angeljaide
Full Member
I turned 32 a few weeks ago, and to celebrate my birthday I spent much of the week eating and drinking. As is often the case when one reaches a new age, I got to thinking about where I was in my life compared to where I would have imagined myself to be. And, as is also often the case, the realization hit hard that actually, I am nothing like where I imagined I would be in some rather important ways. Every year, since I entered my mid 20′s, I have vowed that “This year is the last year I will be fat”, “This year this is the heaviest weight I will ever be”. “I will never again weigh so much on a birthday”, “This time next year I’ll be fit and slim”…and various variations of this sentiment. And yet, here I am, clinically obese and still making the same vow.
I’ve told myself things will be different so many times that I am almost embarrassed to write it down, to say it again. But this time, I mean it more fervently than I have ever meant it before. This IS the year I change my life.
I’ve flitted from diet to diet with varying levels of success. I’ve done Weight Watchers Points (fab – lost 51lb but sadly gained back 41lb!), Weight Watchers Pro Points (don’t understand it!), Slimmer’s World (not for me), Pig to Twig (lost weight but felt like rubbish!), Dax Moy (amazing results, felt great but couldn’t sustain), Calorie Counting (gave up!), Food Diaries (still doing but not helping much), Cereal Diet (so hungry I imagined stealing packets of buttons off children and started hallucinating that the people around me were various food items!) and so on and so forth. I’ve also gone through mini spurts of activity, mainly waking and the odd aqua aerobics class which was awesome with the exception of several near death by drowning situations and the feeling that when bouncing around in the water I was recreating a scene from Free Willy!
In the last year I have certainly improved my attitude towards exercise and certainly in the last two months this seems to have clicked in place as part of my ‘routine’. I enjoy it most of the time too which is something I never imagined myself saying about physical activity! My attitude towards food has marginally improved – but only marginally and therein lies my utterly miserable failure in losing weight the way I hoped for. I can’t stop eating, and I can’t stop eating the wrong things. I’m not one of those people who bemoan my lack of speedy metabolic rate or faulty genetics or being ‘big-boned’ or any of those other reasons/excuses that many larger people use to explain away their shape and size. No, I hold up my hands and admit it, I’m a fatty because I am a foodie!
Earlier in the year I decided to do a 5K race for life. I was so geared up for it, got myself ready to go and then… realized I can’t even run for 5 yards let alone 5K. In the end I walked the course, finishing in just under an hour and while everyone congratulated me, I felt utterly miserable because I had failed to run it. Despite dealing with an injury and therefore currently being unable to run, I have picked up the exercise and am pleased to say that in the last 7 weeks I have done an average of 6 hours per week of swimming, gym-ing, zumba, fitness classes and spinning. Pretty good for a fatty. “Wow! So”, you say, 2you must have lost TONNES of weight!” Well no actually – not even a half stone. A pathetic 4lb actually (and possibly have put some of that back on with last weeks birthday shenanigans!) . Gutted? Damn right! Bloody food! But no, it’s not the foods fault…it’s MINE!
So this is my blog, on my journey to a newer, better, goal achieving, healthy, fit me. Oh and a blog to record how things are going as I train for…MY FIRST TRIATHLON – oh yes the crazy fat lady who has never ever managed to stick to a diet and fitness plan has only gone and entered a bloody Triathlon in May 2012! So, 9 months from now I am either going to cross that finish line a complete success, or look like a fool as I fail because I couldn’t get my arse in gear. I know it won’t be easy. My abusive relationship with food has been with me for 25 years, but I NEED to do this, and I am DETERMINED that I will.
Well, here we go – challenge number one – my best friend’s brother is getting married on October 29th – 7 weeks yesterday. My goal is to weight 190lb by the time this wedding takes place, which gives me 15lbs to lose and 48 days in which to do it. Manageable I think, but for me, pretty hard because it leaves no room for me messing it up. I need my whole head, heart and body in this challenge otherwise I will fail. Easier said than done when I have spent the last 7 months doing it all wrong!
I can’t remember the last time I weighed under 200lb. I really can’t. So to fly out to America for this wedding 10lb under that would be amazing! I’m going to set one challenge at a time I think. So, challenge number one is this…and I will never forgive myself if I fail the very first challenge!
I’ve told myself things will be different so many times that I am almost embarrassed to write it down, to say it again. But this time, I mean it more fervently than I have ever meant it before. This IS the year I change my life.
I’ve flitted from diet to diet with varying levels of success. I’ve done Weight Watchers Points (fab – lost 51lb but sadly gained back 41lb!), Weight Watchers Pro Points (don’t understand it!), Slimmer’s World (not for me), Pig to Twig (lost weight but felt like rubbish!), Dax Moy (amazing results, felt great but couldn’t sustain), Calorie Counting (gave up!), Food Diaries (still doing but not helping much), Cereal Diet (so hungry I imagined stealing packets of buttons off children and started hallucinating that the people around me were various food items!) and so on and so forth. I’ve also gone through mini spurts of activity, mainly waking and the odd aqua aerobics class which was awesome with the exception of several near death by drowning situations and the feeling that when bouncing around in the water I was recreating a scene from Free Willy!
In the last year I have certainly improved my attitude towards exercise and certainly in the last two months this seems to have clicked in place as part of my ‘routine’. I enjoy it most of the time too which is something I never imagined myself saying about physical activity! My attitude towards food has marginally improved – but only marginally and therein lies my utterly miserable failure in losing weight the way I hoped for. I can’t stop eating, and I can’t stop eating the wrong things. I’m not one of those people who bemoan my lack of speedy metabolic rate or faulty genetics or being ‘big-boned’ or any of those other reasons/excuses that many larger people use to explain away their shape and size. No, I hold up my hands and admit it, I’m a fatty because I am a foodie!
Earlier in the year I decided to do a 5K race for life. I was so geared up for it, got myself ready to go and then… realized I can’t even run for 5 yards let alone 5K. In the end I walked the course, finishing in just under an hour and while everyone congratulated me, I felt utterly miserable because I had failed to run it. Despite dealing with an injury and therefore currently being unable to run, I have picked up the exercise and am pleased to say that in the last 7 weeks I have done an average of 6 hours per week of swimming, gym-ing, zumba, fitness classes and spinning. Pretty good for a fatty. “Wow! So”, you say, 2you must have lost TONNES of weight!” Well no actually – not even a half stone. A pathetic 4lb actually (and possibly have put some of that back on with last weeks birthday shenanigans!) . Gutted? Damn right! Bloody food! But no, it’s not the foods fault…it’s MINE!
So this is my blog, on my journey to a newer, better, goal achieving, healthy, fit me. Oh and a blog to record how things are going as I train for…MY FIRST TRIATHLON – oh yes the crazy fat lady who has never ever managed to stick to a diet and fitness plan has only gone and entered a bloody Triathlon in May 2012! So, 9 months from now I am either going to cross that finish line a complete success, or look like a fool as I fail because I couldn’t get my arse in gear. I know it won’t be easy. My abusive relationship with food has been with me for 25 years, but I NEED to do this, and I am DETERMINED that I will.
Well, here we go – challenge number one – my best friend’s brother is getting married on October 29th – 7 weeks yesterday. My goal is to weight 190lb by the time this wedding takes place, which gives me 15lbs to lose and 48 days in which to do it. Manageable I think, but for me, pretty hard because it leaves no room for me messing it up. I need my whole head, heart and body in this challenge otherwise I will fail. Easier said than done when I have spent the last 7 months doing it all wrong!
I can’t remember the last time I weighed under 200lb. I really can’t. So to fly out to America for this wedding 10lb under that would be amazing! I’m going to set one challenge at a time I think. So, challenge number one is this…and I will never forgive myself if I fail the very first challenge!
Lovely to know that someone is reading! However...after 2 good days came today - which was rubbish from start to finish! I am due on any moment (which is no excuse I know) but it does explain it somewhat as I am the same every single month for a day! However, given that I have 15lb to lose in the next 6 weeks, it's been pretty frustrating for me and makes me wonder whether these old habits are really ever going to be erased and overcome. 
