EDIT: JEEZ, this turned out to be a long post from me!
Hey emzski, glad you're feeling positive, keep it up you're doing great!
Hey poppysparkle, how are you?
We’re both in our week 6 this week by the looks of it, glad you’re doing so well!
You said
I still have no idea what CBT or TA is,
I’ve only just begun to be told about it at my meetings, so don’t fret.
From what I’ve been told and what I understand of it, it’s not as though your LLC will turn round and say “right, now we’re going to do 20 minutes of TA”, it’s not like hypnotherapy or even regular therapy where you know you are doing it, it’s more sort of blended in with everything else you are doing.
At the guys group so far, we have covered two main things.
The Johari window (picture in link);
http://www.businessballs.com/images/johariwindowmodel.jpg
Which you can use to identify you habits and categorize them – for instance, I know that I did a LOT of “hidden” eating, and the “open” eating was actually very twisted in that I’d lie, eat very little in an “open” setting (i.e. in the pub) and then gorge once home and “hidden”. Of course, “blind” eating is when you don’t even realize you’ve eaten something, though I personally find it hard to believe you don’t know you’re eating, you can choose to ignore the fact you are but you still know you are.
Ultimately, the goal is to have everything food-related in the Open category, so no secret eating, no feeling shame due to that secret binge, no stashing snacks in your pocket etc.
But it doesn’t just apply to food, you can use it for anything; emotion is another good one to use the window states for. In public, with family and friends I am very much a “hidden” emotional person, I never let anyone know how I’m really feeling, and generally just ‘act’ happy whatever the situation. Again, once home in a “hidden” setting with no-one around, it’s a different story and I am more open with myself.
It’s very introspective (i.e. only you know the real truth about things), and if you really try and think about your daily life and put things (truthfully) into one of the 4 categories, you can even surprise yourself with some of the things you think/say/do/feel each day.
The second thing we’ve covered is the Ego States (more interesting than the Johari Window I think)
Parent States
Critical Parent, Praising Parent
Adult States
Adult
Child States
Adaptive Child
Rebellious Child
Child
The critical parent is the voice that says “you can’t do this, why are you bothering, you know you’ll break, you’ll just put it back on…” etc, hence critical and NOT GOOD
The praising parent is the voice that says “you’ve done really well this week, you deserve that muffin as a reward” still not a great state, but if you can change the muffin (i.e. food) reward to be something non-food related such as a new skirt or something, then it can be useful
The Adult state is the state that you ideally want to be in. It’s in control, makes decisions based on facts not emotional responses. The best way to think of it is as it takes a step back from the situation, analyses it, process it and comes up with the best logical answer.
The Adaptive Child does as he or she is told. While in Foundation we are all an Adaptive Child a lot as we are told exactly what we can and cannot have, and for the most part we obey (and if we do break/cheat, we are displaying another state not the adaptive child or adult one)
The Rebellious Child says “To hell with the consequences, I’m having/doing it”. Usually surfaces with a very emotional moment, when we just don’t care about the calories, fats, or weight gain potential and just have something and worry about it later.
The pure Child is not aware of the consequences, it just acts and gives no fore-though to anything.
That’s how they were explained to me anyway, and it seems to be about right from what I’ve read about it.
Again, it’s a very personal intro-spective thing, as only you actually know what ego state you are in, however it is also quite easy to look at others and see examples of the ego states at work, without them even knowing it.
Here at the school I work at, there is a prime example of a mostly Critical Parent (head of year) being the boss of a forced-to-be Adaptive Child (NQT/new teacher), when I first thought of them in that way it made me laugh! But also made me realise that the ego states are not just some psychology bull, they really are present in all of us.
Now, if I have it correct (and I hope I do!) both the Johari window and the Ego States exercises are TA, Transactional Analysis exercises, as they are examining what you feel like, why, and how you can work on changing that. Unfortunately, beyond giving you the info, its mostly something you have to do yourself, in a way that works for you.
For me, being told the info, understanding it and being able to see where I fit into the models was enough to make me change my thinking, and it’s happened quickly too, but everyone is different, and I could tell that some of the guys at my meeting last week hadn’t given any though to them at all, as one guy couldn’t even see that he was being a rebellious child by doing hidden eating when the rest of us in the knew this was the case.
I hope that helps you a bit, I don’t have info on CBT as I’ve not done anything on that yet, but if its anything like Pavlovs Dogs (look it up for a prime example of CBT if you dont know about it) then Im expecting a lot ringing bells and electric shocks
(of course, Im kidding!!!!!)
Pete
