Homemade Pizza - Roadkill on a plate!!!

Thanks Hun! I'll have a look x
 
Does anyone know how to put mozzarella onto these pizzas we make with tge w squares
It sounds stupid writing it down, but i usually grate low fat cheese onto it.
I've bought half fat mozzarella ball as it's lower I'n pp and have realised i don't know what to do with it lol
 
I just tear it up into bits :) x
 
CelticTiger said:
An inspired young lady recently suggested how to make a delicious Home Made Pizza using a Tortilla Wrap as a base. Inspired! I thought, a doddle to make. Sadly, the young lady expected the reader to have a basic understanding of cooking and food preparation, I possess neither. I should have read the book "Pizzas for Dummies" before I attempted this challenging dish.:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: :D:D:D

I started well, by covering the Tortilla wrap with almost a full container of Passata. I may have overdone it on the Passata :rolleyes:

Next with a flourish, I cut up an onion and diced half a yellow pepper. I nonchantly spread them around the pizza creating a vision of colour to gladden the eyes. I then discovered some ham in the fridge, which was on the turn. I decided in order to boost my protein intake, I'd eat it before the dogs got it...

Then, breaking with my strict "No Dairy" Policy, I cut a Mini Babybel over this gastronimic endeavour. To complete the ensemble, I lightly sprinkled some sea-salt, black pepper, garlic salt and Oregano over what was set up to be a world-class Pizza...:cool:

I then expertly lifted it onto a wire shelf and turned the Grill on to Max. There it rested until the perimeter of the Tortilla wrap was almost burned, slightly singhed...

I then attempted to slide the Pizza onto my dinner plate engaging the powers of gravity, to deftly remove my creation from the grill shelf. That's when disaster struck. :eek::eek::eek:

The horrible reality struck me that I had erred. Firstly, the Tortilla base fused with the Grill shelf and became immovable :eek: Then the contents of the Pizza moved off the base in an avalanche motion, and slid through the wire grill tray onto the awaiting plate. At lightening pace, I grabbed a spatula and proceeded to remove chunks of the base and slide it through the wires on to awaiting semi-cooked veggie mess. All of this took pace in a matter of seconds. But I have to say, it has tarnished the presentation of the meal, somewhat, visually.:eek::eek::eek::D:D:D

The best chefs say, "You eat food with your eyes" On the basis of my recent experience, I couldn't concur, and i wouldn't recommend it.

I was tempted to take a photo of it and post it up here, as all you successful cooks do, showing off your successes, but I fear a lifetime ban & legal actions pending for Post Traumatis Stress Disorder from the victims who would have viewed my attempt.:D:D:D

Perhaps, I used the wrong device??? I might use the oven the next time, but what will stop the base from sticking to the tray?

There are some brilliant minds on here. I have every confidence that some enlightened individuals will reach out a helping hand to this struggling MasterChef! :flirt2:
Click to expand...

I just peed my pants!! Well done you, I love this forum, it's so great for a daily dose of comedy!! Brilliant.:D:D:D
 
Hi Fionat29, it's a while since I had THAT effect on a woman!!! :D:D

Thanks for the like :flirt2:

Glad you enjoyed my piece. Haven't had any culinary disasters since... but it's early days :rolleyes:

Lyin in bed, damp outside, Where did our Indian Summer go???:eek::eek::eek:

While you're on here visiting my thread, feel free to share any cooking calamities you endured or enjoyed.

Surely, I'm not the only Klutz in the Kitchen...:eek:
 
My best effort was many years ago as a newly wed, cooking her first ever Christmas dinner for the in-laws. Cooked turkey upside down because that was the fad back then, keeps it more juicy. Bit forgot I'd done that and had a major panic attack that there wasn't enough meat! You should have seen me trying to carve the underside of a turkey... The stress!! I have also roasted a turkey with the plastic wrapped giblets still inside, but no harm done. Just don't tell anyone shhhhhh!
 
Christmas Classics worthy of the Royale Family there Fiona. :D:D:D

I have started a thread of Confessions, good for the soul - The Under 18 version :D:D:D where we can all fess up to the Disasters we have created... I feel you could be a regular and valuable contributor :flirt2:
 
i managed to burn 2 slices of toast this morning, filled the kitchen with black smoke! in my defence i had the hangover from hell though! :party0036::drunk:
 
I tried the ainsley spicy cous cous tonight. It took me a few mouthfuls to get used to the texture. The oh really loved it and asked me to get it again. I'm going to try the sweeter one next.
 
Smirnoff - Excellent reply. A well-earned hangover excuses almost any Kitchen calamity in my book, and God knows I created a few in my time....:rolleyes:

I hope the cremated toast were Low Points, it would be a terrible shame to waste valuable hangover recovery fodder :D:D:D
 
Hi LeanneF - I have discovered from my VAST experience cooking Cous-Cous (I did it once!) was to add Olive Oil just before serving.

It moistened it, it went down a treat. Apparently, you can also add butter... according to the box!!!
 
CelticTiger said:
Hi LeanneF - I have discovered from my VAST experience cooking Cous-Cous (I did it once!) was to add Olive Oil just before serving.

It moistened it, it went down a treat. Apparently, you can also add butter... according to the box!!!
Click to expand...

I read this but didn't want to waste the points on it, but maybe using 1 pp will help it, I'll try this next time. Thanks celtictiger :woohoo:
 
You heard it from The Master Chef, :flirt2:

... Did you read my original post on here, :eek:take any cookery advice from me with a grain of salt.

But in fairness I quoted my impeccable source, the side of the BOX!!! :cool:
 
I did read your original post, have me howling :D
I'm not a great cook either but I do try lol After reading this thread I just had to make a pizza and it was good!!! But mine was very flimsy as I used a tortila wrap as a base (couldn't find warburtons square thingys as others suggested). It was all good though as your funny story gave me the inspiration to start cooking again he he :D
 
Hehe thats so funny! I had a similar experience the 1st attempt I made as I tried to put too much stuff on it but now I have learnt my lesson & consider myself to be a pizza making wizard lol :)
I use either a Mission Deli wrap (5pp) or a Warburtons square one (4pp) & put a small amount of passata (0pp) on it (spread thinly, leaving a gap around the edge).
I use courgette, pepper, mushrooms, WW grated cheese (2pp for 20g I think) & shredded wafer thin ham (2pp for 5 small slices - Asda / Tesco).
Pop the courgette, pepper & mushrooms on a baking tray (tin foiled up) with a couple of spays of FryLight on the tin foil & then over the veggies & bake for a few mins or until starting to cook, whilst im waiting I put the passata on the wrap then chuck my cooked veggies on, then the ham & then a sprinkle of cheese over the top & pop it under the grill for 5-10 mins or until the cheese is bubbly & the edges crispy!
I find its quite easy to lift off the grill cos of the crispy edges! Eat & enjoy (maybe with some 0pp butternut squash chips if im feeling greedy :))!
xxx
 
Excellent post, cupcakes. You have indeed mastered the technology of the wrap pizza. I will bow to your superior knowledge on this topic. ;-)
 
What's passata?
 
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