl
I just wanted to say that I read your blog with much interest. Sometimes it seems as though you are writing my thoughts down. I looked at your weightloss - you are doing so well. Fabulous. Can I just ask - have you managed to control the bulimia totally whilst on LL? I'm struggling. Not with packs but with eating illicit food! Like you I am an all or nothing kinda gal. I am also a very bad perfectionist - I never quite get there. It can be crippling sometimes.

But really I just wanted to say - your blog is really touching and provoking (in the best sense of course!) and well done!
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has lying hips
Thanks! Yes, I have managed to stick to LL 100% and have not eaten at all. This is largely out of fear I think. Obviously I'm very scared about going back to food - not just the bingeing and putting on weight - but of course the purging is something I don't want to revisit. I've been bulimic to a greater or lesser extent for the last 11 years. I started b/p-ing after I last lost lots of weight (5.5 stone). I don't know whether it was fear of regaining or some other reason. So of course, I'm particularly worried now.

But, this time round I'm losing weight as part of a specific programme with a lot of support and a structured maintenance element.

Thanks for your support - never sure if anyone is reading - or even if I should be putting some of this stuff out there - but in a way it's cathartic and sort of works as an admission, as much to myself, as to anyone else.

Of course there's loads more deeper, darker stuff in my head - I wonder if gradually being able to say such things publicly is part of the healing process. Will I ever be able to say it all - do I need to?

Anyway, a bazillion questions as always.

:rolleyes: :D


If keeping your blog helps then go for it. I need to write things down and I use a black moleskin diary which goes everywhere with me! I think it can be such a useful aid to the healing process. I can also use it to monitor my wobbles (and there are many). You are inspiring me. If someone else can get a handle on their ED then I can too. I don't want that to run my life even when the fat has gone. I want to run my own life!!! I also think that writing time is thinking time for me. Any by writing thoughts down you can also see what a loon you are being - those crooked thoughts. I for one need to stop the B and P as I know this is having an effect on my weight loss because I keep getting knocked out of ketosis.

But really - I just wanted to let you know that you are inspiring to say the least x