Help I need some inspiration

[chris_s]

Hello all. I'm struggling with the motivation atm. Was dumped by partner of many years and 2 kids over a week ago and although I keep trying to put a brave face on it, am struggling big time.

I joined for her tbh but am trying to do this for myself, to help me feel better but it's not working atm. I've thrown myself into the gym and pool but it only occupies me briefly. I've tried putting a brave face on it but can't keep up the charade for much longer.

I don't want to go backwards, lost nearly a stone in 5 weeks and have another 3 to go to be in the healthy range.

I'm not working atm, job hunting after 6 months unable to work due to cancer, chemo and radiotherapy. So I have alot of free time and bugger all money to play with. I can't spend all week in the gym or pool. The weather's crap and I feel like I've no hope for the future at times, alot of the times!

It's nearly 10am and although I've been awake for 5hrs I've done nothing. I can't get into reading, tv, games, nothing. I don't know what to eat today and cba anyway.
I'm not sleeping much and when I do it's messed up dreams and nightmares which put me off wanting to sleep.

Just wondered what people do to keep going when they feel so crap?

I'm already on the happy pills and have an urgent referal for proper one on one councilling, but in the mean time I just feel what's the point alot.

Yes I've got two great kids but I don't know my place with them anymore, they live with their mum. I'm struggling to work out what went wrong and who I am most of the time.

Sorry for the rant but needed to express myself, I'm billy no mates so no one I can really talk to and I see alot of people going through poo times on this site so thought I'd see if any practical tips out there.

Regards

Chris

 

[delleh]

Oh Chris I'm sorry that you are feeling like this.
With the children etc, then I am sure that as time goes on and things get sorted properly - then you'll know where you stand with the kids.
The Gym is a very good place to get out your frustrations etc, have you also tried going walking just to get out and take in some new views etc?

I think the fact that you know how far you've come in 5-weeks and are now doing it for yourself, rather than her now, its very good. And sometimes even the stress can cause weight loss - which is never a good way to lose weight.

When things are going bad, we all go off track from time-to-time and as my leader says something else is always going to happen - and you cannot always see the bad times coming.

When do you WI? x

 

[Lucky7]

OMG - Not sure I can imagine coping with all that going on at once. I think you're amazing to cope as well as you are doing, so well done.

Things can, surely, only get better. Not much more I can add, other than a virtual *hug*.

x

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

il be your friend!!

it sounds like you are an incredibly strong person, but its all hitting you at once and your very lost. your weight loss so far is fabulous, and your right not to want to throw it away. Your right, you cant stay in the gym or pool all week, you need to occupy your time with other things, other positive things. Do you feel well enough to do some voulenteering of some sort? maybe being around others with help you feel more social. Hopefully some councilling will come through for you soon, but you cant rely on that to help things. Talking about it certainly will help, but to get out of this rut, its completly down to you.. and although reading this youl proberly feel like you have neither the motivation or enthusiasm, or the energy to do anything about it when it all seems so pointless, but if you want point to your life, which you do, because otherwise you wouldnt be here, talking to us about it.. its what you have to do. But you dont have to do it alone, surround yourself with positive, supportive people and you will get there.
Its incredibly difficult to move on from a relationship and a family life when its all youv ever known, esp when your not sure why it ended.. but if your wife has gone, its because she isnt happy and she wouldnt have left if she wanted to fix it.. so sometimes its just time to take a deep breath, and step into a new life. That life can be anything you want, make it be.

dont let your role within your childs life become lost, you stand your ground. Whether you live in the family home or not, you are their dad. You prove that to them and you enjoy life with your children. xxx

 

[KarenB]

Its only a week since you've split up and there must be a heck of a lot of shock and disbelief involved. I think the fact you are posting on here after such a short time shows you are accepting things pretty quickly.
You've been through such a lot of emotions with both the cancer and your personal life and perhaps you are expecting too much of yourself and should perhaps allow yourself some down time to come to terms with things.
I wish you all the best and hope you feel more positive soon. Good luck x

 

[biggysmalls]

Aw, you can have my first virtual hug ever. You are going through a really challenging time at the moment. Well done for sharing it on here - it's a good start. I hope things start to pick up for you. xo

 

[biggysmalls]

Sorry - just re-read your post and saw you were looking for practical tips. Maybe push yourself to do one of the following:
(I'm trying to think of things that are free/cheap)
1) go for a long walk - (I don't know how long is too long or where you live) maybe put on headphones to listen to music, if you have some
2) make one of the recipes on here
3) write a list of things you would like to happen in 2011
4) could you ring a mate/family member and invite them over to yours/go visit them?

x
3)

 

[clairex]

What about going to the hospital, helping in the cancer ward? Clearly you would be an inspiration to those who are still fighting - I think you would be great!
What about trying some new things food wise? Look up some new recipies, make them up, if you don't feel like eating them you can always freeze them.
Why don't you plan a day out for you and the kids? Have a look on the internet a new place for you all to go and explore. It costs nothing to take them to some new woods and a park and take a picnic. And you could incorporate them into your swimming - i'm sure they would love to go with you. You are their dad, you love them no matter what. Don't give up on them or yourself.
I'm sure no one expects a brave face hun, its okay to feel sad about all this - who wouldn't! If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me. Please let us know how you are getting on xxx

 

[chris_s]

Thankyou for the supportive comments. What a lovely bunch you are, well might be. Thing with this internet malarky is you could all be mad axe murderers called Dave!

The split was my own fault anyway, been a complete ass, just difficult to come to terms with. I can't hate her so it makes it harder to deal with. In fact I don't blame her at all. I'd have got shot of me a long time ago, still gutted and miss her tho.

Might look into voluntary work with cancer patients, not a bad idea.

Been on plan for most the day, one of my few mates has invited me over for pizza so stuff it I'm having some. Spent an hour in the pool and 30mins in the gym so I won't feel so bad. I'll also have my 1/3 superfree with it!!!

I'm up and down like a bloody yo yo. Some times I can see the sunshine after all and other times it's all doom and gloom :wave_cry:

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Thankyou for the supportive comments. What a lovely bunch you are, well might be. Thing with this internet malarky is you could all be mad axe murderers called Dave!


I'm up and down like a bloody yo yo. Some times I can see the sunshine after all and other times it's all doom and gloom :wave_cry:

damn you sussed me. Iv been here for a good year or so without anyone realising! :sigh:


.. oh lovley, my life is exactly the same.. im sure anyone reading my food diary would think i have bipolar! im an emotional lady!!

you enjoy that pizza, and good on you for 'even'ing it out' with the exercise!! xx

 

[KarenB]

Have a wonderful evening out and well done on the gym, pool and superfree foods.

 

[clairex]

Enjoy the pizza lovely, you earned it! xxx
love, dave.
damn you caught me xxx

 

[delleh]

*laughs* my "male" nickname at school at was Dave...DAMN you've figured me out!

Don't knock yourself it takes two to make a relationship work! xxx

 

[delleh]

PS...what Pizza are you having! lol

 

[chris_s]

I had a 9inch cheese and tomato with pineapple on it from simply pizza, it was scrummy.

 

[hastalavegan]

Sorry for the late response, just caught this and didn't want to read and run.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time at the moment. Don't give up on the weight loss, you've done incredibly well and you deserve to feel the benefits of being a healthy weight, even if you don't think so right now.

I'm job hunting at the moment and feel myself getting into a routine of doing absolutely nothing. It's not great, the longer it goes on the less I seem to be doing. I've been making myself go out and get involved with things. I'm seeing friends more regularly, I joined the library and often just go out for walks. Even if the weather is a bit crap, get yourself out there. Honestly, a 20 minute walk can make you feel so much better and breaks up boring routines.

I suffer from depression and I understand the feeling of just not 'caring' about average everyday things. I've often found myself sitting staring at the TV whilst not taking anything in. I don't really know how to break the cycle of feeling like this. Charity work might be something worth getting involved in, I've always found it a good distraction and you get to meet new people. Nightmares are something else I suffer with, all I can suggest is to just try to sleep. Even if you're wide awake, keep yourself in bed, in the dark and let it happen. Try to keep out of your bedroom during the day so that you go to it as a place to sleep. Sometimes that works for me.

You might not feel like it, but people do care about you, and that's what you've got to keep you going. You have two kids who will love you no matter what the situation is between you and your ex. Things were difficult for me when my dad walked out at 15, but it soon became the norm. I didn't see him much, but that was his choice more than mine, you have the choice to be there for your kids and continue to have a great relationship with them.

There are charities you can contact if you want to talk and don't have the opportunity to see a councillor at the moment. Hopefully you'll get referred to someone asap, it can make a world of difference. Otherwise you have us all here on Minis! My PM box is always open if you want to have a chat, even if it's just to rant about things.

Hope this helps

 

[clairex]

ooh lucky you, sounds laaavly! im very jealous lol xx

 

[chris_s]

Another day nearly over, yay! Pizza was scrummy last night. Had 2 slices left over for breakies today, with some fruit of course!!!
Spent an hour in the pool again, am falling out my swim shorts now.
Spent a few hours with the kids which was lovely, got lots of cuddles , but got a bit weird as was chatting nicely with their mum and all the why and what if thoughts kept popping up.
Struggled to be bothered with tea but forced myself and made a kind of roast, gave me summat to do.

 

[delleh]

Yay Chris! Its going to be a struggle, but you can do this!!! ) xx

 

[shell_y]

Your kids are there for as much as you want to see them. Just because you don't live with them, which you havent for a year anyway doesnt mean you can't spend lots of time with them.

You have already picked yourself up out of the hole you have been in for a long time, you have made positive moves, you joined the gym, you have seen your kids, spent proper time with them...

Just because one person ends the relationship doesn't mean that its plain sailing for them either...Sometimes things just dont work out and we all have to move on and start a new chapter... doesnt mean people dont care, just means it didnt work out