happy being fat?

[Sooh]

Hi Cuddly Fairy,

Wow! What an inspirational story and what a wonderful example of how despite the lack of a positive and supportive role model in your life, you can still triumph over many hurdles and obstacles? :clap:

Shame on your mum for her unkindness and I fear your mum must have huge personal problems which have resulted (for whatever reason) in her focusing so negatively on you and I only hope her conscience forces her to look at why she has behaved like this toward you?

Well done on such a fabulous weight loss and even though I am sure most of your family are extremely delighted with your achievements the most important person you have impressed is yourself and I am sure you feel absolutely and deservedly very, very proud?

Sue

 

[Mellum]

My personal opinion is that you cant be happy being FAT, but you can be happy with life, if that makes sense? (or maybe you can, im just going on how i felt)

I went from being a skinny kid, to a fat kid..then on to a fat teenager to a skinny teen and then after my daughter straight back up to being fat.
There is nothing more depressing then looking back on old pictures where you look so lovely (and skinnier) and realize how much you changed. And having nothing to wear yet a wardrobe full of clothes you cant fit in.

 

[RachelM]

For me I'm not happy being fat. I hate everything about it. I'm pretty sure that once I reach my goal weight I'll feel a lot better. I think as a woman I'll always find something a little less than perfect with my body to dislike, now it's my weight, in the future it will no doubt be something else lol.

I watched a a programme a while ago about air-brushing photographs of celebs etc with alesha dixon and she was saying how she has flaws like everyone else and the psychologist lady mentioned how it's interesting that we see ourselves as 'me with flaws/imperfections' rather than just 'this is me'. Too true!

I honestly believe that you can be overweight and not be unhappy about it. But I also think that there's always something we wish we could change, weight is just usually the most obvious.

 

[Sooh]

Happiness is a state of mind and some people are happy no matter what but being fat is a handicap in so many ways and as such it is often difficult to stay positive and happy!

In an ideal, perfect and kind world we would not worry about the reactions of others but sadly this is not always easy to do and for the morbidly obese especially, apart from the obvious health issues, it is jolly hard to turn the other cheek when people see fit to shout abuse at you simply because they are offended by your size! Why people react like this is beyond me and such people are wicked, unkind and cruel and I would guess that most of these very same people would never dream of shouting similar abuse to any other member of the public who is seen to be different for any reason? Can you imagine the public's response if people screamed obscenities at a blind man or a mentally hanidcapped person in the street but for some reason fat people are seen differently and as such their lives are often a living hell of lonliness and misery!

I know a large person can change their life, whereas a blind man or mentally handicap person can't and maybe this is why society is less tolerant when they see someone with a weight problem. Perhaps in their eyes, they assume the problem is a totally self inflicted one but as we all know from our own unhappy experiences, until someone is overweight themselves they do not know how hard it can be or what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes? Sadly that is how we weight sufferers are seen and to many people we are simply nothing more than fat, greedy and lazy slobs! Society does tend to pre-judge and stereotype all large people with the same label and so, for many large people, being overweight can cause life to become so unhappy and so unbearable that they often live like recluses with food being their only comfort! If you are a big person you need to be very strong and very confident to cope with such prejudices and not many people possess the qualities to handle such negativity, which is why so many of us endeavour to conform to what society deems as a more 'normal' size!

I just want to be happy and healthy and live a fun filled long life doing all the things I have ever dreamed of doing and if by losing weight, I look stunningly beautiful as a result then what a wonderful bonus that would be - but to be perfectly honest as long as those who are closest to me love me for the person I am, then that is what is the most important thing and what others think is not really something that worries me too much!

Sue

 

[cuddlyfairy]

Very wise words Sue. Thank you.

I know I will be happier if I am lighter because the health issues will lessen. I want to be able to run around with my teenagers and younger daughter without getting out of breath. I want to be around to see them marry and have their own children. If by losing the weight I become more attractive then that is a bonus. My OH and children love me whatever but I know my health is a concern to them!

I have little or no time for people who judge by appearence alone. My older sister's OH is a case in point. He will flirt with my skinny little sister but he has absolutely no time for me. Not only am I fat but I'm educated and he hates that. He likes to be seen with a pretty woman on his arm!

I know my mum is proud of my academic achievements, I was the only one of her 3 daughters to get a degree, but my weight has always been an embarassment to her. I was a skinny child then grew boobs then the weight was an issue and I struggled for years!

I am a very happy person by and large and will continue to be so but I must admit the compliments I have been having the last week or so have given me so much confidence!

x

 

[Sooh]

Cuddly fairy you keep it up as from what I can see you are losing weight for all the right reasons and just like in my case, I can see that losing weight for your health is the predominant factor.

My hubby and my children are wonderfully supportive too and like your lot, they love me for the person I am but I know they worry about my health a great deal and therefore I owe it to not only myself but also to my lovely family to be around for a good few years yet!

Do me a favour cuddly fairy and when you finally reach the weight you are happy at (and you will cos I can feel it in me water lol) and that brother in law of yours comes sniffing around you - please give him the biggest and most painful elbow in the ribs you can muster and tell him to s*d off! Remind him you only have time for real MEN and that you eat poncy little men like him for breakfast and then spit them out for tea! Yuk - even tho I haven't met him I get the picture and I have taken an instant dislike to him ha ha!

Keep up the good work!

Sue x

 

[TheMilkTrayMan]

I think there is a big difference between being fat and obese, and back to the original question, yes I do think you can be happy being fat, a few extra pounds is comfortable. But obese is not, it does cause health concerns, it does make you more of an outcast, and it does bring you down. I much prefer a woman with a few pounds on her bones, to a size zero stick insect, couldn't touch Posh Spice, not even for all of Beckhams money!! Curves rule!!

 

[Sooh]

Hi milktrayman,

I think you are right there and if I could swap places with a curvy and femininely rounded, lady right now I think I would be more than happy to stay at that size and for myself to be a comfortable size 16/18 would seem like a dream come true compared to my current size of 30/32! However, like most things in life we are all different and a lot of people (young girls especially) feel they need to fit into a certain dress size in order to feel acceptable. That is what I find so sad and personally I wish with all my heart that I could do something to change all this as I find this fixation with everyone having to conform to a certain shape and dress size to be shallow and destructive and in all honesty not all realistic - but sadly I cannot, so all any of us can do is work on our own selves and strive to be as happy and as healthy as we can possibly be and if we can learn to love ourselves, then what silly individuals who are unimportant to us think about how we look can hopefully become something we simply shrug our shoulders and scoff at! I suppose we all ought to pity anyone who judges any person on looks and size alone as it must be incredibly limiting to see the world through their narrow eyes!

Sue

 

[cuddlyfairy]

Are you sure you haven't met my bro-in-law? You have him down to a tee! He is a pouncy little flash g*t not like my gorgeous tall ex-rugby playing OH! He is all about appearance and drives a flash personalised reg car and wears expensive designer suits. They don't get away from the fact he is only 5'8"! Give me a real man any day.

I don't see him often but when I next see him I hope I am at target and will wear high heels and ignore him! I can't wait!!!!

My little sisters OH is lovely and very complimentary of my loss when we saw him last week.

Sue, you and I will defo reach our goals and be gorgeous curvy real women.

Thank you for all your kind words, I really do appreciate them.

xxxxx

 

[Toots]

I can be happy whilst being fat but I'll never be happy about the fact that I am fat - if that makes sense?

xx

 

[caws]

I think that some people can be happy being fat and some people can't. It's to do with self-esteem and how you feel about yourself.

You can also be a skinny minny, weigh 8 st and still not be happy, hate yourself and the way you look.

What I think is sad is the celebrity culture where we look up to people who starve themselves and exercise themselves half to death to get the adoration from 'the masses'.

I think that we all need to be more forgiving of how we look, we are all different and we all have good and bad qualities. We should judge people on how they look alot less than we currently do.

 

[cuddlyfairy]

I firmly believe it is what is inside that is important. I know some gorgeous women who are very ugly on the inside and some unattractive people who have beauty shining from inside.

I hate the fact my skinny little 10 year old comes home from school upset coz someone has told her she is fat! The irony is those who told her that are bigger than her!

I hate the fact Posh Spice is such an icon to the younger generation and it too thin - and says her boobs are her own! Or that she never smiles!

My glass is always half full, never half empty, and life is too short to be miserable. BUT I was never happy being obese!

x

 

[Sooh]

Are you sure you haven't met my bro-in-law? You have him down to a tee! He is a pouncy little flash g*t not like my gorgeous tall ex-rugby playing OH! He is all about appearance and drives a flash personalised reg car and wears expensive designer suits. They don't get away from the fact he is only 5'8"! Give me a real man any day.

I don't see him often but when I next see him I hope I am at target and will wear high heels and ignore him! I can't wait!!!!

My little sisters OH is lovely and very complimentary of my loss when we saw him last week.

Sue, you and I will defo reach our goals and be gorgeous curvy real women.

Thank you for all your kind words, I really do appreciate them.

xxxxx

Hee hee cuddlyfairy - no I haven't met the flash g*t - but have met several like him during life's journey and I find such men so incredibly irritating and self opinionated and boy aren't they bl**dy boring?

To be honest, I pity your brother in law and other people like him as they really are all about what's on the surface aren't they and to go through life missing out on so many other facets of a persons character and personality is an enormous void! However, it is their loss and I guess such people do not and will not ever see any deeper than what is on the outside? What joys they are missing out of in life though and this leads me to feeling that their life will never be as rich or as rewarding as ours and so as hard as it is to muster up any compassion for your brother in law, please just try to remember next time you see him that he really is one hell of a sad man!

Acutally, although I say I have met a few like your brother in law I must confess that they are in the minority and most males I come across in life (especially with running my own business) are usually very charming and respectful and once they get to know me I think I can honestly say they respect me for the person I am and my weight has little bearing on how I am treated. I pride myself on having an effervescent personality and despite my size I do endeavour to make the most of my appearance but the worst culprits for staring and gawping I find are other females. I believe that women in general are far more critical of large women than men are?

Many years ago when my eldest daughter was a toddler I knew a lady who lived nearby who once said to me "if you lost weight you would be really attractive cos you have a really pretty face" now this really upset me at the time as I already felt ugly and unhappy and being told this just made me feel even worse about myself and it made me feel that until I lost weight I was a nobody. Anyway, not long after that I went on yet another of my 'diets' and within a year I had slimmed down to a size 10 and was able to wear tight jeans and short skirts and even though I say it myself underneath my fat was a cute little figure! Obviously, being in my mid 20's and being covered up for years I was keen to wear all the latest fashions and I certainly made up for all those years of wearing baggy black clothes! However, the very same woman who had told me if I were to lose weight I would look attractive was the very same woman who rebuffed me at the school gates when I was waiting for my son and pretended not to see me and who would also if I were walking down the street would suddenly cross the road in order to avoid me! Now why was that I ask you - do you think it may have been a touch of the green eyed monster?

Do you find women are more critical than men and if so - why do you think this is?

Sue

PS We will both reach our goals this time but more importantly we will maintain them too!

 

[cuddlyfairy]

I think that neighbour was definitely jealous!

I have always got on well with most men and flirted with male friends (mainly coz we both knew nothing would happen) but I do think you are so right, women are much more critical than men.

I was walking home from school before the end of term and one mum stopped me and said, very accusingly, "You've lost weight, you're not on that LL are you?" It wasn't a compliment so I just replied "No" I wasn't about to tell her I was on LT!!!!!!

My bro-in-law is a very sad little man and I have never liked him BUT I must admit he has been very good to my sister and supported her through 2 serious illnesses and some quite intense treatment. I put up with him for her coz I love her to bits but I am glad we don't live close enough to see them regularly.

You have a lovely nature that comes through in your posts. Without seeing you I know you are one of those people with inner beauty which will shine through whatever size you are on the outside. The world needs more people like you.

Bless you.

xxx

 

[Sooh]

Aw cuddlyfairy you say the nicest things and thank you - I am blushing here.

The compliment was much appreciated though and I must confess to feeling the exact same way about you too and I can just tell we would hit it off together famously.

Re that silly woman, I don't know fancy saying that to you, what business is it of hers anyway? Some folk never cease to amaze me though and it's true what they say when they say "There's nowt so queer as folk?" They gossip behind your back about how gross we are and then when we lose it they go all self righteous and tell us we've gone too far and all that flipping malarkey! Good god - what's up with em all? Ha ha

Sue

 

[cuddlyfairy]

Sue, thank you too, a mutual appreciation society.

People are strange aren't they! I suppose the world needs all sorts!

I am used to being talked about behind my back and to my face. I make out it doesn't bother me but underneath I know it does. As long as I have the love and support of my OH and children then that's all I care about. Blow others and their comments, LT works for me and I'm sticking with it till the end! I will put my anniversary celebrations and birthday on hold till then!

x

 

[caws]

I think that women are more critical of women too, although I must confess that I have been out with my friends, and we've gossipped about someone's clothes or hair (although surely that is human nature ?)

There will always be some men that want a dolly bird on their arm (because they feel insecure about themselves ??) just as there'll always be some women that are with men for their money.

I've got 2 girls that are 11 and 12 and they are both so self conscious about how they look, they've got fat tummies, they've got fat legs, they don't want to go swimming because everyone will look at them and I really struggle trying to tell them that Victoria Beckham hasn't got a body that they should aspire to have. Neither of them is over weight, they eat fairly healthily with the ccasional takeaway or McDonalds. They probably eat more crisps and chocolate than they should do and I tell them that's what they need to cut down on, not all food.

They are certainly both more self aware than I was at that age.

 

[Charisma]

I think that women are more critical of women too, although I must confess that I have been out with my friends, and we've gossipped about someone's clothes or hair (although surely that is human nature ?)

There will always be some men that want a dolly bird on their arm (because they feel insecure about themselves ??) just as there'll always be some women that are with men for their money.

I've got 2 girls that are 11 and 12 and they are both so self conscious about how they look, they've got fat tummies, they've got fat legs, they don't want to go swimming because everyone will look at them and I really struggle trying to tell them that Victoria Beckham hasn't got a body that they should aspire to have. Neither of them is over weight, they eat fairly healthily with the ccasional takeaway or McDonalds. They probably eat more crisps and chocolate than they should do and I tell them that's what they need to cut down on, not all food.

They are certainly both more self aware than I was at that age.

kids do seem to be alot more worried about how they look now. whn i was that age i never worried about bein fat atall i was young and had fun growing up. they start so young now with the way they look, loosing virginity etc. its all a competition to see who can grow up fastest