broadsbean
Gold Member
well hubby came home and it took 10 mins for him and teen to start fighting 
god they annoy me at times
god they annoy me at times
how do you lose 2 thirds of your self?
- Thread starter broadsbean
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broadsbean
Gold Member
just been out with the dog in the rain for an hour and a half, once i got into my stride i just kept walking.
probably looked like a loon cos just kept walking around the park
fabulous way to get some thinking done, not a soul in sight and the dog happy bimbling in and out of the trees chasing off the seagulls.
she is now curled up having had a mega wash, obviously settled for an afternoon snooze oh to be a dog.
While i have been out i have had a think about things and realised what has set off this bout of depression/anxiety and it is a situation between my brother and hubby that is stressing me (its stressing hubby so he takes it out on me )
brother is setting up his own buisness and hubby has offered to help 4 hours a week with some admin stuff with a view to helping with the electrical stuff when gra gets the company running. brother is being a bit demanding has got hubby to sign a contract so he is contracted to 4 hours a week and then e-mails him 8-10 times a day when hubby is at work expecting answers he chucked a fit the other week when hubby didn't go cos he had a cold and then didn't make up the hours the following week.
yesterday he chucked a fit cos, he cancelled hubby at short notice cos he needed to go out and then sent loads of e-mails asking what he was doing
the real issue i think is he has hubby learning accounting to help with the accounts and told him not to worry to much cos if he made a small mistake it could be sorted in house but if he made any big mistakes then it would need to be taken futher, not sure what he means by this.
bro is a bit of a control freak and seems to be getting a bit carried away here, hubby won't say anything to him cos he knows that bro will chuck a fit and end the arrangement and then start ignoring him. hubby doesn't want to be responsible for causing a family row
i hate conflict this is definetly the root of all my problems cos i turn tail and hide. thats exactly what i want to do today hibernate :sigh:
off to make some leek and potato soup now, not made this for a while but looking forward to it
hope everybody is ok xxxx
probably looked like a loon cos just kept walking around the park
fabulous way to get some thinking done, not a soul in sight and the dog happy bimbling in and out of the trees chasing off the seagulls.
she is now curled up having had a mega wash, obviously settled for an afternoon snooze
oh to be a dog.While i have been out i have had a think about things and realised what has set off this bout of depression/anxiety and it is a situation between my brother and hubby that is stressing me (its stressing hubby so he takes it out on me )
brother is setting up his own buisness and hubby has offered to help 4 hours a week with some admin stuff with a view to helping with the electrical stuff when gra gets the company running. brother is being a bit demanding has got hubby to sign a contract so he is contracted to 4 hours a week and then e-mails him 8-10 times a day when hubby is at work expecting answers he chucked a fit the other week when hubby didn't go cos he had a cold and then didn't make up the hours the following week.
yesterday he chucked a fit cos, he cancelled hubby at short notice cos he needed to go out and then sent loads of e-mails asking what he was doing
the real issue i think is he has hubby learning accounting to help with the accounts and told him not to worry to much cos if he made a small mistake it could be sorted in house but if he made any big mistakes then it would need to be taken futher, not sure what he means by this.
bro is a bit of a control freak and seems to be getting a bit carried away here, hubby won't say anything to him cos he knows that bro will chuck a fit and end the arrangement and then start ignoring him. hubby doesn't want to be responsible for causing a family row
i hate conflict this is definetly the root of all my problems cos i turn tail and hide. thats exactly what i want to do today hibernate :sigh:
off to make some leek and potato soup now, not made this for a while but looking forward to it
hope everybody is ok xxxx
Lily42uk
Gold Member
Holy Cow I swear you could have been talking about Mal and my brother who he worked for....Mal and I argued so much and I was getting so stressed by it, that for the 1st time in 36 years of being with Mal I packed his bags and told him to leave.
My brother is definitely a control freak, and like your hubby Mal often wouldn't say anything because he didn't want to cause a family row, but it was causing rows between us, so I told Mal to stand up to him and put him firmly in his place and if Dave didn't like that then so be it (I had words with Dave before and he went into one told me I had ruined our family Christmas, I reminded him work was work and family was family and he needed to seperate the two, which he seems to have done thankfully ), at the end of the day yes Dave is my brother but Mal is my husband and he is the one I live with day to day, not my brother.
Can you have a word with your brother and ask him not to mix family and work, see your hubby as just another employee and not his brother in law so that out of work they can be family and nothing more?
I do feel for you hun and this of course won't help you.
I am glad you have drawn your line under this week and also that your counsellor has the good sense to realise you're not ready to go it alone, mine was the same, my 6 week course turned into 2 years, albeit the last visit was 6 months after the previous one and the one before that was 3 months and so on, actual week to week counselling, I had for about 9 months, the rest were follow ups until she felt I could cope alone.
:fingerscrossed: all goes well, hun as you said you know you can do this and we will be here every step of the way with you :bighug: xxxxxxxx:hug99: xxxxxxxxx
My brother is definitely a control freak, and like your hubby Mal often wouldn't say anything because he didn't want to cause a family row, but it was causing rows between us, so I told Mal to stand up to him and put him firmly in his place and if Dave didn't like that then so be it (I had words with Dave before and he went into one told me I had ruined our family Christmas, I reminded him work was work and family was family and he needed to seperate the two, which he seems to have done thankfully ), at the end of the day yes Dave is my brother but Mal is my husband and he is the one I live with day to day, not my brother.
Can you have a word with your brother and ask him not to mix family and work, see your hubby as just another employee and not his brother in law so that out of work they can be family and nothing more?
I do feel for you hun and this of course won't help you.
I am glad you have drawn your line under this week and also that your counsellor has the good sense to realise you're not ready to go it alone, mine was the same, my 6 week course turned into 2 years, albeit the last visit was 6 months after the previous one and the one before that was 3 months and so on, actual week to week counselling, I had for about 9 months, the rest were follow ups until she felt I could cope alone.
:fingerscrossed: all goes well, hun as you said you know you can do this and we will be here every step of the way with you :bighug: xxxxxxxx:hug99: xxxxxxxxx
Purple Patsy
Gold Member
evening all, have not been in the best of moods for the last few days and have drifted into old habits. culminating in a massive panic attack last night
hyperventilating, dizzy,palpitations and vomiting :cry:
have spent some time today with the parents and talked it through with them, wouldn't have done this in the past so thats a start:sigh:
tues was a funny day, i had what i thought was my last counselling session, but she is not ready to discharge me, made me realise that i am currently sabotaging myself cos am feeling overwhelmed again.
looking for evidence and proof that i am a failure and providing myself with it.
so out comes the books and the thought diary again and a return to all the basics both with the anxiety and the sw plan.
i think sometimes i put a little too much pressure on myself and i have unreal expectations. I can cope with work and I can cope with home life and i can cope with the plan but don't seem to be able to cope with them all at the same time.
i blew the plan that evening, following a fight with hubby who told me he thought i was distancing him, and had pancakes for tea :sigh:
i then ended up doing the 14 hr shift which was unplanned and had sandwiches at work and fish and chips for tea
I know how to do this, i know what i need to do but i just don't do it and that makes me so angry at myself
so i am having a refocus, have got the slimpods out and i am going to give them another go starting tonight.
so forgive me guys i have neglected diaries over the last couple of days, but i will be turning to them for inspiration today
sorry for the ramble not done it for a while :sigh:
sure i will bounce back by tomorrow :wave_cry:
I clicked Like for this post but I'm not really sure that's the word to use.
Maybe Completely understand, agree, spot on, me too. etc etc would be better.I hope the slimpods work for you. We can keep each other company as I'm starting tonight.
Dawnejoy
Gold Member
Hi Mandy..........so desparately want to say something to help, but think that Lily has covered it. You sound so much like my husband who is also a nurse, and has had time off work with stress and coping issues. He is on antidepressants now and has just been discharged from his counsellor. You learn coping mechanisms and ways in which to work through the "hot thoughts", but sometimes that just doesn't work. Don't be so hard on yourself as you have achieved so much and you have been so strong and identified and worked through your issues.
Maybe you need to sit down and have a chat with your OH and find out why he feels that you are distancing yourself and you can put his mind at ease and then maybe other issues will fall into place.
Learning accounts is all very well, and fine in the day-to-day running of the business, but your brother will need an accountant at the end of the financial year, someone who knows what is allowable etc with the inland rev. He won't need to go to a high street practice as there are many accountants out there who work from home and will charge a fraction of the price..........sounds like your husband is under pressure too.
I'm trying to help and I'm waffling...............again!!!!
Maybe you need to sit down and have a chat with your OH and find out why he feels that you are distancing yourself and you can put his mind at ease and then maybe other issues will fall into place.
Learning accounts is all very well, and fine in the day-to-day running of the business, but your brother will need an accountant at the end of the financial year, someone who knows what is allowable etc with the inland rev. He won't need to go to a high street practice as there are many accountants out there who work from home and will charge a fraction of the price..........sounds like your husband is under pressure too.
I'm trying to help and I'm waffling...............again!!!!
broadsbean
Gold Member
morning all, off to work in a mo doing a spot of overtime
feeling a little better this morning, just very tierd :sigh:
been swimming this morning and walked the dog.
did ask teen todo it but he didn't bother told me he had but the dog gave him away
hope everybody is having a good weekend.
planning to go for a nice long walk with the dog in the morning think we might go to dunham massey and walk around the perimeter. aiming at doing 5 miles
catch you all later xxxx
feeling a little better this morning, just very tierd :sigh:
been swimming this morning and walked the dog.
did ask teen todo it but he didn't bother
told me he had but the dog gave him away hope everybody is having a good weekend.
planning to go for a nice long walk with the dog in the morning think we might go to dunham massey and walk around the perimeter. aiming at doing 5 miles
catch you all later xxxx
broadsbean
Gold Member
morning all
just had a lovely bacon sandwich for brekkie all within plan and am now getting ready for a nice walk with hubby and the dog
not sure where we are going, cos hubby doesn't want to go to dunham, cos the deer roam freely and he is concerned there might be babies
having a roast chicken dinner for tea and home made rice pudding.
from tomorrow i am planning to do a week of red days see how i go
i am off work so it should be easy enough lunches are usually my sticking point but going to make veg soup and have lots of salad stuff in so can see some nice salads on the menu
hubby has spoke to brother and they decided to end there working relationship , it was a voluntary arrangement anyway, mike was giving gra his time for free, but brother still wants a notice period
so with no work this week and that being sorted, i am hoping to get my head in order and have a good 100% week.
always start the week feeling positive, but this week i will not fail.
just realised i will have to have an EE day on weds cos am going to loughborough with teen and have planned a pea and ham soup for when we get home xxxxx
so meals for today
B bacon and mushroom sandwich(hexb and 6 syns)
L banana
T roast chicken, roast pots, cabbage and leek, swede and carrot mash roast parsnip gravy and stuffing (4 syns)
rice pudding with blueberries
positives
1, feeling less stressed and more positive, have a week off and hubby sorted himself out
2, going for a long walk with hubby and dog somewhere differant
3, have plans for the week out of my comfort zones, that i am looking forward too xxxx
-------------------------------------------------------------------
that is my line under feb xxx
march here i come xxxx
just had a lovely bacon sandwich for brekkie all within plan and am now getting ready for a nice walk with hubby and the dog
not sure where we are going, cos hubby doesn't want to go to dunham, cos the deer roam freely and he is concerned there might be babies
having a roast chicken dinner for tea and home made rice pudding.
from tomorrow i am planning to do a week of red days see how i go
i am off work so it should be easy enough lunches are usually my sticking point but going to make veg soup and have lots of salad stuff in so can see some nice salads on the menu
hubby has spoke to brother and they decided to end there working relationship , it was a voluntary arrangement anyway, mike was giving gra his time for free, but brother still wants a notice period
so with no work this week and that being sorted, i am hoping to get my head in order and have a good 100% week.
always start the week feeling positive, but this week i will not fail.
just realised i will have to have an EE day on weds cos am going to loughborough with teen and have planned a pea and ham soup for when we get home xxxxx
so meals for today
B bacon and mushroom sandwich(hexb and 6 syns)
L banana
T roast chicken, roast pots, cabbage and leek, swede and carrot mash roast parsnip gravy and stuffing (4 syns)
rice pudding with blueberries
positives
1, feeling less stressed and more positive, have a week off and hubby sorted himself out
2, going for a long walk with hubby and dog somewhere differant
3, have plans for the week out of my comfort zones, that i am looking forward too xxxx
-------------------------------------------------------------------
that is my line under feb xxx
march here i come xxxx
JackieN
One day at a time, one step at a time
fab positives huni
sorry but your brother is out of order, there is no notice period, its his problem, it was voluntary and hubby has unvolunteered, so brother can now sort himself out. Hubby is well out of it. YOur brother is taking da piddle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry but your brother is out of order, there is no notice period, its his problem, it was voluntary and hubby has unvolunteered, so brother can now sort himself out. Hubby is well out of it. YOur brother is taking da piddle
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxPomooky125
Silver Member
Have a lovely walk! The weather is lovely - just the day for it! Glad your feeling perkier..
Pomooky XXX
Pomooky XXX
Corkscrew
I WILL lose 6 stone! :)
fab positives huni
sorry but your brother is out of order, there is no notice period, its his problem, it was voluntary and hubby has unvolunteered, so brother can now sort himself out. Hubby is well out of it. YOur brother is taking da piddle
Just what I was going to say......but not quite as politely
lolGlad to hear you're sounding more positvie Mandy xxx
Have a lovely day
Dawnejoy
Gold Member
Hi Mandy, glad you hear that you are sounding so much brighter, hope you had a lovely walk with OH and dog, enjoy your week off and look forward to hearing how you get on xx
Probably a good thing your OH brother went their separate ways re your brother's business as often family/friends and business just don't mix.
Take care xx
Probably a good thing your OH brother went their separate ways re your brother's business as often family/friends and business just don't mix.
Take care xx
Roziee
Gold Member
The girls are right, but even if your husband does work the notice period then let him but after that set the boundaries with your brother and don't let anyone go beyond them.
Just because he's family doesn't mean he has to take the peepee...
P.s- glad it's sorted though hopefully that will make you feel much better soon xxx
Just because he's family doesn't mean he has to take the peepee...
P.s- glad it's sorted though
hopefully that will make you feel much better soon xxxSimilar threads
