Great Meeting last night

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by emzski, 2 December 2008 Social URL.

  1. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    Hi Everyone

    I was dreading my meeting last night after my lapse but I am so glad I stayed for it, it was very insightful. It was about the games we play with people and people play with us. Some of the people in our group got quite deep and it was a bit emotional but a massive help, maybe me realize that a lot of the games I play with people are a big trigger for me running to food. So it was very helpful, I think all the group who stayed found it a big help.

    We also went back through our goals to keep it fresh in our minds what we set to to achieve as its so easy to lose sight of goals when we are getting lots of strokes at the moment. We finished foundation on 29th Dec then Im going to development. I feel really obtimistic about it all. Also the LLC is starting a thing for people who have complted the whole program, where every 6 weeks or so they go and get a pamper or go to the debenhams personal shopper and of course weekly meetings where we can all chat.

    So glad for LL and am very postive about where I go from here, feel like Im getting there!
     
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  3. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Well done Em!!! I was wondering how you got on, because you have always been an inspiration to me, and I thought if you can lapse anyone can!

    I'm so happy to read that you are feeling much better!

    I had a really good meeting last night too. We've got a replacement counsellor at the moment as ours is off sick, and the counselling sid is so much better, for so many reasons, and I'm starting to learn quite a bit, five weeks in. I still have no idea what CTB or TA is, as before with the old counsellor it was more or less a chat amongst ourselves. Although she was lovely she had a lot on her plate and I don't think things were how they should be on LL!

    Anyway, enough about me, good for you and big hug!
     
  4. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    Thanks Poppysparkle (great name!)

    Think a good meeting makes a big difference, you take it away with you! If you feel you cant get your head round certain things look at your book and do your homework! I always try to do mine.

    Your doing brilliant on your weight loss, well done and keep it up. A lapse is so not worth it, but im over it now and heading towards being slimmer!

    I have just bid on skinny jeans on ebay!! And am thinking i might buy a corset for my christmas night out!! Cant wait!
     
  5. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Lol on buying the skinny jeans on Ebay!! I've bid and bought a good few things in smaller sizes this last week, and some have come and are too big!! Get your head around that one! ;-)

    I will try and look at my book and do some reading, it might make me understand more.

    As for the lapsing, two girls did this week in my group. One is only two weeks in and had a steak salad the day before weigh in (I have no idea why you would do that!) and put on 2lb and the other seems like she pigged out all weekend on booze and panini's and she lost 5lb!!! They are both lovely girls and I just want to hug them and tell them to give it a proper go because it works. The one who pigged all weekend said it's been awful getting back to it and she'd never do it again!

    I think that the thing that is keeping me from lapsing, apart from everyone in work knowing about it, is that it's costing me £66 a week and my husband would kill me if he saw me eat anything!! ;-)
     
  6. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    It is a lot of money and my OH doesnt know I lapsed, he too would be so annoyed because of the money. I am 100% back on and I know I will always be peed of I lapsed. I didnt have loads to eat so i still lost but you never know I might put on next week. I will feel so much better after next weeks weigh in.

    Im in size 14 jeans at the moment, so that is what I bid on maybe I should have got 12s!!!

    Right back to ebay!!!
     
  7. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    EDIT: JEEZ, this turned out to be a long post from me! :eek: :rolleyes:



    Hey emzski, glad you're feeling positive, keep it up you're doing great! :)



    Hey poppysparkle, how are you?
    We’re both in our week 6 this week by the looks of it, glad you’re doing so well!

    You said
    I’ve only just begun to be told about it at my meetings, so don’t fret.
    From what I’ve been told and what I understand of it, it’s not as though your LLC will turn round and say “right, now we’re going to do 20 minutes of TA”, it’s not like hypnotherapy or even regular therapy where you know you are doing it, it’s more sort of blended in with everything else you are doing.



    At the guys group so far, we have covered two main things.
    The Johari window (picture in link);

    http://www.businessballs.com/images/johariwindowmodel.jpg

    Which you can use to identify you habits and categorize them – for instance, I know that I did a LOT of “hidden” eating, and the “open” eating was actually very twisted in that I’d lie, eat very little in an “open” setting (i.e. in the pub) and then gorge once home and “hidden”. Of course, “blind” eating is when you don’t even realize you’ve eaten something, though I personally find it hard to believe you don’t know you’re eating, you can choose to ignore the fact you are but you still know you are.

    Ultimately, the goal is to have everything food-related in the Open category, so no secret eating, no feeling shame due to that secret binge, no stashing snacks in your pocket etc.


    But it doesn’t just apply to food, you can use it for anything; emotion is another good one to use the window states for. In public, with family and friends I am very much a “hidden” emotional person, I never let anyone know how I’m really feeling, and generally just ‘act’ happy whatever the situation. Again, once home in a “hidden” setting with no-one around, it’s a different story and I am more open with myself.

    It’s very introspective (i.e. only you know the real truth about things), and if you really try and think about your daily life and put things (truthfully) into one of the 4 categories, you can even surprise yourself with some of the things you think/say/do/feel each day.




    The second thing we’ve covered is the Ego States (more interesting than the Johari Window I think)

    Parent States
    Critical Parent, Praising Parent

    Adult States
    Adult

    Child States
    Adaptive Child
    Rebellious Child
    Child


    The critical parent is the voice that says “you can’t do this, why are you bothering, you know you’ll break, you’ll just put it back on…” etc, hence critical and NOT GOOD

    The praising parent is the voice that says “you’ve done really well this week, you deserve that muffin as a reward” still not a great state, but if you can change the muffin (i.e. food) reward to be something non-food related such as a new skirt or something, then it can be useful

    The Adult state is the state that you ideally want to be in. It’s in control, makes decisions based on facts not emotional responses. The best way to think of it is as it takes a step back from the situation, analyses it, process it and comes up with the best logical answer.

    The Adaptive Child does as he or she is told. While in Foundation we are all an Adaptive Child a lot as we are told exactly what we can and cannot have, and for the most part we obey (and if we do break/cheat, we are displaying another state not the adaptive child or adult one)

    The Rebellious Child says “To hell with the consequences, I’m having/doing it”. Usually surfaces with a very emotional moment, when we just don’t care about the calories, fats, or weight gain potential and just have something and worry about it later.

    The pure Child is not aware of the consequences, it just acts and gives no fore-though to anything.


    That’s how they were explained to me anyway, and it seems to be about right from what I’ve read about it.


    Again, it’s a very personal intro-spective thing, as only you actually know what ego state you are in, however it is also quite easy to look at others and see examples of the ego states at work, without them even knowing it.

    Here at the school I work at, there is a prime example of a mostly Critical Parent (head of year) being the boss of a forced-to-be Adaptive Child (NQT/new teacher), when I first thought of them in that way it made me laugh! But also made me realise that the ego states are not just some psychology bull, they really are present in all of us.



    Now, if I have it correct (and I hope I do!) both the Johari window and the Ego States exercises are TA, Transactional Analysis exercises, as they are examining what you feel like, why, and how you can work on changing that. Unfortunately, beyond giving you the info, its mostly something you have to do yourself, in a way that works for you.

    For me, being told the info, understanding it and being able to see where I fit into the models was enough to make me change my thinking, and it’s happened quickly too, but everyone is different, and I could tell that some of the guys at my meeting last week hadn’t given any though to them at all, as one guy couldn’t even see that he was being a rebellious child by doing hidden eating when the rest of us in the knew this was the case.



    I hope that helps you a bit, I don’t have info on CBT as I’ve not done anything on that yet, but if its anything like Pavlovs Dogs (look it up for a prime example of CBT if you dont know about it) then Im expecting a lot ringing bells and electric shocks :p

    (of course, Im kidding!!!!!) :p


    Pete :D
     
  8. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    Phew, got through the biggest post EVER ;)

    That explains everything really well, well done!! Gold star for you paying attention!
     
  9. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Wow, Pete!! There's the teacher in you coming out!! And very well explained too! Thanks for that, it really helps.

    I just have this picture of you going out and treating yourself to a lovely new skirt instead of a muffin......................

    I'm doing great as you can see!! I'm following your weight loss, as we seem to be losing almost the same every week! You've done really well! (Which must mean I have too! LOL!)

    I do know about the Pavlov's dogs, by the way, I did a degree in Psychology (well, if I'm truthful, I completed 12 months of it and then gave up for many reasons!!) I must admit that my group is far more interesting now, and although I really like our original counsellor, I'm kind of hoping I get a good run with the replacement one, as she's really good!

    Em, I LOVE your new avatar! It's fab - your little one is gorgeous!
     
  10. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    PoppySparkle: Thanks, took it today we went sledging as we've had lots of snow here!

    Pete: I have tried to give you reputation points for that post but it says "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to pete10141748 again."
    bloody annoying!
     
  11. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    Thanks guys, glad you found it useful :)
    and thanks for the (almost) added rep emzski, I appreciate it :)
     
  12. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Well done PEte!! You have been paying attention!! ;)

    Emz - lovin the new Avatar!!! Cute! :) :)
     
  13. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    lol I do try! :D
    Actually, its mostly due to being blessed/cursed with a near-photographic memory, once I've seen, heard or read something once, thats it, I know it, without really trying.

    It made exams etc. at college/uni a doddle, and as above I was often teaching my classmates by re-doing the lecture we had seen the week before that I knew word for word but they couldn't remember! lol :p

    It can work against you though, people think I'm weird when I can tell them my 2 credit/debit card numbers, national insurance details and both bank account details off the top of my head lol
    and of course, being able to shop online without even needing to have my wallet or card/s with me can lead to some inpulsive buying! :rolleyes:

    I also get very weird looks when I'm shopping and say something like "oh look, that's the (random stranger) who was in here last week buying that" :8855:

    It's not like I try and remember that, my brain just does it! :eek:
     
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