Hello. I really do mean it this time!

[madferitchick]

Hi everyone
I hope you all don't mind me joining you. I am really pleased to have found this area of the forum, as it is applicable to me on lots of levels. I have a lot to lose, more than 100lbs, and I really do mean it this time. I have to mean it as I just can't carry on this way.

My weight rules, and in many ways ruins my life. I am very good at hiding it, and many people wouldn't know just how much it bothers me, but it really does. I don't think there is anything in life that I don't let my weight affect in one way or another, whether it be what I do at work, going on holiday, what I do with my young daughter, whether I do or don't go out, what I wear, what i think, etc etc. and as much as i find it hard to admit to myself, it is affecting my health. i am always hot and sweaty and often short of breath, i tire easily and its getting worse not better.

I know many of you will understand the constant battle. Haing been successful in losing large amounts of weight before (first two times through atkins, third time through lighterlife) I again find myself back where I started at just over 280lb and have been here for some time know. But it is hard work, physically and mentally, and I just have to do something about it. i have an appointment next month to find out about weight loss surgery. for many reasons i really don't want it to come to that. i want to be able to do this for myself, and don't want to take the risk of surgery when i have a young daughter. but i really feel like i am running out of options and i just want this constant torture to be over and having the option to eat taken out of my hands is appealing..i wake up every day vowing it will be the day i take control, and i go to bed every night damning myself for failing again. so, whilst i look into the weight loss surgery option, i have decided to try and take control for myself, in the hope i can avoid doing anything more drastic like surgery.

I have PCOS so I know lower carb works for me. lighterlife worked brilliantly, but i just don't have the resolve to stick to it again (i have tried and failed many times since i successfully did it for my wedding in 2007). So, I am intending to do a calorie and carb controlled approach. not as drastic as LL, but try to keep my calories to 800-1000 a day. the problem with having done LL is i am impatient with weightloss, i expect to see big results quickly. but i know for it to be a long term solution, then it needs to come off in a more steady fashion. i also plan to start doing some exercise as I do none. I am lucky to have a cross trainer at home, so I am aiming to use that three times a week as a start.

i have got myself as ready as can be to start. Did a shop today and stocked up on the foods i need to be eating, and being realistic too so also went for low cal convenince options. that's the vicious circle i am in, i can't be bothered to do anything so end up going for junk/convinient options, which makes it worse etc. so i thought to start with if i am realistic and choose low cal convinience stuff then i can always move on to making more for myself once i am making progress and have a bit more get up and go! i am also going to make an appointment with the nurse at my GP surgery, as I know if I have a regular weigh in it will help keep me on track.

i have so much in life to be thankful for and i just get so cross at myself that I just can't get control of this food thing. i literally just lose control. i start the day well and then usually after 4pm i lose control and i eat until i feel unwell. once i get in the zone i am normally good and in control, but then something happens to take me off focus, a holiday or something, and i then spend months trying to get back on the wagon.

This time i really do mean it though. I am going to do this for me, for my family, but mostly for my daughter. she is my life and i am so lucky to have her. she has had a tough little life in her short two years so far, she has special needs and doing anything physical is such hard work for her because her muscles and joints dont work how they should.. i desperately want to be alble to run around with her and have fun when she is able...for her to be able to do that is such an achievement for her that for me not to be able to join in is just heartbreaking, for me and her.

so, that's me, sorry for the long ramble. i'd be really grateful just to be able to check in with people on here who understand what its like, and to be able to support others as we take on this journey and make it a success!!
xx

 

[Nixxy]

Hey,
You sound a bit like me, having PCOS too I've found the only thing that makes a difference is low carbs, I've had success on atkins, Cambridge and lighterlife - but every time have put the weight back on again. I'm impatient too, 1-2lbs a week seems too slow, but then again, I think maybe, if i'd done that 18 months ago instead of losing 70lbs, and gaining back almost 80 I might actually be at my goal weight now >.<.

I know what you mean about the zone too.... I can stick to something for months, then as soon as i'm out of it something just snaps and I can't get back on the wagon.

Good luck! Your daughter sounds very special, and I know you can make it happen for both of you!

 

[Paula79]

Know exactly what you mean with waking with good intentions and damning yourself by end of the night lol.

Good luck honey x

 

[madferitchick]

Thanks for the support ladies, although I of corse know there are many of us in the same boat, it's good to have it re confirmed!
Day one ok so far although I am feeling hungry, and although I know this already, with a stressful day at work my need to emotional eat is quite strong! I am resisting and have also set up my fitness pal on my phone to track what I'm eating.
It just feels like ducha bloody long journey right now. I'm trying to focus on something I read, that this next year will happen whether I choose to make the most of it or not...so I might as well try and hope to be in a better position in 12 months time!xx

 

[TracyGWill]

Hi hon! I really do wish you all the very best, and I can relate to so much of your story, but I just wanted to give a word of caution about the method you're proposing. I did the 1,000 calories or less a day dieting when I was 20, and all I would say is that it's the worst mistake I ever made. Yes, you lose weight, but it's not healthy and it's not sustainable. I've ended up with 30 years of yo-yo dieting, eating disorders, heart failure and eventual morbid obesity, and I believe it all stemmed from that period of ill-advised dieting. You can probably tell from that that I really do not recommend adopting that method, lol. I'd stick with a sensible number like 1,500 and adjust it downwards if necessary. This site doesn't actually permit discussion of DIY VLCDs, though I can't remember what the criteria are, as a VLCD is only safe to do if it's one of the proper plans like Cambridge etc. The minimum daily intake for a woman is meant to be 1,200, but I wouldn't recommend going that low to start with.

Sorry, I really don't mean to sound preachy, I'm just always concerned when I see someone apparently heading down the road that blighted my life for decades. Good luck with whatever you decide. xx

 

[TracyGWill]

Just so you're aware, this is the official forum rule:

"Hi Everybody,

We have noted the growing trend in homemade VLCD's. While MiniMins is open to all diets, we do have to have certain restrictions on what diet routines can be posted on the site. We have to do this as we do not want to allow these diets on the site, as by doing so we feel that we may be giving out the wrong signals and encouraging people to participate in potentially dangerous diets.

Any diet 800 calories and below per day must be a sanctioned product like that of Cambridge Diet, Lipotrim, Lighter Life, etc, etc.

Pierce"

Just so you don't fall foul of the guidelines. xx

 

[madferitchick]

Thanks for your reply and support Tracey. And no need to apologise. You don't sound preachy and I appreciate your experience. Infact having signed up to my fitness pal this morning it has set me at 1500 calls a day to lose 1-2lb a week. So, I had already decided that is what I'll try and see how it goes. Your post helps confirm I am doing the right thing

So far so good today. And I've just done 30 mins exercise, followed by quiche and salad for tea. I know I'm going to ache tomo, but will be worth it! Xx

 

[TracyGWill]

Thanks for your reply and support Tracey. And no need to apologise. You don't sound preachy and I appreciate your experience. Infact having signed up to my fitness pal this morning it has set me at 1500 calls a day to lose 1-2lb a week. So, I had already decided that is what I'll try and see how it goes. Your post helps confirm I am doing the right thing

So far so good today. And I've just done 30 mins exercise, followed by quiche and salad for tea. I know I'm going to ache tomo, but will be worth it! Xx

Oh I'm so glad to hear that! I was really concerned I might have upset you, as I know how you can unintentionally do that sometimes on here. I think 1,500 is a great idea, and I hope you get great results from it. That's how much I have a day now. My losses have slowed a bit now, as having lost 9 stone now I'm getting towards the end and it does slow down.

As I said, your story really resonated with me, especially talking about your daughter as I have a daughter too who I was never able to do anything active with. She's 13 now and doesn't want to run round any more, lol, but when she did it was always her Dad doing it with her.

Take care and I look forward to hearing how you get on. xx

 

[chezz]

hi madforitchick
good luck with your journey x x x

 

[madferitchick]

Thanks chezz

Day two and so far so good, and amazingly I didn't ache from the exercise yesterday!

I had to fight hard to overcome my weakness of emotional eating this morning. My daughter has just changed classes at nursery and is having a bit of trouble settling and didn't want me to leave her today :-( then although this sounds silly the two new body shapers I just bought have both been damaged in the wash which just frustrated me, and work is stressful! However I managed to control it, do I'm pleased with myself. I did have a small chocolate brownie tonight which my mum made, but I purposefully selected a small one and ate it slowly to enjoy it and allowed for it in my calories. So it was a treat not a cheat

 

[chezz]

himadforitchick

it must be hard for you being a mum leaving your little one when you know there not happy in there little nursery but you did it you did not give in and you got through today well done x x

 

[madferitchick]

Thanks chezz. It was hard as normally my daughter loves nursery, I'm hoping next week will be back to normal for us both!

Had another successful few days. I'm really trying to get my head in a place that this is my new normal. So I went out to lunch for my best friends bday today. I considered avoiding it, but decided to go and just be sensible. So I had a chicken salad which was really nice and just half a glass of Pimms for the birthday toast.

I did my exercise on my cross trainer again last night. I've decided I really want to get fit, not just lose weight. A mini personal goal for me is going to be to run the race for life next year.

I need to find a strategy for keeping this up during/after a holiday. Food is such a big and enjoyable part of my life that I see it as part of the holiday. I know what I need to do is be sensible and not go over board and then just get straight back on the wagon when I get home. It's just easier said than done. We don't go away until oct so I hope the progress I have made by then will help encourage me to not sabotage it! Any tips from anyone will be gratefully received?? Xx

 

[chezz]

Thanks chezz. It was hard as normally my daughter loves nursery, I'm hoping next week will be back to normal for us both!

Had another successful few days. I'm really trying to get my head in a place that this is my new normal. So I went out to lunch for my best friends bday today. I considered avoiding it, but decided to go and just be sensible. So I had a chicken salad which was really nice and just half a glass of Pimms for the birthday toast.

I did my exercise on my cross trainer again last night. I've decided I really want to get fit, not just lose weight. A mini personal goal for me is going to be to run the race for life next year.

I need to find a strategy for keeping this up during/after a holiday. Food is such a big and enjoyable part of my life that I see it as part of the holiday. I know what I need to do is be sensible and not go over board and then just get straight back on the wagon when I get home. It's just easier said than done. We don't go away until oct so I hope the progress I have made by then will help encourage me to not sabotage it! Any tips from anyone will be gratefully received?? Xx

hi mad
aww bless her i hope all back to normal for you next week love and well done with the salad and pimms thats very good i know wot you mean about the holiday we go in 5 weeks to and i said to hubby im dreading falling of the wagon he said look be careful in the day walk alot ( im not a sunbather girl so thats ok with me ) and like he said the drinks and food should be ok if i dont go to over the top fingers crossed x x x

 

[madferitchick]

That's a good strategy Chezz. I think there is a gym where we are going on hol (not booked it yet but hoping to go to turkey) so although in the past I have always scoffed at people using the gym on hols, I think i will aim to keep up my 30 mins 3 times a week, as I def feel better for it.

Well, i think i can say all in all it has been a pretty successful week and I am feeling pretty positive! Officially my once a week WI is a sunday night. however, I decided today to do it a bit early and weigh this morning. This was tactical, as I knew we were going out to eat this evening. So, if I am honest I had thought I would probably end up going off plan, and therefore didn't want it to affect my weigh in. When I weighed this morning though, I am 14lbs down! I couldn't believe it! As I say, i know it is a bit skewed as I weighed in the evening last week, after a pretty large roast dinner, but still, it is an amazing loss and I am really pleased. I really believe the exercise has made a difference, and I feel better for it too. So, it had a really positive effect and meant I didn't want to mess things up when I ate out, so I went for a low carb option and have still come in within my 1520 calories for the day. I did have a couple of little tastes of my husbands meal I must admit, so that will push me up a bit, but I am pleased that I managed to avoid just pigging out, espeically as we were in TGI Friday's and there is so much stuff I love on their menu!

So week one is done and I feel positive for week two ) I know big weight losses generally aren't the way forward and I am aiming for 2lb a week still, and am going to keep up the exercise and using my fitness pal as that defo helps too.

Hope everyone else has had a good week and is enjoying the bank hol weekend xxx

 

[chezz]

hi madforitchick

wow thats a great loss good on you hun yes i agree with you that exercise does make a big difference my diet went well all week then the weekend my 1 day off i went a little silly but im back on track this morning good luck for this week x x x

 

[madferitchick]

Half way through week two, think I'm still doing ok. Keeping up the exercise which is def getting easier, and also I'm actually kind of enjoying it!

Eating going ok too but I am starting to slip into having little tastes of this and that, which I know can add up in terms of calories quite quickly, so I need to keep that under control.

Booked our holiday today too, we go 5 weeks tomo! Can't wait and feeling really motivated! Would love to lose another stone before I go, but if I could do at least half a stone that'd be great too!

Hope everyone is having a good week xxx

 

[chezz]

hi madforitchick
im glad you are feeling more postive love x x

 

[madferitchick]

Well, after a mixed day yesterday, I'm delighted to have weighed in and lost 2lb this week

Hubby and I went out last night for a meal to celebrate our anniversary. I had planned that I would just enjoy myself, so had three courses and we shared a bottle of wine, it was delicious! I struggled all day tho in the lead up, as I knew I was having a treat in the evening I had to fight the urge just to have a whole day of eating anything and everything! I didn't completely win and had a few wobbles, but managed to maintain control generally, which I'm pleased about. Today is going to be hard, it's always after a treat I really struggle to get back on plan, but I'm determined to do it! Fingers crossed!!

Hubby and I also ended up having a long and difficult conversation about some of the things that aren't great atm in our relationship...not least our non-existent sex life! I opened up quite a bit about my weight and how I feel about it and that I've been thinking about surgery. I find it really hard to do that, I'm very closed and defensive, but I hope by opening up a bit things will improve. I just need to be really careful not to go on an emotional binge today as a result!!

Anyway, hope everyone has a good week

 

[chezz]

hi madforitchick

glad you had a good dayand hope today as gone ok for you x x

 

[madferitchick]

Well after having a bit of a stumble last Sunday I managed to be good all week, and have lost 4lb! Yay! I'm so pleased a d it is helping me feel more positive that maybe I can do this long term. I don't feel so deprived either as I am having little treats, but they are just that, little and treats rather than binging on shed loads of rubbish!

I feel so much better in every way when I am in control of my eating. It makes me wonder why I ever let myself lose control, as I feel so awful when I do. Yes I enjoy the immediate gratification of a food binge, but I feel lethargic, demotivated, hate myself, Short of breath, uncomfy in clothes etc and yet it can go on for months at a time.

My aim now is to keep this up until I go on hols in 3.5 weeks and then to somehow manage to control things on holiday to minimise the damage. That's the bit I'm worried about tho, not just being on hols but regaining control when I get back. I'm hoping by coming here and being able read back on my previous posts it will help me. Fingers crossed, but for now I'm very happy xx