Hannah's journey continues

[HannahNewton]

Hello Diary! :wavey:

I joined Lighter Life Total in January 2010 and lost 50lbs - which was both easy and difficult at times. A bit of a rollercoaster towards the end.

Since then I re-gained 12lbs - so before it became a whole stone I got back to LL to lose my gain - plus an extra 10lbs to take me to a healthy BMI, which I didnt achieve last time around.

I'm at last writing my thoughts at what is really the tail end of my weightloss journey, but a place where I got really stuck last year.

My plan is to now get to goal, improve my fitness and chances of keeping the weight off for good this time.

Saturday I joined my local gym, and have been today for my second session. I'm taking it easy whilst still on packs, but starting to think about fitness goals instead of just weightloss goals.

So much has changed in my life since Jan 10 but I believe some of the stuff I learnt has helped me make big decisions and keep my weight gain to a minimum.

 

[LadyT]

Hi, welcome and well done for losing in 2010 it sounds like you have determination to get to where you want to be and will hopefully get ther soon.

I agree about the plan chaning your life I have only been on it since the end of Jan 2011 but already have a different mindset and I know this year is going to be my year!

Look forward to reading your diary xx

 

[HannahNewton]

Thanks for the warm welcome Lady T!! I have read your diary and you are doing amazingly well. Over the last year I have found that whatever life throws at me - and its been a lot - I have a new way of dealing with things. Been bouncing back quicker from set backs, I would have wallowed and comfort eaten before.

WI tonight, so I'm planning my foodpacks. Last time I loved the soups & porridge and avoided the shakes. This time I'm enjoying the shakes more than anything. (Warm Banana - yum!) Never tried the Strawberry so will get some tonight. I have a few spare packs left from last time so I always have variety at the end of the week. Did have to chuck out some out of date ones, that was a total waste of money.

I always end up wearing the same clothes to WI, and old habit developed in my WW days years ago.

I ache from my nose down today after my gym visit yesterday - really out of shape - I thought I took it easy!

 

[MagdaX]

Hi Hannah and welcome
Wishing you all the best in continuing with your journey.
We are all here for you if you need us x

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[gracielou09]

Hi and Welcome!

Awesome weight loss and maintenance.

Look forward to reading your diary!

Good luck

 

[LadyT]

Thanks Hannah!

I think I am now stronger than I have ever been, but would sometimes wish that life was kinda, not just to me but to everyone. After all we are a long time gone to be having rubbiah while we are here. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger and I believe that!

Good luck at WI xx

 

[HannahNewton]

Thank you lovely ladies for your kind words and welcome.

Just 1lb loss yesterday - I was very disappointed. :sigh: I got stuck at this weight last year, so at least I'm edging downwards!

Tonight I'm hiding upstairs with a glass of fizzy water and my laptop. Lovely food smells downstairs and I do feel hungry. Also Masterchef is on TV. I can cope with and enjoy Come Dine with me, its not really about the food, but real foodie stuff gives me the rumbles.

Third visit to the gym, so I'm on track with exercise and making the most of my new membership. In the past I've been one of these people who pays for a gym membership but does not really know what the inside of the gym looks like!! That is my goal to change - this module, my group are doing the change booklet. I do think exercise is the key to keeping trim. I'm lighter now but not fitting into some of my clothes from last year, as I stopped my regular exercise. (At home with hand weights)

I'm putting this all in writing to visit at times of idleness and procrastination. I wrote a diary/journal last year and it really helped me refocus and remember how far I have already come, everything I had to deal with and why I wanted to lose weight and get in shape in the first place. I spent some time reading it all a couple of weeks ago and I was amazed at some of the stuff I had forgotten.

So, Dear Diary, I will aim to visit you and write in you regularly and track my thoughts, progress and goals as I go along...

I nearly licked a fork tonight out of habit - very pleased I didnt - I was feeding my dog!!

 

[Gembritney]

I nearly licked a fork tonight out of habit - very pleased I didnt - I was feeding my dog!!

hahahahaha how funny x

 

[LadyT]

That's really funny, I was feeding the cat and thought flipping eck her foods better than mine lol xx

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[HannahNewton]

Venting feelings - Do NOT read if you are feeling low

Pleased I made you ladies smile - especially as I am so grizzly and low today.

So, Dear Diary I'm venting on here today...

Feeling very sorry for myself and pleased I'm not tempted to turn to food as solace. Would love to be able have an alcoholic drink though, so probably really wise not to want to break my abstinence as I'm not sure where that would lead me, but it wont be pretty. :cry:

I'm on leave this week from work so more time on my hands than ususal. More time to dwell on recent unhappy events too it seems. I should be on holiday cycling in France with my (ex)-Fiance this week. But... I broke off my engagement a month ago. The hurt and disbelief as still very raw and I keep going over and over and over events in my head. I just wish I could wake up and think of something else instead. My sleep is restless and broken, which makes me feel more tired and emotional than ever.

Logic says that it was the right thing to do. He was on his second chance already and badly let me down - again. He is not the man I thought I had fallen in love with. This does not seem to stop me running lots of what if thoughts through my head continually. Then I come back to reality and get angry, or sad and weepy all over again.

I know this is all part of the process of letting go, and healthy not to bottle it all up, but...

I just cant seem to feel the joy of life or anything at the moment, and I'm usually the one who cheers everyone else up. I'm plodding about looking sad and fragile, or avoiding people who I know care about me.

I'm staying at a friends tonight so will be in good company for the evening, as her baby is not sleeping I offered to look after him for them tonight - I'm awake for hours anyway!!!

Ok, so I've now written down how I've been feeling, which hopefully will help me. I've not told many people yet, but the shock and disbelief on the faces of those I have told tells me I have done the right thing. I know I've done the right thing, but it feels so - waahhh!!

So, Dear Diary if today is a low point - heres to reaching for the highs again - or at least feeling ok about getting on with my life and moving forward again.

 

[LadyT]

Aw hunny I feel for you, you are going through a lot emotionally at the moment what with the break up and then LL. It will be like a rollercoaster but you will soon get into the routine with LL and hopefully have no burning temptations or blips along the way. As for the break up I am no one to be giving advice only that I knda know what you are feeling, it will get easier in time.

Thinking of you my lovely xx

 

[Julslynne]

Hi Hannah Hun. Chin up babe. I know u were stuck at this weight last time. Keep going u can do it. Relationships are emotionally draining. You'll get through it. I know how u feel. Sending u a large virtual hug. Xxxxxx

 

[Gembritney]

Hey Hannah... of course you will have the "what if's" running through ur mind... its only natural.... but you know that in ur heart you have made the right decision and you are going to make things so much better by being on LL and feel good about yourself in time! im having a very low/angry day today and i have not even gone bed yet (3am) its great u can write all ur feelings down ..it helps xxx

 

[HannahNewton]

Bless you Lovely Ladies thank you for your kind words!!

I'm pleased to say after a good cry and venting my feelings I feel loads brighter today.

I do know it was the right decision and much easier now than in the divorce courts!!

I'm now putting my energy into losing a bit more weight, toning up etc which will boost my self-esteem and confidence.

Had a hair cut and a few highlights today and bought a lovely mug to make my soups in.

Summer is coming, with short sleeves, pretty colours and it will be time to get the legs and feet out.

Hope you are all having a great Friday xx

 

[LadyT]

Hey, it's good you are feeling better in yourself! Nothing like some pampering to give you that good feeling back.

Ha ha your buying a new mug for soups made smile it's funny the things we find our selfs doing. I am trying to find a nice mug for my nice vanilla latte coffee's lol

Hope you have a great weekend xx

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[HannahNewton]

More shopping tomorrow will keep my eyes out for a Latte mug :coffee:

Dear Diary - am totally loving the daylight between my thighs! Even with my knees pressed together hard. Yey!!:bliss:

 

[Gembritney]

glad ur feeling better hun x

 

[MagdaX]

Wooohoooo. Here's to shrinking thighs!!!!

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[HannahNewton]

More news on the incredible shrinking thighs. :talk017: Wearing a pair of Next cropped jeans today (size 14) and they are a bit loose! Gapping at the back - not quite enough for a belt but not far off.

Oddly though one leg feels looser than the other!!! Whats that about???

 

[LadyT]

Well done you must be pleased, it's a great feeling isn't it Hun!?!

Xx

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