Hello all and I guess until I work it out this is my diary too lol

[samonamission]

Hi Sam,

your honesty is so brave...most of us are suffering and struggling, but I don't think I could dare to bare my thoughts and feelings so openly for all the world to see. Definitely rooting for you all the way, so if good vibes can help you through you're a winner already.

Hi mama, I promised myself This little place was where I could just say how I felt and I never read what I ramble and I do find it really helpful, try it you will be so surprised how, just expressing yourself without fear of hurting the ones you care for really helps... xx

 

[samonamission]

Well the weekend has left and so has an awful lot of bad feelings, i've been feeling so ill I really didn't think, do you ever just function and wonder how the day disappeared. Well thats what happened to me....
For the last few days I have woken with a headache, feeling really not well, but not being able to put my finger on it, mid way through the days I have run to the fridge and devoured, not the chocolate deserts, or the cheese I so love, not even the cooked ham I just eat without anything else, it was chicken, but you see my sub conscious held me back, how I don't know... I just ate 3 slices, there with the fridge door open and as I chewed I asked myself what was I doing?? and the answer was because I can... Then I would shake a shake and have that, Yesterday I found myself there thinking hold on mrs, just because someone says you won't come out of ketosis what the F**k are you doing.....

Well finally I admitted it had nothing to do with lipotrim, and gosh did I cry, and I mean cry, you see 3 tears ago my life fell apart and My heart literally broke, its not something I say lightly, and to admit that I am really a hurt individual who still gets immensly sad when it crops up the pain doesnt ease at all and someone once said it takes 3 weeks to grieve, well 3 bloody weeks out of a month for me:cry:... Then I realised each time I found my self re-living the hurt and sadness I still hold, my way of dealing it was to eat.... and suddenly that has been taking away from me, well sort of... The comfort food that I used as a diversion, was no longer there....
Anyway as for the eating I realised I was only punishing myself,
The person who hurt me doesn't care thats why I was hurt, so get a grip woman and realise the only one hurting you is you... each time I think of that horrendous thing that happened i'm torturing myself- I don't deserve that I just need to keep pulling myself out of that stupid mindset, reliving it over and over...
So I got up this morning and drove over to the pharmacy and went in with a non commited attitude and got on the scales with a so what attitude, well another 7lbs , that takes my weight loss to 30lbs in 8 weeks.... I put on last week 3lbs, and I was so pleased that even with the blips that have been hogging my thoughts I had lost the half a stone, I wanted, I don't want half a stone each week thats silly, but now I have to deal with the controlled eating i'm slipping in... On Sunday I didn't have the chicken in the fridge most of the day and didn't cheat so I have banned myself from buying it...... lets see if I can pick myself up and get this black cloud to turn at least grey...

 

[janey23]

Hi Sam, glad to see you're still with us, i was worried that turkeygate had demoralised you so much that you'd packed it in!

I'm off work this week and wishing I had half your energy as I look at all the washing/houswork that needs doing! ah well, might go and lever myself out of PJs into normal clothes and get something done!

Keep on going

Jane

 

[samonamission]

Hi Sam, glad to see you're still with us, i was worried that turkeygate had demoralised you so much that you'd packed it in!

I'm off work this week and wishing I had half your energy as I look at all the washing/houswork that needs doing! ah well, might go and lever myself out of PJs into normal clothes and get something done!

Keep on going

Jane

Jane there is a very good saying my nanny used to say, when posh people came to our house that I always remember.....
She used to say, " the mortgage lasts for 20 years, as long as my home is tidy for the sale i'll be ok", we all used to laugh our socks off- we never had a mortgage..... we lived in a council house rofl....
Have a great day xx

 

[hez]

Hi Sam. Just read your journey so far.lol very entertaining I am only in my second week. And god knows how long it will take me to get to my goal weight. I find each day a struggle, and I dont think it is getting any easier either. But I come on here when the family are eating! I have told only 2 people I am doing this diet, so I miss talking to someone about my day. My hubby thinks by saying "you can see the difference" everyday is helping me lol When you read some of the success stories on here, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So good luck with your journey. x

 

[janey23]

That's a brilliant result on the scales this week Sam, and a brilliant quote from you Nanny!

My Nan used to say.."I was 25 and a virgin when I got married, but if I'd have known what it was like I wouldn't have been"!!!!

Don't think that's going to help me now:flirt2:

 

[samonamission]

Hi Sam. Just read your journey so far.lol very entertaining I am only in my second week. And god knows how long it will take me to get to my goal weight. I find each day a struggle, and I dont think it is getting any easier either. But I come on here when the family are eating! I have told only 2 people I am doing this diet, so I miss talking to someone about my day. My hubby thinks by saying "you can see the difference" everyday is helping me lol When you read some of the success stories on here, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So good luck with your journey. x

Oh hez Welcome xx, It is really hard to justify yourself to others when you have self doubt, and you see until you start to see it then no matter how nice it is hubbie is encouraging, its just words... please please measure yourself, I can't begin to say how important it is.. I sometime go upstairs strip off and just do the measure thing becuase then I can see its worth it... sometimes clothes don't work becuase if you are like me.. I jam into my clothes and after half a stone only then do they really fit!!!!...
There are a wonderful bunch on here who will help you all they way xxxx

 

[hez]

Thanks Sam. I find this forum a god send I am drinking my litre of water before I have my shake, as I type lol Someone did say yesterday about halving a peanut flapjack and mixing with half a shake to make an attempt at porridge! But I think I will keep on with the shakes, as I find I am getting used to them. (sighs) I think the hardest part for me will be the refeed, as I am thinking about all the foods I miss even now! lol
I wonder does this feeling go away after a few weeks :s

 

[samonamission]

Thanks Sam. I find this forum a god send I am drinking my litre of water before I have my shake, as I type lol Someone did say yesterday about halving a peanut flapjack and mixing with half a shake to make an attempt at porridge! But I think I will keep on with the shakes, as I find I am getting used to them. (sighs) I think the hardest part for me will be the refeed, as I am thinking about all the foods I miss even now! lol
I wonder does this feeling go away after a few weeks :s

I am going to be brutally honest it comes and goes, some days food it alien to me, and others I don't stop thinking about it, but you see I have this list... If I desire the same thing twice in 2 days it goes on a list, and if a week later when I read it I go yum yum, I will look the points value up and add it to my weight wathcers list.... And you will be sooo surprised how this shows us that we live with smells and out mind is the biggest culprit.... control the mind and hopefully we will be able to control the weight xx
As for the cardboard... oops did I say that instead of flapjack.. lol.... some people love it, I hate it loo.... good luck if you do try the porridge thingy... oh and so far my list has two things on it... porridge and chow mein...

 

[janey23]

Hi sam,

sorry this thread is so busy, i didn't see the post you wrote about your horrendous expereince 3 years ago. To the person who told you grief takes three weeks, I'd say "Stop talking out of your backside"

The best expalnation of grief I know came from my best friend who lost her mum when she was 24. she told me that grief is like a big black spoldge covring the whole of the map of your life so far. When you're in it thats all you see. She also told me that the size of the black splodge never shrinks, but gradually your life begins to grow and expande beyond the black splodge. Grief doesn't get smaller but your life gets bigger. However, there are some days when your back in that grief and its just as big as it ever was, but as your life gets bigger those times get less frequent.

So, when you're head in the fridge thninking about that grief, its perfectly normal to feel just as bad as you did when it first happened. Don't be hard on yourself!

I can really empathise with you Sam, as I had an horrendous 8 weeks last year. My wonderful, amazing Dad had a sudden stroke last August (just 4 days after coming back from holiday with my mum, aunt and uncle). We spent a terrible week in hospital watching him losing speech, movement and thought until a week after his first stroke, he got a chest infection which put to much pressure on his heart and he died. To say we were in shock would be an understatement.
Then a week after his funeral, my uncle dropped dead infront of my aunt, pushing us right back. Two weeks after that one of my sister in law died of alcholism related illness and my grandad was diagnised with cancer. 8 weeks to the day of my dad's death, my grandad died. I thought my poor mum was going to lose her mind.

Anyway, there are still loads of times when I'm under the black splodge, but I can honestly say, acheieing success on LT is helping me grow beyond it.

I know my Dad was always realy proud of me and my accomplisments (sounds like I went to finishing school not a council estaet in merseyside) but I know he woried about my weight. So, i'm partly doing this for him, as I want to make sure I'm here for mum and not allowing my weight to sap my energy or effct my health preventing me form looking after her properly

Sorry Sam, I've hijacked your diary, but needed to get that out.

Jane

 

[samonamission]

Hi sam,

sorry this thread is so busy, i didn't see the post you wrote about your horrendous expereince 3 years ago. To the person who told you grief takes three weeks, I'd say "Stop talking out of your backside"

The best expalnation of grief I know came from my best friend who lost her mum when she was 24. she told me that grief is like a big black spoldge covring the whole of the map of your life so far. When you're in it thats all you see. She also told me that the size of the black splodge never shrinks, but gradually your life begins to grow and expande beyond the black splodge. Grief doesn't get smaller but your life gets bigger. However, there are some days when your back in that grief and its just as big as it ever was, but as your life gets bigger those times get less frequent.

So, when you're head in the fridge thninking about that grief, its perfectly normal to feel just as bad as you did when it first happened. Don't be hard on yourself!

I can really empathise with you Sam, as I had an horrendous 8 weeks last year. My wonderful, amazing Dad had a sudden stroke last August (just 4 days after coming back from holiday with my mum, aunt and uncle). We spent a terrible week in hospital watching him losing speech, movement and thought until a week after his first stroke, he got a chest infection which put to much pressure on his heart and he died. To say we were in shock would be an understatement.
Then a week after his funeral, my uncle dropped dead infront of my aunt, pushing us right back. Two weeks after that one of my sister in law died of alcholism related illness and my grandad was diagnised with cancer. 8 weeks to the day of my dad's death, my grandad died. I thought my poor mum was going to lose her mind.

Anyway, there are still loads of times when I'm under the black splodge, but I can honestly say, acheieing success on LT is helping me grow beyond it.

I know my Dad was always realy proud of me and my accomplisments (sounds like I went to finishing school not a council estaet in merseyside) but I know he woried about my weight. So, i'm partly doing this for him, as I want to make sure I'm here for mum and not allowing my weight to sap my energy or effct my health preventing me form looking after her properly

Sorry Sam, I've hijacked your diary, but needed to get that out.

Jane

Oh Jane you so so need a hug xxx this is the best I Can do
HUG
Thank you for feeling so comfy you could share this with me, and I have cried and cried for you and spitefully for me, to know someone knows how huge that hole can be sometimes is such a relief .... Your friend is very knowing and it is so true xxx
I know just by reading your posts your mum would NEVER feel you will let her down, and good on you for changing you xxxxx

 

[janey23]

Thanks for the hug.

I have an amazing family and we're all realy close and that helps. but being the only girl of my generation (one brother, four cousins -all boys) and household (one hubby two sons) means that I'm the one who often takes the lead in anything to do with nurture. and being a bossy cow means that decision making is often left to me. But this also means that I have to keep up the appearance of being capable and incharge, when sometimes I just want to be looked after myself.
Being on the forum is a great opportunity be myself and chat with others in same boat! So thanks for listening.

 

[samonamission]

It's started!!!.. It's taken 2stone2lbs but here it is again......

Bloody people feel they have the right to insult judge and comment on anything 'they' feel they want....

yesterday I had one comment from a guy who asked. Ate you loosing weight, I happily commented yes over 2 stone so far.... His reply..... Well as long as you are doing it healthly and you don't over exercise, actually I was ok with that he said sensible things and off I go thinking well at least it's noticable... Bit today is a whole different matter...

I'm so so mad.. I nearly swore and that only happens when I'm really mad.....

First one.... Oh havnt seen you in a while, god you look I'll are you sick again!!! After politely telling her no I'm just on a diet... The reply came ' oh AGAIN!!, see you fat in a few weeks', I just smiled and told he most prob... Walked away and wanted to scream, you see as much as it's horrible she is correct- I am a yo yo dieter and each time this is 'IT' for me and each time I fail... But this time feels different- I can't place the feeling of describle it it's just different....

Now onto comment number 2... Oh sam your kneck looks like a twisted turkey what have you done to yourself??? Well I've decided I wanted to know how if felt getting strangled so I asked a friend but he twisted too much, now I'm stuck like this!!!!! She didn't get my humor, but I got her insult.....

Now not 10 mins later the last one has topped it... God woman you look so old now have you considered Botox, at least it will keep the sagging chin still... That's it.... I'm dammed if I loose weight, because I look old and saggy, and I'm dammed if I stay fat because I'm going to kill myself eating....

So bugger off everyone and let me be... They arnt even my friends they are people I work with who feel they can judge you , insult you and abuse you because they can...

I can't believe I'm sat here raving at them when all I want to do is cuddle up in bed and sleep.. I've only been in work 2 and a half hours and so far 3 insults... God help what the. Next 8 and a half hours will bring...

 

[mandydef]

OMG Sam thats awful What kind of people do you work with?? Sounds truly horrible. Dieting at any size or time in your life is not the best lets face it, but to be going through it with those kinds of people and their negative comments must make you both mad and really upset:cry: What gives them the right to be so downright rude, when i bet you rarely have a bad word to say about anyone??

I feel so aggrieved for you, wish i could come down and give them a piece of my mind. At least you have us motley crew to sound off to,

try to keep your spirits up Sam, take care x

 

[samonamission]

OMG Sam thats awful What kind of people do you work with?? Sounds truly horrible. Dieting at any size or time in your life is not the best lets face it, but to be going through it with those kinds of people and their negative comments must make you both mad and really upset:cry: What gives them the right to be so downright rude, when i bet you rarely have a bad word to say about anyone??

I feel so aggrieved for you, wish i could come down and give them a piece of my mind. At least you have us motley crew to sound off to,

try to keep your spirits up Sam, take care x

hi Mandy, thank you for the lovely words of help, all angered out now, normally I just ignore the comments but I just don't know why it got to me so much this time.. I'm looking forward to my day off tomorrow so will de-stress then and breath!!!! And coming on here as you said really really helped xx

 

[hez]

Sam, big hugs coming your way xxx What a day you had They sound so darn rude and ignorant!! You wouldnt/shouldnt say those things to anyone. What give people the right to talk to another like that. They were lucky it was you and not me, otherwise they would have got a slap! Forget about those people they dont mean anything. And when you are down to a weight your happy with, they will still be (lets just say not nice people). Good job not all people are like that. xx

 

[mandydef]

too right hez

 

[crunchyfrog]

Oh.My.God who are these people!! Do they have tourettes? Or are they just practising?

What a load of old poop you're doing brilliantly. Stuff em I'd say. There must be the element of envy behind those comments. They want you to fail and scared that you won't. When people succeed at things like this or have this kind of willpower to do TFR it can scare people and make them feel inadequate. But don't let them stop you. You are not inadequate and you do have amazing willpower. So there!!! xx

Gosh I'm so angry for you right now!!!

 

[loopdidoo]

Hi Sam, Got to say reading your posts has been a real inspiration to me, thank you!!!
I just have to say that the comments you received are just terrible, I felt so angry just reading them so I can't begin to imagine how felt. I honestly think comments like that come purely from jealousy!
x

 

[curleytop]

They are definitely jealous, how dare they talk to you like that. You wont put the weight on again and you are doing fantastic!