Here today, maintaining tomorrow

27.02.17 What a fickle beast losing weight is. A few bad habits crept in this week as we ate out a lot but I also had some very slimming world friendly meals which obviously worked because 3lb off this week. Very happy with that! I'm sat in group waiting for image to start and writing a shopping list. I'm going to do an sp week next week. Just 2lb to hit 2st. I've been messing about these past few weeks. My husband is getting annoyed beause I'm messing about. He's completely supportive when I do it properly but when I'm not he gets frustrated. I think it's mainly because I have done faddy stuff in the past which has lasted about 2 weeks (generally not to lose weight but to "get healthy") and he thinkd it's going to go that way again. I'm getting frustrated because my belly is coming back. I'm becoming more certain I have some sort of intolerance/aggrivation going on because it doesm't seem weight related as such.
So kick start. 2st next week.
Wohoo! 2st (and 0.5lbs - very important!) off. Overall, that is, not just this week. Haha!
I am 50% way to target. Well, I think anyway. I have a vague idea that I want 4st off but we'll see as I get closer.
A few items of clothing are looser or fit better but when I still couldn't find any trousers last time I went shopping I didn't think I'd dropped a size. Out if curiousity I looked at a few website clothing size charts to compare my before and after measurements. According to those Ive actually dropped 1, maybe 2 sizes. That doesn't seem to bare out in reality but it was encouraging anyway.
So now I need to set a new target for the next half stone or so.
ETA I also got SOTW. Admittedly only about 10 people stayed to group.
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I've just read your whole diary. Haha!!
Well done on the 2st (and 0.5lbs!!)

I hate shopping at the moment. I hate dressing too, for that matter. Fortunately I don't succumb to the pressure that some of the mums at the school gate seem to have, to stay in their pyjamas all day. (I save that for weekends.....) My children would probably kill me. Come to think of it, last summer everyone was wearing trousers that look like PJ's. I got some........but decided I couldn't possibly wear them out of the house in case someone thought I was wearing pjs.
I've just read your whole diary. Haha!!
Well done on the 2st (and 0.5lbs!!)

I hate shopping at the moment. I hate dressing too, for that matter. Fortunately I don't succumb to the pressure that some of the mums at the school gate seem to have, to stay in their pyjamas all day. (I save that for weekends.....) My children would probably kill me. Come to think of it, last summer everyone was wearing trousers that look like PJ's. I got some........but decided I couldn't possibly wear them out of the house in case someone thought I was wearing pjs.

Oh yes, please don't wear pjs on the school run! Haha! I'm one to talk though. I'm currently signed off work and have a stupid hair cut so have just been throwing on my bobble hat on the school run rather than doing it! Haha!
Getting dressed is horrible when you are not feeling happy about your body. :( Have you taken your measurements or photos so you can see your body is changing even if you can't see it in the mirror yet? Are yoi diing SW?
Haha, no, don't worry....I shall stay fully clothed.

I mostly try to dodge my mirror, other than those annoying times that I forget a towel and have to do the run of shame past the mirror to get one. ...yeah...that's fun...!

There are photos of me and I want to take some for comparison photos, but quite honestly I'm just not ready to, so will make do with the ones of me feeling uncomfortable at family gatherings.

I'm not doing SW because, being vegan, I'm not sure it's the healthiest way for me to lose weight. I had a look into it and just don't think it'll suit me. I'm doing the 5:2 so I don't have to think about dieting other than the two days I'm fasting. I seem to be eating less overall, which is good.
Don't be too hard on yourself Avocuddle. Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. X
But definanately keep some sort of before evidence, whether that's general photos, measurements or clothes. It can sometimes be quite disheatening if you can't see the results yourself so it's nice to have objective proof it's working.
I always like the look of the 5:2 and it seems to make sense and be acheivable long term. There was a BBC documentary about it. Did you see it? The GP was very impressed with it.
How has the last week been?
Oh and stop cleaning your mirrors! You can't get to my dresser mirror right now (don't ask) which means Kim and Aggie would have nightmares if they could see the state of it. It does however mean I can't see myself when I first wake up! Win! Haha!

Weigh in for me tonight after a very foodie week. By foodie I mean lots of eating out and take aways. I've been feeling heavy the last few days so wasn't surprised to have gained 1.5lbs. Was it worth it? Some of it yes but most of it no if I really think about it. I did sort of know that while I over indulging though which is a big step for me. So things are clicking. Step by step.
I go back to work in a month after a few months off sick. I need to be mentally in a place to manage that because nothing there will have changed and I need the resiliance to deal with that. Being happier with my physical appearence sounds (and is) incredibly shallow but will improve my confidence. It's going to be tough situation I'm going back to and I need all my mojo for it.
I'm a sucker for power dressing at work. If I can get my heels and a smart suit on I feel a lot stronger and more able to control a suituation. My current work clothes are "make do/what fits". They were perfectly presentable and suitable but not empowering or me. I had a work dress which I felt amazing in. I've not been able to fit into it for a long time but it was one of the very few items of "thin" clothing I kept with the intention of fitting back into. In fact my avatar features a similar dress to remind me why I'm doing this. I tried it on a few days back. I could zip it up! It wasn't suitable for being seen in YET (thank goodness for that dirty mirror!) but a very clear step in the right direction. Unfortunately moths had apparently taken a liking to it too so it's no good now. I'm keeping it (in a sealed bag) as a litmus test though and looking forward to being able to replace it with something else that makes me feel good. I hsve a month...
Expected 2lb gain. Was actually 2.5 so near enough. I'm struggling with motivation but having a chat at group tonight has helped. I need to go cold turkey on snacks and get back to eating meals and writing it down. I think it is that simple.
I've put on 4lbs in the last 2 weeks so would like to lose 4 in the next fortnight.
My little sw graph looks like a heart moniter right now and I've lost the little blue predricted loss line. Booo.
Last week I spent 5 hours shopping for jeans. Five. Hours. My hands turned blue from all the indigo and I almost lost the will to live but... I now have a pair of jeans!!! I have not been able to fit into jeans in literally years. I'm having to resist the urge to wear them all the time. I also managed to find a pair of work trousers which is bizarre as I haven't fitted into trousers for an even longer time. They are a little snug (although wearable) but they will fit perfectly when I've lost the 4lb or so.
So a mixed week but feeling optomistic.
2.5lb off. This week has reaffirmed how much better I feel when I eat properly! Well duh! Who'd know?! There is something in this thing about eating lots of veg! Haha!
I still need to get a grip on my sweet tooth though. This week will be chocolate reduced. I will break it! Cboc free is unrealistic right now I think. So gradual reduction.
I've discovered I love dairylea on ryvita! A and B choice. Win! It tastes vaguely like something else but I can't quite put my finger on what. I can't have cheese all the time as it doesn't agree but this is a quick option that doesn't involve bran flakes. Shudder.
Put on a work dress I've not worn in ages today. It was a little tight just under the bust previously. Fitted everywhere else abd was comfy so I just wore a cardie over it.
Today it was loose on top and my tummy looked so flat! Admittedly I'd not had breakfast but I've not had a flat tummy for a very long time. A little boost for a difficult day. :)
No weigh in this week as I've booked an SW holiday week because I have better things to do. Not really. I'm a bit sad to miss it.
I did weigh in on the probably never serviced pool scales and the figures looked good. Definantely in the right direction if not completely reliable.
This week I charity shopped a few bits of clothing. My wardrobe isn't huge but I realised the other day that I'd squirreled away 2 more "thin" dresses for some reason. So those along with my new jeans (still in shock that I have jeans!) mean a couple of the "they'll do" dresses can go (the plum and preganancy ones from my first post). I now have 4 day dresses ("day dresses" how quaint), a slightly smarter dress that I've nothing to go with, a pair of jeans, a couple of shirts, a jumper and numerous clĺardies. I feel like I am swimming in a sea of clothing! Work wise, I have a dress, skirt, 2 shirts and pair of trousers and a jacket. With the exception of the work trousers which are a little snug everything fits or is getting too big!
This links in with the reason I can't go to group tomorrow... I am getting "my colours done"! It's completely ridiculous and self indulgent. My sister thought I was stupid to pay someone to tell me colours I looked good in and try to sell me lipsticks but I'm really excited/nervous. I've wanted it done for years and although I used to be confident with my colours, like everything else I've become lost and unsure. By November I WILL be to target and I really will need all new clothing so I can justify refilling my wardrobe with my best colours and getting rid of everything else.
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I've just read your entire diary in one go! Love how you write and a lot of what you say resonates - especially about work clothes. I work in a lab so most of the time I'm covered up with a lab coat but I would like my workwear to be less "it'll do/what fits" and more "I am a professional super scientist!"

Good luck on your journey, I'll definitely be keeping up :)
Hi Littlepiggy! How are you doing? Having my colours done (Bridget Jones' mum anyone?) was quite odd. I've always thought I was an autumn wearing lots of, well, autumn colours and was certain the day would say that too. She put numerous scarves over me and it quickly became apparent that actually I look awful in browns and oranges. I'm almost 40 - how have I never seen that! Haha! I'm actually a summer. I am willing to admit that I am still slightly traumatised by it all because most greens are out (sad face) replaced by... cool pinks!!! The exclamation marks justified. I think I'm going to have to learn to love pinks because (apologies, this will sound vein) on the whole, they really did make my skin even and glowy. I have bought a pink cardie to try to and ease myself in and get over my pink hate! So yeah, good job I have waited to buy lots of new clothes. I'd recommend it. Now I look at my moss green coat (still love it) and can see I look blotchy and spotty. I'd recommend it if you're curious. Now I just need to figure out how to use my colours without looking like the mother of the bride!

Hi Booksandbacon (two of my favoirite things)! What sort of lab work do you do? What would your ideal work wardrobe look like? I'm guessing you're restricted somewhat though because of practicality/H&S? How are you doing on your journey? Sorry, so many questions!

10.04.17 Maintained at weigh in.
Ok, I'm getting heavy again...
I've been unsure about whether to say this on here. It may be a trigger but this diary is for my reflection as well as to keep me publically on track so I'll say it.
I've noticed I'm starting to develop very unhealthy food habits; eating lots of junk uncontrollably (until I feel sick sometimes) then basically starving myself for two days. I've also developed silly little "tricks" (I'm not going to share them) to do when I think weigh in isn't going to be great. They probably don't work but in my head they should! I've also realised that a lot of my self talk about food is about control and reward/punishment. That's a scary path to go down.
I've recognised it and I think as part of my food diary I'm going to start keeping track of my feelings and reactions. I am certain it's something that if I continue to be aware of, I can manage/tackle it. It isn't out of control right now so I need to actively deal with it. If, after tracking it for a little while I can see it isn't getting better I will seek help. I may be being a drama queen (not that I ever am you understand) and it may be just be me overeacting but I'd rather look foolish about nothing than leave something which could become a problem.
I also recognise that right now so much in my life seems out of my hands and like I can't do anything about huge parts of it so I am trying to hold onto anything I can make decisions about. That isn't working very well generally so why I would think it would work with food who knows?
But yeah, so there we go. I guess I had a poor relationship with food anyway otherwise I wouldn't need to lose 4 stone but at the moment it's gone up a notch.
Hm. Downer.
Well to end on an incongruous positive note, I'm growing out a pixi hair cut and my grey. I got it all tidied up last week and altgough it's still too short, it almost looks like it is meant to be cut like this and I think I really like my grey. Although some kid did ask if I was older than the queen last week because of my hair. Is it wrong to trip little kids up as they walk past?
Hi Booksandbacon (two of my favoirite things)! What sort of lab work do you do? What would your ideal work wardrobe look like? I'm guessing you're restricted somewhat though because of practicality/H&S? How are you doing on your journey? Sorry, so many questions!

Hi! I work in a pathology lab that looks at bits of tissue for cancers/inflammatory conditions (strong stomach required!) - my ideal work wardrobe...I've thought about this so many times, and have a Pinterest board dedicated to 'minimalist fashion', I love black/grey/white, quite simple, would love to wear Oxford shirts that are good quality (being fat AND busty means that shirts end up looking quite tent-esque). Quality, well-cut trousers (rather than stretchy leggings). And I've always wanted a leather jacket, I've never bought one because I didn't want to spend lots of money on something that soon 'wouldn't fit anymore', but it's never spurred me on enough to lose the weight. That being said, wouldn't be able to wear a leather jacket in the lab. A big thing for me as well is to minimise 'sticky-outy-bits', so if I wear something a bit tight it shows off all rolls, all lumps...I would really like for that not to be the case. The only time it isn't is when I wear pyjamas, and I definitely can't wear those in the lab!

I also recognise that right now so much in my life seems out of my hands and like I can't do anything about huge parts of it so I am trying to hold onto anything I can make decisions about. That isn't working very well generally so why I would think it would work with food who knows?

I find this really interesting, because it seems like you do have control over food, but not in the way you'd really like. That's such a great idea about keeping a diary with your feelings and reactions :)
Hey booksandbacon,
How are you going?
Your work sounds fascinating and really worthehile. I saw a tip the other day about shirts and putting poppers on the inside so they don't gap. Even though I'm fairly average I still have that issue so much so I don't tend to buy shirts. I felt a bit "duh!" when I read that - so obvious!
Have you looked at places like Bravisimo for shirts for larger busts but more fitted/shaped waists etc? There are a few others that cater for larger breasts without being "tenty".
If you're so inclined it's reasonably easy to take shirts in on the sides too.
I'm really excited to start seeing wide leg trousers coming back into shops. So much more flattering and would look fab with a shirt. Plus, depending on how wide you get your legs, they can be as comfy and forgiving as pjs. Win! Although, I hate tight pjs so I always buy a couple of sizes too big (then spend all my time pulling them up!).
Lots of reasonably priced leather jackets about as well at the moment.
Do you think if you started your work wardtobe now (without spending loads) that it might help your motivation? I gave in and bought a few bits and peices and although it is a waste of money, it has helped me psychologically to start wearing clothes I feel more comfortable and "me" in. They were from ebay becauae I don't mind secomd hand and always feel a bit weird about places like Primark but obviously didn't want to spend loads. It has really helped me to see the difference.

Last week I forgot to update but I maintained. Someone I hadn't seen in a while commented that I'd lost "loads" of weight, then quickly backtracked that he wasn't saying I was big before but... I was too busy laughing to help him out of the hole he was digging!
When I was sorting my work clothes out I tried on a skirt which had always been a little big and it wouldn't stay up! That felt good. I may have done a silly thing though and bought a couple of items that don't fit. One will fit within a coupoe of pounds, the other is more of a "long term project". I feel a bit silly buying the second item but it's done now and I'll feel fab when it fits. I can do it up3 - just not move!

21.04.17 I couldn't get to normal group so went yesterday instead. It's amazing how motivated I am to not spend £5 on nothing! 2lb off. :) So back to having lost over 2st. I also realised that another 1.5lbs and I will weigh 10st something! I started at over 13st so big grin. Husband said "but it'll still be pretty much 11st". Helpful. But that is my next goal. My next weigh in is Monday (normal group again) so I won't lose that in 3 days but the week after I WILL.
24.04.17 Weigh in today, just 3 days after my last one so not overly bothered by the results bevause I don't think it's representative. I also had a big (SW friendly) lunch and tea was right before I left for group neither of which are usual habits for me.
So after all those disclaimers. 0.5lb on. My aim this week is 2lb.
12.07.17 Didn't write last week as I couldn't find my log. Duh. There's an excuse. Anyway 0.5lb off that week. I can't remember a great deal which is why I find this log helpful so I can look back over it. I do remember feeling a bit disheartened because of the recent up/down/up/down even though I know exactly why.

This week I didn't weigh in on my normal day because I would have fallen asleep and my snoring may have disrupted the clapping. But I'm tight and I'm not paying for class I don't go to so I went this morning. Even though I have weighed in on both weeks and haven't missed any, it is effectively 2 weeks since I weighed in last so it's kind of cheating but 3.5lb off! I am now 10.11st. I am so, so happy to finally be comfortably within the 10s. Is it wrong that I only stayed to class because I thought I might have chance at SOTW? Hehe! One lady lost an amazing 5lbs! She didn't stay though so I got the sticker! One of these weeks I will get SOTW on my own merit rather than by default. None the less, I will take that shiny sticker, thank you very much. Only to be polite though obviously. I am certain I should have got SOTM at Christmas time and that would have been earned but she doesn't always do the monthly ones. Ah well.

I have 3 weeks left on my countdown. I would love to have lost lost another 3lb by then to get to 2.5st. But my normal class is in 3 days so I guess the best I can hope for really is to maintain or at best 0.5lb maybe? I'm also going to a 2 day festival during the countdown, we're not allowed to bring our own food and festivals aren't renowned for their speed food. Of course I could aways do a Ronald Regan and claim the red sauce on my burger counts as tomatoes. Hmm. Do you think I could convince the scales?

A lady in the group today pretty much stripped off to her undies to weigh in. Altgough that is one strategy, I don't think anyone needs to see that much of my skin after a weekend of festival food!
15.05.17 wow. Another 2.5lb off. Half a lb off 2.5st! So pleased. :)
Feeling more confident body wise now. I saw a difference when I was naked quite early on. I don't see a huge amount of difference from that anymore but clothes wise I feel like I look completely different. I'm currently comfortably wearing those "too snug" trousers I recently bought - not too tight now! I still have some way to go before my new skirt fits although I can now sort of walk in it. Just as long as I don't breath at the same time!
As long as I don't go mad I should, hopefully, fingers crossed get my 2.5st next week.
I think I'm going to set my target weight at 9.5st so that's about another 1.5st. I can do this.
Oh golly. What's happened here then? Apart from clearly spending too much time with my nanna and picking up some of her phrases!
I have been weighing in weekly like a good girl. I've been having to go to different groups though and, as I seem to be a creature of habit, it broke my routine so I've not been updating this. Some weeks I even forgot to update my little SW chart! The horror!
So the last 5 (5? Really?!) weeks have been a bit frustrating, I've got tantilisingly close to that 2.5st then gained, then lost again... Sometimes I've had to go to a group on Friday and then again on Monday so the results are getting a bit skewed. But, as I say I've been getting weighed each week although not always staying to group.
I have to admit [whispers] I've not necessarily missed image therapy. But I do find it a bit odd if I'm honest. I've seen the support it offers - one week a girl was in tears and everyone was so lovely to her and the following week she got a huge cheer and it's nice having people "get it" but the group therapy isn't me I guess. In my regular group, everyone seems to get weighed, then spend the rest of the session scoffing HiFi bars. One lady bought her young son to group and spent the hour feeding him Haribos and promising him a MacDonalds afterwards... I'm getting my judgey pants out aren't I? I guess everyone there has a troubled relationship with food or we'd be sat at home watching Coronation Street in our PJs instead of on hard plastic chairs in a cold church hall.
But yes, enough about weird cardboard chocolate bars. I have finally got my 2.5st today!
My next target is 6lb because then I'll be in healthy bmi!